Rappers oft enjoy a wordplay, like having sexy girls interested in them for Christmas. Three hos, y’see. Like Santa’s chuckle, aight? Most of these are boys being nasty a-hole Boyz. But we’ll allow some near-mysogynistics: “Iced Out Christmas” by Dustinfool (feat. Baoii) is (practically) good clean fun.
“All The Way” dares to rap about love. But Chance the Rapper and Jeremih refrain: Hey, I got three hoes on the way (on the way) Got ’bout three hoes on my sleigh (I make it sleigh), so i dunno. Just having fun, i guess.
Snoop Dogg (ft. C.S. Armstrong & Lil Half Dead) bring us “3 Hos for the Holidays.” Swirly and twirly hijinx, Got that?
Gettin’ BLUE ALERT “Holiday Spirit (Merry Christmas)” by Ray Rav (feat. Chillin’ Chad) is still adolescent wilding rap: On my wishlist I want a banana porche, 3 hoes like I’m Santa Claus–Kiss under the missletoe. Good dirty fun.
Turns out when white people sing sprightly pop “3 Hos” is actually about Santa’s catch phrase. Kiesza & Chris Malinchak go full show tune pop. Still BLUE ALERT, though.
Nostalgia is killing Lori McKenna, stuck out of state and yearning for that family portrait she no longer has–country pop style: Three sisters in pajamas at the top of the stairs, Mom and Dad saying, y’all wait right there. “North Pole” is as far as that memory, y’all.
Evocative blues-pop from Rickie Lee Jones pictures: The streets are all empty, But for we three Queens Who follow the fire Of an old guitar That burns so bright Over the local bar. “Christmas in New Orleans” is like that.
Matt Dorrien moves from Portland in time to have “Christmas in L.A.” Soft rock to pick the neighborhood: Three decades ago Wasn’t safe after dark. But it’s gonna be okay. ‘Cuz Christmas.
MxPx want you to have enough cheer in the rocking “Christmas Day.” How much is enow? There’s Chistmas cheer, enough to last you three whole years! Get some!
One of my favorite comedy ‘bits’ about being split up for Xmas is “Xmas Blues” by Big Tyme. In this spoken word masterpiece, Otis is banging on the door wanting Bonquisha to let him in for a Merry Christmas. He admits three years ago, he bought crabs instead of ham… but this year’ll be better.
Sadder is Ondara’s “Mother Christmas.” Oh, I want my mother here for Christmas; Oh, it’s been three years and oh I miss her goes the lament in bluesy pop. Three years? I guess that’s enough time to think about what you did.
Rebound time with The Kota, autotune rap/R+Bing who confesses, My heart was broke three years ago; I don’t wanna spend thе holidays here alone–My hеart still been healing though. “Christmas on the Channel” is the answer to seasonally affected time.
Kristin Hope Key is having a bad season: Late for work three weeks in a row… and so much worse! But in her best jazzy horrid audio she torch sings “All I Want for Christmas is Forgiveness.” What would the birthday boy do?
Carbon Leaf is picking and grinning in the luscious countdown “Christmas Child.” Starting three weeks out they run us to the breathless conclusion with joy. Pop by way of bluegrass.
Is 4 in the morning late or early? Zac Schultze Gang notices Just when I am thinking That the night is at an end, I end up in Coyotes and I’m there till 4AM in “A Medway Christmas.” That’s one of those ancient type locales in eastern England; so pop Brit rock.
Four o’clock, and I’m still up is also a problem for the poet-troubadour Cyrus Dali Vesuvala on his electric softt pop “Christmas Morning.”
Lil Kuzi recalls his Christmas List finally done I was up til four, when he heard a sound… But, BLUE ALERT it wasn’t nothing but his over imaginative conscience. “Saint Nick” lands like rap existentialism.
King Virtue couldn’t wait, so like most kids he’s up by 4 A.M. in “Christmas is My Favorite Holiday.” Fun rock with lots of pop music tinseled over it.
The Veras rock the family get-together, though Grandad‘ll be sound asleep by ten to four. “Have a Merry Christmas Time” is still a party and a half.
Destinee Maree is all about the home for the holidays. [Dinners at 4 and you better not be late.] She even swaps out boots, coats and rings off the gift list for the most precious things Love, life, family. “Everything” is lulling R+B sweetness.
