Cheezy pop from some Barbie Christmas special, “It’s Gonna be Amazing” includes holiday antics like seeing a show on 42nd Street. Run. Save yourself.
An uncomfortable education comes from Ras Kass (feat Doc Hollywood). “Jack Frost 2 (White Christmas)” raps through Saturnalia, Bethlehem, and ‘Miracle on 42nd Street.’ Open your eyes, sheeple!
Counting the months of love Jill Johnson runs the vocal range on the pop country song until she runs out of the love in time for “Christmas on My Own.” No bitterness though, as she wants to wish a merry Christmas, to the shiny people that I met on 42 street. Brave. I reckon.
When we were young, Christmas time was fun; But, now I’m 42 and I can’t wait ’til it gets through is the grown up message from Liar’s Club in the second half of their rock duology “Agnostic Christmas/Merry F___ing.”
Owl City ends up with 45 pairs of socks in their NewAge rock “Peppermint Winter.” Unimaginative present, but good timing.
Lauren Davidson knows how to cozy up with the schlock country music, the fireplace, and the Sinatra 45. Sigh up with “We’re Just Warming Up.“
Ray Stevens has a different visitor on the night before Christmas. But “The King of Christmas” leaves him a 45 (that’s a baby vinyl record, kids) (and maybe some sequins on the snow). Bebopping rock from the King of Cornball.
More money, more music. 50£ is not the same as 50$. Reptilians celebrate “Christmas is a Time for Giving” with all the British pomp of the homeland of Dickens. So take this fifty pound note And buy the biggest turkey in Haighs they proclaim amidst the ska pounding. My kind of party.
50p is not 50¢ either. So Slowthai is poorer in his BLUE ALERT “Slow Down (Santa),” a Brit-rap that suffers in need: 50p flats, 50p please I was on the raise like a beggar in the street.
Also accented from worse off lands, “JOP Evil Christmas” rails against the poverty–with violence! When dah rifle yah buss the Christmas hot like Summer 50 caliber a spray like shower, blood a run a run out of boy body like water. It’s Xmas either way, innit? BLUE ALERT care of Aidonia · Navino · Deablo · Tanso.
Kaiser Chiefs give us a break with a singsongy alt-pop “Sunday Morning“–catchy as all get out. Reaching for better he finds: Sunday morning with your Sunday papers; Have your Sunday dinner with your kids and your second wife. It’s Sunday morning, read your Sunday papers, With your Christmas slippers on and 50 colour supplements.
Back to our irregularly scheduled anger: “Punk Rock Xmas” as slung by Left Unread is a childish tantrum of wanting what’s improper. I wanna drink 50 beers With all of Santa’s reindeers. And it’s not really punk.
Mitchell Tenpenny, Meghan Patrick get extra nasal for the country values of “I Hope It Snows.” This is small town hominess, so Take a left on 57 so you can see the lights. Corny, but touching.
Odds Bodkin rocks out a children’s brutal education in “The Takeover Before Christmas.” 57 appears here as the floor of the clueless corporate overlords (and the ’57 Chevy Santa lands in during forced retirement). Worth a listen, no matter your capitalistic bent.
“Christmas in the City” is the heartfelt, sappy livelong to NYC from 5th Avenue to Times Square to 57th Street. Orchestral pop via Elizabeth Chan.
“Colorado Christmas” makes a comeback from it’s posting back in 2015. The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band is at its most poetic here poking fun at California. Looking out the window of this Hollywood Hotel You’d never know that it was Christmas Eve. The billboards and the neon took the place of silver bells And the temperture is 84 degrees. Still too warm, boys.
“Miracle on 84th Street” takes Santa uptown with some rockin’ stylings a la I Don’t Know Margo. Crazy.
Set the car blinker at 90BPM to get drunk on the front lawn, rambles the random garage “Happy Winter Solstice” from Parking Lots. It’s Christmas, but it’s a mess. Like life, y’know, man.
Oh, yeah, and California NEVER gets seasonal. “Malibu Kind of Christmas” notes the heat (in the shade!), with the surfer rock The Malibooz make so cool. Check it.
But, you WANT it hot? Not sure where this takes place (Not LA, they say) but, They say it’s gonna be 90 or more! “Won’t Someone Please Tell the Weatherman It’s Christmas” yodel the honky tanking 42nd Street Singers. Is it climate change?
Don’t forget, North Earthers, The Southern Hemisphere celebrates 12/25 too. It’s hot there, though.The Frights point that out with their rocking “Christmas Everyday.” Along with Budweiser boxers, great apple pie recipes, and a peach candle. Paw-tee!
One hundred chores before the party is another way to measure time in “Christmas is More than Ribbons and Bows.” Percussive pop from John Weeden (feat. Isaac Folch) leads us calmly to the true joy.
Despite war and bars and foreigners, David Fee also lulls us with the prog rock wandering of “One Hundred Years (Christmas).” Peace, dude.
Audobon (feat. Jeremy) gets full BLUE ALERT with “All I Know,” a Christmas rap that goes for drugs and sex, and not the hundred birds you be singing about, fool.
Checking out 100 Young Moneys Money ain’t nothing, Tyga (feat. Gata) get comical BLUE ALERT in “Christmas Story.” Irony abounds in this raging re-telling. Be ready.
Tracherous Three goes kid-friendly for the Santa vs. kid debate/rap “Xmas Rap (Uncensored).” The kid can name a hundred presents I didn’t get. Instead–G.I. Joe and cheap shoes…. A bit funny.
I could open one hundred presents Underneath the Christmas Tree But you know that’s not the essence Of what Christmas means to me claims Myra in the rocking pop of “Christmas Isn’t Christmas (Since You Said Goodbye).”
A Living Hell is The Boxmasters take on festive folk rock for “Slower Than Christmas.” A hundred ignorant cousins with their pointy headed hats Have driven me as crazy as a hundred shit house rats is the hollering verdict. Ouch.
Father Guido Sarducci kvetches about Christmas songs in “100 Bulbs on the Christmas Tree (Part 1).” This spoken word comedy with kids carousing in the background is an essential part of a complete novelty Christmas music collection. Be advised, it’s from a time when we had more patience for comedy. Then maybe Part 2.
As if this year ain’t yet taken your all One hundred reasons why you should withdraw This year Christmas is the last straw begins the elegiac rock of “Christmas is the Last Straw.” The Revelator takes the side of depressed Scrooges everywhere.
Steven Curtis Chapman tugs at the guitar strings with the orphan’s Xmas wish “All I Really Want.” Hint: he wants a family to sing me Happy Birthday for the next hundred years. Is it enough? Of country schmaltz!
Christopher Kenny (feat. St. Ignatius International Youth Ministry, Crystal Eileen, Ivander Hartanto & Valerie Aurelia) tinkle out the gospel observance Here’s to 100 more! (with you) of the “Warmest Holiday.” Earnest AF. Enough!
The “Wishlist” from The Yule logs is over a hundred pages long (and did NOT include underwear or a ball). Santa!! Not enough rock’n’roll!!
Infinity Greenhouse confides the startling news that Santa died–109 years ago. After a quick deal with the devil, however, he rose again for “Santa’s Revenge.” It’s unclear here who the target of this payback is… but, now the world will just end. So now you know, to the tune of boy-band light rock.
