Starting out our second half of the month, full of mammalian mystery and merriment, come the Austrailian versions of live birthing, milk producers. Weird with a beard.
F’r’xample: “Six White Boomers” by Rolf Harris, tell the story of a lost joey and Santa’s help–aided by his kangaroo team pulling his sleigh. (Slightly more singable-alongable are The Wayfarers with this DownUnder diddy.)
Not strange enough? Try to enjoy “I Want a Duck Billed Platypus fop Christmas” posted by John Brydon. Most novelty songs are parodies of traditional carols. A few are oddball originals. Then there is the parody of the oddball original. Got a special place in my heart for this, despite its deadpan, very dry take on humor. I mean, egg-laying mammals!
A world of cartoon ducks and parakeets sing their own Christmas songs, but not about ducks and tweety-birds–only about their damaged character pathologies/speech impediments.
What about Nativity bird-songs, you say?
Here’s one i almost missed: Brad Paisley has an oddity entitled “Penguin, James Penguin.” It’s country comedy cut into the shape of a spy spoof featuring a secret agent bird. No, i didn’t believe it either.
Bonnie Whitehurst sings “Snowflake, the Snow Owl.” This is based on the children’s book ‘Snowflake’s Christmas Magic’ about how Santa has animal help to deliver all the presents. Sounds like pagan witchcraft with familiars, if you ask me.
“Mourning Dove” purports to be a carolling hymn in the old style. The Stairwell Carollers carry on like they’re reverently upset about the whole holiday. Prepare to be sadly lulled.
Bend an ear, instead to The Ole Timey Down Home Country Red State Update Podcast’s tale of the pesky “Christmas Crow,” sung by Adrian Rose Leonard. Learn the lesson and pass it along. Or wait for the bird beating at the end.
Turkeys come and turkeys go, but the Christmas goose was historically more important to the solstice table. Turns out, geese and ducks are not so easily domesticated and forage hither and yon. More importantly, they start putting on the fat when it gets icy–and that’s the part you want to eat to survive a frosty Winter.
The trad you might remember is “Christmas is Coming (The Goose is Getting Fat).” This is an underplayed carol, so we’ll notice a couple fun versions; one with a folksy almost-Caribbean rondele rhythm from the Muppets, one a ’70s bit o’ fun by The Manhattan Transfer, one multi-dimensionally millennialism by Jon Kennedy from those groovy Reindeer Room albums.
Fat geese have an option according to Johnny Bower (and the Rinky Dinks). “Honky the Christmas Goose” gets musical, and of course helps Santa. That’s always a guaranteed way out.
That tasty dish of goose as a special treat around the holidays is ages old as evidenced by Kate Rusby’s “Christmas Goose,” a rollicking barn burner. The same tune by Katherine Noyes smacks of old country sufferings and blessings and class struggle. Merry & Olde!
The Korn Kobblers cornered the cornball backhills cornpone back in the ’40s (Spike Jones by then had lost his Homer AND his Jethro and their art form while solo (duo?) was too polished to be truly corny) and show it with their “Don’t Give Me No Goose for Christmas.” Grandma’s got some hands on her!
But you chust haff to check out Stan Boreson & Doug Setterberg whooping it up (with the same lowbrow humor) (yet updated to Anne Murray levels of parody) with “Christmas Goose (Snowbird).”
Here’s another bird flew down the chimney: The Christmas Players with “The Turkey Song (I’ve Been Invited for Christmas).” It sounds like a muppet bit with a pretty aw-shucks ending.
If I say Christmas and amphibians, you thing Kermit, right? Well, the frog of Sesame St. has covered many noels, but (apart perhaps from “Red and Green Christmas“) he never revels in what it’s like to be a low level vertebrate during the holidays. I need a frog song!
Filling in that niche (barely) is Tango the Tree Frog with “Green Christmas.”
What about Gross Kids singing “Tom the Toad“? You know that old camp song sung caroldy-style? Urm, let’s move on…
To a more literary front. Jonathan London’s children’s book Froggy’s Best Christmas gets a musical treatment by Suzy Arnowitz and others at Penguin books and it makes me so happy.
The most fun you can have with a Christmas croaker is Jim Cannon’s “Frumpy the Christmas Frog.” Excellent use of antique animation from his team.
Imaginery animals fill up only the toe of our stocking.
Pocket monsters became the hit Japanimation of the ’90s (when it wasn’t giving kids seizures). Since cartoon shows beget toys faster than fast food arenas beget teen showdowns, we’ll visit two whole novelty songs. Naturally Bob Rivers has something snarky to saw about “Pokemon” ‘s commercialization to the tune of ‘God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.’ Better are the wacky word-songs from the album Pokemon Christmas Bash: including, “I’m Giving Santa a Pikachu for Christmas” (Veonica Taylor), and the title tune “Pokemon Christmas Bash” (Bill Rogers)–it’s nearly hip hop.
But let’s leave the world of yuletide genetic hash on a melodic note: Sufjan Stevens with “Christmas Unicorn.” This is off his amazing box set Songs for Christmas with over 40 songs–many original and genius. Strap in, friends, this goes on for a while….
Most of the youtubes with dragons + noels are DnD video game snippets assaulted with dull tunes. I will give John Mapes props with “I’m Spending Christmas in Skyrim.” A bit o’ dragon and a lot of Millennial holiday spirit.
The best dragon carol has to be Roger Whittaker folk silliness “Darcy the Dragon.” And apparently several families have posted about this ’80s bit of ephemera. I like what the Heywoods did–no money, no talent, all love.
Before we had our regular Noah’s ark of a petting zoo, other creatures were there…
For examples: prehistoric thunder lizards. What’s Christmas without ’em?
If you’re not sure about the blessings of the Son on animals before He was born, may i introduce “Dino the Dinosaur’s Christmas Tree,” sung by Alan Reed as Fred Flintstone.
Bob Brown uses that ‘Hippopotamus’ formula of begging with a game plan for “Santa Bring Me a Dinosaur.” Perhaps i’m a little disappointed that the singer does not plan Calvin-style mayhem on other playmates with his gift-to-come.
Just as Brit but one-tenth as kid-friendly, The Lovely Eggs is an enchanting chanting garage rock band from Lancaster, UK. All you need to know about how little they suck is to listen to “Tyrannosaurus Rex for Christmas.” You may dig the dino-war chant at the end the very most.
