Category: metal

A President Grant seems to be the respectful gift limit for Xmas. More is trying too hard (or covering something up), less is bargaining.

BLUE ALERT Frostbyt3 (feat. Josh Coleman) raps about the frustrations of shopping as well. in “Wishlist” he laments Walmart or Target, I got fifty bucks And the line is so long that I know that I’m stuck For an hour at least. Sad.

BLUE ALERT Boosie Badazz paints a prettier picture of “Santa Claus of the Ghetto.” In this rap A fifty dollar bill will make a kid smile bright
Thank you, Mr. Dope Dealer.

BLUE ALERT Mini Meish has a “Wishlist” that’s pretty naughty: some new titties Wit a big ole ass and hundreds and 50s–and that’s not including the sexual favors she’d like added. Girl rap.

BLUE ALERT “Red Christmas” from Ray León seems to whipsaw between killing and paying. Shawty like 50 and think she still lit: Imagine her raising them kids. Petty like 50 on insta,  Results of the life that I’ve lived. Is that dollars? It’s intense, even for rap.

TIMŌRĀTUS presents us a charming heavy metal journey: “Christmas Present Conundrum (Courtney’s Crisis).” What should she get the hubby–last minute? Should it be a fifty dollar Starbucks card??? stay tuned!

Nihilism all wrapped up with a bow from Christmas Cretin in the form of “Androgynous Grinch Groove .” Apparently No one cares In the 484 In the 610 about the people of Allentown and parts west of Philly. A sample of Cat Stevens later and it’s all poop-a-doop-doop. Guess i don’t care about this raging techno metal.

From First to Last metal rages about how crappy Christmas is (Santa’s going to die!), but in their “Christmassacre” they do ask that you call Pete Went from Fall Out Boy and supply his phone digits, starting with 847…. (You better call him, he’s in Fall Out Boy, you better call him.) Is this a prank?

The Cuntifiers want you to know that since the constitution of this united nation, pretty much only the whites have happily celebrated in ways like Christmas. Their “White Christmas 1789” attempts to expose the disconnect if you didn’t know about it quite yet. Screaming punk metal.

Carach Angren take us way back to when Colonel Loftus was haunted by a Christmas mother in the symphonic/metal “After Death Premises.” This must belong to the category of scary ghost stories we hear about in the song ‘It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.’

Hooray for Sabadu! Gorgeous metal novelty “Polish Christmas” has a 1942 Polish Santa shooting Hitler ’til he died. Glorious bastard.

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I guess it’s an underdog thing, to include the final two of Santa’s reindeer as a team. I thought it was every stag for itself.

But here’s a metal thrashing saga about “Donner and Blitzen” from Rob Halford that might shine a new light on those minxes. Feel free to compare that to Thor‘s rockabilly influenced metal cover.

Prancer is a fun reindeer name. Probably inspires fun songs.

“The Head of Prancer” is what happens to noisy neighbors in the wrong ‘hood. Santa’s Angry Elves ease up on their usual metal thrashings to make merry with this prey animal.

Did we return to lonely Christmasses without you yet? We never left! Let’s uncover the charts….

“Another Holiday” is electro-R+B/rap from Kinney wishing for it to be okay. He’s not fooling anybody. Well, himself.

“Another Wonderful Christmas” is the sloshy squealy sentiment of Gee! It’s Here! Yay! Joey + Rory’s aw shucks country stylings make it down home. (Then, shh, at the end… heh heh, she gets all fed up! Now it’s my favorite!)

Nashional (feat. Vincent Vega) twangs out the country sadness with “Another Christmas with You Gone.” He can’t go on. But his song does.

Metal time: Stranglehold makes the point that Xmas is merely “Another Night Alone.” The pain is visceral. So are the drums.