On Track to Xmas: Wrong Side of the Tracks!

Not all Christmas railways are candy striped…

Almost threatening, the alt-rock of Regent Royale in “Tiny Tim – Christmas Train” spits out the word fun like a curse. Proceed with caution.

Zac Hartman’s “All Aboard the Christmas Train” is a long studio session about loss and emptiness. Mopey rap.

“Christmas Train” from Men and Machine is rockin’ blues about Santa and Rudolph piloting that rolling hunk of steel your way. Now with harmonica.

Michael Irvine’s “Christmas Train” is capital B blues. Big downer for the holidays. Now with more harmonica.

But the big fret is from DeathTongue’s “Christmas Train.” Santa is on an axe purge, riding the rails from door to door to eliminate the naughty. Or, just all of us. Metal.

On Track to Xmas: Cab Forward!

1950 big band kiddie stuff sounds like “The Christmas Choo Choo Train” by Art Mooney and His Orchestra (feat. Laura Leslie and The Skylarks). Clarinet flourishes.

Chris Walker seems to karaoke “Happy the Train,” a kiddie song about the train that looks forward to Christmas. Jaunty, perhaps even jumpy. Lots of sfx! Pop.

“A Magical Christmas Train” is a spiraling pop number with odd segments of authentic folk and childlike reverence. James Coffey burns up the keyboard!

On Track to Xmas: Refill That Firebox!

Santa Train!

Patty Loveless hillbillies the country of her “Santa Train” with all the insouciance of a true Nashville star. Clickety clack!

Blake Shelton twangs the nasal chambers for his own “Santa’s Got a Choo Choo Train.” Lots of country fussin’ for this repeat.

The better reprise is The Tractors’ “Santa Claus is Comin’ (In a Boogie Woogie Choo Choo Train).” This is gold.

“Santa’s Train” from Artie Rossi & The Duck Band has a killer sax backup, but this rocker needs to be on the BACK porch.

According to The Hipwaders, Santa is coming down, down, down in “Santa’s Train.” Check out the inventory, this line is loaded. Rock’n’roll, but still a little country.

The Dellatones rockabilly “Santa Special” like they’re having fun. It might be as much fun as i have listening to this party favor. Woo woo!

On Track to Xmas: Milk Run!

Santa’s the engineer!

Snowboys2K14 begin their “Christmas Train” with a little Santa sled pop music breakdown. Then the electronics go SONAR. Finally Santa’s on his way with alternate means. Hooray.

Elfie, from the Christmas Workshop Band, narrates the amateur “Rolling Christmas Train.” This drum-centric pop seems to go ’round and ’round rather than straight to your door from the workshop as is suggested.

Hank Snow tap-dances through “The Christmas Cannonball” without breaking a sweat. In fact, in this square-dancing country doodler, he barely pronounces each word. Ting-a-ling-ling toot toot.

Gargling gravel, Whit Hill and John Latini hit the blues of “Christmas Train” without regard for the children getting their presents from it. Hoo-oo-wee! I mean, look out!

On Track to Xmas: Toot! Toot!

If you’re lucky you might see Santa fly by on the good ol’ “Christmas Train,” as folk-hoarsely mewed by Patrick DeVille. Ragged, but righteous.

Just like the chariot that’s gonna take ye to heaven, There’s a train on the way to Christmas. “The Christmas Train” by Chantal Kreviazuk (feat. Salvador Maida) is a piano recital for Grandma in wistful shades of children’s blues and pop. Somber as all get out.

MG rambles through a children’s huzzah: “Polar Xmas.” It’s not really singing, but it’s not rap either. Pop as a catchall.

Bad Flappin’ Birds concoct an amateur pop adventure to visit Santa. Apart from being unable to navigate the candy cane maze to find the bathroom, they have a jam-packed time (riding the train!) in their “Bad Flappy Holidays.” Catchy as much as weird.

On Track to Xmas: Why to the North Pole, of Course!

Does Santa use a train? Honey, Santa uses it all! That train makes the most commotion with its locomotion, though, so give it some heed.

