jazz – Page 5 – Novelty Christmas Music

Family Bells

How sad to ring the holiday bell all by your lonesome. Better instead to flock the family ’round those ringers. Christmas bells bring us home

Kenny and Dolly belt out how they’ll be home “With Bells on.” It might be fashion de jure, or it might be merry making mischief. Regardless, they mean it. You can hear it in the pop sorta-country rhythms.

Loreena McKennitt charms “The Bells of Christmas” with whispery hymnalistic come-hither-ness. It’s all about calling you home, baby. Come on now.

The blues will be cured by the baby coming home, that’s just a fact. So Aaron Neville has “The Bells will be Ringing” to signal her home. Raunchy blues just this side of pop.

Sylva itemizes the trappings of the Nativity with “Christmas Bells,” but it’s all about coming home. Jazzy marshmallow-mouthed pop.

ël-No, the twenty-second

The intrinsic suppliers of the poverty paradigm involve shit-out-of-luck parameters that seem out of our control. No Christmas for you and your loved ones, ‘cuz–just ‘cuz.

Scott Anderson honky tonks the blue grass with his spiral into bad luck “Ain’t No Christmas Round Here.” It’s the usual country-western lament, but that banjo just keeps me from cryin’.

Yulenog blows smoky jazz lounge for the gambling addict who leaves it all on the table and “No Christmas” follows his sorry ass home. Pretty messy.

ël-No, the seventeenth

What a powerful metaphor–No Christmas. It’s like a similarity to another unlike thing. Whoa.

David Lee Roth waxes blues-y with his coffee house ramblings in “Ain’t No Christmas.” Like, darkness/no presents. Man.

Nothing to Write Home About

You’ve heard all about it from our friendly neighborweb blog, so what are you naughty ones going to do around December?

“Expect Nothing for Christmas” answers the ever correct Smallfish with their jazzy experimental ditty. ‘Struth.

Vacancy

Or did Santa just mean to single YOU out for no presents?

“Forgot Mrs. Claus” lays the jelly roll blues from Ben Levin onto the possibility that everyone else receives. Of all the omissions you coulda, big guy! Oh!

Zero

Got presents? If the answer is no, then quickly consult our comprehensive checklist: Believe in Santa? Been bad?

There ya go.

“Naughty Naughty Children” get a dose of advice from the bee-bop Rock’n’Roll of Grace Potter & The Nocturnals. Although, try harder might fall on deaf ears.

Lacuna Coil metals the reminder that “Naughty Children” might be passed by–by Santa! Krampus’ll gitcha, tho. For all the terror-pedaling, this is fun.

Gracious Me extrapolates the incorrigibility to the realization that being on “The Naughty List” unholsters all the stress of what you’ll get and allows a for a form of jazzy diva freedom. Swing low, sweet churl.

Baby It’s Coal: bring it

How bad do you have to be to attract anthracite for Advent?

‘Passed out in the manger’ scene? Potshots at flying reindeer? Eastbound Jesus drunk rocks “All I Want for Christmas is Coal” in the most charming way possible.

Baby It’s Coal: you ain’t seen nothing yet

Dare ye to threaten willful kinder with coal for Xmas!? They’ll stack up the attacks to high to measure, is what they will. So i hear.

Shenanigans galore from Paul Mills who power country picks out “Santa Left Me a Lump of Coal” a la Ray Stevens tomfoolery. Please don’t take notes, kids.

Also targeting St. Nick, Eric Eaton throws manners to the wind with his indirect request to Santa in “Coal for Christmas.” Santa my not love them (he’s been caught being bad his own dirty self), but the blues licks light me up.

Ben Smith’s jazzy picking protagonist never met a rule he could abide. Wide berth now for this ragtime wrong-doing roster: “Coal for Christmas.” Here we go!

Xmas Tech Support: telephone

Blasting into the Nineteenth Century the latest whadjamajiggit will allow us to communicate Christmas better.

Why the ‘phone might even replace the postals for catalog ordering! “555-Ho! Ho!” from Hal Willis is the country comedy that gets some to knee slapping. It’s sad, it’s funny, it’s uplifting, AND it’s pretty stupid, too.

Many moons later the idea of a telephone connection is taken pretty much for present. When separated “Christmas on the Telephone” may be the only exchange possible. Thus, saggy smeary pop tunes like Brian Gari’s.

And if you won’t even call… “Christmas by the Phone,” a rock driving country womper of heartbreak from Good Charlotte.

Somewheres over a century ago was recorded “I’ll Telephone to Santa Claus” as sung by Stanley Kirkby on Edison Blue Amberol cylinder 23315, 1914. Get a quiet corner to hearken, children, to the tinny timpani of antique jazz band.

And a Party in a Pear Tree: already in progress

Finally! You’re here! Christmas party is already going strong!

Reggae romping with Donchez Dacres fills the room with opportunities to echo back, spiritualize, and dodge fireworks. “Christmas Party Song” is a trip.

If you’re warmed up enough, i’d like you to trip the light with KiWi and their oddly fantastic “The Christmas Party.” The electronica veers from Russian march to K-pop to fx-sneezing. Come on, that’s a party.

Frenetic K-pop from Nightcore just keeps saying “Christmas Party” over and over with electronic buzzing to fill inbetween. Find me a chair!

Krisanthi Pappas narrates the success of the soiree with her jazzy uptempo “Christmas Party.” Catch up!