Month: April 2020

Baby It’s Coal: yeah right

Punk music doesn’t mind the smell of its own farts. The subject of coal for Christmas is neither a rant nor a rave, more of a shrug for these torchwood hoodlums.

Nö Class singsongs their punk “Coal for Christmas” as a dance number you can keep time to.

I’m not sure what self respecting punk group goes by the epithet Christmas, but these guys metal out “The Story of the Coal Workers Slavery.” Not the holiday connection we were hoping for, but hell if my head ain’t bobbing in solidarity.

Children’s punk turns the corner for us with Backyard Superheroes’ “Coal in My Stocking.” This ska-powered logic posits that you-give-me-coal, I-now-misbehave. That’ll teach you. Away we pogo!

Baby It’s Coal: okay

On opposite day the kids want coal for Christmas. How goofy can we make this trope?

Pete McPherson is feeling the chill, so he wants country swinging “Coal for Christmas.” To hedge his bets he slurs ol’ Santa’s name, and also readies the shotgun to get what he wants. Damn, that IS cold.

Yulenog gets environmentally conscience-less when lounge swinging how much they want “Coal for Christmas.” (They’ll take oil, for that matter.)

Baby It’s Coal: doubling down

Some kids go beyond the piss and moan about getting coal for Christmas, they take a stand.

I don’t blame ’em. Jay Richwine (and friend) dig deep to worry if there’ll be enough “Coal for Christmas.” This kid-friendly pop folk leans in to how much fun it is to dirty the stockings with anthracite.

The Truth Is… may be a pop band or a delivery platform, but they give us a bouncy scheme to get even with Santa “Letters to Santa” (perhaps don’t tip the present-er to your ‘Home Alone’ gimmickry). But, have fun.

Baby It’s Coal: underground

While we’re down in the bowels of mother earth, let’s tip a dulcimer to the men (and women) who loosen the anthracite from the veins of the planet.

AJ Lee delivers “Christmas in a Coal Mine” as a fretting little girl worried about her daddy coming home. Pretty, light folkcountry for such a terrifying topic.

A bit more Tom Waits-ish, Matt Miskie gets the gruffer POV when he makes his folk way to “Christmas at the Coal Mine.” Also sad, cuz people might die.

Adam Bolt’s “Coal for Christmas” is about the miner Daddy who brings home presents, but they’re all coal anyway, ‘cuz they’re poor. Folk but a bit more Celtic. And Daddy dies.

The Barra MacNeils thistle and stomp for “Miners’ First Noel” about the laborers who take a nearly-tragic moment to reflect on the season and celebrate. Party/prayer break!

Baby It’s Coal: digging Santa

Some previous hits on our blog need a revisit here. Santa as a coal miner is such an obvious stretch it appears more than once in songs.

Theocracy nails “All I Want for Christmas” with power rock demanding Santa get his ‘old job back!’ Witty and gritty. Guitar solo is less than ten minutes, though.

Adolphe Adam has a weirder Bob Dylan-esque blues number full of jazzy ephemera, “Santa Had a Dream.” This is the ballad of a poor coal miner who dreams of presents, children, and flight. What a life-changing journey.

Baby It’s Coal: no more Mr. Santa

Why wail about the coal for Christmas when you can character assassinate the red delivery system itself?

Rolling into a massive BLUE ALERT after almost a minute of comic buildup, The Misfit Toys hollers about who put “Coal in Your Stockings“! This is rollicking mod rock illustrated with a video sporting messy mascara and a Santa sniper. Whoa.

HeatleyBros allow for some parody fun with “Santa Loves Coal.” This pop-rap mishmash-up gives us the POV of the big stinker who didn’t have to be so vengeful on the wee ones.