Category: pop music

What else is there twelve of for Christmas?

Pop song “Snowman” by Stephen Cohen with Venus XTC mush-mouths the ultimatum: true love or nothing (not even parties or presents or tables for twelve). Building a snowman with her does that, apparently. Talent shines here.

Kylie Minogue don’t want it to be a “Cried Out Christmas” without you. So, her pop song comes with directions: Get in a cab, or just take the blue line; It’s only twelve stops. There’ll be kissing if you make it home to her.

Rodolfo de la Peña in a similar vein wants not to have “Christmas on My Own.” His jazzy pop also gives directions but now they’re to himself: I’d take twelve steps just for one chance To whisper ‘you’re wonderful.’ Wait, that’s a program.

Mekhi Randle raps out 12 wishes from the “Red Sleigh.” These include a water bed, a Benz, but–BLUE ALERT–he’s not happy.

On the positive side Chris Brown raps happy: Feeling good yeah, I’m full of cheer (oh) I’ve been waiting for them 12 reindeer. “This X-mas” celebrates with R+B rhythms.

Boogie woogieing like it’s a real party, Phil Harrison spares no pun in his toe-tapping “Holly Said to Ivy“–But I’m gonna draw the line At twelve drummers drumming!

Getting into the spirit of things King Virtue proclaims: I sing twelve songs for Christmas; If they need more to make right, I’d sing twelve more to cure us. “12 Songs for Christmas” is startlingly spry pop music.

Still counting, even for the wannabes and cliches.

Overenunciated elementary rap from King Ulysses merely lists the aspects of “Christmas in Miami.” 12 days get a shout out. So does everything else.

Caterwauling about Christmas being too late, Something Awful‘s Edward Mass screeches the “Twelve Days” with an apology solo.

Gospel sotto voce from Stello Clark & Solomon James (feat. Marquitta Minniefield) “Christmas Countdown” begins three months out, then proceeds to 12 days before Christmas. All throughout the year I don’t care if you’re feeling your best… ‘cuz here it comes!

“12 Santa Babies” applies the excuse of the song’s math to demand more presents (prolly stole the idea from Chanukah). Big band diva sultriness from Dave Keyes and Duchess Di (Diane Cricchio ).

“Season’s Greetings” is some corny rap about loving and wanting and needing from Latroy (feat. Unfamiliar Keys). He wants to spend 12 days with you!

Diva pop from Céline Dion: “The Magic of Christmas Day (God Bless Us Everyone),” makes it all about love, not just twelve days in December. Senti&monu-mental.

Cheesy pop makes School Gyrls’ “Twelve Days of Christmas“–12 days to fall in love, btw–a harder sell.

Some are without their bae. “This Christmas (I’m Coming Home)” by Betty Anne and Brian Watts jazz pops (sax echo!) the reunion. After weeks without, he’s looking forward to 12 sunny days with you! Where IS this?

Budak Pantai begins “Hey Baby It’s Christmas” with Jim Croce then extends time out of the bottle and into the pop listing of the birds, etc. Hey baby hey. Decent mashupping.

‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’ may have begun as ten days, but the publishing of the lyrics in 1780 sealed the deal–Xmas to Epiphany. And it may not have been considered so much a carol as a children’s memory and forfeit game, until 1909 when OUR current day lyrics come ’round (gold rings may have been ringed pheasants or goldfinches, so all birds until people). Regardless, it stinks and singing it is a form of hell on earth.

Still, i must acknowledge its presence. So here are the ‘best’ novelty entries in this detested species.

Alan Sherman made hay with his “12 Gifts of Christmas” so many years ago (as seen here on The Jimmy Dean Show). Classic comedy.

A mite later, Sascha Burland and The Skipjack Choir present the comedy sfx extravaganza “The Chickens Are In The Chimes.” Marvin Watts sends Cecilia Sockel all the gifts during a recording session–hijinx ensue! Nonsense!

Couple decades later Doug and Bob McKenzie (Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas) stumble through “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” They crack themselves up. Bubba humor.

Shortly after that Bob Rivers makes his bones with “The Twelve Pains of Christmas.” (It’s the MTv era, so check out this video). Ironic pop.

Another decade later Straight No Chaser land recording and touring contracts from their viral video “The 12 Days of Christmas.” Toto to the rescue! Indulgent cultural mashups!

But, imma gonna have to proclaim The Best 12 Days Song Ever is the inimitable 2010 “Corner Store at Christmas” from Bowling for Soup. Give it a minute to recognize what i mean. Gary Weissman’ll tell ya. (78$, right?)

