Year-round Yuletide oddities
Naturalism is a form of theater that celebrates the bottom rung of humanity, illustrating and educating us to the indomitable human spirit despite adversity. Or makes us laugh at how stupid and ugly the poor are.
The suburban losers of this show at least have an Old World immigrant to think of as less than them. Rolf sings us the “Yeshmiyek Song” which, while not a reverse of Christmas, is a holiday favorite about food and hygiene from a mythical creature of a different land.
The highest rated preschool show on Nickolodeon in the the ’90s was this critically acclaimed cultural heritage honorarium. Each show was full of songs, including the Xmas episode with Sea Island versions of classic carols.
But they did bless us with a short, sweet encore “Merry Christmas to Ya,” one of the few songs that allows it’s a show wishing an audience cheer.
I’m disallowing musical revue shows, of which the ’60s are replete. No Andy Williams, Dean Martin, or even Red Skelton. But some shows do feature the musical adventures of fictional folk, so they loophole in.
The Monkees only lasted a couple years (1966-1968) so not much Christmas music. One of their missteps was the 3/4 reunion song from a mid-‘seventies album, “Christmas is My Time of Year.” All of the pop, with none of the counterculture they were known for.
One novelty, however, is the 16th Century villancico, “Riu Chiu.” This Spanish song celebrated the kingfisher bird chasing the wolf away from the Virgin Mary right around nativity and had been popularized previously by The Kingston Trio. But these fake musicians shine here with their unaccompanied angelic harmony for this episode.
While The Brady Bunch has their own TV family Christmas album, it’s all traditional music, nothing the least novel.
The Partridge Family‘s Christmas album almost suffers the same fate, but includes one original: “My Christmas Card to You.” It features David Cassidy thinking of and singing to you (and family). Swoon.
This was the second longest running western on TV. But they blessed us with the best TV Western Christmas album of all, Christmas on the Ponderosa, a 1963 concept miracle.
Many will poke fun at big dumb ol’ Hoss Cartwright as when he sings “Deck the Halls” in a harrowing bass. But it’s in the spirit and all, so shut up.
The cast gathers for the second cult hit “Merry Christmas Neighbors.” Bourgeoise judginess.
The better stuff is the old fashioned songs that never caught on, like Pernell Roberts singing “The New Born King.”
And Michael Landon with “Oh Fir Tree Dear.”
There’s some foolin’ around as well with Landon’s “Santa Got Lost in Texas.”
But best is the short fun of Lorne Greene with “Santa Got Stuck in the Chimney.”
Is the gift unseemly? Perhaps a nice box?
“A Box Full of Love for Christmas” by Kitty Terry whets our appetite for better music. Nice urban blues. But mushy.
Alan Hull misunderstands on purpose when he sings about “Cardboard Christmas Boxes” as homes for the homeless. See what you did with your British pop, there, making me engage my social consciousness? Hey!
The same conceit from Heywood Banks makes me smirk more. “Christmas Box” as tragicomedy!
Dan Groggin belittles his “Christmas Box” as being basically empty from the musical ‘Nuncrackers.’ Save your modesty, Dan.
KiWi ramps up the metal fun with “What’s in the Present Box?” good luck getting an answer in edgewise.
The Mikmaks give kidsong a good name with their rocking “What’s in the Box?” Now i wanna know.
Karling Abbeygate tries to creep us out with the suspensefully gothic “What’s in the Box.” Kooky pop.
Jerry Darlak ups the party quotient with “What’s in the Box? Polka.” It’s a mystery, and this guy wrapped it!
Watch out, i’m about to spring parang upon ye–you may find yourself powerless to still your feet. Charm B. celebrates “Christmas Box” with Caribbean craziness.
Poor resources! While nearly 30 million living trees fall for Xmas each year, in the past few years half that number artificial trees are bought. So let’s not forsake the fake.
This quandry is the subject of the ‘Tannenbaum’ take-off “O Christmas Tree, Reusable Christmas Tree” from Richard Holley. Lively, but with an agenda.
The dilemma is taken to violent levels in the grade school musical ‘Home for the Holidays’ by John Jacobson, Roger Emerson, Cristi Cary Miller, Emily Crocker, Mac Huff, and Tom Anderson. “The Christmas Tree Feud” features both sides in a kidsong sing off. They both win!
A word of warning, some assembly required. The Puffers oompah some old fashioned country rock for their “Christmas Tree Catastrophe.” So lowbrow, it’s fox-worthy. (Now, with the Lord.)
Flocking a tree is still a dead plant, but “We Will Flock You” from The Mistletones is so good, i had to repeat it here in the artificial section.
Quite alt, “Christmas Tree Menorah” is a music hall comedy (?) skit from Three Quarter Ale getting medieval on the tree. It features a long spoken set up, protracted groans, and a final Wonh!
Caribbean steel drums crowd into the lively “All I Want for Christmas is a Big Palm Tree” from Gene Mitchell. It’s so much better than the traditional, Gene follows up with the sequel “Coconut Palm for a Christmas Tree.” Double dipping in the inspiration pool, bra.
Likewise, Singin’ Steve is out on the islands with “Coconuts on My Christmas Tree.” Kidsong that worries about Santa finding the right tree. And Santa’s definitely black.
