Category: BLUE MATERIAL

Take a Card: addresser

Grasping at straws we include a (fine) song from Rob Snarski what sings the inscription on the “Christmas Card from a Drunken Sailor.” I wish the (few) cards i got had so much writing in them! Dreamy alt folk.

Country gospel from Christopher Toland honoring “Mama’s Christmas Card for You.” Reverentially formulaic.

Spoken country from Merle Haggard belaboring every detail on “Grandma’s Homemade Christmas Card.” Where’s the 5$?

“A Christmas Card from Daddy” by Mike Bryant lets me know what to get Daddy in return: singing lessons! Yikes.

Also all heart and no caliber, Noel Delisle nasal-croons “Christmas Card from a Servicemember.” Quit with the jolly, get guilty feeling.

Same Sex Mary and Jack Johnson bring it home with “Christmas Card from a Gary in Las Vegas.” It’s not a straight parody of the Tom Waits ‘Hooker’ non-Xmas song, but spiritually, it’s beholden. (Eventually it gets ‘billy rager-garage BLUE ALERT [!?].)

Take a Card: alt

Coloring outside the lines helps bands brand with their own sound. It’s not exactly rock, or folk, or metal… WTF?

But i loves so much of it.

It’s folk! It’s the blues! It’s country! Henry Cyr worries about sending that “Christmas Card” to you. He’s crying and crooning.

Blending symphonic easy listening with jazz and pop, Nancy Kelly likes her “Christmas Cards.” Seductively persuasive.

BLUE ALERT: driving rock + light folk + playful pop = “The Christmas Card Song” by Craig L. McEachern. Do i smell some punk aftertaste?

Alt is often thoughtful and heavily poetic. In the words of a “Christmas Card” Jonathan Reuel considers his life. And yours. Folk, garage, blues.

Dismissively garage and sorta punk, the minimalist “Christmas Card” embodies the empty sentiment of buying that damned thing, or anything. Henry Kroll III jazz free associates the insanity.

Pop jazz country R+B, Christine Anu’s “Christmas Card” is honestly full of love. Take heart!

The Many-Splendored Things take the time to describe “A Christmas Card (In My Heart)” with some colorful detail, sprightly jazz, flirty folk, and pop back ups. Thank you.

Take a Card: garage

Early punk music was raw, unincorporated groups blasting their own version of rock (angrier, smellier) out of their homes.

Joyce Manor nails the bangin’ painful reverb with “Christmas Card” a poetic polemic about trying to understand. BLUE ALERT

French Style Furs add some professional grad gear to their growlings in their “Christmas Card.” Still pissed, though.

999 sounds cheap and a little Jerry Lee Lewis with their “Christmas Cards.” They try to send ’em, but they’re just not smart enough.

Modern garage gets prettier with traits of lounge, folk, and opera. “The Unwritten Christmas Card” is still a symbol for something bad, but dig the distorted sax.

Sing a Song of Singing Songs: for you

I’ve previously covered songs as gifts (you cheap bastard!) Now let’s cover gifts that are songs.

Reprise: Fairmont’s “This Song is Your Christmas Gift” rocks humility (It’s better than nothing!).

Reprise: Bill Craft et al’s “A Gift of Song” also plays it cool with bluegrass (This gift has no value!).

Reprise: Nugu Buyeng gets BLUE ALERT nasty to admit he has “No Christmas Present for You“–except this little old song he’s written.  Way to go, ya rapping Buddhist.

The Disney Channel’s Good Luck Charlie had a song about the singing: “Sing My Song for You.” As a TV number it’s short, but herein is the same number by characters Teddy & Spencer (played by Bridgit Mendler & Shane Harper), then by Sonny & Joe (Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas). It’s like a mirror looking into a mirror!

Let’s spell it out: can’t afford you! Michael Peace pieces together a clumsy excuse (including the children) with “We Wrote You this Song for Christmas.” He hopes it’s the bestest of all. (Spoiler alert: a stolen bracelet woulda been better.)

As Seen on TV: Futurama/Robot Chicken BLUE ALERT

Most of Matt Groening’s scifi sendup has been played out here, like “Robot Santa Claus Song” and “Neptunian Elves’ Song.” Good stuff. “This Trinity’s Going to War” pits Robot Santa against Kwanza Bot and the Chanukah Zombie–except they’re not fighting one another, just Christmas. Meh. “Kwanza Bot Song” gets more editorially expository, like science fiction should. Pop Caribbean.

Seth Green’s cultural tantrums encompass childhood cartoons and pop, political, and religious icons in such a way to make all of them cartoony. And nasty, boy howdy they’s nasty.

For your consideration, a Justin Bieber “F*** Christmas” song for his own special.

“Santa Claus’s List” is an existential dilemma that may drive Big Red to eat an official Daisy Red Ryder Range Model 1938 Air Rifle BB Gun.

