How far is Christmas? Is it 100 miles? Shall we go 100 miles per hour to get there?
Kyle Matthews covers Oak Ridge Boys’s “Inconvenient Christmas,” a country stand-up sermon reminding us how Mary was Forced to walk a hundred miles just to give birth in the hay. Ask your mom about that level of inconvenience.
Taylor Swift’s “Christmas Must be Something More” blames our hundred mile an hour lives for not appreciating the specialness that the preacher told you about.
Audobon (feat. Jeremy) gets full BLUE ALERT with “All I Know,” a Christmas rap that goes for drugs and sex, and not the hundred birds you be singing about, fool.
Checking out 100 Young Moneys Money ain’t nothing, Tyga (feat. Gata) get comical BLUE ALERT in “Christmas Story.” Irony abounds in this raging re-telling. Be ready.
Tracherous Three goes kid-friendly for the Santa vs. kid debate/rap “Xmas Rap (Uncensored).” The kid can name a hundred presents I didn’t get. Instead–G.I. Joe and cheap shoes…. A bit funny.
I could open one hundred presents Underneath the Christmas Tree But you know that’s not the essence Of what Christmas means to me claims Myra in the rocking pop of “Christmas Isn’t Christmas (Since You Said Goodbye).”
A Living Hell is The Boxmasters take on festive folk rock for “Slower Than Christmas.” A hundred ignorant cousins with their pointy headed hats Have driven me as crazy as a hundred shit house rats is the hollering verdict. Ouch.
Father Guido Sarducci kvetches about Christmas songs in “100 Bulbs on the Christmas Tree (Part 1).” This spoken word comedy with kids carousing in the background is an essential part of a complete novelty Christmas music collection. Be advised, it’s from a time when we had more patience for comedy. Then maybe Part 2.
As if this year ain’t yet taken your all One hundred reasons why you should withdraw This year Christmas is the last straw begins the elegiac rock of “Christmas is the Last Straw.” The Revelator takes the side of depressed Scrooges everywhere.
Not sure how a hundred translates musically, but these songsters hit it for Christmas.
You can hear the chimes, clangs, & whistles 100 miles when Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends kidsong “It’s Christmas Time.” Catchy, and not just in a cow-catcher way.
Apathy Demigodz is pretty pissed BLUE ALERT when he underlines McCartney for his rap defensive “Wonderful X-mas Time.” Scoop Deville gave me like a 100 beats for Christmas is the nicest thing he can rhyme. Not a parody as much as it is a diatribe.
Contrariwise Cha$e D’Amico raps for the family when he points out family and friends are better than 100 bands. “Merry Christmas to You All” is as lame as it sounds. If you wanna spread the joy then go and make a phone call! Ya YAAA!
Santa, I need the Lam with a 100 bands, man fool-raps Arthur Ray (feat. Uni-G) in the funny funky “Gift Rappin’.” It’s a carnival of crazy. Naughty, too, but not quite blue.
Does this special time of the year amp up the whole deal? Well, does it?? To 100?!?
Filnobep raps hearty “This Christmas” BLUE ALERT about all the good stuff on the list. There’s 12 days, a 40 inch ride, and 50 belts. When you got some change you make Christmas everyday 100 Brrr Aw aww. Gleefully nasty.
Commercial jingles are a billion dollar industry, and they don’t all suck. They do try to pack the pop and fun into the message. But it’s funny how things they Never change We can grow a hundred different Ways and stay the same moans the alt pop “Something in the Air” from Grayson Sanders (ft. Jono ft. Lauriana Mae). Coca-Cola gets the product placement here and it’s more reflecting than refreshing, but if you’re feeling paused give it a go.
Banging the folk out of romance, Rushmore Beekeepers wail out “Some Deeper Meaning.” To tell you how I feel I’m gonna need some christmas lights Wrapped around a hundred trees, goes the holiday hyperbole. It’s just aw-shuck ah lax yew for a song, but the mention of Xmas makes me wanna share it.
Full country twang lands us in the corny sentiment of Jessie T’s “Decorating That Tree.” Each ornament is a showstopper: Grandma’s angel made of gold Broken wings but she still holds The stories of a 100 winter nights. So about four years’ worth.
It doesn’t get more upbeat than “100 Christmases” from The Sugarettes while hand-clapping, whooping, chanting, and partying on.
Can 100 measure the love of Christmas? Follow the ribbons–
LeAnn Rimes warbles out in her diva pop “It’s Christmas Eve” that for all the lucky ones Who leave no “I Love You” undone They’ll see a hundred trips around the sun And know all that their dreams become. Well, it’s a love song regardless.
As one-hundred hearts the lanterns glow metaphorizes “Christmas Lights in Every Tree” by Karin Tenggren. This high soprano folk prayer leads us home, bc home IS love. Sigh along.