Apparently Texas has some forestry difficulties. So the McGuire Sisters (in 1956) proposed a party switch to “The Cactus Christmas Tree.” Sanders Family has a more tongue-in-cheek modern hillbilly take. Can’t tell which is more offensive, i likes ’em so much.
Spanish influenced, “Tumbleweed Christmas Tree” portrays a poor family’s second best. Red Steagall & The Boys in the Bunkhouse know and play real country (maybe not USA).
Po’ folk gots to improvise, i get that. But this Loretta Lynn clone “Green Felt Christmas Tree” is so spot on loving ’70s country that i’d pay good money to Ella May Kay. Wowza.
“Hibiscuses’ Christmas Tree” might refer to a business name, or a family name, but this goofy S.Pacific Islander love song is so alternative, i have to believe it’s not a standard Christmas tree. Aloha, Ukulele Santa!
“My Fake Plastic Christmas Tree” is all LJ Jones needs in his gentle folk rock apology. It’s bright enough.
Electronica from Glial Cell (is that a moog?!) extols their free “Plastic Christmas Tree.” Sounds already lit up.
A triumph in housecleaning and safety, Tommy Emanuel’s “Artificial Christmas Tree” is always pretty and really ever-green. Bossa nova club music with a seductive sales edge. Yes, you want that plastic thing now, don’t ya baby.
Some musical acts shortchange an audience with simplistic imagery, cliche, and mind-numbing repetition.
Some are just bad.
While on the topic of Santa and trees, a few horrible songs stood out and i thought i’d share them with you.
You don’t have to get me anything.
Half baked and over-miked, Glenn Diamond waits by Christmas Tree, “My Christmas Tree” for Santa to bring something… in my memory. It was all a plodding country dream!
Garnet brings the holiday mood down a notch with the somnolent “Santa’s Christmas Tree.” I wanna say the guy has trouble with English, but–it’s just awful.
Also so off key you can’t listen away, Jean Humanic asks “Santa Sit Beneath My Christmas Tree.” No, it’s not even suggestive it’s so off-putting. Machine beat with a pretty good guitar solo.
Katiah is a bit hyper about her “Christmas Tree” (or, rather, ‘Kwismuss Twee’), but she does know, in kidsong fashion, that tree up = Santa come. The condescension to young people makes me wonder what her o-face really looks like.
Breathy, hesitant rapping (w/o beatbox) “Wrapping up Present By The Christmas Tree” by Aquayemi-Claude Garnett Two Thousand Akinsanya astounds and confuses us with her patient routine around the tree.
Scandihoovian G-MAN hoots it up with “Santa Christmas Tree,” the disco quest of a man for a fir. More might be lost in translation, but maybe you’ll get something out of it. I can’t.
One sidenote to the whole kids’ snowmen is the big deal 1978 book The Snowman by Raymond Briggs made into a British big deal animated special in 1982 and which plays around Christmastime across the pond every year.
The ethereal ultrasonic soprano song “We’re Walking in the Air” became a 1985 hit for Aled Jones who did not sing it in the cartoon, but released it as a single when a teen. Thirty years later he released it a duet with himself. Freaky.
Andy Burrows dropped a prog rock song “Light the Night” in the 2012 TV sequel ‘The Snowman and the Snowdog.’
The original ‘Walking’ has been coopted by the crystal-gazers as an out-of-body/Wiccan trip. Finnish group Nightwish does an over-orchestrated dance version i could get naked and flail around to. Prog-celtic. (This is lite-metal. Fuller metal like from Woods of Infinity harshes the vibe. Ick.)
Look Out! It’s coming!
Dawn Langstroth regales us with a soulful jazz number “Here Comes the Snow.” It’s hauntingly familiar but totes Christmas.
Amadeus the Gallifreyan’s synth/dance mix “Here Comes the Snow” may be getting us off topic with loneliness and isolation. But i hear hope.
Mustard’s Retreat has a sad sullen “Here Comes the Snow.” They’re breaking up via piano bar country.
Trying to make the best of it Glenn Galen goes dark country lounge with “Here Comes the Snow.” Seems to be trading a downward market for climate change, you ask me.
Raldo Schneider’s “Here Comes the Snow” is a real country John Denver revival. I smell trouble in the bedroom.
Let’s uplift ya a bit with a Beatles’ take off by The Crickets (ten-year-olds) “Here Comes the Snow.” Awww.
Adult enthusiasm from Eric Alexandrakis with his playful “Here Comes the Snow.” Some old world oompah and some pop music badump bump.
Teresa Jennings goes to town at times for the elementary assemblies with her monstrously prolific Plank Road Publishing. Her “Here Comes the Snow” is an Irish barnburner. Great fiddlin’ recommended.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCdGpYxGNE0
Lou Bega’s mambo and jive dance song (originally by Cuban Dámaso Pérez Prado in 1949) was a hit in the United Kingdom and in Australia, where it reached number-one… stayed at number-one in Australia for eight weeks, ultimately becoming the best-selling single of the year… also topped almost every chart in continental Europe… number-one in France for 20 weeks (longer than any stay at the top spot ever on the US or UK charts)… reached number 3 on the Billboard Hot 100 in the US on November 2, 1999, giving Bega his only Top 40 hit in the US… seven-year copyright trial between Prado’s estate.
ApologetiX’s scriptural annunciation courtesy of “Micah No. 5.”