Year-round Yuletide oddities
The Long Ryders, of The Paisley Underground, get my attention with “Christmas in New Zealand,” alt-country about how they’re down under without you–so far away in America (less than ten thousand, actually–maybe Ireland, if you don’t fly? All right, the way the Earth works, you can never be more than 12,450 miles from anyone; so, poetic license). The song, however, is great stuff.
Barely Christmas, Mary Chapin Carpenter has an epiphany in the arrivals section of some airport (after being twenty thousand feet up and seeing city lights look like Xmas lights) in her airy folk masterwork “Transcendental Reunion.”
At last, a song that counts down! “Counting Down to Christmas” is an introductory cast-driven showtune for the gratuitous ‘A Christmas Story, The Musical.’ Ralphie realizes that with thirty-four thousand fifty-eight minutes yet to go that it must be 9 PM on December 2nd. At the “Act One Finale,” only 17,041 minutes remain. Hurry (it’s about December 13th at 4 AM)!
Lemme sneak a couple more in here…
54321 is the address of Santa on “Candy Cane Lane” according to the cornball rock of James Leo Oliver. As if there’s another house up there to identify!
The Yule Logs squeeze a phone number, “North Pole 45789,” into their bouncy pop number. Maybe that’s 674-5789… but, what’s the area code for up there? It’s a number!
“Fifty Kilowatt Tree” is the OCD (obsessive compulsive decorating) The Bobs mount to be seen from space.
The Oakwood Waits get medieval on “Wondrous Love.” Not sure what they’re counting, but there’s one hundred thousand of them. And it’s for God.
Lil B wants a million dollars when he hears “Santa is Coming (Christmas Spirit).” But this swaggeringly melodic kid rap invokes the hundred thousand line a couple times like it’s magic or some such. Could be the number of Kringles….
December’s not the month for Christmas cheer, admonishes Adam Watson (feat. Stephanie Watson) concerning Xmas of 2020. “Goodbye Shouldn’t Hurt This Bad” is soft rap about the Covid crisis: The bells toll a quarter million deaths in a year–that’s just the US. [Though University of Minnesota’s CIDRAP (Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy)’s statement as of 12/28/2020 totaled 334,116 deaths.] Keeping it real hurts.
Rando hipster imagery in “Christmas Lights” decorate with must be up to a half a million of the incandescent buggers. J Church will be waiting a thousand years in the desert to make his point (?). Hard beaten folk.
Is the exaggeration of a million ever ironic?
A million candy canes might be twirled when the cast of Pokemon sings “I’m Giving Santa a Pikachu for Christmas.” Hoo boy.
A thirty-year-old fruitcake might last a million years, so “The Same Christmas Cake” gets the Gregorian chant from Arrogant Worms.
That broken Rudolph display may be in about a million pieces, but Carson Station’s hangover after “Drinking on Christmas” will telescope that on down to nuttin.
The Hit Metres apply hyperbole with their electronic oddity “There are a Million Songs about Christmas.” But they do it lickety split. (Less successfully, Corey Horn sings several of the songs himself while protesting from within “A Million Christmas Dreams.” Pop falderal.)
What’s love got to do with a million?
The million faces passing by make you and me “Always Christmas.” Heather Nova’s take on pop loving.
Davis Mallory may be looking for love with his hot pop “Christmas Giving,” but his outsider angst tips him off bad-boy charm and into weirdo. A million people celebrating but you feel so lonely and sad….
“Christmas with You” is the best of a million things, a thousand things to see for Madisen Renee (feat. Riza Singal). Breathy diva pop.
Fats Domino don’t need a million dollars, because you are enough for him. “I Told Santa Claus” is a boogie woogie proposal. Awww.
The million love songs holds no candle to what I want–“All I Want” is not the songs. Snappy soul from Jamie Jones, Matt Wong, Hanna Asres Jones (feat. Pau).
Robbie Williams sang a song a million sing in “Idlewild,” a hipster pop love meet-cute.
And counting…
More exaggeration with Jimmy Buffet’s “A Sailor’s Christmas.” A million soggy miles is also applicable to the parroted leader.
Perhaps not a million miles away, but it feels that way with pop R+B “This Christmas” from Jimmyjamster (feat. Eric Sumpter & Mercedes).
From a million miles away Chris Isaak goes weepy country plonking in “Christmas on TV.” Worth a revisit.
A Fine Frenzy also feels that same distance (from family) as they “Wish You Well.” Weepy pop this time.
It’s wearing on Elizabeth Chan who has seen this sort of thing a million times. But “Christmas Through Your Eyes” will make it reset anew. Pop to the rescue.