The tango is not just Argentinian. It’s also Uruguayan. It’s hot for a Christmas dance, but, you know, down south… it’s hot for Christmas.
Okay, it’s a bit of an ethnic joke. The Berenstein Bears (from their musical: The Berenstein Bears Save Christmas) sing the “Christmas Tango.” Not kidding. Not bad.
For a down home country try, Don Eves also treats his “Crazy Christmas Tango” as his struggle with Xmas chores. But this time, it’s not about romance. Come on!
The blues take comes from Maria Volonte. “Tango Me for Christmas” has smart guitar, but a rather intrusive harmonica, It’s on point, but hard to really tango to.
Joe Jackson kicks the appropriate tempo up a whip crack slap or so with his “Tango Atlantico.” There’s Christmas in the lyrics somewhere, but he’s going Cold War, guys.
Now The Limbo isn’t so old. We even know the creator of the dance, Julia Edwards. But it was the ’50s and tribalism was tres chic… it was racist guys. It just was.
Dave Rudolf lovingly leans back into “Christmas Limbo.”
The shimmy is a dance move wherein you hold your legs still then rotate axially along the vertebral column shaking your shoulders one at a time forward and back. It’s what strippers do to demonstrate their value, so i’m told.
The Embers point out the appropriate rock ‘n’ roll step with “Shimmy in a Winter Wonderland.” It’s a slight rock take off on the old standard, but it inspires.
The naughtier bits are unveiled by Julie Tussey with “Shimmy on Christmas Day,” It’s country/disco all in the name of love, man.
An kooky children’s version comes from Randy Sauer. “Shimmy Down the Chimney” can be danced to, but it’s a watcher’s guide how to tell who it is entering your house actually.
“Shimmy Down the Chimney (Fill up My Stocking)” by Alison Krauss combines the sultry with the uncomfortable. Look away. But do listen. I hear that disco again.
Some of the dance crazes out of the ’60s and beyond commanded their own music. Not too many got their own holiday reiteration.
“Do the Snowman” doesn’t mean what you think. It’s a call to dance. Figure it out. The Hollytones have an update for us.
The Crewcuts need a re-mention of their “Dance Mr. Snowman Dance” here. It’s more of a soft shoe, but–white guy scat!
TOUCH OF BLUE ALERT Completely misunderstanding the dance metaphors Ivor Bigguns goes nicely naughty with “You Can’t Have a Shag with a Snowman.” This modern music hall’s not about dancing any more, or is it?
The Bellrays have a handle on the art of the double entendre with their “All I Wanna Do is Shag for Christmas.” It’s definitely dance this time kids, kookie wookie boo-la-rah-rah.
If one dance gets more than its share of holiday closeup, it’s the twist. Y’know Chubby Checker’s hop.
Now the real stuff, the straight dope, sounds like The Twisting’ Kings and “Xmas Twist.” It’s rock with a Detroit soul, but it’s sincere. It means Y-O-U.
Low key style Los Straitjackets mumble out their “Holiday Twist” so you can catch up to it at any time. Just a warm up.
Usually hilarious, Dave Rudolf tries to sugar coat a mechanical clunker of “Candy Cane Twist.” That sax player wandered in from another song.
Unfortunate as well, The Fairies offer “The Christmas Twist” tentatively as if not sure if we’re allergic. (I am.) This is not rock.
As playful as a puppy with a drum set, Jay Matty lays out his “Merry Twistmas” with a loud backup and a wandering vocal register. So long as you dig he wants you to dance, it’s copacetic.
The respectful update befalls us from Si Cranstoun. “A Christmas Twist” is downright gospel rock. Amen, scantily dressed twisters.
Syd Straw also modernizes “Christmas Twist” this time with more gnarly electric guitar. Too pretty to really be rock, call it country.
Jack Rabbit Slim tries to recapture “The Christmas Twist” with mush mouth play. Seems idolatrous.
John Rossall simply supplants the original song with the word Christmas. “Christmas Twist” looks like something i got last year.
Cleanse your palate with some tasty bluesy Charlie Starr: “Christmas Twist” is slight and unassuming, but true rock ‘n’ roll.
Dance music today is not the dance music of the twist, but if we twist ’em up together we get a party. Follow the Dino Martinis with their “Twistmas.” Yeah, baby boomer, yeah!
From the movie ‘Twist Around the Clock’ the Marcels lip sync their seminal “Merry Twist-mas.” Yeah, boy. Now it’s happening.
MOR (middle of the road) rock is that symphonic pap you hear in the elevators. Why would you do that to the Beatles… oh, actually they did sound like that.
B’way has killed the musical genre, making most cool tunes sound the same. The cast of “The Drowsy Chaperone” mash sax and ‘ba-doo-wa’ out of doo wop goodness and into harmonious building, building, climax with “Rockin’ Christmas Angel.” Wipe your mouth.
Sha Na Na resuscitated rock for a nostalgic craze in the ’70s which left the door open for all manner of retread revisioning nonsense. Exhibit A: The Hollydays counting their paces through “Christmas Rock ‘N’ Roll.” It’s nostalgic like the Red Scare is nostalgic.
