BLUE MATERIAL – Page 23 – Novelty Christmas Music

BLUE ALERT: number two (3)

The satirical backlash to cute children’s songs often results in simply more banality, even when The Toilet Bowl Cleaners (just one guy actually) endeavor to compile a complete album (Holiday Poop Puke & Pee Songs) of scatalogical gross-outs. The holidays range from Father’s Day to Thanksgiving, with special attention to Christmas.

But “I’ll Be Home Pooping for Christmas” is just musically shitting around.

And “I Saw Mommy Wiping Santa’s Bum” is more of a sad family descent into incontinence and elder care.

I should have given Matt Farley, a novelty Spotify song cranker-outter, his own nod for number one with “Pee on the Christmas Tree” because that’s a bouncy message-laden number I can get behind… but i’ll leave you with “I Pooped on Santa’s Lap” because it has what you’d expect (with a salsa beat).

BLUE ALERT: number two (2)

Kids learn via websites all the time. National Geographic has a virtual world of cartoon animals called Animal Jam so that children can… hell, i don’t know.

I do know that kids will be kids. The best intentioned sites are still dirtied up with 10-year-old naughtiness. And it makes my inner mischief-maker laugh.

Here’s fellow-prankster Perro Amarillo AJ with “Animal Jam: The Christmas Poop Album.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cepx8_nMxU

Oops–that’s no longer available. Please accept as equally juvenile “The Poo Song (Xmas Mix).” It has nothing to do with Christmas as far as i can tell. But it is deutchophobic. That’s nothing, too.

BLUE ALERT: number two (1)

Because bowel movements are taboo and Christmas is universal, those wacky boys who created South Park mashed them together for a holiday lark. South Park was originally a Christmas video of Santa fighting J.C. which went viral, or as it was known in the ’90s: was passed from VCR to VCR. Although “Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo,” appears in the first season of the Comedy Central show, this theme song comes from the eponymous holiday album from 1999. (Although i’m partial to the another selection which also features the commercial for the Mr. Hanky Game.)

BLUE ALERT: number one (6)

Self released EPs mark the inauspicious beginnings of pop punk band, Patent Pending some ten years ago. They are three albums in now with a couple of labels.

After a pretty a cappella opening, watch (or not: black screen) these guys rock out with their own “Yellow Snow.”

BLUE ALERT: number one (5)

Urine and snowfall do not denote the Holidays, i’m sure. But some of these songs are so joyful, i hafta share witch y’all. This next one even points out how yellow snow makes you think of Spring already.

Newfoundlanders Buddy Wassisname and the Other Fellers have been crackin’ up NE Canada for decades. One of their standards is “Peeing in the Snow” from their 1990 album Flatout. They play all matter of strings, accordion, tupperware, and anything else they can pick up.

BLUE ALERT: number one (4)

If you haven’t learned your lesson yet with the colored snow, here’s a step-by-step advisory for the kids from Bryant Oden: “Don’t Make a Snowman With Yellow Snow.”

BLUE ALERT: number one (3)

Ah, the Bob. He’s got the wit, he can orchestrate a great parody, and, by golly, he takes his comedy seriously. More dog’s business in the winter wonderland. “Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow” is deloverly when sung by Bob Rivers.

BLUE ALERT: number one (2)

American original Frank Zappa created his own form of jazz rock fusion after experimenting with form (Mothers of Invention) in the ’60s. By the ’70s he was no longer ahead of his time, but recognized to the point that he became nauseatingly popular (‘Valley Girl’). This is another of those moments, the song “Yellow Snow” from the album Apostrophe. You can dance to it, but out of respect don’t.

BLUE ALERT: number one (1)

Perhaps we’re going in circles running from where fudge is made to lemonade, but i’m working up to worse and worse… brown is for later. Now for yellow. (And we’ll explore snow in a bit.)

Precocious li’l ol’ Lori Mae Hernandez ‘tubes up her channel with parodies and ukulele stand up. Her Christmas songs are pretty straightforward, but “Yo Ho (A Pirate’s Life for Me) Christmas Song” uses that catchy Disneyed tune to wonder when Santa has time to go (fuller of milk than a 1990s ad campaign). Childishly naughty.

BLUE ALERT: flatulence (5)

As we finish arguing over who dealt it, let’s consider the prospect of God himself. Fallible now in human form, he might be prone to “letting a badger loose.”

Andy Dick and the Bitches of the Century discuss with “Colicky Jesus.” (Available on the Kevin and Bean: The Real Slim Santa album.)