Seriously trying for humor can be trying. “The 13 Days of Christmas” from The Broadway Cast Of ‘The Addams Family’ overworks the yuck and then smirks, These holidays can suck the partridge right out of your pear tree don’t you think? No.

Too specific can also miss the ha-ha. “13 Days of Christmas” from Dead Workers Party badly recites the techie woes of these IT nerds. Don’t get it.

Australia’s naughty momma Jenny Talia gets #MeToo about the terrible gifts during her “13 Days of Christmas.” Pushing it, but not quite blue. Cringe-worthy.

Jesus came to me in a “13ft Tinny” and invites you to lunch, but He always makes you pay. This Australian find is a wonderful folk rock bit of winsome piffle. Dig it.

Sam & Bill take it away with their “Crystal Lake Christmas.” Why did Friday the 13th have to fall in December? So, Jason cleans up at teen camp. Hokey amateurism and leaning on the video game more than the film–but i calls ’em as i sees ’em. This be funny.

Underage and feelin’ fine! The Beach Boys’ “Christmas Time is Here Again” claims: She’s so pretty but I’m so young When I’m sixteen I’m gonna have some fun ‘Cause Christmas, Christmas, Christmas time is here again. Retro rock of questionable responsibility.

“Sixteen Days to Christmas” is a rockin’ sad countdown of missing you, bay-bee. Kerr Donnelly Band give us another Elvis homage, and this one is all right. It does rock.

Christmas-adjacent, Anthony Oscar sings light folk/pop about a “Bouquet” of sixteen roses. Kicking carols down a Christmas-cobbled street While wind whistles through the snow: Can candlelight grow wings and carry me To the home, I used to know? Uncertain of intent, but diggin’ it.

BLUE ALERT rap “Foreign Xmas” is oddly nostalgic, Twist swearing while reminiscing. I’ll prolly’ wish I was still 18 when I’m 52: Good thing ’bout having kids will be the christmas mood. Dropping some wisdom on ya.

Armed with a Glock 18 and the F-word, Stupid Division raps BLUE ALERT “There’s No Reason to be Jolly.” Share the pain. (Santa, you’re next!) ‘Tis the season.

Cricket label ran my childhood, so i’m a fan of Rosemary Jun’s “I’ve Got 18 Cents.” This kid’s dilemma of what to buy whom for Christmas with that (adjusted for inflation = $1.90 today) is overly orchestrated kidsong full of celebration! Wait for that last note!

Joe Denim gets boy-rednick growing up with a sad plastic tree from Sears—must’ve lasted 18 years. Daddy’s solution was to buy a boatload of arms and hardware, then build a pile for a “Real Tree Camo Christmas.” Soft pop of the novel kind.

Lonely enough to want “Santa be My Baby” Lorenz Leo (feat. Tom Micko) plead with pop and R+B: Hear me Santa I wanna become your man If you are a girl Or not. Unintentionally fun.

Danielle Iry feels the “Christmas Ghosts” instead of you. Not needing a Scrooge-in lesson, this experimental alt poetizes the void of isolation. Gird your lovelorns.

Ben Eales may be known for humor, but his “Christmas List” is a put-on of sexist proportions. Don’t be offended by him, be offended for him. Plaintive pop with a faded ring of R+B around the collar.

I just want to get on with my business, Getting tired of hearing crickets Lachlan Ondre prefaces when wishing in slow rap for “Merry Christmas and a COVID Free New Year.” Heavily accented, but that only adds to the malaise.

Hassann Hurricane dribbles out the dirge “A Christmas Crisis” as a celebration. But: Everyone’s celebrating Christmas, feeling the warmth of family, getting gifts I’m all alone, will I get anything? Keep loved ones on speed dial if you make it through this surrender of electronic pop.

Poetry set to symphony, the jazzy “Another Lonely Christmas” from Knights unrolls a journey of life, longing, and love. Spoiler: Cause baby you promised You promised me you’d never leave Then you died on the 25th day of December. Oh…banana daiquiri?

Only 25 days til you come back home, Dallas diva-R+Bs with sultry sussurations in “Snow Angel.” It’s lonely when you’re monogamous, pretty one.

Perhaps too young to worry about it, pop music rap from Brent Rivera considers “Skipping Christmas” ‘cuz it’s without love. Then–the twist ending! He’s so cute!