Cainn9ne (feat. Trey K) raps the at-home life as well, but Granny out here baking cookies: We ate em after four–so there are house rules. “It’s That Time” may have multiple meanings.
Silver Mouth notes the sun setting at a quarter past four, so maybe this siren pop is more southernly. Regardless “Hold On.”
Back to Christmas morning. The Stew Boys are begging BLUE ALERT! for Christmas off, but instead they’re up at 4 A.M. to “Make the Stew.” Hope you’re happy. The plodding pop makes me quite so.
Even Blurry Videos prog rocks the terrible scene at the gravesite around the holidays: Today marks five years Since the accident on Mount Bliss. “On This Christmas Eve” is strangely upbeat in its journey to closure. Xmas spirit?
3LW has a problem: My man Came to the door, my gift in his hand; We been going out for four or five months… But, when gift is revealed they can only exclaim “Ahh Hell Nah” in their sweetest R+B rap.
Is five months long enough? Kyle Deutsch reveals on “You Told Santa“:We five months over now: I hear the sleigh bells ring it’s Christmas time again And I just can’t believe that you’re not here with me. R+B with a hopeful refrain.
Young Mister turns the tables on the kids when he admits Now it’s only the end of November, 5 weeks and counting until I get to let you open your presents and watch your heart as it fills about his young son. “Christmas, Come Early This Year” he wants with fine indie folk pop.
Wanting to be the “Elf” Katie Dwyer · Sunflower Summit · Jessie Max present an unconventional holiday gift-giving anticipation: I quite like my boyfriend; It’s only been five weeks–I dunno if he loves me, But I know he likes His face in my double D’s! Indie pop for when the kids aren’t around.
Is five the best age for Christmas Day?? Valerie Warntz misses it: Now I can’t feel this Magical Mood like I am 5 years, she mourns in “Oh, Winter,” a sad, melodic indie about lost innocence–right when you need it.
Mentally I’m at a five But it helps that spirit’s high, chortles Carl Does Music for the industrial pop “Christmas Now.” This de-aging is like temporary insanity.
Cheesy show tune from Lea Michele admits that you may Find me on Broadway or at the ballet And I’m five years old again, Making my wish list, but all I wish is For another “Christmas in New York.” Calling the Hallmark Channel.
It’s the Same feeling since I was five, adds Tori Kelly with yodeling pop country childishness. “Kid Again on Christmas” is all the R+B feels, but white.
Was it all that, tho? In The Beach Boys’ “Santa’s Beard” the little bro stood in line and he shook like a leaf; He’s only five and a half goin’ on six. But then he exposes the Santa imposter! Big brother seems to suffer more trauma. Surf pop.
BLUE ALERT Eazy-E admits: I used to believe in Saint Dick when Elvis was alive, But all the fucking bullshit got played when I was five. “Merry Muthafuckin’ Xmas” is a party rap with no inhibition.
Back when I was five Christmas was magical. But “Christmas Lights” trigger regret for Rauf Yusuf with swinging pop regrets over family loss. Growing up’s hard.
Helen Arney sings of David who When he was 5 years old, A snowman knocked him out cold. “Never Built a Snowman” seems to be the worst of his worries in this epic pop tragedy. What a story.
Miracles matter at this age. In “Christmas Cheer” HXLT hasn’t much for his five year old son, but the anthem rock reveals his brother is going card max out for the nephew. That’s a holiday ending. Take it.
Tremulo on cliches, five-year-old identity vs. role confusion, swirly pop music… “That’s What Christmas Really Means to Me,” according to Paul & Friends. ‘Nuff said.
A long dead five-year -old wrote “The Old Christmas Letter” found in an auctioned desk. Eagleman Band strum and plod their way through this tear-jerker with listless country.
…there’s a place, yeah, that I know Where you can fall in love like you’re five years old, says Matt Luneburg in the light pop mysticism of “Christmas Land.” Despite wars and strife, we have a refuge for our inner litt’lun. Good.
In “For Christmas Sake” by New Found Glory we get a better sense of the young: Eyes wide, it’s Christmas morning: Five years old, I’m hoping GI Joes; And Castle Grey Skull would make me the king of the block. They conclude, So I stay young Like the way it was… For Christmas sake. Well put. Light rock.