Ginger St. James sets the mood with her stentorian country: announcing (and whoo whoo-ing) more than singing “Christmas Train.” What a toot!

Ben Browning strains soft rock through a boy band screen to deliver “Christmas Train” into your elevator music queue.

Tom Hanks (and some kids) chortle out “The Polar Express” as a showtune to introduce the uncanny valley of the 2004 movie. Brrr.

Jake Hadrick takes this conceit and murderlizes it with the excessively filtered pop of “Pole Express.” Jump! Escape! Hurry!

On Track to Xmas: Full Steam Ahead!

I think i can party i think i can party i think i can party….

“Booze Train Christmas” sums up the experimental alt-pop of Madslack Mike. The slurry invite, the wobbly rhythms, the hypnotic repetition… i’m gonna need some fresh air.

Screamin’ garage from The Hot Dogs feels like a booze-fest in “Rolling on the Train.” Reverb on repeat is a hangover and a half.

Ben & Tucker take the “Magical Rainbow Train” to Christmas: seeing snow elephants, feeding polar bears, eating cookies. Don’t ever wake up, boys! Silly ad-lib pop.

On Track to Xmas: Through the Tunnel!

Sometimes the journey is what matters, especially when you’re holiday celebrating the whole way.

BLUE ALERT for the rapping romance “Christmas Train” by Punky Brewskies.

Brett Dennen gets on the “Christmas Train,” but whether it’s for the PARTYing as a metaphor or forthe juggernaut that ’tis the season– the slo-mo alt-country does not reveal. Opaque poetic lo-fi.

Gighive lounge swanks the grooviest “Christmas Train” you might ever take. It might be all in their head, but it’s a perfect way to enjoy the holy day. I’m running to catch it.

I can’t celebrate until I’m on this train! insists The Snow Angels with their party pop “CTA Xmas Train.” It’s insistent.

Tom Dyer and The True Olympians shovel on the funk for his “Christmas Train.” Santa’s doin’ the mashed potato! That is one Martian mushroom party.

On Track to Xmas: Riding the Rails!

Not exactly commuting, the American classic hobo did use the train system for shelter and support.

“Oscar’s Christmas Lament” by Hadnot Creek zips together blues and pop country to explicate the hopes and realities of the boxcar life. Tough stuff.

Protest singing from Bill White makes the same points the hobos make: trains are the only way to go. “The Christmas Train” is hard driving blues for those on the tramp.

“Santa Fe Sam and Hobo Bill” make the best out of hungry exposure around Xmas playing the What If game. Boxcar Willie does that talky sad storytelling to the weepy violins. …then there’s the miracle of ham and taters and all the fixin’s. Was it a dream–?

“Hobo Christmas” from Sharp & Cissell has that driving rock rhythm that elevates country to Americana, so their sad story is fun.

Grunge country splashes water in your face as Old 97’s sing their “Hobo Christmas Song.” Side effects include toe tapping, yodeling, and eye rolling.

Actual fiddlin’ country from Matt Andersen brings a nobility to the “Hobo Christmas Train.” Makes you feel like takin’ a gap year and joinin’ in.

On Track to Xmas: Sorry for the Delay!

Pissy parody from David Goody jangles ‘Jingle Bells’ into “Train Delays at Christmas.” He’s pretty mad, wanting to nationalize the whole mess.

Goombay Dance Band brings the dance despite a late train “Wishing a Merry Christmas” to you and to me. Syncopated mush.

Musical comedy from Michael Mott (feat. Jessica Vosk) wants those relative hangers-on to catch a plane OR a train to JUST LEAVE the house. It was Hanukkah/Xmas, so prolly lots of people. “To All a Good Night” checks all the boxes and hits all the notes.

Then there’s just NO LATE TRAINS. Without you, Lizzy Hilliard warbles with alt-pop lightness, Christmas “Doesn’t Mean a Thing.” Pretty.

Dead Orchids layers the rock with militarism, grunge, and pop declaring that one or the other, they’ll be “Home for Christmas.” They caught the last train. That always helps.