Year-round Yuletide oddities
Xmas is a day x-ed off your calendar. B’fast, lunch, dinner may be mere suggestions.
In fact, no lunch guaranteed. Bah and the Humbugs dramatize this for the original Christmassers in “No Free Lunch.” This pop rock lesson mumbles, tumbles, and humbles. Get your perspectives straight, ya spoiled babies!
Did someone say Christmas sandwich? No? How about a Xmas taco?!
Tyler Conroy and his comical AcaTaco Bell car-load of friends serenades drive-thrus with his home-grown hits like the “Original Taco Bell Christmas Song” with such youthful self-amusement you may become impatient with his benign, cheerful prankishness. Or you could laugh along.
David P. Ford works hard at “Christmas Taco” as if it were a gift for a little girl. (It was.) The accented singing is a bit cringe-inducing, but it hits all the song basics.
Hot Dad has more fun with “A Taco Bell Christmas” while producing an actual song. Granted it’s more commercial than celebration of the holiday, but it’s catchy as any jingle. (The following year he added electronica for his cool ranch re-mex. Yeah, I like that one.)
Man waiting for Xmas cannot live on sweets alone. Songs about the other food groups have peppered the media for years. So lets follow the bountiful ball through these comestible carols:
Rosie O’Donnell had her fifteen minutes of talkshow host fame before she became a professional ‘pig.’ She even dropped an album of holiday duets with her willing guests. Here she salivates with Gloria Estefan (and admits to pigging out) with “I’m Gonna Eat for Christmas.” Psst–It’s okay to make fun of your own weight to the world in a pop song, it’s (theoretically) humorous!
[ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU PARODY ALERT! Doug the Pug internet sensation leads the lackluster shopping spree to “All I Want for Christmas is Food.”]
More silly parody from Pete LaMaster singing dad jokes to ‘Beginning to Look’ (with ample Star Wars references) a la “Holiday Eating.” He’s polite and discrete, so okay.
Be careful with your holiday diet: what sounds like more Plank Road Publishing bemoans “Don’t Eat a Poinsettia” for Christmas. Holiday romper rooms everywhere sing this one (we would hope WITHOUT a Mexican accent on the chorus).
Not everyone eats American for the holidays. Trinidad riddim mon Jahzy lets it all hang out with “Eat Muh Belly Full” without specifying too much exotic sauce (there’s wafer). Get up now!
Sunny Cowgirls recount an Australian smorgasbord (edible and in-) with their own wacky child-style pop song “Ate Too Much at Christmas.” Don’t spew!
Pop charts do not resound with the cries for Christmas cookies, but attempts have been made.
Teresa Brewer from the ’60s counts to three and decides “Christmas Cookies and Holiday Hearts” need their own hit song. The Caroleer Singers and Orchestra padded one of their albums with this too. Miss!
Nora Yockey retros a ’90s girl beat with a pop ’60s feel for her “Christmas Cookies.” A bit underdone but still edible.
Vaporous True doubles down on the girl group sound with electronica harmony by way of “Christmas and Cookies Song.” There’s a sadness here that feels foreign. (Maybe that’s just angst about whether or not they’ll get a pony.)
Minced meats shoved into a pie with fruits and exotic spices came from the Middle East to UK after the Crusades. Since that was the Jesus place, it became a holiday tradition. And because those were heathens, the meat got left out. Nowadays mince pie is just a hairsbreadth from fruitcake, although for this baked goodie the brandy is usually drunk in a glass and not sucked out of raisins. Oh, and there’s suet.
Amateurs thus borrow the symbolism of this Xmas dessert to tout their own tiny troubles. Dylan Evans sings “Mince Pies” moping about the depressing business of holidayism. It’s heartfelt, but not filling.
Byron Kuiter and Alexander Cartwright frolic through the ironic “Mince Pie Song” holla-ing about this pinnacle of pie-ty. Basement pop props, but please.
The kids’ traditional recitation throughout the British Isles would be “Five Mince Pies” here presented by some corporate thing called Children Love to Sing. Count it down and don’t forget to shout out your own name to fill in the blanks.
The least you can eat is Foot and Mav funning up Robin Thicke’s ‘Blurred Lines’ with “Mince Pies.” You don’t have to clean your plate, but is this not tasty?
Pop music is for kids wanting to be 6 years older than they are. By the time the subject matter of top 40 tunes is age appropriate, the consumer is so over that.
Thusly, these are largely trash.
Brenna Miles (from TV!) twangs up pop for her “Mistletoe.” You’re eight. in front of mirror, with too much make up on, practicing the nae nae–Go!
Playing the soft rock angle, Colin Healy sounds like a girl with “Meet Me Under the Mistletoe.” It’s what prepubescents pick.
Breathy but safe, Kendall Schmidt autotunes “Blame it on the Mistletoe.” Scream! Scream! Cream!
WHO really wants to be a sexually active girl?! Drag act Courtney Act with “Head to Mistletoe.” Feel like a princess with all those frogs!
While we’re upping with people, Harry Potter! That cheers everyone up, right?
Pennsylvanian besties formed a band (The Moaning Myrtles) out of high school finding they were just wild about Harry. Here’s their take on those imaginary critters infesting the mistletoe Luna claims she can see (and ruining moments between Harry and Cho). So, obvi: “Nargles in the Mistletoe.” Is it love yet?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c00zN55N-wM
The Kicks point out the “Santa Claus is Coming to the USA” every year. Contractually he’s bound to. But, c’mon–you know he’d rather bring merch here than any where else. We’re all about that (even got some church bells tolling on us).
Most of the handful of carols dedicated to WWI are British about their dedication and sacrifice (and that one about the soccer game on the front lines).
But we’re being national here. So we’ll leave the patriotic history in the hands of the Royal Guardsmen with their capitalistic sequel to ‘Snoopy vs. the Red Baron’ song “Snoopy’s Christmas.” That beagle’s kinda Yank.
Psy’s 2012 cultural phenomenon ‘Gangnam Style’ spawned as much laughter as dance. So here come the parodies. (I can only stand a few–there are dozens!)
Supposedly Psy does his own “Santa Style.” But i’d sashay past if i were you.
Just as pointless, but with the moves demonstrated NYC Santa and friends (the guys in Time Square who want 20 bucks for a photo) skit out “Oppa Santa Style.” Not much to it.
Imitator Tots list out Christmas symptoms to the beat with their “Christmas Time (Gangnam Style).” You can feel the dub step. It’s a 4 on the fun scale.
More clever, “Santa Style” by nyrbness delivers the sound, the wit, the feeling of dancedancdance.
I guess my favorite, is an AM radio gasser parody (Mark and Brian) with drunk pointlessness. “Christmas Style.” I love over attention to detail without an exit plan.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHH-NF-9ELo