Hard rock to express hard BLUE ALERT feelings: It breaks my heart to know that you don’t miss us; I’m buried under six feet of fucking snow. Derek Christiansen uses edible metaphors like “Egg Nog” to register his disgusted disappointment. Hardcore.
“6Ft Winter” by LEADR, Wundr., Alexander Tang is a terrifying prospect: 6ft winter… Santa’s not around… I know the sun will shine again. Gentle pop, just to add to the edginess.
Leaning towards a vacation, Ben Danaher (feat. Ashley Ray) But I can’t leave with 6 feet of snow on the ground. He soon realizes it’s “Just Like Christmas” to kick you when you’re down. Cowboy country.
Figurative about the snowfall, LYGA suffers rejection “Under the Snow.” I’ll stand outside ignoring the cold Shivering in memory Til I’m six feet under in snow. Pop doldrums.
A strange metal attitude fills Albert Fishing Trip’s macabre sprightly folk pop “Blanket of Snow.” All the world is filled with glee But oh no, no, not me Because grandma is dead now And grandpa is six feet under Covered in a blanket of snow…. Just a little mortal perspective for the holidays. And holy shit.
Social distancing during the pandemic Xmases of 2020 (and even 2021) resulted in a loss of spirit, as heard in “I Miss You” by Crz N Go Sounds. Funky rap that points out: I can’t help but complain about this, Six feet apart It’s way too far—
“Lonely Christmas” can result from This time My imaginary art Is to hold you in my arms, But we’re still six feet apart. Milan Tausch slows the role to pop tragedian. (Hint: bring a translator.)
Louie Volta has a warning for Santa this “COVID Christmas“: So save your sleigh for another day And stay six feet away. Swinging lounge easy listening. But a downer.
Creature Comfort also recommends Santa comes when I’m asleep Six feet from me he shall keep. But in this “Christmas in Quarantine” he’s got a bubble (I’ve got you Under the mistletoe). Blues rock, but well planned.
Sarah Larkin, on the other hand, relates her family’s dysfunctions, so “I’ll be in Quarantine for Christmas” is not so bad, And I’ll enjoy Christmas beyond a 6 foot distance. Sassy Dixieland ukulele fun.
Jacob Restituto makes the best of it with electronic bopping in “Christmas in Quarantine.” I’m giving love without reason ‘Cause you know it’s the Season Six feet, but I still feel close to you. So much silver lining, i can’t see the grey clouds at all.
Making a statement, Pauli’s “Covid Christmas” pop sirens out better angels like: Unless it’s essential I’ll just put my mask on–Six feet apart showin’ kindness it ain’t that hard to do; Love’s in the air but you know Covid is too. She’s enlightened, and you can be, too. (Used to think Corona was just a beer.)
Taking a stand, The Liggetts claim nothing can’t stop the Nativity! in “Christmas in Quarantine.” Can we sing our neighbors carols; Leave some treats at their door If we promise to keep it Six feet or more? Electronic pop/rock for the whole family.
Amateur ‘Holly Jolly’ parody “Covid Christmas” from Lossed Soul gets scary: Don′t forget your mask ya know and you better keep 6 feet–Oh, no its COVID tho in everyone you see Somebodys close to you then you’re six feet deep. Laughing? Crying? Bored?
More a freestyle scat than a rap, “Merry Christmas in the Land of the Free” by ‘James Watson, Sr.’ proclaims: Men and women are still standing under the mistletoe Blowing kisses six feet away and Wishing for the throwback days Of juliet and Romeo. Let’s see–Nose shining brightly and pumpkin spice coffee are mixed with still under the British colony and the virus took away many… Super weird.
Jazz lounge sexiness from Leslie Elaine in “Social Distance Christmas.” And when Santa comes on his sleigh (Hey!) He better stay six feet away! actually empowering.
Also a bit pissy, Abbey Scott sings “Quarantine Christmas” like a pop diva. Hanging up my stockings 6 feet a part and Setting all my presents 6 feet a part. Toilet paper for my Xmas list!
Upbeat pop and fun imagery lift up Emily Seibert’s “Quarantine Christmas.” Fight over a turkey with a six-foot pole Lose, go home and eat the cookie dough roll! Now i’m nostalgic for house arrest!
Libby Hammer addresses that confusing Australian “Christmas in the Summertime” with kidsong frenzy. I’m gonna spend six weeks In the swimming pool, she brags (but recommends sun screen).