Kid music also has done what it could to ruin rock. The Wiggles desperately want you to sing along with their redundant mundane “Rockin‘ Santa.” Poor sound quality, too many long ‘o’s, nonsense.
Cutting out the (101 Strings) middleman, Bradley Gillis goes for the older crowd with his 1980s styled “Santa is Rocking.” If the band Chicago is rocking, so is this.
It’s our day of thrash. Rock has grown up but never quit rebelling.
Garage rock has an axe to grind, Santa’s Little Rockerz recall mojo nixon with their rockabilly meets monotonous noise release “Rockin’ with Rudolph.” That boogie woogie piano is monster, but their spirit is pretty pissed off.
More garage, The Fleshtones chant “Super Rock Santa.” Harder to dance to, impossible not to pogo to.
Light metal might be a descriptor for Firing Blanks with their “Rockin’ at Christmas.” This has the hallmarks of rage, but won’t break the lease. Pretty, pretty, pretty.
Also lightened up, Iron Maiden metal up a previous mention (Gary Glitter’s) “Another Rock and Roll Christmas.” Yeah, i guess we didn’t need to go there.
Smudging up the Elton John singsong “Step into Christmas” The Business make punk work out of nonsense. Hats off, chaps.
The Degraders fill my list with “Christmas Twist” (to which i could not in fact dance the twist). All the major garage and metal vitamins are here, kids.
CDM Chartbreakers mock and honor punk with “Rockin’ Little Christmas” an eandearinglittle ditty you just might walk across the room to.
Rock also stems from country, boogie woogie comes from swing and blues after all. But country has tried to reclaim rock with varying degrees of success.
To clue you in, Cordell Jackson beats the hound dog with “Rock ‘N’ Roll Christmas,” an almost hillbilly country styling of swing. It’s class revolt, so take a step back and revere rock heritage.
Some down home chet atkins pickin’ canevoke rockabilly, but i hear old school country in “Rockin’ Boppin’ Christmas” by Mississippi Queen. Don’t be a square, bubba.
Brooks & Dunn are at their best with “Rockin’ Little Christmas” but is it rock? Nice beat… can dance to it… uh, no.
On the other boot let’s admit, we dig the trailer trash joy of some of that country. So let’s pause for the claus: Trailer Choir country rock “Rockin’ the Beer Gut“–one of those songs that’s funny but still kind of touching. Good old boys.
Overplaying the country (despite the saxophone) Knightsbridge keeps “Rockin’ Little Christmas” little. It’s a dance for two.
Honky tonk plays well into the rock. Christian Serpas & Ghost Town team up for a “Rockin’ ol’ Christmas.” And i believe this would call for a repeat on the jukebox.
Country style rock (a la The Dead, Allman Bros.) mellows the beat with apt guitarification. Twangy singing and–here–zydeco accordian (!) really string it out. “Rock ‘n’ Rolling Santa” by Swamp Doctor and Margherita, cher, doncha know.
Pop rock infiltrated hipster and class struggling revolters as soon as it started, so the scared middle class could feel in fashion.
Check out the big band safety Benny-Lee & The Ken Tones supply with the “Rockin’ and Rollin’ Santa Claus.” Strictly for the schmo from Kokomo.
There’s always room for bubblegum. Gary Glitter swamps up disco, bebop, and country for his “Another Rock and Roll Christmas.” Is he singing or heaving?
Retro Aussies ‘Ol 55 sneak a touch of boogie woogie soul into over-electricalated over-drummed “Rockin’ Xmas.” Little lateral move needed for this dance, just bopping in place would be fine.
Rockabilly may have been jump jive swing western electric at one time, a grandpappy to rock ‘n’ roll, but today it’s music enslaved to a particular rhythm–hang the music, lyrics, character, syncopation… i mean, c’mon, dance!
Now, the bona fide uncut stuff sounds like Little Joey Farr and “Rock ‘N’ Roll Santa.” Note the lawless guitar, rule-breaking sax, and cry baby vocals for future reference.
Even better jailbait sultriness from Cathy Sharpe’s “North Pole Rock ‘N’ Roll.” It’s just that dirty. And so should be your dancing.
More originality from Chuck Blevins and “Sleighbell Rock.” This is the music your grandparent conceived to.
Ah yes, Elvis. He’s rock–sort of (actually he’s in a genre called Elvis). So all impersonators stop here. Shakin’ Stevens gives us what Elvis can’t–one more Xmas tune. “Rockin’ Little Christmas Time” is mid-60s The King. It wails, woo!
So, there’s also Dennis Kolb, swiveling the pelvis for “Rockin’ Christmas Stocking.” Some authentic licks, but it’s all in fun.
One more Elvisinator: Ken Donelly Band with “Rockin’ into Christmas.” Nice recognizable beat. Any similarities to music previously played is purely intentional.
But let’s biker serious, as rockabilly is wont to do. Shotgun modulates “Rockabilly Santa” like their cool depended on it. Someone’s been practicing!
The Time Burners squeeze “Rock Rockin’ Christmas” like a moonshine soaked rag they need to get the last drop out of. But, a bit by the numbers for a song.
