It’s Christmas Day and What Have We Learned?

After a year of research and devilment, i like to take a mo and hit him with a hammer. Nyuck nyuck nyuck.

Rather than simply Top Tenning it, however, let me stack up the discoveries i’ve made over the last eighteen score posts. I can hardly believe i still stumble across novel new noisemakers everyone and their dog should hearken to. (*Hint: the word ‘album’ might link you to a Youtube playlist to listen to.)

Parodies’ Paradise: Sure there’s reliable Bob Rivers, noel Joel Kopischke, literal The ’60s Invasion and also hand-ringing The Mistletones (the last two with one powerhouse album apiece), oh–and the holy ApologetiX (for the coolest Christian retreads of the most sinful rock ‘n’ roll). But this year i bumped into Balderdash and Humbug. Their 55 Days of Christmas album has some gnarly new stuff on board. Thanks, guys.

As a gift to you, let’s revisit just about my favorite video from last year, Jason Bojangals’s “‘Blank Space’ ‘Home Alone’ Parody.” ‘Home Alone’ is a Christmas movie, right? It’s just so sociopathic! (Like Ms. Swift!)

Snow Business: While fooling around with songs about freezing cold precip, i was winded by Piedmont Songbag’s “Roger, It’s Snowing.” This Greensboro bunch a’ bubbas sound like the fun-lovininest likeable lugs to smack around a Christmas novelty song as ever blew down the flu. Tragically, their bassist died of a sudden this year. Please buy their album Try & Spread Some Cheer. Iffen you no like it, give it to me. What i’ve sampled is SO COOL, i will reference their work more and more. (Honestly, i don’t buy any of these masterpieces. Hint, hint.)

Anthropomorphic Snow Sculpture: Shark Uppercut out of nowhere broadsided me with their After the Fall (A Holiday Album). This electronic mess is hands down hilarious and offensively random. If you’re angry and think irony is stupid, go for it. (Sample 25 Days of Jesse, and also the instrumental electronica Robots Call It Christmas. Then you’ll know.)

But, i have to repeat InsideOut A cappella’s “In the Sun They Melted II.” This is their parody sequel, son. Check out the original, if you have the time. (No cool exclusively CHRISTMAS album from these kidsong singers.)

Tree-mendous Holiday Fun: A couple albums to investigate… Austin’s pretty-farout-sounding boys Watch Out for Rockets have an album, 13 Days of Xmas (Bandcamp offered it for freakin’ free). Eclectic energy.

The Hipwaders are overly talented kidsmusic men. Their album A Kindie Christmas merits more than the usual juvenile consideration. Find it. Play it. Play with it.

These overshadow the notorious Dr. BLT (Dr. Bruce L. Thiessen) and the prodigious number of odd songs he’s been rock-country-reggae-ska-folk-ing up in new volumes (Candy Cane Lanes) (album 1) (album 2) (album 3) (album 4) since 2015. Plus a kid’s album Hollotajolly, and an adult party album holottholly. Great googly, dude’s overachieving!

But, love goes to Parry Gripp, cartoon theme writer, jingle impersonator, and overall kookie genius. His Christmas songs are individual sensations, so i can’t grab ’em by the album. But look them over. Laugh, cry, covet…. Go ‘head.

Presents of Mine: Train guitarist Jerry Becker has an oddly B’way-ish album of Xmas imagining, Holidayzed. It appeals to the musical and the mayhem inside of me.

Lil Poverty Angels have one of those word jazz improv hip hop kind of nonsensical offerings, an album with 30 songs about a minute each. Christmas Cookies and Government Cheese. Don’t love it, but do respect it.

Angry Johnny and The Killbillies has an ammo-centric album Bang Bang Baby Bang Bang Merry Christmas. But i mostly dig “Christmas Shopping” on it.

As Seen on TV: Coupla bloggers caught my attention for this month, those people who relentlessly, exhaustively, OCD-ily obsess over their hobbies. Joanna Wilson’s “Tis the Season TV” channel on Facebook will describe, evaluate, and link you to oh so many holiday specials and movies and series. She has published books on it. I find her to be an easy touch for cheesebally sentimental value.

