Sing a Song of Singing Songs: b’way

The 1992 musical ‘Scrooge’ (Anthony Newly in London) (2004 had Richard Chamberlin on Broadway) opens with the ensemble “Sing a Christmas Carol.” Gee, that’s loud.

Radio City Music Hall pulls out all the stops (stop being original, stop being clever, stop making sense) with “Sing a Little Song of Christmas.” It’s not little, and it’s much more about The Great White Way than the one true way. Bleh.

Sing a Song of Singing Songs: another

Self reference sells The Lucky Face’s (feat. Lizzie London) “Just Another Christmas Song.” Folk rock with a wink and a nod and a tongue in a cheek and a leg pulled. Ouch already, my funny bone!

Stephen Colbert mashes up the gray area between vacuous formula horse-beating, and the irony of it all. Judge “Another Christmas Song” with your side-eyes, yourself. It’s all in either way.

As Seen on TV: Bob’s Burgers

Rarely has a smudgily drawn cartoon about middle class losers of–at best–annoying personality traits been rendered with and received so much talent and love. The show is at times cringeworthy and at others breathtaking, without any warning.

The songs are often brilliant. Though they can be headscratching…

The Bleaken” is the marching song of the Belcher children on their way to confront a Christmas demon who steals presents. The song only has a couple lines, but a fan here are stitched together snippets to form the metallic battle cry anthem here.

During the same episode the mother stumbles upon a rave that has been constructed out of her stolen neighborhood decorations, but relents when the Queen of the Ball sings “Twinkly Lights.” R+B party music. The “Reprise” is actually better (a trademark of the show is the end credits music.)

The music also inspires groups to replicate it. The Nationals makeover “Christmas Magic” as an alt folk dirge. The original is noisy and crazy as a group improv folk number.

Rerun: “The Spirits of Christmas” is sung by landlord about the reason for the season–glug glug glug.

Linda’s Christmas Dream” is the apotheosis of the sudden fragmentary musical number out of nowhere teaching us to live above our misery. Showstopping diva symphonics. (Mr. Present sounds nice.)

Let’s end on one of those end credit pieces. “We Can’t Spell Christmas Without US” wails and sells the jazzy show tune out of the park.

As Seen on TV: Phineas and Ferb

This Rocko’s Modern Life descendant is a musical cartoon about adventurous step-brothers, but as a Disney channel kidstoon the songs are a given. Since the songs have been nommed for awards, we’ll give some of the 2010 album a listen.

Winter Vacation” is a good place to start. for to look over the setting, meet the characters, and glimpse their unlikely adventures. Disneyfied rock, but Bowling for Soup thank you very much. The inevitably drippy pop song “That Christmas Feeling” comes from Olivia Olsen, the daughter of the evil mad scientist.

The signature childhood angst of the show finds form in older sister Candace’s ’50s pop lament “What Does He Want?” and the entire cast’s showtune anthem “Where Did We Go Wrong?” (Don’t fret, those are answered in “Danville for Niceness” and “Thank You Santa.” Happy endings, all!)

Most kids’ favorites for the show are the hero-nemesis duo of the pet platypus Agent P (featured in a commercial promo for the show, as he doesn’t get a whole lot of song or vocals, “We Wish You a Perry Christmas“) and Dr. Doofenshmirtz the not-so-confident mastermind, whose conflicted song “I Really don’t Hate Christmas” is a virtuoso of character constricted vocal chords (think Daffy Duck a la Gilbert and Sullivan).

As Seen on TV: South Park BLUE ALERT

Trey Parker and Matt Stone didn’t just change television cartoons… okay, they actually haven’t done much else (maybe a B’way musical hit–but that’s it).

The 1999 holiday album was a great boon for us in the novelty fan base, so let’s visit the few songs i haven’t mentioned over and over.

Christmas Time in Hell” revisits Satan, a family favorite, name-dropping the disfavored. The song, nevertheless, is showtune heaven.

Given our current political climate, let’s celebrate “Merry Fucking Christmas” to fight the war on equity.

As Seen on TV: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy/Clone High/Invader Zim

A Cartoon Network show that never caught on (too hip?), but was reincarnated at least twice, season 4’s ender was jolly romp to cure Santa of vampirism with Death and the Head Vampire (Malcolm McDowell) trailing the way to the North Pole. As is their wont, these mythoids sing while trekking (cf. ‘The Wizard of Oz’). Thus “We’re Off,” a snippet of silliness (near the end of this cute clip).

More envelope pushing, this time from MTV. Clones of historical icons are raised in a gov’t facility, and go through awkward puberty all at the same time. But they have limited cultural influences. No actual Christmas, although they celebrate clone day with lamb tacos, cabbage patch dances and the holiday’s figurehead, a pirate named Snowflake Jake, who brings children delicious spices if they threaten him just right.

You’re getting this, right?

Don’t believe me! Try a mock album of “Snowflake Songs” by the JFK clone.

A Nick Toon that didn’t get off the ground (or enslave the planet), a dark allegory for the hopelessness of man, a so-so sci-fi apocalypso (of cult proportions)… the end of the series was the usual Santa as doombot. (Well, it’s usual NOW.) “Bow Down” from the series was reprised at this year’s SanDiego Comicon by the creators (about minute 8), and also gets a cover by youtuber Meri Amber.

As Seen on TV: Jimmy Neutron

A less Nazi-sounding Dexter, the boy genius of Nickolodeon has more realistic playground and family problems than the Cartoon Network version. But he still disagrees with Santa on a scientific basis. In his second season in ‘Holly Jolly Season’ he walks a million miles in the jolly old elf’s slippers to learn his lesson, but not before first suffering the indignities of grade school adulation for these ridiculous myths. “Basking in the Warmth of Christmas” is a jazzy show tune of faith vs. doubt.

As Seen on TV: Dora the Explorer

If Carmen Sandiego can fool people into learning, surely the prepubescent Latina can as well.

Most of the ‘songs’ on the album Dora’s Christmas are either trad carols or children’s pap without any mention of any variation of any holiday.

Notable exceptions to our disappointment include the infrequently heard Espanol Christmas Eve carol “Nochebuena.” Just this much short of mariachi, but a bit of the fun.

If you know the show, you know the klepto ‘coon and his problems. So Dora’s “No Swiping on Christmas” should come as no surprise. Melodramatic interactive show tune! Shout answers to her for goodness’ sake. (And get that varmint some therapy; did you hear his excuse?)

As Seen on TV: Pokémon

The highest grossing media franchise of all time does indeed have a Christmas album, Virginia. It varies from smelly schmaltz (“I’m Giving Santa a Pikachu for Christmas“)

to annoying preteen pop (“Christmas is the Coolest Time of the Year“)

to oddly affecting altpop (“I Keep My Home in My Heart.”)

The all out unabashed commercial fan grab is “Pokemon Christmas Bash.” Hello, Pallet Town!

My favorite (?) is the snarky Meowth snarling “Nobody Don’t Like Christmas.” All holidays come under fire. But, wait for the final twist. Show tune vaudeville.