Presents of Mine: finally

The presentation is that moment when you get handed that precious parcel, when you come face to face with that dream in colorful paper/bag… ahhh… HERE WE GO.

A song about specific gifts for specific people should be presented on this blog another day. But “Gift of the Magi” from Squirrel Nut Zippers is all about the presentation/opening. SPOILER ALERT: it’s an O. Henry story. Drowsy bluegrass. So sad.

Murray Webster has a 30 second fanfare of dixieland proportions in “A Christmas Gift is Waiting for You.” You could make it the ringtone of the phone you wrapped, then call it when you want it opened. Or something.

The coolest ta-da present song is the bluegrass breakdown “Your Christmas Gift” by Steve Ivey. I highly recommend you play it from the next room as you ceremoniously approach with the item in question. (Unless your offering can’t live up to this build up.)

Presents of Mine: choose blues

What’s a holiday season without regret? Let those blues come out to play!

Jimmy Reed from 1971 adds some funk to the blues and gets mushmouthed for “Christmas Present Blues.” He’s upset about you, baby. Show some ‘preciation, honey.

In the 1920s rap sounded different. The Rev. A.W. Nix represents how “Death May be Your Christmas Present.” I mention it, ‘cuz it’s on quite the original blues collection album.

Screwing with the genre, Wheels Fargo & The Nightengale get Cajun honkytonk swing for their “Christmas Present Blues.” Infidelity!

Presents of Mine: po’ verty BLUE ALERT

Feeling guilty yet? Let me help. Not everyone can afford Christmas. I don’t mean the fools who overspend, i mean po’ folks. What do they give/get?

DL Menard riles up a zydeco lilt with “No Christmas for the Poor.” It’s Cajun French so you won’t bum out.

Paul Kramer leans hard on that fiddle to describe his “Low Budget Christmas.” Making our own gifts, but how can bluegrass be sad?

Bad news for the family with a country downbeat. “The Gift I Can Return” is a new kind of gift from Dad to kids: moralizing, self righteous, better-than-thou love. GIVE IT!

Maudlin bluegrass from Rocky Zharp tells us about “Grandpa King’ S Last Gift.” A fitting legacy in a two dollar bill.

Michael J Thoma gets more trembly about the poor boy in church who sings “I Have No Gifts,” alluding to the Drummer Kid, natch, but resulting in a country kickstarter so the kid made dolladolla.

Weepy for can’t-pay-the-bills love, Randy Beard prays for “The Christmas Gift,” the gift of their child understanding he won’t get anything. The peripeteia is a three hankie alert!

Let’s turn that frown upside down into a profanity-laden spew! Your Favorite Martian raps out “Santa Hates Poor Kids!” BLUE ALERT Fight the N. Pole!

Presents of Mine: hanukkah detour

You think Christmas presents are tough? Hanukkah is an octuple toughie!

Mark worries what to get his mom in “Mom’s Hanukkah Song.” This is bitter folk sibling rivalry, trying to make the gift of this song better than what brother Matt got her. I’m Team Mark! (He’s a great accountant, so i forgive the mudslinging.)

Don Cooper worries about what he wants in “My Hanukkah Gift” with fun kidsong folk with kid back up. Seems like he mostly hopes he doesn’t break all the presents by the time it’s over.

Elissa Oppenheim Shreiner & Sunnie Miller stir up the supsense with the slow kidsong “Eight Little Presents.”

More reverentially Troy Mitchell, Max Vitullo sing in Hebrew & English for “Simple Hanukkah Gifts” (Nods to that shaker song ‘Simple Gifts.’) Beautiful.

David Rael regales the gifts he got last Chanukah, but seems to be looking down his nose at the cheapness of the loot with the britpop showstopper “Your Stocking’s Filled with Candy, But a Pencil Sharpener’s Handy.”

Presents of Mine: who dat for

The perfect gift aligns like love for just the right individual. Like when kids give you their lucky rock and beam proudly like it was a miracle.

Professor Steve has more than one relative when he ponders “A Present for My Uncle.” Kid bluegrass. It’s that kind of humor.

Imagination Movers suggest a Thank You, Kiss on the Cheek, or Read a Story when you “Give a Gift.” Cheap kids!  Wired up (Disney) kidrock.

Children with no money problems like Eloise from the 1950s books give more profligately. “Christmas Gifts from Eloise” is a jazzy showtune that misses 1% arrogance by THAT much.

Children with no logical relationship with the world (Curious George) give more insanely. Flying cars, yellow things, self-fastening pants… it never ends in “The Gift Song (Something as Special as You)” by Ken Stacey.

Staying silly, Lana Rae admits “I Bought My Catahoula a Goldfish” for Christmas. Pets for pets. Hope he feeds it. Antic kidsong.

The Cricketones give a financial directive with lots of big band yelling in “I’ve Got 18 Cents.” Seems like the tree gets the best present. (Smoking Mom and Dad get what they deserve.)

Presents of Mine: the old switcheroo

Santa gives presents. How ’bout we reciprocate? (No–above and beyond milk and cookies.)

“Let’s Give a Present to Santa Claus” from Rosemary Clooney is so syrupy the best she can offer is peace and goodwill to men. That’s the present. Jesus.