The big win here is “A Cartoon Christmas” blogsite. I don’t know the people involved, but i am in awe of how schizo cranky/besotted (t)he(y) are. This is brilliant, if microscopic, analysis of 20th C animation, from the Rambo cartoons to Rankin and Bass. And the breezy wit and casual rage make me a believer. I stole whatever i could from here.

As a chance to revisit old TV shows something caught at me… it was the ancient ‘Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol’ and the songs therein. That was a show and and a half for kids. Meanness redressed, chances seconded, and fun tunes, like “The Lord’s Bright Blessing (Razzleberry Dressing).” Aww.

Sing a Song of Singing Songs:

Canadian guitarist par excellence Wendell Ferguson is much originally funnier than i would’ve given credit to. His album Wendell Ferguson’s Cranky Christmas will get more and more play from me. Damn that’s good. To measure his level of fingering genius, resample his “Why Does Every Christmas Song Have So Many Chords?”

Take a Card: Sticky Mittens is a novelty Christmas album that just won’t quit from Rochester professionals who gather throughout the year to jam original music. This is what America’s about, people! The pity about discovering Watkins & the Rapiers so late for me is that their songs shoulda been included in my previous posts about Subordinate Clauses (overworked elves), Tree-mendous Holiday Fun (Christmas lights), and Santa Jobs (unemployed slacker). On my wavelength! Let’s remember them for “Don’t Expect a Christmas Card from Me.”

Don We Now: O, the sites i’ve seen– Arbor recordings are also NJites with a charity to help. Every year they corral local talent to pop up a musical album fundraiser. Mucho nuevo musica. My last visit to Bandcamp revealed their 18 volumes at “make offer” or “free download.” Holee molee. I just grabbed eight hours gratis. (Us limited incomers ain’t proud.)

The “Something Awful” people have a website [founded by Richard Charles Kyanka 1999] of various victorious vituperations, but they do sponsor a contest annually for nasty noeling. They’ve got seven volumes of several discs each. Gah, i can’t access where i downloaded them FOR FREE earlier. Here’s the Bandcamp collection. I did buy a volume before i got lucky on their poorly supervised website sometime in November.

Gentler, kinder, Kaleb Withers also devises an Xmas disk each year full of parodies and nutty new stuff. This Perth WA team (with wife) is exceptional and makes me smile, but Amazon and itunes don’t know them much. Spotify will play them, but it was only Christmas Albums 5 & 6 posted on Youtube that tipped me off. I guess you can buy their stuff on Reverbnation. I’ll update when i discover otherwise.

Finally, Rhett & Link have a talented Youtube channel full of novelty songs and other crazy boy pranks. Well, i fell hard for their series of Christmas self decoration songs starting with “Christmas Sweatz.” Click on the cues for the sequels “Christmas Face” and “Christmas Booty” if you dare.

So, God, if you love Xmas so much, why don’t you Mary it?!

Don We Now: Santa below the belt

What’s left for Santa?

Well, footwear… but if you find “Santa’s Boots” under her bed–not so jolly. The Crusty Jugglers bring the maudlin to honky tonk for a country downer.

Kinky boots continues with Diane Gee wanting to wear “Santa’s Boots.” Kidsong, so i’m sure it’s innocent as all get out. But when she crows about bein’ ‘jolly’ after ‘strapping on’ the gear–i dunno.

Gleefully naughty HB Radke puts the big band in gay apparel with “Shiny Red Boots.” It’s not cross dressing so much as Xmas dressing.

Also alternative, Greg (guitar) Case strums and hums through “Santa Wore Cowboy Boots.” This Santa identifies as ‘scoot.’

bennie accounts for this anomaly with “Santa’s Got Daddy’s Boot on.” Guess it was a shortchanged quick-change. Frolicsome kidsong.

Joe Teig brings the rock’n’roll to kidsong with “Santa Claus’s Boots,” a measure of how big a man he is. (As in, i could never fill those boots.)

Metal now with “Black Boots on” by Billy Scream. This inventory of apparel gets dark fast.

Just as disturbing is the disco hip hop from Marc Schaefgen “Black Boots n’ Red Pants.” This is not natural.

BearRon (Rob Barron) sees too many Santas when he sings “Oh Santa Pants.” This slow country two-step ends badly when he finds discarded Santa pants… eek!

Brian Greene (in not quite a sequel) polkas up his phone call to the North Pole to report “How Santa Lost His Pants.” Where will the operator connect him? Child services?

