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How much more romantic can the nearness of Christmas get a couple? Buckle up, buttercup.

Alive in Tucson is garage-ing about that KISS. That’s all he wants when “It’s Almost Christmas.” Head banging lip locking time wasting.

Charlie Russell is also after some smoocheroos with the pop-effort “It’s Nearly Christmas.” A ’70s throwback that nearly treads water.

Tom Dyer is heading toward Paradise in the electric piano plonking “Christmas (It’s Around the Corner).” This also-nostalgic for the ’70s twiddler takes it romantic strategies from teen movies. Disarming. (This is my Rosarch; when i hear the Nilsson influence i melt.)

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Thus have we syllogized that home is where the hard on. So let’s get loving with the proximity of the holidays.

Peter Vesth is softly romantic with his strummy, yummy “Almost Christmastime Night.” But something’s lost in translation, and he comes off as Scandi-awkward. I keep hearing Arnold Schwarzenegger in his stylings.

The Whispers do that creepy synthelectric echoey Motown soul that stinks of leftover disco when they lay down “It’s Almost Christmas.” A newer arrangement ought to clear that up.

Pop chortling about being in love AND It’s “Almost Christmas Time” makes Dwight Twilley sound like a boy band with aspirations. But, Britpop gets me (nearly) every time. It’s that bass beat, baby.

The love of inter-species close friendship just makes my cut, so “Merry Almost Christmas,” the charming kidshowtune from ‘A Year with Frog and Toad,’ ensorcels me. The original cast (Mark Linn Baker, Jay Goede) know what they’re doing, and they do so with Bway elan.

You know it’s love when you’re spending it with the ‘rents-in-law. Nick Flora’s alt-folk mystical journey is over before it’s begun, but “Almost Christmas” is transportive and trance-inducing. For me, anyway.

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When should you be home for the holidays? When it’s ‘almost’ Christmas. Well, get going….

Kristin Cifelli takes us to a homelike feeling with the Millennial angst of having one’s own place to celebrate in and how alien it feels with “Almost Christmas.” Bangin’ old folk style.

Also folk-bent, “Almost Christmas” from Danny/girl brings us [from the ‘Stick Man’ EP] to the domesticated domicile of yore. Heavy sigh. (The good kind, man.)

Reliving childhood, Jason and James Dake offer a pop folk feeling of nostalgic protection. “Almost Christmas Morning” is a warm hug. (Even the cat gets a stocking!)

Darryl Worley’s “Just Around the Corner” gives home the country-western treatment. Plenty of welcome, probably some guns. Honkytonk steaminess, so i’ll have two.

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Time travel time! Let’s listen to old times stuff about being close to the day of Christmas.

Reeking of ’60s TV specials, Larry Nestor’s “Christmas Day” claims to be not so far away, but the retro best buy date here was somewhere in the ’90s. Room temp pop.

Old World is the same as old, right? So let’s bask in the sad Irish family chanty “Christmas is Just Around the Corner” jigged by Finbar & Maura Dennehy. God bless you and keep you far away.

While we’re on the international subject, a quieter strummer allows for a more intimate moment. So “Almost Christmas Time” by The Bluegrass Brethren scores higher on the novelty-o-meter here. Still cheesy though.

The Celtic quality of the kidsong “Almost Christmas” here by Elizabeth Hanney brings a haunted, understated happiness to the repetition of joyous well wishing. Simplify thy carols!

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The excitement of Christmas coming spills out in joyous tellings through song and music. Sometimes that’s fun….

A Wild Frontier is anything but wild in “Almost Time for Christmas.” The restraint in their emo-pop is buzzkill no matter how gravelly loud they get.

David Jones & Tom Howe get Britpop with their TV commercial jingle “Almost Christmas.” Infectious jive, but a bit annoying despite its brevity.

Just as UK-ey “Almost Christmas” from the original cast of ‘A Little Princess’ (the musical i guess) brightens up Victorian drama, but isn’t this from ‘Annie’? I can’t tell musicals apart!

Sean Wiggins peps up the merriness of jazz swing with “Almost Christmas.” The sass doesn’t overpower the umph here, so props.

I can be persuaded by a musical number, iffen i can identify the musical genre outside of ‘showtune.’ David George’s ‘Christmas Ain’t a Drag’ (2016) big band swings “Almost Christmas” with gusto and jazzy improv that raises spirits (and hackles, iffen i’m being honest).

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What are waiting for? CHRISTMAS! Who are we waiting for? SANTA! Santa? Did you see him? Get outta the way–it’s Santa, goddammit!

Let’s start with the antique country pop of 1971 (it’s not country… it’s not pop… it’s lounge Americana) “A Whistle and a Whisker Away.” Lynn Anderson accomplishes a recording about patient children with little memorability, and no feeling.

Florence K gets unhooked jazzy (just this side of jump blues) with “Santa’s Almost Here.” Despite the energetic musicality, this is by-the-numbers sentimentality.

Originality boosts (barely) the James Leo Oliver easy-listening song “Ready or Not,” herein retooled to be sung by Santa getting set and going for Christmas. (Points, too, for the sneaky Santa-Nativity crossover.)

Jerry T Band gets dadrockin’ with “Santa Will Appear,” a bombastic pop-rock attempt at kidsong where this much enthusiasm becomes a little scary.

Marc Amendola adds metal to your stocking with the “I Almost Met Santa Claus” song. It’s jolly and regretful as only gonzo punk can capture.

