Category: paro”deus” (pop tunes into Xmas)

Sweet Christmas! mince pie 1

Minced meats shoved into a pie with fruits and exotic spices came from the Middle East to UK after the Crusades. Since that was the Jesus place, it became a holiday tradition. And because those were heathens, the meat got left out. Nowadays mince pie is just a hairsbreadth from fruitcake, although for this baked goodie the brandy is usually drunk in a glass and not sucked out of raisins. Oh, and there’s suet.

Amateurs thus borrow the symbolism of this Xmas dessert to tout their own tiny troubles. Dylan Evans sings “Mince Pies” moping about the depressing business of holidayism. It’s heartfelt, but not filling.

Byron Kuiter and Alexander Cartwright frolic through the ironic “Mince Pie Song” holla-ing about this pinnacle of pie-ty. Basement pop props, but please.

The kids’ traditional recitation throughout the British Isles would be “Five Mince Pies” here presented by some corporate thing called Children Love to Sing. Count it down and don’t forget to shout out your own name to fill in the blanks.

The least you can eat is Foot and Mav funning up Robin Thicke’s ‘Blurred Lines’ with “Mince Pies.” You don’t have to clean your plate, but is this not tasty?

Jesus Christ! place mats

Let’s move the rock songs to fit our scene!

ApologetiX goes Murray Head (‘One Night in Bangkok’) to make “One Night in Bethlehem.” Verse dropping! Next, The Cars’ ‘Best Friend’s Girl’ switches around to become “Bethlehem’s Boy.” (Give the intro a minute, ‘kay? ‘Worth it.)

Credance Clearwater Revival’s ‘Up Around the Bend’ gets the Bob Rivers’ bending with “Going up to Bethlehem.” Those wisemen threw babies out of a balcony, jim.

Bob Rivers did this one, too. But it’d been done. Here come The Joy Strings with “Little Town of Bethlehem (House of the Rising Sun).” These Christian British popsters were the Salvation Army holiday band ‘cross the pond in the ’60s. Wild.

Jesus Christ: overdone

Just what I wanted to avoid: hamateurs at church making cool relevant the revelations of the New Testament.

But when the shy talents crash and burn for the cause as marvelously as they do for Cameron Hickman and Gracie Galan with “Jesus Christ Baby” (parody of ‘Ice Ice Baby’), we must bow our heads and give thanks the they allow us to bask in their skitty efforts. (You couldn’t do it, and the haters on the comment page are all yelly-jelly.)

Jesus Christ! drum and drummer

Because of David Bowie and Big Crosby, “Little Drummer Boy” got some cultish legs. Their generation gap is so flamin’ famous Will Ferrell and John C, Reilly have a Funny or Die skit bit on their hit (i died). Even Jack Black and Jason Segel pay College Humor homage to that fromage (this one’s animated, but still turgid).

A favorite iconoclasm on the song is to rock it, like Joan Jett and The Blackhearts do (slightly).

A whole cool new musical rebirth is what’s needed, like Jaime Bee and the Royal Jelly Orchestra does so well. It’s almost big klezmer band… so tasty!

Best of all is a parody of a Bob Dylan song about musicians (‘Tambourine Man’) turned inside down by joker Joel Kopischke. Witness “Mister Drummer Boy Man” and wonder how no one ever chanced upon this brilliant commentary on talent/showmanship/fame/pride heretofore.

Jesus Christ! the setting

Taking the time to rework ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ by Queen to meet your own comical needs is a consuming labor, but several have done it.

ApologetiX has a lively, clever version (or two), but it’s OT about David and Goliath. (Did they fight in Bethlehem? Or was that Elhanan and Goliath?)

Queen even did a Santa/gifts lark with their own parody.

I prefer the Mark Bradford attempt. Lots of churches use it (with awful costumes/puppetry), and it’s a super duper parody.

Jesus Christ! afterbirth

Aerosmith’s 1989 works may not lend themselves to Christmas parodies, but then you don’t know ApologetiX. This Christian parody rock band from Pittsburgh has been storming the States for nearly 25 years. Dozens of cool bandmen have enriched their ranks over the years… and they adapt modern stuff too. (They’re ‘Weird’ Al approved!)

So check out “Mary’s Got a Son (Parody of ‘Janie’s Got a Gun).” Mother of God!

Jesus Christ! b-day greetings

Some songs simply tell JC to blow out the candles on his cake of forgiveness. I suppose God-as-Man has more to do than observe numbers on a calendar, but it gives us great elder wisdom to thank ourselves for not forgetting His special day.

Most pastorages stick some virtuosoistic kid in from of the oldsters and sing “Happy Birthday Jesus” until we can’t stop beaming and crying and feeling fulfilled. Whatevs.

Some try out the joke of singing the (previously) copyrighted ‘Happy Birthday’ song to Jesus: check out the tail end of “Wonderful Christmastime” by Barenaked Ladies. It’s not one you’ll put in your top 100 carols, i’d wager.

I prefer a good Beatles’ parody from the grand master mockumentarian Bob Rivers. “Jesus’ Birthday” rocks the flock. It’s a fine way to get the party started.

United We Christmas Tree Stand: revolting

Yankee Doodle is an insult, of course, but we know how to reappropriate tawdry phrases in this here land of the i-hear-what-i-want-to-hear, home of the  shut-your-immigrant-faces.

And no better starting point than K-4 in our public education. Plank Road Publishing offers several easy-to-learn musical numbers for kids for special events indoctrinating, educating, and amusing all at once.

Sitting through these free-for-alls in asbestos-ridden antique auditoria is not the same as listening to music. So let’s not worry about the sampler-sized parcels available from Teresa and Paul Jennings’s work. (These are the adverts for the musical directors at elementary schools–I am NOT going to attach the home movies of any performances.)

Suffice to say, “An All American Christmas,” and “Yankee Doodle Santa,” and “Yankee Doodle Christmas” all sound like someone has an unrequited love of music, a bureaucratic devotion to children, and a carefree sense of history.

Xmas Dance Party: Santa dance

Happy Hallowmas! Are your wreaths for the dead ready?

This time of year is non-stop  party, party, paw-tay! So you need a soundtrack. Well, Christmastime has many danceable selections.

You know Santa cuts a mean rug, right?

Woodcreek Faction do a killer political satire video, in addition to their 8-bit redux-es, not to mention their flat out party-licious parodies. I’m not sure if they are completely above the bar or below the radar, so don’t tell Men Without Hats… but, here is their genius “Santa Dance” (sadly without their more-than-genius shot-by-shot tribute music video). Enjoy.

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