Presents of Mine: don’t blame the deliverer, blame these songs

The magic of sudden presents under an indoor tree excites many to write songs. And then they get recorded.

Okay, the only real stinker here is Alan Chong and the fundraising “Santa Claus Brings Presents to Town.” Chanty folk takes a dump on trad carols.

Kidsong tends to be a bit stupefying (when it’s effective) as with “Greatest Christmas Gifts,” a hoppy, happy ringing doggerel from Paul Morabito. Fun for the whole unable-to-stand family.

Smelling like Plank Road Publishing, that bastion of children’s assembly music, “Who Put the Presents Under the Tree?” is silly and shouting and (pretend) ignorant of Santa. But it’s cool swing.

Previously noted parody “Santa Got Gifts” takes a well done turn at ‘Baby Got Back.’ Duncan G with Brian provide us with holiday cheer every year–but for some reason, they’ve gone dark on the ‘tube. Somebody snitched. Poor us.

“Lots & Lots of Presents” from Ben & the Peanut Butter Problem deals with the problems of blame and white rap. Listen at your own payroll.

Presents of Mine: deliver us from needful

Let St. Nick tell you about the bringing of the gifts.

My boys Duncan G and Brian (where are you, guys?) pretty up an Xmas parody, so who can tell me what “King of Christmas Giving” pays homage to? (‘m kinda outta the regular music scene). Love it, though.

Uncredited to the stable of stock singers, “Santa’s Delivery” from A Latino Christmas delivers hot cool.

Oscar McLollie digs that crazy Santa Claus with swinging big band doo wop in “I Deliver Toys, Pt. 1.” A Christmas novelty must. Jingle jangle.

Presents of Mine: deliverance

How’d those Christmas presents become yours? Santa, take a bow!

Walter Schumann and Jester Hairston credit Santa (briefly) while extolling those wonderful “Christmas Gifts.” A repost, but so worth the gospel jubilation.

Pamela Hines cruises the octaves for her “Gift of Giving.” Santa is nearly as amazing as her jazz vocals.

Mostly we LOVE Santa for all that he does. The Flashcats rock in the poppiest way with “I Wanna be Santa’s Present.” She wants to ride on his big sleigh–snicker! Wait, she marries him!?

Noelle Bangert salutes the season with an uptempo pop blues number, “Leave a Present for Me.” She’s bending over backwards for Santa. Fun song.

Presents of Mine: gee and/or jay whiz

Piggybacking off the big guy, many noel-ators point out that Jesus is the gift. Period. They beat that oxen to death with drivel and doggerel. Yet, a couple presents-in-the-manger pieces are listenable.

Gotta give it up for James Brown, the hardest to understand man in show business for “A Gift,” a disco-soul hymn to all things (incl. God).

Smoothing out the backbeat with a picturesque family scene of suicide Shirley Lee evokes a meaningful Nativity in the alt-folk “The Christmas Present.” Not the same old observance.

Grace in Christmas take the time to stop and think (and shatter glass) with gospel poppin’ in “A Gift on Your Birthday.” Point is, all y’all swapping presents, but whose day is it?!

Presents of Mine: indecipherably me

Weird songs don’t scare me. But i do worry i won’t categorize them correctly for you, the viewer. But here are songs I THINK sing about the gift of you/love for the holidays.

Girl Ray celebrate you and it (Christmas) with a breathy tin pan alley pop piece, “[I Wish I were Giving You a Gift] This Christmas.” Angry love, but hauntingly cool.

Christmas Gift” by Mick Keogh (feat. Nicola Creighton) is Asian influence pop with sped up vocals and nonsense lyrics. It must be love.

Love love love Chris Farren’s folk Brit rock “Like a Gift from God or Whatever.” Not particularly religious, but hella fun. And i detect a loving feeling.

Presents of Mine: rapt

Am i s’posed to sit in a box with airholes?

How Do I Wrap My Heart for Christmas?” addresses this quandry. The inimitable Randy Travis yodel-croons through this country hee-hawery (with a shout out to the manger man).

Iza hardens the soul/pop for “Gift Wrap My Heart,” which lectures her man for crass materialism. See, her other man has decorated her soul, and–oh, you tell me.

If i may digress slightly, Johnny Cole & The Reptiles offer that you ought to “Wrap My Heart in Velvet” or it will break. Doo wop is all we need this time of year (or in 1961) (and a tangential mention of a possible Xmas topic).

Presents of Mine: sack o’ ren

So sweet come the Christmas songs about the real present for you, even i submit. (Not made of stone, people.)

If we’re talking cornball, i should point out that overly sentimental does not a poor musical decision make–songs can be fine while pouring on the sugar. Cultural footnote Don Ho goes soulful with “The Christmas Gift” (not a wise choice in backup singer, though).

A bit young, but also soulful, Victoria Majors croons “Present for Christmas” for that special boy (under 20, i presume).

Not exactly the velvet fog, Jeff Meegan really cools “Let Her Gift be Me.” Jazz you can snuggle to.

Neal and Leandra have a quiet young parents moment in their unplugged folk “The Present.” Play it quietly after rest of all the family is down and you’re alone with that certain someone.

Presents of Mine: seriously, you only got me you?

A few more tolerable love only gifts for Xmas

The Hot Rods croon and whistle some low key rockabilly with “I Don’t Want Your Christmas Presents (I Just Want Your Christmas Kisses).” At least i know now that your present is more than just present. It gives back!

Friends of Sound minimally deliver the message about your worth vis a vis presents in the dance-electronic pop number “I Don’t Want Presents.” I don’t want to stop the beat.

Commercial 1970s pop from Mifflin Lowe from a concept kids album follows Wilton Wilberry and his quest for the best Christmas present. Well, as you should have learned by now, “My Very Best Present is You.”

Cool cool cool doo wop from Jimmy Beaumont and The Skyliners, “You’re My Christmas Present” is that 1957 early RnR gem you need to play for her.

Retro rock from The Four Corners beckons you to dance with me, ‘cuz “My Gift to You (It’s Me).” Cut that rug, slice that carpet, shred that floormat.

Presents on Mine: quit gifting yourself

Some also rans in the gargantuan category of Love Present for Christmas deserve some partial listening to.

Maria Aragon (w/Liona Boyd) corrida pop on “My Special Christmas Present is You.” I like how hard it is to identify the genre.

Special needs Guys and Dolls have an actual message in their pop folk “Don’t Worry About Presents This Christmas (Just Give Me Your Time).” No, they can’t sing, but they can make you feel pretty awful about yourself.

Hot (but slightly square) jazz from Gordy Pratt (feat. Christina Watson) seduces you with “I’m a Present.” Clever mom wit.

Presents of Mine: me too

Girls just want to have boys for their presents, according to professionally recorded, mega-produced, nearly listenable songs like these.

Doris Day wants presents, but you honey are the loveliest “Christmas Present” of them all. If you’d just come home. Uh, Doris… if he’s not present, he’s not a present. Helen Welch bosa novas this one for your groovy bachelor pad party. Swingin’ codependency!

Kacey Musgroves is lonely without you here. Without you she’s like a “Present without a Bow.” (I think she means she‘s without a beau [It is to laugh!].) Country bubblegum.

Dr. BLT switches the beat with electronica-hiphop a la “Christmas Shopping for Love.” I love the down and dirty sentiment, but how do you box up this abstraction, girl?

The Chicks (a 1960s Swedish girl rock group) (i guess) think you are the best “Christmas Present.” And they keep to the beat. Believe it.