So he didn’t walk out on you, he passed on from you. Still a rough candy-cane strewn holiday road doing without.
[Momentary digression to mother-issues: Bud Davidge suffers to figure out “Christmas Without Mama.” Lilting country catastrophe.]
[And, oh holy yeah, “There’s No Christmas Without You” Kirk Franklin and The Family soul/gospel up the dead Jesus reason for the season.]
Everything But the Girl has an alt-folk soft lilt to their loneliness that smacks of mortal grief. But “25th December” is more than eulogy. It’s a poetic remembrance of loss that doesn’t belong in my categories of sadness or blues. This hurts so good.
Mark Arnett has a true eulogy over his love. But it’s SANTA mourning MRS. CLAUS. What the actual folklore? “I Miss You Most at Christmas (Now that You are Dead)” is a ’70s psychedelic ode that starts you scratching your head, then gets you bobbing, then swaying. Go with it.
I still pat myself on the back for that post group title about all the different creatures and the holidays. Some of the strangest songs ever were found for this taxonomy. Let’s sample more.
Starting with the basics “Cockroach Christmas” is a family beer barrel polka from Lou and Peter Berryman about how you can be the Santa for the less vertebrate.
More miss than hit, “We Wish You a Bloody Squidmas” from Rathergood.com gets all Cthulhu with threatening flaying from the Christmas critter in question.
“Festus the Christmas Crab” is a valiant folk effort from Gus Gregory, but his bathroom acoustics are only slightly worse than his sodden lyricism.
Hipwaders get with the program with their krazy kidding kidsong “Christmas Vicuna.” Bachata corrido, muy bueno.
Riffing on the 1984 Band Aid sensation, Fortress of Attitude raises awareness with “Dogs Don’t It’s Christmastime.” Feed the daw-ogs!
The other kind of children’s music is the repetitive silliness of Brian Kinder’s “Kitty Kitty Christmas.” Wotta a mess for adults to clean up! His “Mooey Christmas” is a bit better. Bit o’ wit.
Grumpy Cat presents Cats Across America with the playful pop number “It’s Hard to be a Cat at Christmas.” Something to do with not getting enough presents.
More crazy, Kristin Key child pops “Christmas Kitty” to the fringe of sanity. I can nearly smell it.
Dr. BLT shuffle sfx to intro “Christmas on the Farm.” Then he gets down, gets funky. Wait for the fun. Red State Update gets right to the noises with their own “Christmas on the Farm.” Sounds like chores, t’me. Farmer Jason’s back with mariachi brass and foggy mountain bluegrass square dancing out “Christmas on the Farm.” Some mutts mentioned, but this is all about the party.
Not enough! Three Day Threshold & Summer Villains get kidsong with their list demanding “I Want a Zoo for Christmas.” Folk fun that smells.
A post-punk set-up from Flaming Lips in “Christmas at the Zoo.” I got agenda for Xmas, whadju get?
And then, tragedy. Bad things happens all year round. When associated with 12/25, Christmas stinks.
Such a tale of woe from The Bob and Tom Show, “I Hate Christmas” is the fate worse than death. But funny, y’know. BLUE ALERT
Perhaps this is the end of a particularly abominable year. David Lea descends into madness with his “Happy Christmas” pop celebration. Don’t you go that way. Not you.
“Death to the World” has been on the blog before. H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society knows how to hate on Christmas. Submit.
Back to the goons of Something Awful. Thaumocrates delivers “Last Christmas”–not as nostalgic Wham! whimsy, but as the ever lovin’ Armageddon. No more Christmasses–that’s all, folks! Experimental psychedelia over ‘Carol of the Bells.’
Classic folk often itemizes ad nauseum some overwrought business (lots of lyrics). So Kirmas Kookies get verbal with their old school “Lovely Christmas Sweater.” Left-handed complimenting.
Make it a contest! Deidre Flint (get this) gets ‘Rawhide” with the office rules and restrictions over who can wear what when. “The Christmas Sweater” is always closing.
Schoolkid musical number from Hal Leaonard Music “My Christmas Sweater” calls the thing ‘atrocious,’ but falls in love with it. Oh, yeah: Beauty and the Beast! Pop by way of classic RnR.
Also chorally juvenile, “Ugly Christmas Sweater” is so peppy fun that the epithet is a term of endearment. Thanks to Jill Gallina for making it okay for kids to name call.
One more childish back and forth: could that be Plank Road Publishing (Ed. note: how embarassing, it’s John Riggi (Music K-8)) for “Ugly Sweater“? It might be Puccini. Grand stuff.
A secret love affair for The Yule Lads’ “Christmas Sweater.” Motown jazz rock randomizes their psychedelic love affair with this wearable.
Undressing comes later, but 2 Live Jews tweak ‘Santa Coming to Town’ with decades old topical celebrity burns in “Don’t Get Caught With Your Pants Down.” (Heidi Fleiss, anyone?)
