Year-round Yuletide oddities
Bobby Darin rode Louis Armstrong’s hit to number one on the Billboard Hot 100 and number six on the Black Singles chart, and earned him a Grammy Award for Record of the Year… Frank Sinatra and Simon Cowell have raved about this version descended from Brecht’s Die Dreigroschenoper, alienating Marxist theater. Most of us mack fun of the finger-snapping, cool-scatting lounge lizard it spawned.
Make way for Joel Kopischke’s “Santa’s Back in Town.” Yeah, i think it’s cool. ‘Cuz it is.
Bobby Darin adds to his streak o’ hits here reaching no. 6 on the Billboard Hot 100, no. 15 on the US R&B Chart, and no. 8 in the UK Singles Chart. Not bad for retreading a Jack Lawrence 1946 love song. Baby!
Joel Kopischke searched “Beneath the Tree” for presents. So should we all.
The first of Elvis’s hits topped Billboard‘s Top 100 chart for seven weeks… Cashbox‘s pop singles chart for six weeks… No. 1 on the Country and Western chart for seventeen weeks… reached No. 3 on the R&B chart… his first million-seller… reached the top 5 of Country and Western, pop, and Rhythm ‘n’ Blues charts simultaneously… eventually be certified double platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America… inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame… in 2004 Rolling Stone magazine named it one of the ‘500 Greatest Songs of All Time’… also included in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame’s ‘500 Songs that Shaped Rock and Roll.’
Those chameleons of ApologetiX has transformed the lyrics but not the smooth soul for “Cut-Rate Hotel.” I think they mean manger.
Okay, douglove needs a little holiday break….
For the next couple months i will share the sincerest form of flattening, copying someone else’s tune. But inserting a Christmas song to it! Totally. Some people are spot on this paro-deus form of musicality. Bob Rivers is the Obi Wan of it all. ApologetiX will be featured again and again as masterful Christian cover-makers. Robert Lund (from FuMP) fills in FM stations with his latest jiggery pokery. My man here Joel Kopischke has a cottage industry in performing little shows THAT time of year. As do The ’60s Invasion. Many amateurs post their talents. Other big deal ‘tubers (like KeyofAwesome) bring studio quality to the fun.
So, we’ll wend our way through the decades, stealing stats from Wikipedia to clue you in to the monster hits that are the targets here. (None of the originals will be linked; they aren’t Xmas. So there.)
Let’s get going.
Dean Martin’s signature number tumbled out of his Martin-Lewis pic ‘The Caddy’ and was nominated for an Academy award. It hit number 2 as a single later and has followed him like the smell of cheese since (many enjoy that smell).
Gentile Joel Kopischke reminds of of other holidays with “That’s a Menorah.” Sing a long! Now just the Jews!
Kesha Rose Sebert, an animal and gay rights activist, is one of those musical regretters who spends as much time suing her old producer as recording. Her rap music plays on Radio Disney.
College Humor on youtube have a satirical honorarium “A Very Ke$ha Christmas.” Those guys don’t care who’s feelings they hurt.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13jmHE88L-E
Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta as Lady Gaga has dropped five whole albums in less than 10 years but has broken world records and become a part of the cultural lexicon for her, how do you say?–boldness.
René Marcellus and Christina Hondromihalis have a parody of Lady Gaga that’s not so straight up. In 2010 they posted a Hannukah song to her (and Adam Sandler–they have a Funny or Die routine begging him to put them in a movie). This is not only a pastiche to her music, it is a tribute and–oh, i guess she’s not Jewish.
Since we’re recycling some of my previous discoveries, take note of Joshua Winslow Groban, a Californian high schooler who filled in for Andrea Bocelli at the Grammies and rocketed to fame. Fortunately it did not make him into an enormous dick: he’s into dozens of philanthropic endeavors even though he’s gone multiplatinum pretty much every recording.
