Polysomnography: Bedtime Story

What do you need before you’ll go to sleep? A story?!

Sawyer Brown realizes on this night of all nights: No bedtime stories — just questions instead.Where Christmas Goes” is quiet country, almost lulling.

An actual bedtime story from Low-Maintenance Perennials, “Bob Costas and the Magical Christmas Egg (A Bedtime Story)” fills time whilst the wee ones settle down. But this post punk experimental theater has a shocking twist ending.

The Christmas bedtime stories old people tell is just one more thing in the busy “Ornaments” from Christopher Kenny (feat. Valerie Aurelia). Choppy pop.

Christmas Magic” is the symphonic nasal pop from Adlith Mondejar in which the bedtime stories are all The Christmas Story. A carousel ride of parental emotions. (Black Friday at Target??)

Chimbley

Smoke and mirrors can hide the tricks of the trade. Let’s get euphemistic!

Chimney Smoking” is the drug reference (finally) with R+B rapping from Duds (feat. Maine the Medicine, Mike Tek & Gus the Savage). Swirly twirly.

I prefer the sexual innuendo, so let’s dial up Coco’s “Chimney.” A Carib-beat for some eyebrow waggling suggestion or two.

Confidence Man portrays a gal waiting for when “Santa’s Comin’ Down the Chimney.” She wants a dance, or a beat, or both. Things that make you go Hmm.

Brad & Barry know the ambience of a “Hot Sexy Chimney.” Halting R+B that suggests a mood.

Barbara Carr means more than one thing when she asks Santa “I Need a Man Down My Chimney.” Funky, funky, nasty soul.

Santy

Funky? Santa?? Boomdaddy starts our journey of discovery with a child’s garden of cool in their “Funky Santa.” Enough soul to appeal to the funk-impaired.

Robert J. Walsh ups the gnarly quotient with “Funky Funky Santa.” Starting to lose control here.

Wookiz layers in the ol’ whisper technique for more “Funky Santa.” A smattering of scat don’t hurt none neither. Unh!

Lee Harris adds sexual innuendo to heighten his “Funky Santa.” He’s a saint’s saint.

White Chimney’s “Funky Santa Claus” leads talky cool to soul-type rap. It’s a fab precursor to ’90s pop.

Bamtone uses more music to muscle up the funk in “Funky Santa.” It works.

Red and Blue simply note that Santa is a “Funky Santa.” So laid back, it’s cool.

The Salmons chant in step and it’s actually pretty funky. Call and response makes him a “Funky Santa.”

Teacher Feature & Rusty Gallant go the disco route to empower their “Funky Santa.” Their talky approach elicits call outs (from me at least). Yeah! Go! Man!

A Slippery Slope.4

Kicky garage pop from Winter Vacation wonders about the fun “On a Ski Slope.” You may wonder as well. Or listen. Both are fun.

Piamini’s “Skiing” features quiet noodling on an electronic keyboard–on a loop, with an occasional Hey. Hypnotic lo-fi.

Funnier, for an instrumental, Arne Hanson & The Guitarspellers romp through the big band polka of “Ski” just for mogul merriment. Hee hee.

The Invitations wax their slats with soul for “Skiing in the Snow” The funk power and a tom-tom beat shreds the hills. 1966 Motown. [Oops, looks like The Beach Girls may have dropped this first.]

Breaking the Ice.28

Henny Queenz gets a second chance with her rapped “Christmas Season.” I mean she suggests read a book. Is that a new theme for me to build a month of Xmas songs around, or what?!

Worn Out Skates” may not feature any skating, but lots of heartbreak. Heavy strings in alt pop makes Happy Heartbreak all that and a bag of tissues.

Jada is so in love she’s skating on a cloud. Her “Christmas Love” is checking, decorating, and making snow angels in the driveway. Really loud soul.

Sled It Snow.10

Gary Wilson chortle-sings “A Sled Ride Tonight” as an imperative, not of romantic intent, but as a rite of passage. It runs–so fast.

Calling All Kids for Christmas” is R+B kidsong that belongs. The call to open gifts and sled, also includes peace. Badanamu turns up the pop.