Just as offenisve, the “Hanukkah Gelt Rap” is not a play on the word guilt, but only more anti-semitism from that coy Jewish minx. See what he did there?

As Seen on TV: South Park BLUE ALERT

Trey Parker and Matt Stone didn’t just change television cartoons… okay, they actually haven’t done much else (maybe a B’way musical hit–but that’s it).

The 1999 holiday album was a great boon for us in the novelty fan base, so let’s visit the few songs i haven’t mentioned over and over.

“Christmas Time in Hell” revisits Satan, a family favorite, name-dropping the disfavored. The song, nevertheless, is showtune heaven.

Given our current political climate, let’s celebrate “Merry Fucking Christmas” to fight the war on equity.

Presents of Mine: the gift card, you lazy bastard

When you don’t know what they want, when you don’t have the time, when you don’t care–

Big bald whiteys Super Secret Project beg you not to get them crappy presents. To Pachelbel’s Canon in D minor SSP go all in with “Cash or a Gift Card.” Not that’s a carol.

Some live it and love it. Kyle’s Xmas is a show sponsored by Colorado Public Radio. This year he brags it’s gonna be a “Gift Card Christmas.” The reason for the season.

Black Jesus is sending you love telling you to “Open up the Gift Card.” BJ54321 means it from the bottom of the envelope.

Lil Poverty Angels return with the problem “Who Took My Christmas Gift Card?” BLUE ALERT Not playing. Rap.

Thao Nguyen (with Maria Bamford) gets really country over the dilemma of “The Gift Card Song.” The illogic of it all!

The Snake Oil Willie Band make a fun joke out of “Gift Card.” Bouncy rockabilly excuses.

Presents of Mine: so bad

What’s worse than NO presents for Christmas? Bad presents. Some givers just have a knack.

Of course, the classic here is the comic parody “The Twelve Gifts of Christmas” by Allan Sherman. Surely you’ve heard this one. And all that other stuff.

Annoying Orange you might suppose gives terribly, just as it sings “Christmas is for Giving” terribly. Kidsong crap.

The stupid techno song apparently is “This is Your Crappy Christmas Present.” Cosmicity. Now dance.

A Taylor Swift parody i’ve used before (‘Blank Space’) addresses the “Bad Gift.” Free Beer Productions try their best.

Whit Hill deliver us unto wonderful bluegrass with “Jasper’s Worst Christmas.” Pajamas!! (Yet, the brat deserved no less.)

BLUE ALERT Lil Poverty Angels work the system with “Bounced Checks as Christmas Gifts.” Electro-rap with an edge.

Stars from the Nick channel appear in a holiday special of some comic merit preaching how “Bad Giftin’ Grannies” are what you deserve, you thoughtless punks. Pop hip hop.

Axis of Awesome present the jazz showtune “What a Terrible Gift” like a piano bar downer. What a Great song.

Presents of Mine: finally

The presentation is that moment when you get handed that precious parcel, when you come face to face with that dream in colorful paper/bag… ahhh… HERE WE GO.

A song about specific gifts for specific people should be presented on this blog another day. But “Gift of the Magi” from Squirrel Nut Zippers is all about the presentation/opening. SPOILER ALERT: it’s an O. Henry story. Drowsy bluegrass. So sad.

Murray Webster has a 30 second fanfare of dixieland proportions in “A Christmas Gift is Waiting for You.” You could make it the ringtone of the phone you wrapped, then call it when you want it opened. Or something.

The coolest ta-da present song is the bluegrass breakdown “Your Christmas Gift” by Steve Ivey. I highly recommend you play it from the next room as you ceremoniously approach with the item in question. (Unless your offering can’t live up to this build up.)

Presents of Mine: po’ verty BLUE ALERT

Feeling guilty yet? Let me help. Not everyone can afford Christmas. I don’t mean the fools who overspend, i mean po’ folks. What do they give/get?

DL Menard riles up a zydeco lilt with “No Christmas for the Poor.” It’s Cajun French so you won’t bum out.

Paul Kramer leans hard on that fiddle to describe his “Low Budget Christmas.” Making our own gifts, but how can bluegrass be sad?

Bad news for the family with a country downbeat. “The Gift I Can Return” is a new kind of gift from Dad to kids: moralizing, self righteous, better-than-thou love. GIVE IT!

Maudlin bluegrass from Rocky Zharp tells us about “Grandpa King’ S Last Gift.” A fitting legacy in a two dollar bill.

Michael J Thoma gets more trembly about the poor boy in church who sings “I Have No Gifts,” alluding to the Drummer Kid, natch, but resulting in a country kickstarter so the kid made dolladolla.

Weepy for can’t-pay-the-bills love, Randy Beard prays for “The Christmas Gift,” the gift of their child understanding he won’t get anything. The peripeteia is a three hankie alert!

Let’s turn that frown upside down into a profanity-laden spew! Your Favorite Martian raps out “Santa Hates Poor Kids!” BLUE ALERT Fight the N. Pole!