Toymakers Local 1224: roll call-Twinkle, Strudel, Scruffy

Wrapping up the alphabetical alignment of Santa’s helpers: Twinkle is just another elf. Rendered in Henderson Tapscott’s emotional alto warbling, however, “Twinkle the Christmas Elf” is a force to reckoned with, a good worker who makes a difference.

Teresa Hui plays “Strudel the Elf” in order to bring us a report of the working conditions at the North Pole. All she brings us however is a lesson in Deutsch. An a shared sense of how itchy it is to be an elf.

Corey Doak has the big tell-all about the elf-experience. What’s it take to become a toymaker? What’s downtime like? Grooming standards? “Scruffy the Elf” answers all your question. You may not like what he has to say, but you must hear him out. You may not want to look, though.

Toymakers Local 1224: roll call-Ralph, Randy, Rappy

When is an elf not an elf? When he’s a car salesman? David Wood’s “Ralph the Sneaky Elf” is more about Santa upgrading his ride to a hybrid. Don’t do it, Santa! Listen to that country mumbler!

More laudable, “Little Ralph the Christmas Elf” works tirelessly for the toy cause. Although he does whine–folk song style–about his grievances, and scores a day off for the elves. Instigator? Progressive unionist? You decide.

If you need that throwback cornball confetti tossing tune to draw your own youtube cartoon to… go no further than The American Song Poem “Randy, the Li’l Elf” sung by Bobbie Boyle and the MSR Singers. Wee!

Mix it up with Rappy McRapperson play-singing “Rappy the Elf” playing it cold (despite Gitmo). He’s no Fred, and he’s no gangsta,  but that’s a good thing.

The Stardust Family Singers warn us about that elf delegated to delivering coal to the naughty ones–although “Randy the Rotten Christmas Elf” may have  been up to worse (or down to better). It’s a jazzy, snazzy celebration of employees gone bad.


Toymakers Local 1224: roll call-Lester, McGurkin, Pete

Some elves are bigger AND better. “Lester the Christmas Elf” is pretty confident for a subordinate to Claus. Roger Eydenberg picks and grins through this hee haw holiday exhortation. Santa’s lucky to know a swell guy like this.

Amping up the country swing to rockabilly levels, Dan Hicks & the Hot Licks lecture the elves how to make a million toys, especially that one elf, McGurkin. “Santa’s Workshop” rocks, little ones. Two step while you work, boys.

Full on country is laid back John Winters focusing on the sweetest little fella, “Little Painter Pete.” Why do i get the feeling that our old intolerant nation used to be more accepting of the gays if they were Christmas-oriented?


Toymakers Local 1224: roll call-Johnny

Danica DeCosta revives retro rock n roll (you know: Sha Na Na) with her band Doodlebug to bring us leather coated juvenile delinquent “Johnny Elf.” With all the class of Andrew Dice Clay, Johnny fools around with cookies and shoplifting and females, yet still manages to Heimlich Santa (with the kiss of life) to save the day. Tawdry T & A, without the gusto of Grindhouse or the sincerity of John Waters. A-a-a-a-ay!

Toymakers Local 1224: roll call-Elroy, Elvin, Elvis

Elroy the Christmas Elf” is a country bumpkin, a redneck joke. As sung by Mike Bryant, he seems to be an excuse to noodle endlessly on an electric guitar. Inspired by TV specials, however, Elroy decides to live up to his elvish potential and make some toys. Et voila, joyeaux denouement. (Yeah i don’t get it either.)

Fighting heightism, “Elvin the Tiniest Elf” tries harder than abled bodied show off elves. He saves Santa’s Christmas Day by reading the list after Santa busts his specs. Time to tech up, old man.

While i applaud the intro to the song proper–There’s no classic Elf Song for Christmas, Gee Dee it!–this drivel needs to live and die on a small youtube channel. Infants photoshopped onto elves playing and cuddling is pretty freaky deaky. Connie Prince has too much jolly by a factor of ten creepy twinklies.

Frosting rockabilly with country rock, Rick Diaz howls the story of “The Elvis Elf.” He also helps Santa, turbo style. Now that’s Xmas music, baby.

Toymakers Local 1224: roll call-Elmer

Elf names that start with the letters E-L just scream alliteration which is all you need for a children’s song. I guess.

Mitt & the Merrymakers tell a tale of naughty “Elmer the Elf,” who redeems himself because they say so–okay? It’s got a lovely local western swing duo sound going on and makes me think of Gene and Dale. Not necessarily a good thing.

Frank Rossi knows a more helpful “Elmer the Elf.” This little helper will sneak down tighter flues so Santa won’t pop an O-ring trying to deliver. (Guess Santa doesn’t have magic after all.)

Our old troubadour friend, Dan Schafer, toots “Elmer the Elf“s horn. This little guy saved Santa’s bacon after he slipped and hurt his back. Santa, get thee behind me!

The Marty Gold Children’s Chorus blend harmonically in honor of Santa’s right-hand man: “Elmer Elf.” He seems dull, but can he beat that tambourine!

Toymakers Local 1224: roll call-Buddy, Christopher

One of the more well known elf-types, recently, is Buddy from the fish out of water motion picture Elf. Well, like too many other sell-outs this got made into a B’way musical. In ran 57 performances and closed. It later played briefly in the West End, Seattle, and Halifax (where it broke box office records). It knew the end was near when it was re-imagined as an animated TV special with Jim Parsons.

Here, late in the show, is the pitch for a kids’ book to save the publishing company: “The Story of Buddy the Elf.” It is sung by Sebastian Arcelus and sounds like every other song in every other musical, right down to the percussive kicks by the chorus line built into the tune.

The Rambos cook up some Southern Gospel cum disco with “Christopher the Merry Christmas Elf.” This gets weird, gang. You may become proselytized.

Toymakers Local 1224: roll call-Albert

The elves may be a faceless bunch, unrepresented and unappreciated, but it is possible to learn their names if we try.

Now some elves are only deputized, asked personally by Mr. St. Nick to help out.

Such is the case with streetwise kids’ cartoon mascot Albert the Alley Cat from Milwaukie’s TV6 back in the ’60s. (He was so cool he got to do weather reports for the local news for a couple decades as well.) In Jack Dublin’s “Santa’s Helper” Albert gleefully plans how he’ll help Santa without cracking a one of his trademark terrible jokes.

Toymakers Local 1224: grievances-7

Eban Schlepper starts his “Song of the Working Elves” singing, then devolves into a comedy bit. After a violent, horrifying message about our own culture we get back to the music. Santa once again is off the hook: it’s the system to blame. We get the toyland we deserve. Skippety-doodle ding dong day.