Mr. Weebl gets us back on trousers with “Christmas in My Pants.” Oh, that’s thinly tented euphemism for sexy times. Oh!
Bob Kulhan’s alter ego Bing Faithful group-raps “Christmas Hot Pants” to hot up the holidays. (It’s actually non-denominational–Wow.)
In order to dance, The Withers recommend you get on your “Christmas Pants.” Minimalist industrial experimental, just like the pants i’m wearing right now.
Rick and Morty‘s creator’s earlier brilliant-but-what’s-the-demographic? sitcom was not known for breakout songs, but attention must be paid to these study group misfits during the holidays.
The 2010 stop motion episode ‘Abed’s Uncontollable Christmas’ brings it.
The “Intro Song” is a takeoff of The 88’s series opening music this time with Xmas.
The characters turn into Christmas claymation tropes and have a couple memorable 3-line songs for characterization, including “Brittabot” and “Christmas Douche.”
The meaning of Christmas is put together in the show stopper “That’s What Christmas is For.” John Oliver! Christmas pterodactyl!
The next year is about singing Xmas for Glee club. To win over the surly main character, the Jewish nerd girl sings “Annie’s Christmas Song.” Brother, that’s jazz striptease junk with Betty Boop botheration.
The overlooked housewife gets a big gospel (half) number with “Happy B-Day, Jesus.” Go tell it on the lafftrack.
The actual “Community Glee Club” performance is a sad throwaway about how the hot blonde is tone deaf.
“Troy & Abed’s Christmas Rap Battle,” however, convinces the Asperger’s kid and the conflicted cool athlete to celebrate a holiday they would otherwise disdain. Much prettier, or at least much faster.
Comedy gold from those boys finally in order to convince the geriatric in “Baby Boomer Santa,” an addictive song about the evolution of St. Nick through musical genres. An American Pearl.
Educational songs for the kiddies! Guriezo sings “Snow is Falling Down” in broken English so we can learn how not to say it!
“Snow is Falling Down” gets sung by many elementary schools. Not sure where it comes from. It’s not Plank Road. But it will teach them to bang on those tambourines in any way they want to.
Vincent Micciche puts the cliches to work with “Snow is Falling.” Light elevator rock tells us about love, peace, children, Christmas, and… oh i guess other happy tidings too.
Piedmont Songbag chants out the problems we’ll have, and the precautions we’ll need with “Roger, It’s Snowing.” I’d take them seriously, i’d.
Darker My Love play “Snow is Falling” with a funky rock joy. The harbinger of Christmas seems like a glad master coming to oppress us in the nicest way possible. Be merry, i mean why not?
Shakin’ Stevens’s big Christmas hit was ‘Merry Christmas Everyone,’ but it gets shared as “Snow is Falling.” ’80s UK rock from the Welsh big dog (check out that sax). (Yeah, the VEVO is super creepy.)
Buster Inc unapologetically goes full throated with “Snow is Falling, Amen!” Christ under a star and you under a blanket of white, it just goes together, friends. To the rafters!
Creepy gospel soft country from Jim Ed Brown & Helen Cornelius in the dull shape of “Fall Softly Snow.” Angels, mangers, Mary–all crammed in there.
They said rain, but Trout Fishing in America gets us back on family values Christmas track with “Snow is Falling.” (And some fatherly jazz support wrapping the presents.) Thanks TFA!
Discordant hammering yodeling nostalgia from Timothy Seth Avett as Darling (?!) with “Snow is Falling.” Prog rock mixed media. Or, as we say around here, you don’t hear that everyday.
Silhouette goes big hair band with “When Snow’s Falling Down.” The prog electronica rock is overwhelming and it loses its way 2.5 minutes in. But this is a concert piece. Sit still and wait for the Big Finish. Boy, is it.
What we really need is the definitive verse of Sammy Cahn and Jule Styne’s 1945 date rape fantasia “Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!” (Dumb parodies like “Shovel Snow, Shovel Snow, Shovel Snow” by Dave Rudolf notwithstanding.) (Special mention goes out to James Covenant‘s STTNG viral cut-and-paste sensation from 2013.) I guess Rod Stewart has the biggest hit–who cares–and it’s gone inappropriate from the likes of Twisted Sister–yawn–so let’s slow things way down to quaalude molasses level from The Butterflies of Love for a real snowed-in cabin fever experience. Get comfy now….
Styx’s progrock culminated in this tune which as a single charted at #8 on the Billboard Hot 100… helped The Grand Illusion achieve multi-platinum sales in 1978.
Soaring to higher and higher notes The Mistletones go nearly a cappella with their “Come Fly Away” about Rudolf’s reindeer magic. Watch out for your dogs’ sensitive hearing.