Where will this end? “Santa’s Panties” by Valley of Love, Dan Barbanel, Anu Junnonen, and Joy As a Toy round robin sing about that piece of costumery that must not be mentioned. Experimental pop. Be cautious of learning too many details….

 

Don We Now: Santa not suit

When is a Santa suit not a Santa suit?

When “Santa’s Got a Sharkskin Suit.” Rockabilly from Bob Wire and Chip Whitson refits the season. It was time for a change.

Jerelyn Craden (of Joy Jam) also redresses the fashion crimes of the jolliest elf with “Santa’s in a Bathing Suit,” But he was in L.A. so no worries, bra.

Hi-5 also recommend “Santa Wear Your Shorts” when visiting them in Hawaii. Kip bop pop.

Dave Rudolph goes dirty jump blues with his “Santa’s Got a Zoot Suit.” Sah-Moken!

Don We Now: not Santa suit

If it’s the suit, isn’t it the Santa?

Au contraire mon frère.

Little Encyclopedia Browns roam the front room figuring out it’s someone else in the getup, like Dr. Elmo with his bluegrass folk “Grandpa in the Santa Suit Show.” Nice pickin’.

Falling for the man in the uniform, but this time the man, Christiane Bjørg wants to know “Who’s the Hunk in the Santa Suit?” Who’s your umpapa? (Ja ja, beerhall pop, das ist gut.) (But Danish.)

Wait, is that YOU in the Santa suit? Filipino Dream Girls puzzle out how when you go get the “Santa Suit” on, you transform. You are Christmas. Funny folk rock worth opening your minds towards.

Maybe i have NO idea who’s in that two-piecer: “Somebody Stole My Santa Claus Suit” wails Dan Hicks and the Christmas Jug Band. This trip through instrumentation winds up Christian anyway.

Fountains of Wayne document the woes of “The Man in the Santa Suit” at the mall. Fine alt to celebrate the season. (Or a retelling of the first The Simpsons episode.)

Don We Now: Santa suit samore

Synecdoche is when a part of something stands for the whole thing. It’s simple idiom we don’t detect but use easily like ‘all hands on deck’ (meaning all sailors assemble on deck).

So the red suit is enough to signal the whole Santa is here thing.

Einstein’s Wardrobe add “The Man in the Red Velvet Suit” as just another detail to the whole scene. Not a mention of the Santa. Folk MOR.

Rod Stewart does his big jazz band diva thing for “Red Suited Superman.” You know who is cool.

Follow along with The Trail Band and their oompah country “Big Red Suit.” A childlike exploration of wonder seeing so many things but not knowing their meaning.

It may be still be mysterious to some (see yesterday) but The Ballroom Band is happy with the “Man in a Red Suit” celebrating the birth of Jesus, without knowing her personally. Give us a rockabilly smile.

When you see the red suit you think St. Nick, because “Santa Claus Wears a Red Suit.” It might look like Daddy, but–red suit! Jeff Gustafson wonders in this fizzy jazzy concoction.

Using the red suit as ammo to suck up, The Many-Splendored Things want Santa to know he looks “So Good in Your Red Suit.” Odd alt-pop insists they want nothing from that old guy. (Except 100,000$.)

Fetishizing the clothes, Merrill Leffmann admits “I Love a Man in Uniform.” Her jazz siren call drips all over the articles of attire, but seems to miss the man.

Don We Now: Santa suit

Let’s get to the meat and potatoes of Xmas couture: the red suit. You know. You know.

Plank Road Publishing (i think) brings us “The Man in the Bright Red Suit,” hyperactive kidsong.

Centennial Elementary in WA state relays the cute kid parody of ‘Run Around Sue’: “The Jolly Man in a Big Red Suit.” Teen despair over heartache begone!

Takes a minute, but the Peter Pan Singers (here redubbed Peppermint Kandy Kids) noodle through their orchestral “The Man in the Red Suit.” You know who they mean (not a doctor… not a cowboy…).

Time for parody? The ’60s Invasion send up ‘Devil in a Blue Dress’ with “Santa in a Red Suit.” Good golly, Miss Frosty.

Who was that red-suited man? ask the shaken survivors. Tyler Bernhardt wonders about”A Man in a Red Suit” with funky jazz pop. Our only clue is that he came in through the fireplace.

