If ND begins and ends with family for you, please consider the following: “North Dakota Christmas (Remembering Larry Gaudreau)” is a song in which Rosie Gaudreau, looking not-quite-five-years-old, sings (her own song) solemnly about God and Love and Christmas and Grampa Larry (who it seems has recently passed) AND North Dakota (it’s there at the end). Now you can get all snarky and sneer at these middle-class values, but youwish you had a video album/home movie like this for the holidays. Wow. Wait, i got something in my eye.
Less well done is the home movie/music video by Randi Perkins “If Its Christmas, It Must Be Home In Dakota.” This schmaltzena-tor actually hails from, loves, and writes about N. Dakota. (Fun fact: John Denver knew his first producer.) He teaches music in Colorado now. If you’re not familiar with big family get-togethers crammed into front rooms for pictures, food, picking up wrapping, tending to the wee ones… this cherished dance is a an overwarm reminder of what the holidays really mean: people (for good and bad). And don’t miss the footage of… all… that… snow. (But don’t tell Brad Millison this guy used his melody from “Christmas in Kansas City.” Please. No one needs that sort of unpleasantness.)
The Dakotas are easy to tell apart because one has Mt. Rushmore. I just don’t remember which one.
Gary Hunn’s “Christmas in South Dakota” connects the dots of holiday homelinenss town to town and who out-hospitalizes the other. He’s as sincere as throat cancer… erm, uh, try not to focus on his troubled vocalizations–look at the Marlboro Country backgrounds instead.
While we’re near the rez, let’s talk Manifest Destiny just a bit. Native Americans have learned (or been force fed) Christian customs since whites got here, so their take on Christmas singing is sadly the same: uncomfortable young people lined up to pretend-harmoinze lyrics the elders beam at in appreciation inside of community centers the grownups wouldn’t be caught dead in otherwise. Sing for the Lord, ya goddam ungrateful punks!
Okay, some of the Amerinds take pity on the genocide-curious and sing our trads in their language so we can have some kind of pity/guilt annunciation. Jana Sampson, a North Carolinian with a psych degree, has become a pop/R&B singer of some note. I’m not saying she cashed in on her Lumbee and Tascarora heritage to make an album entitled American Indian Christmas, but I am saying I don’t know how good her Cherokee (“What Child is This?“) or her Apache (“Joy to the World“) accents really are. But The Plains were once the land of Lakota, so you might consider “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” in that language. And consider Jana (now) Mashonee, too. She’s an absolute babe.
The Rockford Mules line up next with “Merry Christmas, South Dakota.” Finally “loud rock music with a dash of Gospel, Southern, and Stoner” (says their Facebook page). These are fine Minnesota boys with one album. But you can tell they’ve toured through the Coyote State (suffering, missing loved ones, barely tolerating the road and weather conditions: as depicted on their ‘tube view). (I can’t think of too many music videos that cure you of ever wanting to strap on a guitar, but this one–boy howdy what a drear existence!) Christmas is often depicted as depressing (not JUST because you’re in SD), which is why we try to cheer you up so much. Don’t worry, have candy!
Josh Osborne has an original carol “Nebraska” on Christmas Across America. It’s a pretty country tune about rushing through the snow to get home to the love of his life. Croony longheld notes, not quite yodeling. Pop country MOR, but gets the job done.
And keep in mind, we are disqualifying Mulberry Lane’s “Christmas in Nebraska” because it’s a copy of “X in WI” and “X in IA.”
So for today i’m going to go wild via Curt Bright instead. With his brother Randy, Curt plays as the String Beans (available for children’s parties). In his video “Cornhusker Christmas” Curt riffs and japes all the local-entia with wacky stock sfx and basic hi jinx video editing. Try not to giggle ’til Xmas now. (And DO wait for the final line.)
The most Kansas friendly Please-Come-Visit-Us rendition would have to be Paul Ritchie’s “Kansas Merry Christmas,” basically commissioned by the mayor to the visiting ASCAP award winner and resort and cruise ship singer. You’re going to need some crackers for the cheese. Ritchie has a hobby of cozying up to his favorite spots with holiday hymns for Kentucky and Michigan as well.
Just as maudlin middle of the road pop is “Christmas in Kansas City” by Brad Millison. It’s so retro 1985 cool i’m flashing back to liking Christopher Cross songs. For an updating with sweet soul see Heartland Men’s Chorus backing Dustin Rapier in one of those poignant Christmas concert moments that makes fat bankers’ wives cry.
The most playful Kansas carol is from Prairie Rose Rangers. “Christmas in Kansas” is boot kickin’ fun and you can get a glimpse of this tune on the ‘tube where they’re all bedecked in enormous plaid. Sadly, it’s only a glimpse.
My favorite Wintertime Singing for the Sunflower State is down-home Kristie Stremel belaboring being snowed in with her “Kansas Snow Song.” She’s clever and talented and generous (I guess: she holds a Favorite Snow Photo Contest in the middle of the video on the ‘tube). The song focuses on a late snowfall when Spring is supposed to be here. But it’s so honest and beautiful I have to put it first.
