Category: jazz

Zero

Got presents? If the answer is no, then quickly consult our comprehensive checklist: Believe in Santa? Been bad?

There ya go.

“Naughty Naughty Children” get a dose of advice from the bee-bop Rock’n’Roll of Grace Potter & The Nocturnals. Although, try harder might fall on deaf ears.

Lacuna Coil metals the reminder that “Naughty Children” might be passed by–by Santa! Krampus’ll gitcha, tho. For all the terror-pedaling, this is fun.

Gracious Me extrapolates the incorrigibility to the realization that being on “The Naughty List” unholsters all the stress of what you’ll get and allows a for a form of jazzy diva freedom. Swing low, sweet churl.

Baby It’s Coal: you ain’t seen nothing yet

Dare ye to threaten willful kinder with coal for Xmas!? They’ll stack up the attacks to high to measure, is what they will. So i hear.

Shenanigans galore from Paul Mills who power country picks out “Santa Left Me a Lump of Coal” a la Ray Stevens tomfoolery. Please don’t take notes, kids.

Also targeting St. Nick, Eric Eaton throws manners to the wind with his indirect request to Santa in “Coal for Christmas.” Santa my not love them (he’s been caught being bad his own dirty self), but the blues licks light me up.

Ben Smith’s jazzy picking protagonist never met a rule he could abide. Wide berth now for this ragtime wrong-doing roster: “Coal for Christmas.” Here we go!

Xmas Tech Support: telephone

Blasting into the Nineteenth Century the latest whadjamajiggit will allow us to communicate Christmas better.

Why the ‘phone might even replace the postals for catalog ordering! “555-Ho! Ho!” from Hal Willis is the country comedy that gets some to knee slapping. It’s sad, it’s funny, it’s uplifting, AND it’s pretty stupid, too.

Many moons later the idea of a telephone connection is taken pretty much for present. When separated “Christmas on the Telephone” may be the only exchange possible. Thus, saggy smeary pop tunes like Brian Gari’s.

And if you won’t even call… “Christmas by the Phone,” a rock driving country womper of heartbreak from Good Charlotte.

Somewheres over a century ago was recorded “I’ll Telephone to Santa Claus” as sung by Stanley Kirkby on Edison Blue Amberol cylinder 23315, 1914. Get a quiet corner to hearken, children, to the tinny timpani of antique jazz band.

And a Party in a Pear Tree: already in progress

Finally! You’re here! Christmas party is already going strong!

Reggae romping with Donchez Dacres fills the room with opportunities to echo back, spiritualize, and dodge fireworks. “Christmas Party Song” is a trip.

If you’re warmed up enough, i’d like you to trip the light with KiWi and their oddly fantastic “The Christmas Party.” The electronica veers from Russian march to K-pop to fx-sneezing. Come on, that’s a party.

Frenetic K-pop from Nightcore just keeps saying “Christmas Party” over and over with electronic buzzing to fill inbetween. Find me a chair!

Krisanthi Pappas narrates the success of the soiree with her jazzy uptempo “Christmas Party.” Catch up!

And a Party in a Pear Tree: left out

Who’s coming to your Xmas shindig? Probably not Frankenstein.

But first, a word on who you really shouldn’t invite. Dom Powell warns you that “Satan is coming to the Christmas Party.” In appropriate light metal, the metaphor rings the bell on bad actors who don’t dig what you’re trying unironically to celebrate.

A Peter Pan Players holiday album Monster Christmas Mash (1974??) follows the Universal Classic Monsters (post Bobby Pickett mashing) as they attempt to integrate into Christianity–but learn their wanting to was all the goodness they ever needed. Or something. The album is bedeviled with silly story, but contains a kids’/Dixieland show stopper from the man-of-many-parts Frankenstein: “Nobody Ever Asked Me to a Christmas Party.” Who would Jesus host?

Dependent Claus: supplantin’ Santa

Can Mrs. Claus do everything Santa can do, backwards in heels? Listen.

Shirley Booth in ‘The Year Without Santa Claus’ represents the Mrs.’s realization that “I Could be Santa Claus.” So there. Showtune styled.

Hani Stempler tells the showtune kidsong “Here Comes Mrs. Santa Claus,” about the time he couldn’t so she had to. Three cheers for filling his shoes.

Larry Nestor leads the fun when Santa was down, the elves were too small, and “It was Mrs. Claus!” who saved the day. She can drive, so hooray. Showtune swing.

“The Mrs. Saved Christmas” is kidrap from Aloe Blacc wherein she drives, commands, and delivers. And she rescues the stuck fat sack as well.

When they start writing to her, you know Santa matters less. The Brymers have composed “Dear Mrs. Santa Claus” with kiddie jazziness to ask the real questions about that guy. Does he like to sing? Now i wanna know.

Lala Deaton warns the neglected “Dear Mrs. Claus” with jump blues that she needs the credit of getting her name in a song. ‘Cause she does stuff, you know. The video loves itself with extra wacky comic bits, but the song is smooth.

Dependent Claus: rolling pin time

A woman can only take so much of being shoved into the shadows. Mrs. Claus boils over (and other kitchen metaphors for mad) with the following top tunes.

Slightly irked, Sandy Schaeffer Bergeson rails with pop song in “Mrs. Santa’s Song.” But the responsibilities correlate with the resentment, so that by song’s end she’s ready to pop.

Ballad rock’n’roll from The Miss’s lays down the law on that jolly layabout in “Mrs. Claus.” Pretty venom.

“Claus vs. Claus” is the N.Pole Bickersons from J.D. McPherson. This cool cat has the finger poppin’ discursive dialogue from the Clauses in which all is aired and possible resolutions are described. Mmm!