You’re too young to know about the “Fat Man in a Red Suit,” according to Tesse with lovely psychedelic garage mood.

Skaramanga are much more mysterious with their “Man with the Red Suit.” He’ll solve your probs. But–who is he?! Carib-beat-pop.

Don We Now: Santa not hat

What if Big Red has no hat?

Kahuna Kidsong posits the delay of the day with “Santa’s Hat,” childish rock. Santa not only lost it, he loses it.

“Ass in a Santa Claus Hat” reveals that a Santa hat may be missing from yo’ ass. Howie Loots fast raps the cure. You’re covered. BLUE ALERT

If you look around, you may see something untopped. TV’s Kyle suggests you “Put a Santa Hat on It” (yeah, like that Portlandia joke). This pop foolery will surely solve your problems. If not, you’re joiks. (Double duty: the second half of the video is a bonus “I’m a Snowman” song, with amusing credits.)

Don We Now: Santa hat

The most iconic clothing of the season belongs to Santa Claus superstar. More people recognize this gear than Ronald McDonald’s. So, let’s take it from the top.

Aussies play with “Santa’s Bobble Hat” the irreplaceable nonsense sound to help Mr. Gifts get into the Christmas mood. Folksy kidsong.

Are we suggesting there’s more than one kind o’ Santa hat? Listen to the rap-sync country from Isaac Stancill “Santa in a Cowboy Hat.” It’s Bobby McFerrin-tastic.

Pop rappin’ “Snapback Santa Hat,” Dave Days ‘Jingle Bells’ your party with roof-raising to the mat. But is it Santa’s hat anymore?

Not only Santa need wear this specialty item. If you don the “Santa Hat” you might get a little sumpin sumpin, as pop folked by NSPS (and Deni Bonet’s sizzling fiddle).

Don We Now: –sweaters?!?

How Best to render the terribleness of the item? Listen (or run!):

Yakking to the smell of “That Ugly Sweater” The Spoons revel in revulsion with chimey syn-co-pa-ted pop music.

From the same radio station contest, Alan Frew and Sam Reid parody the 1986 Bryan Adams led Glass Tiger hit ‘Don’t Forget Me (When I’m Gone)’ with “Ugly Christmas (Sweater Song).” Poppy, peppy, mediocre.

Ugly and we know it! claim the “Ugly Christmas Sweaters” as related to Joke of All Trades. Lounge piano lite jazz presenting a shopping list of what clutters up your front.

Face Vocal Band just hates “The Ugly Christmas Sweater.” Country pop is cerainly the way to underline how bad this embarrassment is. (Doesn’t even match his eyes.)

Blues is more apropos. Ultra cool JD McPherson’s latest thing (His Holiday album Socks) wafts some Hawaiian guitar into a jazz fusion lament: “Ugly Sweater Blues.” Mama!

Let’s just say it: this is a punishment for naughty joes and jaes. Leonard Balistreri’s Mistletoe Conspiracy zips out a fine retro e-z listening rock “Ugly Sweater” with vim and vinegar too.

Don We Now: (sweaters) BLUE ALERT

Let’s get ugly.

Jeremy Turner uses psychedelic pop for his “Ugly Christmas Sweater.” The twisty weird music (with whoops) adds to the nausea.

Just plain bad singing accompanies a ‘Que Sera’ karaoke for Cameron J. Orr’s “My Ugly Christmas Sweater.” Deserved that one.

Pretty disappointing. “Christmas Sweaters Instead of an Xbox” from Lil Poverty Angels marries rap and techno to set the angry mood. Your move!

What use IS this thing? Bradly Allingham is gonna ‘get her’ with his “Ugly Christmas Sweater.” It might be the eggnog talking, but this tenor pop country is gonna land him in the drunk tank.

Sha Na Na is proud to say that their “Ugly Christmas Sweater” is their possession. Not their proud possession, just something they wear. Standard rock, limp sentiment.

BLUE ALERT. DashieXP gets to rappin’ “Chillin in My Christmas Sweater” but feels more like a meltdown, saved by the comfy warmth of that itchy shit.

BLUE ALERT. Big Slack do some odd sampling, mean rhyming, and cazzy dissin’ on the “Ugly Xmas Sweater Song.” This hiphop deejaying sounds like they don’t like it. Yet he would kill you for one more.