G. Love & Special Sauce loves/hates the cold in “Winter Days.” Folk pop kid complications.

Scatting and hand clapping, Ned Harris fills his “Christmas Time Again” with soul. Just as chestnuts, presents, sledding.

Christmas Countdown: 365 ()

What’s longer than a year of love started at Christmas? A year missing your love at Christmas! That’s relativity, that is. Einstein told me to tell you.

On the one hand, Office Party wants you to know they’re better off without you (but I’m not gonna lie, Shawty, you’re on my mind three-sixty-five twenty-four). “Santa, Please!” is a fun back and forth (Sorry/Not sorry) rock piece that pivots like a dance floor star.

Dustin Bermuda admits that 365 you were on my mind all day in the auto-tuned R+B reach-out “Nothing I Want More.” Hints of overspending, desperation, and pit stains.

Jacques slows it down with R+B rap in his acceptance speech “Christmas Without You.” See, she done pickup up with someone else. Well, I done sacrificed 365 days, he admits, ticking off holiday moments that won’t include you. He’ll still leave your present at your place. In case.

Alex Goot is gonna wait 365 days. But loneliness wins out in the soul-pop torture “Next Christmas Eve.” He’s not exactly delusional (I bet you’re looking lovely). But he’s hopeful (Are you thinkin’ of me?) Okay, i felt that. Ow.

Christmas Countdown: 2019

2020 gets all the noise, but i wanna include Brett Laffin’s highly amusing “Christmas in Lockdown [2020]” here because this pop banger sadly reminisces about the innocence off 2019. And bc otherwise i wouldn’t have enough songs to fit here.

Malinda’s back (ft. schmoyoho) with climate change (& Greta inspired student walkouts) and–even worse–the Game of Thrones finale. On the bright side, Baby Yoda! “An Honest Christmas 2019” runs for cover for the next year with its a cappella parodies. Whoops.

Chuckklez goes BLUE ALERT about what 2019 can do in “Silent Night Unholy Night.” Tinkling metal.

Industry electro-pop hymn always has a home here. on the blog, so yung walnut’s “Christmas Special 2019” is the lead-in music we HAVE been looking for. Thank you, it was quite a wait.

Colin Carbonera gets fingerpoppin’ and bongo(heart)beating with some soulful “Happy Birthday, Jesus.” He wants to party like it’s 2019. Me, too. (This was also published in 2020.)

Christmas Countdown: 100,000,000

The Brothers Footmen sing about belief and faith in “Million Reasons.” This could be some love song, ‘cuz a ‘baby’ is invoked. But the hundred million reasons to doubt will be washed away by one good reason. Sounds like a Christianity thing, t’me. Xmas album with this rando soul song.

B2K mentions the hundred-million-dolla G4 among the swag “Santa Hooked Me Up” with. Rap with range.

Life After X-rom com

When Christmas was run and done, we look back wistfully at times, and we say to ourselves… why didn’t I ask her out?! There’s always the next Christmas. That’s what George Michael says–

Thinking you look fine, Parenthetical Girls get tongue-tied with their experimental pop “Post-Christmas Time.” Love is in the punctuation.

Maybe Next Christmas” with gratuitous sax whispers the soul out of wishes. Chantal Chamberland susses out the dream.

Always Got Next Christmas” Emily Lockett swans all pop and country backbeat. Mark your calendar!

Freedom Fry counts on another year as a mother chance in “Next Christmas.” Blasé millennial pop. (You shouldn’t take such things for granted, young!)

Also living for tomorrow, Allison Young & Carson McKee wonder if “Maybe Next Christmas” they’ll make beautiful music together. Hey, guys, already done it.

Next Christmas (I’m Gonna Do Things Right)” calculates Chuck Foster with his backroom amateur folk earnest soul. He’s got a list and he’s checking it twice. Good luck, Chuck.

Blurring the gender divides, Desmond admits it’s always been you with pop swing in “Next Christmas.” Suggestive!

Winner of Closest to a Movie Script is the sprightly, off-setting “Next Christmas.” Taylor Ashton & Michael Winograd (feat. Madonna MacGyver) spill out an R+B/pop fusion of will they-won’t they seesawing.

Well, it’s already next year and the banjos tell us “This Time Next Year” is perfect. Colin & Caroline play their parts sweetly.