Christmas heartache songs are a dime a hundred. But let’s narrow it down to the 8 or so songs that claim 100 and cry about your absence, baby.
Rapping about how bad loneliness is ’round now “Christmas Alone” BLUE ALERT from Nerd Lady (ft. Divinity & Kali Crews) reveals feelings at 100. A wild ride.
Paul Kelly (feat. Vika Bull) admits I wrote a hundred times to Santa for you to appear on the “Christmas Train.” This wailing soul makes you wait to find out if the dear rail-y one makes it. Worth the wait.
Eric Clapton updates the swampy blues of Freddie King‘s “Christmas Tears.” (For a hundred years or more (you been gone) You came back and hang “Merry Christmas” on my door). Slays that funky music, white boy.
“Somerset Solo” seems to be about holding onto love with the barest of fingernail grips. This alt-indie mess of poetic sniffling from Matthew Milia offers: Here’s what I got you for Christmas this year, dear –A seashell which, if you put it to your ear, hear Me crying like a hundred manger babies. But with garage elan.
Emotional pop from Tommy Lellan about how it sucks to be “Done on Christmas” day: I hope I won’t live for a hundred years Without someone to spend it with Until that day, I guess I’ll have to bide my time.
Strains of Bellum misses the wife (and the dog and its poo) 100 days and more while stuck in some war during “A Metal Christmas War Love Song.” Honest head banging.
Did the Pandemic keep you apart–during the holidays?! These hundred-hour days are gonna bring me to my knees, complains Jacob Oman in “Social Distance.” Choppy R+B wants to cuddle up for Xmas.
The Russian Futurists realize that a short-lived romance in summer leaves a hole when it’s “100 Shopping Days ’til Christmas.” The R+B bebopping rap counts the calendar without taking a day off. Swing along.
Chill out, it’s Christmas music. Not too hot now….
They say it’s gonna be a hundred degrees, worries the incarcerated narrator in Pual Kelly’s “How to Make Gravy.” But it’s Australia, so that tracks. This rocking apology for not being there then closes with the promise he’ll pay them all back by making the gravy later. So… desperate.
“It’s a COVID Christmas” is a home spun parody of ‘Here Comes’ without much oomph. The wit glistens at a hundred degrees and maskne, but Payton Marie is just a kid having fun.
Kylie Minogue (with Dannii Minogue) is ready to dance and love everybody even if it is “100 Degrees.” That’s the thing about Christmas. Don’t have to be white. ‘Kay? Diva pop.
Benjamins for Xmas! Destiny & Tommy (FT. THOMAS VELI, FAMOUS CHRIS & DIANNA VU) rap that they only want that hundy in their “Jingle Bells Remix.” Or you could put your head in a steel bucket and hit it with a hammer a hundred times.
Perky l’il blonde Katrina raps Oh yea my grandma came clutchShe gave me one hundred bucks(I’m rich, I’m rich) in “La Fa La.” Childish troubles AND behind the scenes footage.
Well, that’s GETTING… but what about giving? 100$ to a hooker?! Well, happily, that’s what Santa does to save a streetwalker from freezing on Christmas in “Ho Ho Ho” by The Dan Band. It’s a doo wop salvation story worth the listen.
Yo Gotti gives a bit differently. In “Wish List” [BLUE ALERT] this kingpin rapper dispenses Christmas bikes, TVs, drugs, and A hundred to the lawyer ’cause he goin’ for a appeal. Life is NOT cheap ’round here.
Stingy, however, is YunG HPC in his rappin’ “Grinch.” He’s sporting 100 coins BTC, but sharing nothing. Hey, that’s way more than dollars!
Also more is the cost of 100 quid faced by The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican in their ‘American Pie’ parody “The Gasman Cometh.” Figures it’d be Christmas Eve (the day the boiler died)…. (Yea! Parody!!)
Steven Curtis Chapman tugs at the guitar strings with the orphan’s Xmas wish “All I Really Want.” Hint: he wants a family to sing me Happy Birthday for the next hundred years. Is it enough? Of country schmaltz!
Christopher Kenny (feat. St. Ignatius International Youth Ministry, Crystal Eileen, Ivander Hartanto & Valerie Aurelia) tinkle out the gospel observance Here’s to 100 more! (with you) of the “Warmest Holiday.” Earnest AF. Enough!
The “Wishlist” from The Yule logs is over a hundred pages long (and did NOT include underwear or a ball). Santa!! Not enough rock’n’roll!!
Matthew Milia’s sad silly folk pop “Christmas from a Deadmall” belabors his non-relationship with you, a pretend thing like those failing shopping centers around Lansing and Troy. He burrows into his not-so-merry quarters listening to Detroit’s own WINC 101.3, where classic rock is from the ’90s. Poetic epic.