13 Hands (a holistic New Jersey healing and comedy enclave) has a yummy ‘Holy Night’ tribute for Mr. Groban that makes me think i can fill a whole month with Christmas songs that simps repeat one phrase over and over (ahh–my funny bone… it tingles!). Pleas enjoy “Josh Grow Bean.”
Start the party, it’s EGGNOG time!
It’s a drinking theme; it’s Xmas; it’s novelty songs here at parody palace… who did you think was going to happen?! Perhaps a pop song parody?
A bunch of college bros got together and flipped Kendrick Lamar’s ‘Swimming Pools (Drank)’ with their own “Christmas Pools (Nog)” which only shows to go ya that this dairy product is selective, seductive, and addictive. Down the hiphop hatch, batch-head.
Just as odd, BLUE ALERT, ‘Jin & Juice’ by the estimable Snoop Dogg gets a twist by Chad Carman with “Eggnog N’ Gifts.” And my mind on my presents, and my presents on my mind. FM morning show fertilizer, folks.
Eggnog is just another easy funny substitute, like the word pants in any Star Wars line. Some parodies, like Kelis’ ‘Milkshake’s moronic falsetto fake-out by NFFD productions “My Eggnog Brings All the Boys to the Ramp.” Don’t. Just don’t.
So, what’s it going to be, buttermilk? Well, try on some Gastronomical Unit! More college boys who really put the extras credit effort into novelty Christmas music throughout the ’90s. Today you may enroll in their Holiday Feast collections–worth it! If “Eggnog #5” doesn’t Lou Bega convince you (with a recipe), then savor homage to Depeche Mode: “Tainted Eggnog.” That’s pure parody power, pal.
Minced meats shoved into a pie with fruits and exotic spices came from the Middle East to UK after the Crusades. Since that was the Jesus place, it became a holiday tradition. And because those were heathens, the meat got left out. Nowadays mince pie is just a hairsbreadth from fruitcake, although for this baked goodie the brandy is usually drunk in a glass and not sucked out of raisins. Oh, and there’s suet.
Amateurs thus borrow the symbolism of this Xmas dessert to tout their own tiny troubles. Dylan Evans sings “Mince Pies” moping about the depressing business of holidayism. It’s heartfelt, but not filling.
Byron Kuiter and Alexander Cartwright frolic through the ironic “Mince Pie Song” holla-ing about this pinnacle of pie-ty. Basement pop props, but please.
The kids’ traditional recitation throughout the British Isles would be “Five Mince Pies” here presented by some corporate thing called Children Love to Sing. Count it down and don’t forget to shout out your own name to fill in the blanks.
The least you can eat is Foot and Mav funning up Robin Thicke’s ‘Blurred Lines’ with “Mince Pies.” You don’t have to clean your plate, but is this not tasty?
Let’s move the rock songs to fit our scene!
ApologetiX goes Murray Head (‘One Night in Bangkok’) to make “One Night in Bethlehem.” Verse dropping! Next, The Cars’ ‘Best Friend’s Girl’ switches around to become “Bethlehem’s Boy.” (Give the intro a minute, ‘kay? ‘Worth it.)
Credance Clearwater Revival’s ‘Up Around the Bend’ gets the Bob Rivers’ bending with “Going up to Bethlehem.” Those wisemen threw babies out of a balcony, jim.
Bob Rivers did this one, too. But it’d been done. Here come The Joy Strings with “Little Town of Bethlehem (House of the Rising Sun).” These Christian British popsters were the Salvation Army holiday band ‘cross the pond in the ’60s. Wild.
Just what I wanted to avoid: hamateurs at church making cool relevant the revelations of the New Testament.
But when the shy talents crash and burn for the cause as marvelously as they do for Cameron Hickman and Gracie Galan with “Jesus Christ Baby” (parody of ‘Ice Ice Baby’), we must bow our heads and give thanks the they allow us to bask in their skitty efforts. (You couldn’t do it, and the haters on the comment page are all yelly-jelly.)