Spin me some fat daddi-o wax from the ‘Fifties and i’m yours! Huey ‘Piano’ Smith and His Clowns wail some N’awlins soul on “Almost Time for Santa.” Warms me to the core.

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Let’s throw the (good) book at the topic: a little religiosity while we circle in on the 25th of December is appropriate. Don’t just go to church at midnight Mass and call it good. Keep kneeling all the days.

Playful soul R+B is fecund ground for a gospel message, but “Almost Christmas Time” by The Willing Workers (feat. Lil D, The Candyman, Chynosoul & Big E) is hard to take seriously. Thanking JC for the underbelly of culture with a joyous swing, however understated, sounds off.

The Kumbaya folk lilt of Joanna McMorris sells the message better. But “It’s Almost Christmas” comes in as too measured and carefully worded to reach into the soul and produce awe/dread/love. It’s just a pretty song.

The over-ochestrated showtune quality of “I Love When Christmas is Just Around the Corner” brings the power of the sacrifice of god-as-man into the restrained gentility of a hummable tune. Marina Pierce and Christopher Puckett run arpeggios of notes ’round the reason for the season. Not getting it–

I do get Jason Gray’s over-produced joyous “Christmas is Coming” (Will You be There?). It’s a call-to-arms to be innocent and hopeful with enormous chorus back up. A bit modern, but successfully done. (Maybe it’s the pop country overtones….)

Laurie Klassen bangs the piano ragtime style (add synth-trumpets!) to beat the drum for “Christmas Time is Almost Here.” It’s folk pop that preaches with syncopation (how many syllable can YOU get out of Amen?).

Okay, less is more. Jars of Clay sneaks the Savior in poetically to “Almost Christmas.” It’s a plodding folk walk in the snow that evokes mystery and loneliness. But it’s soft as a pop prayer trailing promise and passion in its waltzing wake. Thanks.

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Getting real is the hackneyed hope of truth to power, a sad devaluation of the ineffable pain of culture/race/class/belief struggling by Talkin’ ‘Bout It. Plugging that sympathetic ear onto the Almost Christmas idea leads us a merry chase.

Getting Ready for Christmas Day” becomes a cry of pain within the folksy Afropop of Paul Simon. Stand ready for a revival sermonizing solo. Professionally done, but the anti-capitalist sneer dressed up with danceability hurts my sensibility. It’s not preachin’, it’s bleaching.

Agorophobicly, Amanda Cottreau leans in with ASMR to sultry-folk the stay-at-home message “Almost Christmas.” Too many crowds, choices, costs for this to be the best time of year. She’s rather stay home and close-whisper.

Chris Garneau plays up the irony with a similar anti-commercial message in the tinkly, glowing, intimate lullaby “It’s Almost Christmas.” The addition of how we fix corporate greed with hand-mades helps.

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So, i guess, kids music is crap. At best it’s an earworm of clapping and shouting, but it strikes me too often as condescending overexplanation. No wonder kids rebel younger every year. Like mini-Robespierres, they want their turn in the power chair telling even littler ones whassup.

So, the worst of kidsong sounds like… The Wiggles. This Australian ’90s sensation indoctrinated children to marshmallow versions of music genres, so they wouldn’t know jazz if it fell on them. Here “Wags, Stop Your Barking! It’s Almost Christmas Day!” (feat. Barry Williams) devalues rock below dadrock into Disney levels of showtune.

More traditionally pablumatic, Mr. Ray & The Little Sunshine Kids feature a sound Kim Jong Un would smile at: chorussed Christmas spirit with every voice fulfilling its joyful duty. “It’s Almost Christmas” is the formula, not that’s there anything right with that.

Retro fun comes with the exercise workout percussive workout from Hilary Henshaw “Christmas is Nearly Here.” Gather round all the ADHDs to drill. The unintentional irony helps.

Serious show tune gets me in the mood (except for how all the songs sound the same), so a moment for a well done Sesame Street melody from Elmo and Sheryl Crow “It’s Almost Christmas” (the title being basic the entire lyric for the singing).

What gets me up in the morning, though, is the rando existential playfulness of “Yell It Out! (It’s Almost Christmas).” The childishly affected mushmouthing, the jazzy improv tambourine, the wandering train of thought–that’s anticipation for the BIG Day! That’s what that is all right.

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Songs that notice Xmas is nearby get at turns hyper, hopeful, humble, or hopeless. Hoo boy. Let’s try something new, i’ll list these in order of quality. I may dis or kiss a cut, but generally I present everything I can find with brief contextualizations. For a month, it’s judgment day. (That’s a Christmas tradition, right?)

My taste does NOT veer toward watered down R&B easy listening love fests barely suitable for background muzak in polite white church foyer. So beware of pointless pap like “Christmas Day Is Almost Here” by Ira Antelis and Thomas Clark (feat. Jess Godwin). It’s pretty, but all icing–no cake.

Cramming the pop tune with kids (and even more cliche) does not help much. But “Nearly Christmas” by Sinead McNally has a light lilt that bounces with musicality. Better.

It’s Almost Christmas Time” ups the melody ante with orchestral depth (guitar and sax) and some uncalled for vocal riffing. So this pop tune turns my head a bit. Thanks Audiomade.

In my rotating playlist is Stay for Fireworks’s “It’s Almost Christmas Time.” This mildly manic synco-pop comes off jug band meets jazzabilly. And they seem to be enjoying themselves. It’s an A.