Blake Shelton owns this category with “Oklahoma Christmas.” His duet with Reba McIntire serves up canned corn homesickness about that special Sooner State of mind while being stuck in yucky Tennessee. It’s measured and moderate and has some fine guitar riffs. But it’s overplayed (and too Trail of Tears) and i can’t do that to you, i can’t i can’t i can’t.
Now Dana Spencer belts out “Oklahoma Christmas Spirit” “…straight from the heart of the heartland!!” and, while the fiddle helps, i begin to suffer from pudding filling. By the by, her pretty warbling and bountiful belting can be found on my fave Songs Across America–good stuff.
On to the wonderful and weird… Bruce Robison and Kelly Willis have been happily married with kids for years. And singing on the road (Texas mostly) with the Bruce and Kelly Show. They come off as homegrown, straight-shooting, the real deal. “Oklahoma Christmas” seems to document him at the in-laws’ holiday gettogether outtastate and the problems with translation Texans have with Oklahomans. At the end of the live track Kelly admits, “‘Sfunny ’cause it’s true.” And totally appropriate for the holidays.
We left off with Santa, so let’s tip the Ten Gallon to “Santa Got Lost in Texas” by Michael Landon from the Christmas at the Ponderosa album. Love the shots of the cast square dancing during the show. (Redneck Carollers do a better version iffen you like the music.)(Iffen you don’t check out all the awful karaoke versions that i will not help you find.)
Speaking of weird, Shelley King belts out a mean “Christmas in Austin.” (Austin=weird, not her.) King’s voice is smoky and her guitar is beat within an inch of its life, but the whole thing is a little white bread for me.
For a more earthy (if white honky tonk is earthy) carol check out “White Christmasses in Houston” from Branded Duo. Fiddle–check, bass–check, guitar–check, smart aleck Southern wit–check. This one’s got it all.
Prettier and more mainstream is “Dallas Christmas” by Tim Halperin. So this is what happens to American Idol castoffs.
“San Antonio Christmas” by Randy Carroll is just a sad rehash of Amy Grant’s “Tennessee Christmas” with only the name changed to protect the creativity. (Is San Antone Exactly Like TN??)
El Paso’s KLAQ morning show did a funny a few years back about a news story that went national: mostly undressed homeless man squatting under a bridge getting evicted by the city. Their holiday tribute may be observed by ‘tubing “Naked Cave Man.”
The Big Deal for the state is “When It’s Christmas Time in Texas” popularized by George Strait. It’s pop country and not my cuppa tea. The video i ‘tubed was a laughable garden party where he’s lipsyncing (badly) & gladhanding all the GOBs and blue hairs like he’s running for Favorite Son. Yeargh.
Asleep at the Wheel is more trad country and their truckin’ and drinkin’ “Christmas in Texas” (w/Kevin Fowler) is more authentic–even with that flashy pee-yanner.
Texas Latino does a stirring version of the most comprehensive Texas Xmas anthem “Christmas in Texas.” The name dropping is matched only by the slide guitar.
On the amateur homefront, David Higginbotham fronts his own “Christmas in Texas” as a missing you love paean. This modest, self-parodying honest effort is more fun than most of the overproduced trying-too-hard Big State stuff.
John Evans Band does a 180 with their”Christmas Time in Texas.” But, while their younger music borders on alt honky tonk the song devolves, hilariously, into a Lone Star commercial.
Dale Watson plays it straight with “Christmas Time in Texas” (from the movie Angels Sing), then turns it around with “Hot Texas Christmas Day.” They’re both fine, fine fine… better guitar than lyric.
More formulaic and corporately Christian is Dan Schafer (Christmas Across America) with “On This Texas Christmas.” Rock country fun for everyone in general and no one in particular.
Let’s get back to talent: When i think TX i think cowboy and ranger and hardy soul and big talker… sounds like Gene Autry to me! Now his “The Night Before Christmas (In Texas, That Is)” should be a classic played more than anything else here. And I shoulda picked that to make sure my selection was out of the ordinary. But I’m going with “Merry Texas Christmas You All,” which captures the clime, the time, and the sublime. Sure, Asleep at the Wheel, Michael Martin Murphy, Ernest Tubb, The Cones Sisters, Ranch House Favorites, Elton Britt and the Beaver Valley Sweethearts, and more have sung the Sweet Jesus out of this cornpone, but I gotta stay with that kerchief wearin’ Hollywood horseman Grover Orvon. Fake cowboy? Okay! American success story? Smile for the camera and say ‘Christmas icon millionaire!’ That’s what Texas means to me.
What a bounty of delicious delta delights. LA knows how to make merry.
Everyone knows the man with the tenor: Aaron Neville and “Louisiana Christmas Day” (one o’ my albums lists it as “Louisiana Christmas Carol”). No need to document the rolickin’ good time here. (Or mention the covers by boy-wonder Hunter Hayes and girl-duo B’tweenz–what is it about this catchy bit of ethnic fun that brings out the children to audition?)
