Category: jazz

Presents of Mine: so bad

What’s worse than NO presents for Christmas? Bad presents. Some givers just have a knack.

Of course, the classic here is the comic parody “The Twelve Gifts of Christmas” by Allan Sherman. Surely you’ve heard this one. And all that other stuff.

Annoying Orange you might suppose gives terribly, just as it sings “Christmas is for Giving” terribly. Kidsong crap.

The stupid techno song apparently is “This is Your Crappy Christmas Present.” Cosmicity. Now dance.

A Taylor Swift parody i’ve used before (‘Blank Space’) addresses the “Bad Gift.” Free Beer Productions try their best.

Whit Hill deliver us unto wonderful bluegrass with “Jasper’s Worst Christmas.” Pajamas!! (Yet, the brat deserved no less.)

BLUE ALERT Lil Poverty Angels work the system with “Bounced Checks as Christmas Gifts.” Electro-rap with an edge.

Stars from the Nick channel appear in a holiday special of some comic merit preaching how “Bad Giftin’ Grannies” are what you deserve, you thoughtless punks. Pop hip hop.

Axis of Awesome present the jazz showtune “What a Terrible Gift” like a piano bar downer. What a Great song.

Presents of Mine: i’m shaking to open up

What’s in that Xmas box? WHAT IS IT? Feel it, heft it, shake it! Open it!

A wonderful parody i’ve shared earlier is the Spaff master Dave Rudolf pranking us with “What Present’s This?” No tag? But, it’s enormous! Mine!

Less decipherable is the electronic metal of Kiwi in “What’s in the Present Box?” What a mash up!

Kidsong wants to ruin the fun with proper behavior in music. “Don’t Shake the Presents” by Gerry and The Crocodettes warns about spoiler alerts or some such humbuggery. Faw. Pretty good ragtimey rock.

“Little Wrapped Gift” from Rough Shop harmonizes some kid folk about impatience. Nice.

Another gutbuster for me is Toby Turner riffing on the Creed ‘Arms Wide’ song with “Who Opened the Presents.” Damn i like this one. (Some censoring for your viewing comfort.)

Less hilario is Jayden Rodrigues with “Open Presents Time” to Gangnam Style. Yeah.

Cool jazz from Kevin Kammeraad and Friends about “Opening Gifts.” They were in a hurry and (even with scat interlude) got ’em opened in one minute.

Presents of Mine: the old switcheroo

Santa gives presents. How ’bout we reciprocate? (No–above and beyond milk and cookies.)

“Let’s Give a Present to Santa Claus” from Rosemary Clooney is so syrupy the best she can offer is peace and goodwill to men. That’s the present. Jesus.

Chanting kidsong from Scott Fagan also cornerstones the love we feel for the Big Deliverer. “A Christmas Present for Santa Claus” seems to be the present. Hope you kept the receipt.

Eddy Arnold leaves a cooler “Present for Santa Claus:” a flashlight! Useful (if no Rudolph)!

Although Raymond Wolf subvocalizes his tambourine pop “A Present for Santa,” i think he wants to give charity. What?

WATCH OUT–Sarah Taylor claims “I’ve Got a Present for Santa” but seems to have to be undressed to give it. Bossa nova suggestive jazz for a present you can actually get your hands on.

Presents of Mine: specifically BLUE

Very special presents might be behind closed doors.

Two for one: NewSong’s “The Christmas Shoes” is a merciless manipulator of mush (poor kid wants his dying mom to git a present). The Robert Lund parody “The Christmas Thong” slaps middle class morality ‘cross the balls. Thank you, Spaff.

Margaret Cho and Red Peters open “The Christmas Gift.” It’s fellatio. BLUE ALERT

I’ll let you work out the naughtiness of the riddim from Popcaan in “Christmas Gift.” Yes, it’s BLUE. But a great dance tune.

I like the sly sultry bluesy jazz of BadaBing BadaBoom better. “I’m Your Present” says Go Mae West, Young Man. Double entendre rawr.

Presents on Mine: quit gifting yourself

Some also rans in the gargantuan category of Love Present for Christmas deserve some partial listening to.

Maria Aragon (w/Liona Boyd) corrida pop on “My Special Christmas Present is You.” I like how hard it is to identify the genre.

Special needs Guys and Dolls have an actual message in their pop folk “Don’t Worry About Presents This Christmas (Just Give Me Your Time).” No, they can’t sing, but they can make you feel pretty awful about yourself.

Hot (but slightly square) jazz from Gordy Pratt (feat. Christina Watson) seduces you with “I’m a Present.” Clever mom wit.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Scrub Out the Idea of a Tree

“What is Christmas Without a Tree?” wonder Sno Cones with pop rock, tambourine, and Spanish guitar. (It’s like Easter without the bunny.) (It’s like this blog without this song.)

As mentioned afore, location may determine the availability of a good tree. Rusty Wellington pushes the c-western envelope with “There’s No Christmas Tree in Vietnam.” Our boys!

But, no trees in Trini?! “No Trees for We” worry General Grant with some shakin’ parang.

There’s not no Christmas tree in Butterbeans & Susie’s comedy ragtime “Papa Ain’t No Santa Claus, and Mama Ain’t No Christmas Tree.” It’s all comparative symbolism. And insults.

Treemouth wonders about the should have beens while rocking out about the loss of his “Christmas Tree.” He’s got none. Sad. But rhythmic.

Big R+B from Roy C who has no woman no cry no tree in “Christmas Without a Tree.” Ain’t nobody here but me. Blue now.

