Year-round Yuletide oddities
Another word for turntable? Oh, no.
Taking a spin on Edward Hare’s 19022 prank novelty Christmas song, Emanuele Arielli mashes multimedia together for “Last Christmas Santa was Hiding in the Phonograph,” a mess of genre, temperament, and holiday. Scary.
Harry E. Humphrey also recorded this milestone with “Santa Claus Hides in Your Phonograph.” It’s no longer quaint. He’s threatening you with death here.
Yes, the gramophone is about the oldest technology we have for spinning music, Xmas or otherwise.
Must needs return to “Turntable Under My Tree” from The Mangles, a hepped up swinger of a rock number. That slaps.
“Christmas in L.A.” is raspy rap from Myka 9, Aceyalone, Medusa The Gangsta Goddess, 2Mex, Ozomatli, DJ Mona Lisa & Mixmaster Wolf about the highs and lows of childhood. (Yes, yes yaw’ll! I got my first turntable!!)
Then there was that one Christmas… you know… when you threw my turntable “Against My Wall” and broke it. Lukie Sherman remembers. Indie.
Santa seems to be moonlighting. He’s scratchin’ on the turntable, makin’ it spin, so goes the AI of Dennis Johnson. “Santa’s Got the Beat” is slop pop about the DJ Master Presents.
Your grampa’s grampa’s turntable was a windup box that played a disk or cylinder for a short period of time. But it saved on the music lessons.
Joe Cerisano’s “Music Box” gets sentimental with orchestrated easy listening. Then there’s the fireplace. It’s a whole ensemble. Trans-Siberian Orchestra adds more gravitas to this. “Music Box Blues” is yet another version of this same song by that same last group. But this time it rocks.
Shortly after Apple cornered the song market with iTunes, the portable mp3 player, the iPod, swept down upon us. Almost a half a billion of these came and went through the wash.
Mark Hewes weighs the difference in Xmas gifts, ie: “The Frankincense vs. the iPod.” In his tickled pop, the music machine wins–even for Baby Jay.
Hello Saferide revisits “iPod-X-Mas,” an indie bit of insistence that makes millennial priorities clear. (Gloria Gaynor?)
Then there’s the backlash of not getting an expensive item: A R C A D E S uses nails-on-a-chalkboard falsetto to complain “i wanted an ipad for christmas.” The protagonist of this indie resorts to tantrums to make feelings more apparent.
Swimming against the stream, Skinner and T’witch list out their dislikes in “I Don’t Want an iPad (I Just Want World Peace).” Odd easy listening pop.
Sil gives in to tech with “FRIENDS_DVD.EXE.” ‘Twould seem, the iPod for Xmas was the gateway device in this modulated indie pop.
The ghetto blaster of olde took tunes wherever old people would frown.
“Christmas on the Streets” is the outdoors old style rap from Department of Creative Affairs featuring recorded players.
“Xmas” from Shelby Lynne is the regretful lack of radios, ghetto blasters, stereos for Christmas. Bad times via soulful blues.
“My Favorite Things” gets a 1990s update rapped by Amerigo Gazaway. N64, Pokemon, and a boombox make the cut.
“Christmas With My Old Boombox” is a reggae adjacent indie from The Transplendent about wistful nostalgia. Sad, really.
The big breakthrough in aerobicizing anonymously, this cassette tape player (originally) helped close off the world.
This was big on the wishlists of old, as testified to in “Erryday Xmas” by CrossAmillion. Musicbox rap.
For your information, from those who “Grew up in the 90’s” the Walkman was redesigned to feed off CDs. Too Many T’s raps to R+B to edify youse like. Just the goodies, Xmas implied.
“Christmas ’85” might be the height of the cassette craze, so Austin Martinez pops the music of brandnames and fads, including our handheld device.
Onto the ’90s and the digitization of melody.
Skye Sweetnam wonders “Why Doesn’t Santa Like Me?” But in her cheesy rock pop denouement it was all a misunderstanding and she got candy and a CD. So, dinner and a show.
One of the nightmares of “Working Christmas Day” is having to listen to the crapy CD the manager plugs into the sound system. The Wind-Up Birds garage their pain for your pleasure.
It’s an “Inglorious” life for Tyler, the Creator who only wanted CDs for his birthday or Christmas. He got CDs. BLUE ALERT rap, bc life is like that.
E. Breez also BLUE ALERT raps about “Coming To Town (2021 Remaster),” but he only gets DVDs and CDs and not Jordans. Still, not as angry.
More wistfully, Francis Blume reminisces about another “Christmas Coming Down” set to the CD player’s noise (especially Joni’s ‘River’). Get help, man.
Ginny Loon also indies the sentiment while “Polishing The Stars.” This one misses you, and she attempts to Put on the CD and pyjamas with the stars on and your name still on the label. Yikes.
Microscopically more upbeat, Mirabilis Collective, feat. Julia Nicholls goes the chamber music pop route for “Christmas Is Here“–as demarcated by putting on that old CD, loud.
More recently, “Pop Punk Christmas” does what it claims, crediting CD compilations. Secret Secret Dino Club has fun with it.
