NOW it’s cold enough! To stay inside and play nookie. So, the new version of how cold it is outside (all consensual and non-rapey) is Rob Vischer’s country pop “So in Love at Christmas Time.” You could dance to it.
“Bad Santa” is ‘Bo Didley’ done Xmas by Shorty Garrett. How bad is he? OSHA would be looking into his working conditions for those 32 hoofs on frozen roofs.
What else is 32 and glisten just like a Christmas Tree??? “My Shiny Teeth and Me“!! This Fairly Odd Parents song (Chip Skylark [Chris Kirkpatrick]) gets the hard rock cover by Sink the Ship. Rock out as needed.
Updating the sentiment of Nat King Cole’s ‘Little Boy,’ Blu & Exile wonder why “Christmas Missed Us.” Didn’t get the GI Joe when he was a kid, but only two pennies. Now, he’s thirty-four and got cheese. Sad, but not rude, rap.
Jamin Bradley, sadly, wants you to know “Baby I’m a Grinch.” Gonzo & Rizzo, Turbo Man, Tim Allen, Buddy the Elf, the Kranks, Charlie Brown all get their licks from this critic. Worst off–don’t check 34th street The only miracle Is staying awake through that movie. Sweetly melodic soul rap.
Sloppy Seconds don’t like it when THEY want to know what the Christmas plans are–the only thing in the works is (falling asleep to Miracle on 34th Street on TV) a “Lonely Christmas.” Tragic, but raging rock (in a popular music vein).
Just get some 38 Special holiday cheer! country-rocks .38 Special in their self congratulatory “A Wild-Eyed Christmas Night.” ‘Sall about the partying. “Skynyrd Family” continues that party [38’ll be there too!] with more comical pickin’.
Although the nostalgia takes us back to when I was ten and didn’t want to wait, Sum41 refer to themselves (and this title) in “Unwritten Christmas.” So, we’ll count it. Fun rocking (and occasional rapping).
Cheezy pop from some Barbie Christmas special, “It’s Gonna be Amazing” includes holiday antics like seeing a show on 42nd Street. Run. Save yourself.
An uncomfortable education comes from Ras Kass (feat Doc Hollywood). “Jack Frost 2 (White Christmas)” raps through Saturnalia, Bethlehem, and ‘Miracle on 42nd Street.’ Open your eyes, sheeple!
Counting the months of love Jill Johnson runs the vocal range on the pop country song until she runs out of the love in time for “Christmas on My Own.” No bitterness though, as she wants to wish a merry Christmas, to the shiny people that I met on 42 street. Brave. I reckon.
When we were young, Christmas time was fun; But, now I’m 42 and I can’t wait ’til it gets through is the grown up message from Liar’s Club in the second half of their rock duology “Agnostic Christmas/Merry F___ing.”
Owl City ends up with 45 pairs of socks in their NewAge rock “Peppermint Winter.” Unimaginative present, but good timing.
Lauren Davidson knows how to cozy up with the schlock country music, the fireplace, and the Sinatra 45. Sigh up with “We’re Just Warming Up.“
Ray Stevens has a different visitor on the night before Christmas. But “The King of Christmas” leaves him a 45 (that’s a baby vinyl record, kids) (and maybe some sequins on the snow). Bebopping rock from the King of Cornball.
More money, more music. 50£ is not the same as 50$. Reptilians celebrate “Christmas is a Time for Giving” with all the British pomp of the homeland of Dickens. So take this fifty pound note And buy the biggest turkey in Haighs they proclaim amidst the ska pounding. My kind of party.
50p is not 50¢ either. So Slowthai is poorer in his BLUE ALERT “Slow Down (Santa),” a Brit-rap that suffers in need: 50p flats, 50p please I was on the raise like a beggar in the street.
Also accented from worse off lands, “JOP Evil Christmas” rails against the poverty–with violence! When dah rifle yah buss the Christmas hot like Summer 50 caliber a spray like shower, blood a run a run out of boy body like water. It’s Xmas either way, innit? BLUE ALERT care of Aidonia · Navino · Deablo · Tanso.
Kaiser Chiefs give us a break with a singsongy alt-pop “Sunday Morning“–catchy as all get out. Reaching for better he finds: Sunday morning with your Sunday papers; Have your Sunday dinner with your kids and your second wife. It’s Sunday morning, read your Sunday papers, With your Christmas slippers on and 50 colour supplements.
Back to our irregularly scheduled anger: “Punk Rock Xmas” as slung by Left Unread is a childish tantrum of wanting what’s improper. I wanna drink 50 beers With all of Santa’s reindeers. And it’s not really punk.
Mitchell Tenpenny, Meghan Patrick get extra nasal for the country values of “I Hope It Snows.” This is small town hominess, so Take a left on 57 so you can see the lights. Corny, but touching.
Odds Bodkin rocks out a children’s brutal education in “The Takeover Before Christmas.” 57 appears here as the floor of the clueless corporate overlords (and the ’57 Chevy Santa lands in during forced retirement). Worth a listen, no matter your capitalistic bent.
“Christmas in the City” is the heartfelt, sappy livelong to NYC from 5th Avenue to Times Square to 57th Street. Orchestral pop via Elizabeth Chan.
“Colorado Christmas” makes a comeback from it’s posting back in 2015. The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band is at its most poetic here poking fun at California. Looking out the window of this Hollywood Hotel You’d never know that it was Christmas Eve. The billboards and the neon took the place of silver bells And the temperture is 84 degrees. Still too warm, boys.
“Miracle on 84th Street” takes Santa uptown with some rockin’ stylings a la I Don’t Know Margo. Crazy.
Set the car blinker at 90BPM to get drunk on the front lawn, rambles the random garage “Happy Winter Solstice” from Parking Lots. It’s Christmas, but it’s a mess. Like life, y’know, man.
Oh, yeah, and California NEVER gets seasonal. “Malibu Kind of Christmas” notes the heat (in the shade!), with the surfer rock The Malibooz make so cool. Check it.
But, you WANT it hot? Not sure where this takes place (Not LA, they say) but, They say it’s gonna be 90 or more! “Won’t Someone Please Tell the Weatherman It’s Christmas” yodel the honky tanking 42nd Street Singers. Is it climate change?
Don’t forget, North Earthers, The Southern Hemisphere celebrates 12/25 too. It’s hot there, though.The Frights point that out with their rocking “Christmas Everyday.” Along with Budweiser boxers, great apple pie recipes, and a peach candle. Paw-tee!