Minister Johnson classily cools R+B with a larcenous libretto about a B+E in “Where’s My Christmas Tree?” Poor screaming guy, they even took his biscuits!

It’s so beautiful, even “Aliens Stole My Christmas Tree.” anote4you revisits on of my favorite hillbilly breakdowns.

Wild swinging rockabilly from The Ridin Dudes (TRD) who got the blues, but ain’t got “No Christmas Tree.” Blue Christmas, baby.

Autulume suggests next year to have “A Christmas Tree.” Good plan. Symphonic jazz fun.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: The Aluminum Supplanter

Steven Weeks (i told you this before) coolcoolcools the jazz-folk for his “Aluminum Christmas Tree.” Praise the reprise.

David DeBoy countries up the comedy in a (repeated) funny “Aluminum Christmas Tree.” Hmm.

My personal fave, Benny Grunch & The Bunch get down south with “I Could See the Aluminum Tree Through the Pitcha Winda.” Meditative nostalgic Nawlins jazz.

Mumbling through some folky bluegrass the guitar plus me nasally drones out “Aluminum Xmas Trees” because that’s the problem and the solution… i guess.

Michael Franks (yeah ‘Popsicle Toes’) lays down the romantic hyperactive jazz irony with “I Bought You a Plastic Star (for Your Aluminum Tree.” Just go with it.

Joe Hammel gets Catskills with a jazzy softshoe number “The Aluminum Christmas Tree.” It’s POV the tree, so keep the hankies nearby.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Make Like a Tree and Leaf!

It’s Christmas! How could you be so horrible! Get away from my Christmas tree!

Mr. Richard & the Pound Hounds vants to be levt alone! “Up in My Christmas Tree” is where he’s hiding from All Of YOU! Go Away! …fun, wispy country rock.

Dick Stratton & The Nite Owls surely swing that country tune when they stare down their insignificant other and state “I Wouldn’t Have You on My Christmas Tree.” You’re no angel, you hussy!

Pure 1966 country corn from Loretta Lynn who invites you not to come back home, because “I Won’t Decorate Your Christmas Tree This Year.” She’s going home to Mama, you beast!

James Apollo gets the bongo beating, finger popping cool jazz hot with “Go Trim Another Tree.” Don’t come round here! He’s serious.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Family Pinaceae

It’s all about family, the Christmas tree. I mean, doy!

Sometimes it’s only for Dad. “My Father’s Christmas Tree” honors a WWII vet in the best way, decorating some fauna for a month. Spiritually amateurish sort-of country.

Mom and Dad time! J D Wages have the ‘rents reminisce to the glow of the lights “On Our Christmas Tree.” Pop country with a two-step proclivity. The drawling full on country version hails from The Animal Band.

Modern lite jazz from Roland Everett Fall who has stories to tell from his “Christmas Tree Memories.” Most feature a good Daddy.

“The Christmas Tree in Mother’s House” is the doorway to nasal nostalgia. Larry Whinnery whispers his country lullaby.

La la la, blah blah blah, “Christmas Tree” from Neal Lowry thanks God for family, but sings Hawaiian style country to the tree.

Light jazz rock, this time with feeling, from David Barnes. “Family Tree” takes us from the car, to the home, to the distant nostalgia, to the heart of it all. Awww.

All together at last! Let’s credit “The Christmas Tree.” It’s the only reason we hold hands. So says Rick Goldberg with pop pop jiffy pop country swing.

Broken family getting you down? wish you could consolidate two Christmas trees into “One Christmas Tree“? Just ask the good folks at Nitty Gritty Dirt Band for a game plan. They’ll pick and grin ya a fine hearthside yuletide setup.

Family dustups don’t spare the shrubbery! Billy Idol lightly punks in “Yellin’ at the Christmas Tree.” Daddy’s abusive, innit?

Too much family? Poppermost feels your pain with the high-larry-us “Family Christmas Tree.” Swinging pop with a snap and a crackle. You’re not getting away that easily!

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Wood You Love Me?

That tree isn’t just a symbol of Christ’s love for all people, it’s also a symbol of your boy wanting to be with you, girl.

Blacka Devon expresses love with bringing you the “Christmas Tree.” It’s sultry R+B parang to let you know how much that tree should mean to you.

Makayla hits the siren notes when proposing you “Meet Me at the Christmas Tree.” She’ll be the one with batting eyes. Smokey jazz.

Folk Angel (feat. Lauren Chandler) alts up the folk and amps up the anticipation for how quickly they can travel across the miles to meet at “The Christmas Tree.” I’m on the edge of my seat!

Roosevelt Sykes, in a beautifully digitized cleaning of the down and dirty 1930s blues, asks his baby to “Let Me Hang Your Stockings in Your Tree.” But he’s sweet and gentle, not no nasty suitor, no siree.

Phil Mack has gone a long way to tell you he loves you. His country pop with cheap instruments emphasizes the “Light of the Christmas Tree” so he can– see your face? Disconnected but sentimental elements to ensure a hit.

Rockabilly lite from Rick Diaz makes his overtures to her with “I’m Gonna Shake the Decorations Right off Your Christmas Tree.” It’s Elvis for people who don’t know Elvis.

How he met your great-grandmother gets the once over in “Tree of Love,” a shaggy dog story about immigrant proposals, grand gestures, and antique romance. Sabrina and Craig sell it like an introspective show tune.

Nothing says love me like scat. Playing the glottal stops like a pro, PJ Parker coos you to “Jingle Down the Christmas Tree” to swing with her. Get down, boy.