Year-round Yuletide oddities
The Radish Friends shout in the basement for the serious swerve on ‘Three Ships’ filled with buccaneer jargon in “I Saw Three (Pirate) Ships.” At least they‘re having fun.
“I Saw Three Pirate Ships” by BellaZen Electric is a sweet mashup of ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ and that old carol. It’s instrumental, but masterful. And i loves that Hans Zimmer power.
Pirates drink grog, right?
We’re glanced at Jimmy Buffett’s “Ho Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum” before. Overorchestrated pop that wants to be smooth calypso when it grows up, it’s a Santa escape tale. (As well as the superior–in humor and talent–punk take by The Cucumbers. Santa be nasty here.)
Less piratey is Taco and De Mofos dealing with fam and other relationships in the bouncy house of rap from “Ho, Ho, Ho & a Bottle of Rum.” See, he’s gonna have his fun… drinking all the pain away… like a thief on the open seas. (?)
Cobbled together out of Treasure Island and sung by Craig Toungate, “Yo, Ho, Ho, and a Bottle of Rum!!” is a fine shanty of offensively inoffensive pop Celtic music. It is not quite holiday-centric, but fun. The Roger Wagner Chorale makes a meal of it. Had to lean into pirates celebrating, darkly as they do.
Tom Mason and the Blue Buccaneers take a less novel approach to their album A Pirate’s Christmas. It sails fair waters of standards with aught but the occasional sitar, shanty, or argh. Some fine fiddlin’, but that cut no mustard with our blog. Still, for your consideration….
“It’s Christmas Day” is a dandy number, a rollicking Celtic how-to celebrate and decorate. Just happens to be on a ship. No fuss ’bout that at all. ‘Ceptin’ for that insistent trombone.
“Yo Ho Ho (Pirate’s Christmas)” is the gem at the top of the treasures. A shanty of Santa vs. the pirates re-teaches us that Mr. Christmas is not tone trifled with. It’s a party song that tells a tale. A lessons those what need be.
Gastronomical Unit returns in their not-so-bad “A Pirate’s 12 Days of Christmas.” It IS repetitive, but it is also indulgent fun and hints at wit.
“A Pirate Christmas” begins a move we shall see again, a medley of piraticized Xmas carols. Tom Smith swings around his clever wordplay like a dead cat, likely to smack you at some point.
I may have mentioned Pirate Stu more than a handful of years ago, and his ‘Jingle Bells’ parody may not merit more mention, but “Jingle Piratopus” IS about a pirate octopus. Not something you hear every day.
Michael Scott Dublin (feat. Robert O’Connor & Mark O’Shaughnessy) bring Santa and a pirate together for a lively pop address: “Yo Ho Ho! And A Merry Christmas.” They have more in common than you’d think.
Hello Wonder indies “Dear Santa (A Pirate’s Request)” from the daughter of a pirate to the only one she knows who can make her dad nice, not naughty. Too cute for words!
Captain Dan & The Scurvy Crew ask Santa directly for cannons and whatnot in “A Pirate Christmas” all the while planning on ambushing, robbing, and slaughtering the jolly old elf. These pirates bite off more brass monkey than they can chew. Kiddie rap.
“Christmas Pirate” from Eye Suck metal rocks the benefits from being naughty at the wrong time.
Mighty Magic Pants is mighty kid friendly with their “Pirate’s Christmas Eve.” This is about the Caribbean setting (and music). Apart from a couple bits o’ jargon, no piracy threatens.
Whilst on the high seas, keep an eye out for the skull’n’cross bones. Will those scurvy dogs feel the Xmas spirit? Mayhap not as many as regular sailors, yet a month’ll do.
Some swashbucklers commit to the concept and whole albums are aborned from their need to ope the coffers and share and share alike. Unpirately! says i. Still, The Bilge Pumps have an unholy admixture of sophomoric parodies of carols and other family fun, cleaved with casual rapine and murder. Uhh… A Pirate’s Christmas Wish combines spoken skit and nearly good music to their own end. Ye have been warned.
I can recommend “Pirate Yells” (‘Silver Bells’) for imagination and actual YE-ARGHS; “Carol of the Beers“(‘Carol of the Bells’) for performer energy and steel drums; and “More Rum, Gloria” (‘Gloria in Excelsis Deo’) for less explicit sexual assault and charming harmony. But, this thing is nearly three dozen offerings!
Regardless, “Johnny the Steampunk Pirate” (‘Rudolph’) stands out for novelty and morning drive DJ sound effects. Laser eyes!
Crappy boat metaphor helps fill Christmas albums, too. Ahoy.
BIG BLUE ALERT for the rap from Coi Leray (ft. Dess Dior & Maliibu Miitch) wishing a “Merry Xmas” to all the boys whether they locked up in the penitentiary or wildin’ on the boat. Spirited, but what’s that boat about?
More rap from St. Crypt.: Cause I am tired of rowing a boat with my bros but when I am not looking they drilling some holes (Holes!) Self sabotaging, i guess. But “Crypt” is about not really being yourself. Like the true spirit of Xmas. Or sumpn.
Cuter rap makes me realize the dearth of figurative language in our language and in our rap. “Holiday Jam” by ajasont notes that the cider is steaming like a boat. Now that’s just silly.
Nervous about family together and “For Those Who Can’t Be Here,” Tom Walker folk-pops: ‘Round the table banter flows Prayin’ no one rocks the boat. Careful now.
“Sinking Ships For Other Assorted Holidays” by Bad Witch employs pissed out figurative language to liven up the rock and roll. It’s a fun mess.
Tori Amos offers We’ll sail on a “Christmastide.” Indie grrl pop floats my boat. But this seems more pagan than reverent.
Off topic (perhaps), is “Tomato Christmas” from Eric Holm. More thick poetry: Oh, the Summer’s ripe in the face of its death And all the spirits of the departed Carry our boat over the lake with the force of their breath. It’s August. Perhaps the boat is real, but Christmas is the metaphor.
The Shanks describe “When My Ship Hits Christmas Day” with weird brassy pop rock (like Chicago?). I don’t get it, but i’m dancing.
“Bound for Bethlehem” is a fine Celtic carol from The Barra NacNeils about the pilgrimage to the birthplace. But it’s by boat. To a landlocked place. Or is it by angel–? Are we dead?
Sometimes the ocean-going way is so seductive, it invades our carols without our faces filled with actual salt spray. These metaphors can be powerful.
Check out Carbon Leaf’s “Christmas at Sea.” C-h-r-i-s-t-m-a-S. O. S.: A boat afloat at sea; Row you to me–Christmas at sea. Charming indie about missing you.
Alkaline Trio headbands the punk of “Snake Oil Tanker” with observations like: This time you’ve dug yourself an anchor too heavy to move ahead with. It’s never felt colder at Christmas. So there. Bang.
The Spongetones bring an elegant classiness to their mixed metaphor poetry piano bar tune “There’s a Star.” Starts with a ship and a shore. There’s Christmas in there… Must be something about redemption.
A tight squeeze in this category “Christmas Time in Motor City” is dandy industrial rock (multi-media) from Was (Not Was). An ugly cityscape ends with the image: I sit and watch the traffic panic, it sails away, Look at this…It’s Christmas Day… Noice.