Ariana Grande counts the days with her boo in “True Love.” After six days in your arms I got that tattoo on my heart. Singing about love in pop music means never having to say you’re sorry.
Kristin Wilson is sorry she fell in love–with a guy who left! Her “Christmas Wish” is to control time: I know New Years’ Eve is just six days away but I don’t want to start a new year feeling This way. Woo woo extra-slow pop,
Latitude matters: It doesn’t help the sun for six damn days it disappears And on the seventh day it drags us kickin’ into a New Year, declares “S.A.D. Xmas” according to Kevin Hansen with superior indie sentimentality.
Never too late to wish: Six days till Christmas And I don’t know what I need; I just know that when it gets here I want you there with me. Sultry R+B from Liz Elias in the form of “Six Days Till Christmas.” Loving.
Frida Hyvönen misses something else around the holidays. Six hours back across the ocean is something called “N.Y.” Her fortissimo lounge pop makes clear her Christmas wish. Let her have it. She’s good.
After Halloween “Suddenly it’s Christmas” Seven weeks before the day. Loudon Wainwright III morosely serenades with uke folk about the longest holiday. Ha!
American Mammoth Jackstock wishes “Merry Christmas Lonelies” with calm, unplugged rock and acid-washed psychedelic lyrics: on a thursday, seven months, now: you exploded; didn’t know how. Search me.
Shocked to be alone on Christmas Eve, Getaway Car rocks out Seven months ago We were all right, I believed it. But this is an “All Time Low.” Stop believin’.
Trying to get back into the season, Rakz Radiant reveals It’s been 7 years since I got into this scene. But the rap “Get Sleighed” is too cool to ever get jolly.
Brutalligators has spent almost seven holidays Eleven thousand miles away from you–on the other side of the equator! So then “Christmas in July” for him would be the right kind of weather for you. Gentle rock serenading sells it.
Regrets galore [I miss everyone i’ve ever met but a few of you more sharply] from Ember Knight about a certain someone taken for granted. There was trouble And i didn’t snitch for 7 years and then it was too late. But in her “Christmas Song” she still asks if you’ll remember her on the holidays. Grand piano pop.
Ella Ion plays that game in reverse, calling out someone in her driving pop “Christmas” song–You’ve wasted seven years now. But she wants you know she’ll be there for you.
Every Christmas morning for the last seven years Queen Elizabitch III has been eyeballing the mantle and suffering “Stocking Envy” over her sister’s loot. BLUE ALERT, but it’s sibling rivalry so it’s understandable. Catty pop.
Leo Yang does a piano bar whisper about being a child and kinda overdoing the Christmas morning with stockings in the bed, getting up at 7 to attack the boxes, and such. But “The Most Heavenly Christmas Gift” is some angelic house call. Dreamy. But scary.
It was 7 in the morning; I checked if he was snoring, claims Benjamin Rinartz (feat. Sai Crutchfield, Konner Remlinger & Tyler Wilson) after the garage rock reveal “Santa Ate My Brownie.” BLUE ALERT reactions ensue.
EXP recalls getting up at 5AM as a child, now UK-rapping during this decade, “Christmas at the 20 Summat,” he doesn’t want to get up with the nieces at 7AM… So I’m getting up to 7 presents, then I’m getting drunk–will be all that’ll happen. Why rush it?
“Christmas Morning” is the morning after for Fralphie Jenkins. BLUE ALERT though, ‘cuz he’s not a happy hangover kinda guy; despite saying: It’s 7 am, the Ubers outside, You guys take off, I’ll be alright. There’s trash, it’s a mess, he’s sodden… merry yeah.
Newland has naughty plans for his bae when he’ll be “Home for the Holidays.” I’ll pull up at the crib around seven, he raps expectantly. Be ready.
It’s seven o’ clock and I’m on my way Eating the miles down this highway croons Brian McKnight in the schlocky country tune “Christmas You and Me.” But then it’s eleven o’clock… and he’s not there yet. Don’t wait up, kids.
Admitting she’s late Cece Williams swans: Flight arrivals are a bit delayed; Party’s at 7 and I’m gonna late, Still a few more gifts to buy. Funky pop for “It’s Christmas” creates a somber yet elegant mood.