Chanting kidsong from Scott Fagan also cornerstones the love we feel for the Big Deliverer. “A Christmas Present for Santa Claus” seems to be the present. Hope you kept the receipt.

Eddy Arnold leaves a cooler “Present for Santa Claus:” a flashlight! Useful (if no Rudolph)!

Although Raymond Wolf subvocalizes his tambourine pop “A Present for Santa,” i think he wants to give charity. What?

WATCH OUT–Sarah Taylor claims “I’ve Got a Present for Santa” but seems to have to be undressed to give it. Bossa nova suggestive jazz for a present you can actually get your hands on.

Presents of Mine: labels

The object of presents for Christmas is the name on the tag.

Chorale from de Caribbean a la 1955 outlines a husband’s troubles with “Christmas Present for Sallie.” It’s scurrilous alcoholic behavior by black men. (Yogi Yorgesson addressed this, too, y’know.) You do the math for the entertainment value here.

Bill Engvall also goes for the cliches with the talky country rock “A Gift that She Doesn’t Want.” It’s hard to be a hubby. (Hey, when he gives autographs, does he say ‘Here’s your sign’?)

Spending for the wife is so easy, why not sing about it! The Connection brag about “Money Honey Baby,” even though she says she doesn’t really want anything. Retro rock with a dash of ‘billy. A-huh.

Also reductivist, Brock Hires worries about “A Present for Hobo Bill,” who doesn’t have much to wear. (Lots of men’s wives got this problem.) Giving fulfills the liberals. Honky tonk mediocrity.

Alt rock for the insiders, “Christmas Shopping for Dobby” by Harry and The Potters shrills about the irony of getting clothes for Christmas, and yet how meaningful that can be. Hmm.

An alt-pop love song, “A Christmas Gift for Iris” awakens the need in me to listen to obscure ’70s Brit rockers who tried solo albums to little effect. Arne Hansen & The Guitarspellers acquit themselves beuatifully.

Just as lovestruck, Too Much Joy sings “Ruby Left a Present Underneath My Christmas Tree” altrock i’ve mentioned before. (Doesn’t matter what it is, i guess.)

Hard-working folk music from Robin Lee Berry celebrates “Woody\’s Christmas Present.” A time travel epic about rediscovering childhood wonder. Get ready to cry.

Presents of mine: just the song, ma’am

Writing a song about a Christmas gift and stuck for a concept…? How about the song as the gift, you tautologist!

Bill Craft admits ‘this gift has no value’ in “A Gift of Song.” But it’s passable bluegrass.

Nugu Buyeng screwed up and got her “No Christmas Present.” Gets BLUE, backpedals, then tries to cover his ass claiming this song is the present. Lame-o. But fair folk rock rap.

Tommy Wiseau (awful movie “The Room”) has the gift of a “Christmas Song for You.” It’s almost worse than you suspect.

Kem has a ‘hey girl’ “Christmas Song for You.” I bet he got you something else, he’s that good. Slow soul.

Howard Livingston & Mile Marker 24 didn’t know what to get you. He went with his strengths. So “A Christmas Present” here is his mellow country. It’s for his mom and dad. Sentimental, and a spelling lesson.

Just say it. “This Song is Your Christmas Gift.” I hope you like it. It’s better than nothing. Pop from Fairmont. (Perhaps a veiled threat in there.)

Presents of Mine: oh, i dunno, toys, or stuff

What do you ask for Christmas when your mind goes blank? Well, Ralphie?

Kid parang from Mýaand Josh proclaim the need for toys in “Christmas Gift.” Many possibiliteis get listed (but no socks!).

More vague is the execrable TV movie jingle with the toys singing “I Wanna be a Christmas Present.” Supposedly Kenny Rogers is in there somewhere.

A much better gift POV alt-pop song comes from Juju Garcia. “Christmas Gift” is a fun exploration of creativity just this side of improv.

Pinkie Pie (of My Little Pony) sadly figures actual presents don’t matter so much in a Ritalin Dixieland rousing version of “Pinkie’s Present.” Exhausting.

Flip it! Suzy Arnowitz suggests “Let’s Bring Presents to the Bad Kids” based on some kids book.  (Wow–toboggans, books, and planes!) Concertina pop!

While on the subject “What do Bad Girls Get?” asks Joan Osborne. Smokey electric blues.

Bilbo Kipler gothraps “Gift Rap” as praise for all the swag, bitch.

Presents of Mine: specifically BLUE

Very special presents might be behind closed doors.

Two for one: NewSong’s “The Christmas Shoes” is a merciless manipulator of mush (poor kid wants his dying mom to git a present). The Robert Lund parody “The Christmas Thong” slaps middle class morality ‘cross the balls. Thank you, Spaff.

Margaret Cho and Red Peters open “The Christmas Gift.” It’s fellatio. BLUE ALERT

I’ll let you work out the naughtiness of the riddim from Popcaan in “Christmas Gift.” Yes, it’s BLUE. But a great dance tune.

I like the sly sultry bluesy jazz of BadaBing BadaBoom better. “I’m Your Present” says Go Mae West, Young Man. Double entendre rawr.