Loves me an inordinately pretty SAD song. “Unmerry Xmas” by Precious Gutierrez soars when it points out the 25th has passed like any other, Holidays seem to last only an hour or two–Felt like Santa’s list bears not my name; The only thing that came at night are the seasonal blues. Bluesy pop.

Caffeinated pop from Grayson DeWolfe, “Have a Merry Christmas” is only half-serious since you broke up with him. Never thought that I’d be out a date this year, he moans. Then bebops the title like it ain’t no thing.

And you’re alone this Christmas Eve: I hope it burns every time you think of me; I start a fire, try to forget you–I hope you’re locked up in your room Forgetting about me, begins the emo-boy rock of Search the City. “The Holiday Song” is a poison pill of tribute to what once was. And it’s the 25th of December And I remember the times, The times I felt alive (didn’t you feel alive?). It’s not me, it’s you.

I’m better off without ya, raps Ree$s in a spin on ‘Last Christmas’ with “This Christmas.” He’s moved on, melodically. He don’t give a fa la la.

Digging the holiday season isolation, Author’s Bias warns I’ll complain until I ruin it for you too. “Don’t Call Me This Christmas” is a half-speed garage-pop moan of a diatribe. Terrible, unless you’re in THAT place. Then it’s perfect.

If you’re willing to work for it, The Buh House Band’s “Why Did You Break My Heart on Christmas Day?” is worth the scouring of Soundcloud’s files. Garage fun.

Boyband sounds from Dre Smuzic (feat. Ketandu) crying: But on the 25th day of December this year I’m not askin for a lot I just want my baby here. A “Christmas Miracle” is all he needs. And a lyricist.

Ethereal pop from Modern Drawing is hurting from that one empty space and wishes for “Christmas with You.” But It’s 25 outside, but I feel colder by a landslide Cause that day everything changed–when you left. I get a ’50s vibe, though. So, cool.

Leo SC raps friendlily “Where’s Santa Claus at?” Waiting and waiting: 24th, I had a dream that the day was here–25, I had a blast with all the Christmas cheer. Happy endings for Xmas!

Lively and shakin’ it, Sugies dances R+B into “25 Days (Into the 12th).” It’s prepped, decked, and ready. Happymaking.

Half rap, haf glee club, half autotune, “Once a Year” is a jubilant paean to Christmas from Buskin & LilJB. Infectious.

Childish BLUE ALERT set to ‘Nutcracker,’ Seriously Sam endears us with his enthusiastic (and competitive) love of that time of the year in “Bitch It’s Christmas.” Damn.

Can Xmas bring out the little one in you? I could really use a good pick-me-up; Can December 25 hurry up? beckons the pop “Roll on Christmas” from George Pelham. Persistent timpani.

Or the full-grown fools never adult at all. “Beat 5” by Kingdom of McChikcen rando-raps the wishes and ‘responsibilities’ [Grab the keys to the Saturn, turn on the ignition  Gettin’ home for December 25th is our mission] of the greedy. Grow up already!

Walking around in the 25 degree-ed weather, Kval miss being a kid in “Christmas is Bliss.” This sad, plodding alt-pop requiem for lost innocence haunts our Christmas spirit.

Numerology reaches into “Christmas is a Special Day” by Fats Domino. Since the difference of the digits of the 25th is 3, Jesus rises on the 3rd day, but lived until he was 33. (What was a good life span back then??) Sounds like an Easter message, but it’s honestly a go-to-church message. To the blues.

Alt rock from The Fall jumbles Jerusalem with Prestwich while observing The Laird’s birth and death (at the age of 33 Which is as good a time as any). “Xmas with Simon” is a true curiosity. Celebrate it!

Ted Leo gets punk with his requiem “Annunciation/Born on Christmas Day.” The Falkland Island War may have done in a mate of the artist’s as in Matty, you were born on Christmas day And just like the one they call Jesus Christ you had thirty-three years before they sent you on your way. Holidays, at times, are more than a celebrated mass, they are a way to mark your calendars. Legit song.

OneNamedPeter was not happy during COVID-19 when “Christmas is Cancelled.” His Brit pop bemoans the losses, including the wasted ten-ton turkey enough to feed 33.

Jamie Grace conjures Christmas any time when My 33’s on my Panasonic Like a cotton candy maker spinning with harmonics And my mama’s singing to it My daddy’s dancing to it…. “Christmas Together” is a real celebration, because of the music (wild, hand-clappin folk-pop). I mean, that’s my mission statement.