Yuletide: Like a Boat

Crappy boat metaphor helps fill Christmas albums, too. Ahoy.

BIG BLUE ALERT for the rap from Coi Leray (ft. Dess Dior & Maliibu Miitch) wishing a “Merry Xmas” to all the boys whether they locked up in the penitentiary or wildin’ on the boat. Spirited, but what’s that boat about?

More rap from St. Crypt.: Cause I am tired of rowing a boat with my bros but when I am not looking they drilling some holes (Holes!) Self sabotaging, i guess. But “Crypt” is about not really being yourself. Like the true spirit of Xmas. Or sumpn.

Cuter rap makes me realize the dearth of figurative language in our language and in our rap. “Holiday Jam” by ajasont notes that the cider is steaming like a boat. Now that’s just silly.

Nervous about family together and “For Those Who Can’t Be Here,” Tom Walker folk-pops: ‘Round the table banter flows Prayin’ no one rocks the boat. Careful now.

Sinking Ships For Other Assorted Holidays” by Bad Witch employs pissed out figurative language to liven up the rock and roll. It’s a fun mess.

Tori Amos offers We’ll sail on a Christmastide.” Indie grrl pop floats my boat. But this seems more pagan than reverent.

Off topic (perhaps), is “Tomato Christmas” from Eric Holm. More thick poetry: Oh, the Summer’s ripe in the face of its death And all the spirits of the departed  Carry our boat over the lake with the force of their breath. It’s August. Perhaps the boat is real, but Christmas is the metaphor.

The Shanks describe “When My Ship Hits Christmas Day” with weird brassy pop rock (like Chicago?). I don’t get it, but i’m dancing.

Bound for Bethlehem” is a fine Celtic carol from The Barra NacNeils about the pilgrimage to the birthplace. But it’s by boat. To a landlocked place. Or is it by angel–? Are we dead?

Yuletide: Santa Salt

Is Santa qualified to be on a boat?

Ty Thurman wonders “If Santa was a Sailor,” then what? Kidsong (with a merry country backbeat) follows to spell it out to all y’all. There’s a list.

Gordon Mac Martin gets scarier with his “Sailor Santa.” He also asks If, but worries that climate change will require this as the coasts decline and we all live at the ocean. More Carib beat.

Yuletide: Santa Cargo

Santa by sled, by plane, by train…? How DOES one get ’round the world?

Savage Bell rocks out the Florida answer: “Santa Rode on a Shrimp Boat.”

A jolly, nearly yodeling, dad pop ditty,”Santa Clause Comes by a Boat” by Gary Fjellgaard, intends to surprise us. Kidsong wonder. Not the real kind.

Bandana Man has “Santa B Cruzn” become the story of Rudolph saving the delivery day in the Caribbean. Santa likee! Steel drum calypso-ish.

Brent Burns paints a grander landscape with his shanty “Santa Boat.” It may be about the deliveries, the it’s tarred in mysteries. Fun kid sea myth.

Breaking the Ice.20

If you want to break my heart, know we are skating on thin ice. I ain’t a hockey player babe, I won’t put up a fight. But I’ll give you a pass if it’s after the holiday’s. So “Won’t You be My Babe for Christmas.” Kam Stewart’s brassy alt pop is the hesitant love song of the new gen.

So it guess Santa met his missus figure skating. That’s so by Lea Salonga’s “Even Santa Fell in Love.” Sweet, yea syrupy, orchestral pop. Almost kidsong.

Amanda Lehmann hearkens to fairy tales more than to Santa myth in “An Old Christmas Day.” This Celtic inspired pop, Jack Frost will be waiting to go skating with you; Aurora shimmers in the icy view. Blustery cool.

Sled It Snow.9

The Dan Band returns to remind us there’s no sledding in his rock/pop “Christmastime in California.” You knew that already.

There’s no sledding in Georgia, either. But Gary Strickland celebrates the holidays nonetheless in “Savannah Smiles.” Now i’m happy too.

Venice Beach Dub Club reggaes “Christmastime Thing” into a party of bells, TV specials, old friends… and squeeze the sledding into there. Busy.