Johnnie Allen does a fine cajun “It’s Christmas Time in Louisiana” all in creole–that’s a spicy patois! Vin Bruce also has a “Christmas on the Bayou” in Papa Noel’s native tongue. For Anglaise, check out Michael McDonald’s “Christmas on the Bayou.” This music is like triple espressos getting your heart hammering!
Fellowship Church Zachary brings us Roger Hornsby’s “Louisiana Christmas Time” on the ‘tube. It’s a tasty slice of holiday homecoming that gets the congregation chucklin’ and swayin’ with its message of fun and family. The man’s a Deep South Garrison Keillor. Uhhh, I mean that in a good way.
When you’re overwrought from all that dancing like Wise Men are watching, mellow down with Louis Armstrong’s “Christmas Time in New Orleans.” It’s smooth jazz, if a bit somnolent. (John Lee Sanders, James Andrews, and Joan Osborne [hers is the sexy one] float that flat boat, too.)
I can’t leave the Pelican State without a salute to one of my faves: Benny Grunch. He celebrates Another dialect of American English from around New Orleans apellated Yat (disputed). His album (with The Bunch) The 12 Yats of Christmas is a must have for Yule regionalists. In our present context, I must praise most highly “O Little Town of Destrehan”
and “Christmas in Chalmette.”
Don’t expect to understand the lyrics, but roll with it, y’all.
After all this festivity, I will tell you my pick of the state is “Louisiana Santa” by Wayne Toups off the wonderful compilation Christmas Gumbo. Toups is King of Cajun Singers, decorated with more awards for that kind of thing than any of those other gator caterwaulers. Love the tune, love the backup, love Toups’s Santa beard. I mean it’s about time we had some Santa.
Now this is what I am talking about: some grade school teacher at Iglesia(?) somewhere in AK. She apparently makes up songs on her own youtube channel (like Kate Micucci’s character in Raising Hope) and here she’s got kids singing and acting out for “Arkansas Christmas.” It’s a madhouse, a MADHOUSE! Somewhere in there is some message about shopping on Black Friday and AR’s Xmas being “natural.”
“O Little Town of Boggy Creek” is Sam Stokes’s stab at local lore, some creature hiding in the swamps (at least the subject matter of D-list movies like the one Mystery Science Theater 3000 made sport of). How droll to use Christian music to madcap the monster’s tale!
More legitly, Dan Schafer (from that great compilation Christmas Across America) sings “Arkansas Angel.” It’s barely a Christmas reference, but it’s soooo pretty with tenored up tones and fantastic fiddlin’ i want to open it again and again.
Now to prove that news shows love the local carols, i present you with “Christmas Time In Arkansas.” Ned Perme, the song’s creator, is a weatherman from Little Rock, who rocks in his spare time. You can find his version on the ‘tube. Here, as intro’d by an actual anchor, Terry Rose sings. I know–it sounds like a warmed over Lifetime movie soundtrack. But this song was nominated for a regional Emmy. And its album, Songs for the Season, raised money for National Kidney Foundation of Arkansas and The Amercian Heart Association. Channel 7, Little Rock, On Your Side!
I’m not upset that the Bible Belt here has so little Christmas to sing about Branson (except for Lallie Bridges’s laughable copycat Christmas jingle), Springfield, Jeff CIty, or the Show Me State itself. I am not mad, but i am disappointed.
Christmas Across America has the chameleonic Diedre Jenkins’s number “Missouri Christmas Card,” which soulfully beatifies family and friendship, beating on the guitar-box Indigo Girls style. It’s an “anywhere” song and doesn’t make you yearn for MO.
“Christmas in Kansas City” by Brad Millison is so Christopher Cross cool it makes me nestle up in my thick shawl necked sweater and look thoughfully into the distance. KC, for me, has always been half in half out (Kansas, too, you know). This piece of merry pop is from one of those FM radio compilations, but KCKC Star 102 seems to have gone under. The song still underplays local good morning shows every December.
Let’s just focus on the capitol. “Christmas in St. Louis” is sung by Randy Mayfield, an ordained minister who just has to sing! His bigs are national anthems for local sports, opening for Christian acts, and worldwide tours with other countries’ symphonies. Sing it, Rand-man! And make it all ‘Eighties pop country with tremulo backed up by harsh electric guitar riffs. ‘Cause that’s what Missourians do.
Most Christmas songs about soldiers are miserable miss-you affairs like “I’ll Be Brave This Christmas” (Big Daddy Weave) or “Waiting for Christmas” (Melodie Chrittenden Kirkpatrick). Or even angry send-my-baby-home country screaming like Melissa Ethridge’s “Christmas in America.”
More upbeat stuff is performed by military bands, like The United States Air Force Concert Band And Singing Sergeants (i like their “Mr. Santa“).
Except i do like one boots on the ground parody from Zack Applewhite taking off “Up On the Rooftop” (no one does that one). From John Yossarian to Gomer Pyle to Quintan McHale, we find a sense of humor ameliorates the madness of wartimes. And that’s what Christmas is sometimes about.
