Aaron Tippin’s cornball country reports that Santa slipped (or maybe he tripped) and that was “The Year Santa Never Came.” Note: Mrs. C takes over.
Bri Kaye sings of breaking her arm Christmas morning, fever of 103 in the alt-country “Here to Stay.” Not so terrible by the song, but better you than me, sis.
Hal Willis rumbles for sympathy as he details “Kris Kringle’s Krick.” He hurt his sacroiliac, see, ‘cuz it rhymes (and he’s old). Country cornpone.
“Santa Fell Down Sizewell B” according to Croydon Tourist Office. Symphonized Brit pop lets on how Christmas is cancelled. so much for being good!
Tom Dyer sadly relates Doober’s ailments after returning from WWII. As a mall Santa much later, he’s hardly whole. But “It’s a White Mule Christmas,” so some fun jug band bluegrass.
Just as countrified, Dave Rudolf makes light of ‘Go Tell It’ with “Bo Fell Off the Mountain.” Those good ol’ boys… spooked by a squirrel!
Some mishaps are worse than others. StarFish remembers when “Santa Split His Pants.” How bad is that??? Mocking children’s music.
Lookin’ for fight? Look no further than the beginning of the shopping season, quippily termed “Black Eye Friday” by Bad Detectives in their cool rockabilly.
Woody Guthrie’s “1913 Massacre” gets a gentler cover from Otis Gibbs. This Christmas party for mine workers locked in their hall whilst being burned to death by strike-busters goes down pretty hard, so thanks for that.
Holee cow. Let’s dial it back a bit with The Non Traditionals clickety clacking some gay 1890s ragtime for the case of “Simon Norman.” His assault will affect many since he puts stones into snowballs. Now we’re fighting dirty!
“K-Mart Fighting” is a parody of ‘Kung Fu Fighting’ and i’m sorry i didn’t include it earlier. Santa’s Elves renders the obvious Black Friday scene playfully well.
That needs the followup “Kung Fu Christmas.” Johnny & The Raindrops merely add the epithet ‘kung fu’ to every aspect of Xmas they can come up with. Nothing goes ouch.
Nothing turns holiday favor on a dime faster than fisticuffs.
Wild Billy Childish & The Musicians Of The British Empire infuse enough punk into their “Christmas Lights” that i truly believe fighting is taking place. Prolly more likely just posturing.
Life lessons from Mark Cummings: setting the mood with light (John Denver-like) country the narrator runs and advises “Don’t Get Your Wife an Iron for Christmas.” Bodily injury looms.
The Yule Logs only want their two front teeth–that were punched out! On Christmas! “Bad Boy Christmas” is a retro blues/rock (parody) confessional from a nearly unrepentant delinquent. Danceable.
Property damage can be a felony if motivated by some of that racism stuff i was just trying to get beyond. So only break windows of people you don’t know anything about, kids!
It’s pretty rotten when it happens to you! Elfie of Christmas Workshop Band shares the pain when the “Dog Ate My Christmas Toy.” Experimental pop heavy on the electronics and amateurism.
The “Vandalizing Reindeer” in Flooded Cellar’s folk ballad go after the narrator’s car–with him in it! But it’s parked in the snow, and results only in a three-day standoff. Not so much vehicular damage here.
“Tippin’ Over the Christmas Tree” is fine sing-along blues from Beatnik Turtle. Seems negligent rather than malevolent. Sax solo!
JINGLE JERKS punk grunge their “Christmastime Unholy Fruitcake Massacre” as a purge night license to unleash holy hell. Some persons may get injured, but i’m more worried about Mr. Cantmeier’s front yard inflatable camo Santas.
Piedmont Songbag fingers Mr. Feldenstein as hiring the kids to go about Christmas week “Popping the Inflatables” for money. So felonious conspiracy to a lovely Germanic backbeat (and Klezmer finish!).
Racism gets more screen time these days, ‘cuz there’s more screens. Always had it, always will. Talking about it should help, but i don’t see it. Golden rule, fools!
White supremacy has reared its ugly head before in the blog. But, there’s always room for one more! “Blond Hair Blue Eyed White Baby Jesus” is the ironic pop triumphal from Hunteroninski. Catchy yet troubling.
Dave Goody milks the humor out of folky “Santa Claus is a Racist” with hilarity like the ‘White Christmas’ song proving his thesis. No new ground here.
Luxemburg Trio belts out the anthem “Flip The Table” as a tribute to the Christmas family dinner with older, narrow-minded relatives (Fuck You Uncle Mike) (so, i guess, BLUE ALERT). Taking control back with more bad language. (This song suffers from concept album chatter at the end… go with it.)
Funny story, “A Kickstarter for Christmas” is when Daddy gives all the gift money for the kids to buy a racist hot dog stand. Great bluegrass, but a confusing lower economic social status here from Haschel Cedricson.
“Chinese Frog Legs for Christmas” is more Salvador Buttersworth folk stumbling through his limited wiki to honor the buffet he can get on 12/25.
“Cultural Appropriation Christmas” goes after First Nationers, Jamaicans, other Latins… uh oh–there’s black face. Cat Named Norris offers an uke-y olive branch to the lesser cultures… It’s not racist if I’m ignorant! You’ve been warned.
At the end of their ropes, these singers perpetuate the vicious cycle of nanny nanny boo boos.
Santa gets angry in ninjahedgehog’s BLUE ALERT rap “$anta Clau$.” This silliness is all naughty, no nice.
Surf rock takes the sting out of this vitriol! Make Like Monkeys catch Santa visiting and make him a hostage until he answers the simple question: “What U Got?” High pressure intimidating sitch (with a sorta happy ending).
Moving on from misfortunes and moodiness onto violence means a stop at assault, or the threat of violence. Why so hard, man? does someone need a hug?
By way of James Brown’s abusive ‘Papa Don’t Take No Mess,’ Nikolas Marikos imposes a holiday strongman with his critical eye on you in the super funky “Santa don’t Take No Mess.” does that can of whoop-ass fit in a stocking?
Also bearing the same can, the antagonist in Butt (Amy Froggpockets and Mario Seaweed)’s “Cruisin’ for a Christmastime Bruisin’” offers violence as the answer for the alt hero’s BLUE ALERT intransigence.