Sled It Snow.7

The cast of Bob’s Burgers plug in the rock for “Snowballs and Sledding.” Season 9 Episode 10 will fill in the in-jokes for those who need to know.

Corduroy Road brings us a whole ‘other kind of sledding with the folk-pop “Sled Dog Christmas.” This plaintive noise brings not just winter, but also that big deal holiday, into focus. Blessings.

Ska rock from The Crossing Crew remind us “Hey It’s Christmas.” Hot chocolate, ugly sweaters, and bells take the stage–along with some sledding.

Cowabunga Christmas.17

Last call for Santa Claus to surf.

Eric Stone comes on back with “Hang Ten Santa.” He’s just one of the boys in this overly sweet surf rock.

ABC Kids play the Australian card with the kids pop of “Santa’s Coming on a Surfboard.” Some swell guitar way back in there, but it’s pablum for the preteens.

The Dimmer Twins also bring Down Under to the table with “Surfin’ Santa.” This pokey western puts the old guy on the point break at high noon.

Norwegians Naomi & Goro go for a Bossa Nova Christmas with their “Santa on a Surfboard.” Take that back. I am not kidding.

Christmas Countdown: 2 parts

Naw naw naw, no hearts in two–that’s halves. But some Christmas carols feature body parts, which often arrive in twos.

He drinks the milk, He eats the pies, I saw him with my two own eyes, chortles Jay P Jones in the veddy Brit-pop “Because It’s Christmas.” Oy, spotted again, Claus.

How do you deal with a “Christmas Catfish“? Wanna see you with my own two eyes eyes eyes, raps the suspicious Miles A. Good thinking, but how many eyes you got?

It’s snowman time! What goes into a snowman? Two eyes, a nose, we cheer with heavenly fun, Buttons and a top hat, icy toes hollas Alivia Sarah with some gospel country force. “It’s Christmas Time” is the title, so not just winter time.

More precisely, Robbie Bishop advises: And two eyes made out of coal in the rockabilly pop of “Santa, Hitch Up Your Reindeer.” Dance time!

Alternately, If you got snow, throw a ball or two sweetly serenades Tiyi Christopher in the smooth and slow “I Love Ya (This Christmas).” Those are parts too, ya?

Starting out sweetly (self harmony) Karl Werne gets philosophical in his “It’s Christmas.” So share your gifts and understand; It means more from your own two hands. Symphonic lite folk.

Zippy zydeco from Ry Cooder welcomes back the wounded warriors in “Christmas Time This Year.” All I want is two good arms so I can hold my kids, one maintains. That’s a bigger ask than teeth. Holy moly.

Christmas Countdown: 9 reindeer

We’ve feted reindeers before (May-August 2021), but there’s always a few more songs….

Almighty Banks BLUE ALERT gets to be the nasty Santy in “Merry Christmas.” Rappin ’bout how: I’ll pull up in a sleigh with nine deer just to have them looking. Not sure if that’s sexual, but the rest is.

I suppose you were expecting cornball country! Like, say, Conway Twitty (and Twitty Bird) putting “Nine Little Reindeer” to cowboy quickstep music. well, i say thee nay.

Instead, The Sound of Monday turns Ho ho ho into Hey hey hey with “Lovin’ Santa’s Daughter.” But they’re sneaking’ under nine pairs of hoof (count ’em), so (???) i don’t know. But this surf rock spritely satisfies. So, huh.

Richard Melvin Brown plays soft jazz rock for his entirely serious “Santa’s Ninth Reindeer.” It’s a Rudolph song you probably have never heard. Ready?

Now, i ardently listen to Dr. Demento in the ’70s and could recite the lyrics to Benny Bell’s “Shaving Cream” at will. So, knock me over with a feather when i discovered Joel Samberg had updated this classic into “Holiday Shaving Cream” which includes building models of nine reindeer at night and finding behind them the next morning…

Christmas in Middle-Earth may not feature reindeer, in fact I sent the Nine, not reindeer, Ghosts. Who is this sender? Your clue is the title of the song “Eye See You (It’s Christmas).” It’s Sauron! This completely whack-a-doo Bossa nova delight from Brendan Dalton and The 1740 Boys Choir is the nerdy novelty you never knew you needed. Huzzah, it’s here.