But, that CD can be a weapon. Saint Godfather’s “Santa Claus Is A Metalhead” demonstrates St. Nick’s displeasure when He’s gonna get you Britney Spears CDs. Lordy, how naughty WERE you?
Mike Bryant gets old school RnR honky tonk in his “We’re Gonna Rock Around The Christmas Tree Tonight.” To start the rock, CDs will be played–despite the ’50s sock hop theme. Can’t hold a good disk down.
The Most Popular means of music recording of the ’80s, the small case full of magnetic tape spool, is only an archaeological relic today.
NOFX makes the garage point with “One Million Coasters.” This jubilant inventory of archaic must-haves includes CDs, Betamax, and cassette tapes. You can use them as Christmas tree ornaments! so they claim. Boss.
Acetune slips some Carrib into the rap of “Xmas in the 90’S.” Cassette music offers backdrop.
AI strikes back with “Christmas Songs,” some on cassette. DuoGlass brings the growly rap.
More AI recalls how home-made talent shows haunted our desk drawers for decades in “Empty Stockings.” Ruby Thorne slams moody rock into folk pop for some messy genre mashing.
We may have learned from popular movies that the home-made theft of popular albums was an expression of love. “Mixtape for Christmas” by Hey Monday is cheesy pop celebrating young puppy dog eyes. Makes me dizzy.
So much more grooving black plastic….
Finally some moody rap that takes us on a nostalgic beat: “snow in las vegas” by ELITHEGR8 (Elijah Lee). Playing vinyl is just one more symptom of the season.
Jolly R+B rap from James Barmore instructs one to produce “Hot Chocolate,” including the often discounted step–holidays classic vinyl hitting on the spin.
“Big Price” is the rap Luke Jenison (feat. Big Wy’s Brass Band)–set to some killa jazz/blues band–identifies what’s on the vinyl (Marvin Gaye). So let’s stay specific.
Give me all the sounds, bemoans C-SKY in her R+B pop “Sad Christmas” song. There IS something about playing records that whirl us into self reflected misery.
Alfie Jukes plays the radio and Frank Sinatra on vinyl for the most romantic party in town when it’s the “Second Christmas Day” he’s in love with you. Sweet, but needy indie.
Wanting a “Cowboy for Christmas.” Runaway June oddly eschews Gene for more Frank with some bopping jump blues honky tonk. Yee (haw).
Also spinning Frank on vinyl, Emma Klein gets trembly in her indie pop when she’s feeling how “Christmas Feels Different this Year.” Love does that.
Alysha Amerson goes full pop (still showtime) with her “Christmas Town.” This time it’s Buble on this vinyl. The WHOLE album? Oh, there’s also Mariah. Oh well.
“holiday vinyl” is John Cedrick picking up ’90s emo-rock to spin the ambience (Take your pick/Is it Britney or Mariah?) of the fireplace party.
“Another Sappy Xmas Love Song” features Dolly-like Maja Francis adding to the western oeuvre of being naughty (she scratched your favorite Elliot vinyl).
Loretta Lynn and Ricky spinning on vinyl cause some boot-scootin’ bluegrass for Anne Wilson’s “Kentucky Fried Christmas.” Grab your rafters, kids.
Better taste from Jessie T strikes up the Dean Martin while CW “Decorating that Tree.” Sadly, better listening does not equate into better composing.
Jesabel sets the “Christmas Mood” with Bing on vinyl. THAT’s whole lotta love better. Thank you. Fluttery, syncopated R+B.
Not simply another form of record, vinyl has such snobby connoisseurs (hi, Dave) that it might as well be the only authentic transpo for melody.
Look no further than “Love Over Instagram” an AI country tweaker from Jingle Bots. Recycling, craft beer, vinyl… it’s positively caveman cool.
“Indie Rock Christmas” is a grabby anthem from Hawksley Workman that ’80s-fies the wish list so that including vinyl ain’t quite out of style yet. Antic.
Candy canes and vinyl records and hot cocoa are lumped all together by AI when Dobeidy rocks the mood in “Under the Christmas Lights.” An EFF for effort.
Snowflakes and vinyl are the whole list for pop AI in Paul Bill Jr.’s “Christmas Wishlist.” No, wait, YOU is the only thing on the list. That other stuff is background.
“X12 Days of XXXMASX” is screaming punk care of From First to Last, wherein rare vinyl appears at no. 7. It’s a time capsule of angry wanting from the ’90s. Thanks, Friendster.
More haunted AI proclaims “Christmas LoFi Chill” as the vinyl spins. Niboyeang fills the pop bin with slop.
It’s quiet here let’s hear a tune, start up the vinyl, Kval kvetches in echoic whispery indie that dooms the mood of “Christmas is Bliss.” Please play this at my funeral.
“Old Fashioned Christmas” for Danielle Apicella involves slow dancing to vinyl. I approve of this soul ballad.
“Old Fashioned Christmas” gets closer to present day every generation. Vinyl records not MP3s is nostalgia for Joe Frye’s soft country pop.
At least the “Festive Records” of _PatrickConnor engage imagery when We dance around the room, vinyl crackling like it’s crunching snow. Falsetto pop.
“Christmas Vinyl” is caterwauling from Greencowme that puts this product under the tree where it belongs. Bluesy rap.