Category: jazz

Worst case scenario–Santa’s never going to age stuck forever in the chimney!

Encore! Gatorhogs don’t know what happened (was the roof too icy?) but they face the “Empty Chimney” with pop grace. And, well, waiting… there’s no corpse anywhere.

Now setting Santa on fire might be different than killing him in the chimney, but The Glenn Crytzer Orchestra is so swing band cool it have to include “I’m Sorry Santa Claus.” Drop and roll!

“Chimney Skeleton” tells you all you need to know. But if you want the full minute story that makes children cry ask The Murrays and they’ll spill to pop.

dummytri is pretty sure “Santa Died In My Chimney“–who else could that dead body belong to? Wacky basement amterur pop.

“There’s No Santa Claus” is the horrible lesson from Colburn Sound Express. It begins with Dad being late home from work Xmas Eve… OMG–Hand clapping pop. (It’s the story from a movie–can you guess which one?)

Hot Buttered Elves have some Weekend at Bernies business after they find the overlong stuck Santa. “Christmas on Ice” is bossa nova fun–at first.

Santa Claus? Chimneys? What could go wrong?

Bob Rivers enlists a cutie pie little girl to sing “A Chimney Song,” a horrifying time lapse about outwaiting the chimney blockage that’s starting to smell.

Kyle Dunnigan adds some BLUE ALERT to “Santa’s Stuck up in Our Chimney.” ‘Daddy’ starts crying, but the redneck daughters country carol their misunderstanding into some kind of grisly standoff. Then start on the fingers….

“There’s a Dead Man in the Chimney” is Podge ‘n Rodge’s confession to gunplay on the red-suited intruder. But this is not Chicago vigilanteism, it’s Irish justice.

Aliens Pat says it all (in 10 seconds) with the ragtime “Santa Fell Down the Chimney.” Got it?

Why a fire duct? Well, Clement Clarke Moore’s famous 1822 poem ‘An Account of a Visit from Saint Nicholas’ goes into some detail about Santa’s chimney travel and sooty clothes and this has informed our lore for almost 200 Xmases. That first Saint Nicholas from Turkey probably dropped coins down the flue back in the 300s as acts of Xian charity. The Christmas witch from Italy certainly did some smokehole commuting; in fact medieval, mischief-making myth-types came and went that way for some centuries–for good and for ill. All of which inspired Washington Irving, in his A History of New York from the Beginning of the World to the End of the Dutch Dynasty by Diedrich Knickerbocker, to describe Santa dropping goodies down the fireplace chute (but making his way through there personally for the particularly good boys’n’girls) a decade or two BEFORE ‘Twas the Night Before.

Anyways–

Encore time! Joel Kopischke’s been gone too long from here so lets him back his his titular entry from his second great Xmas parody album “Ground Control to Santa Claus.” The spooky ending is the chimney part.

Let’s try something new. Nicholas Markos folk rocks “Chimney Sneak” to the tune of outing that jack-in-the-box joker. Catchy stuff.

Matt Farley is most welcome back to the blog as The Very Nice Interesting Singer Man with “The Chimney Song.” He’ll explain what chimneys are for if you’re still not sure. Jazzy with scat.

Waiting for Santa takes on a different light depending on what you’re wearing. Or NOT wearing….

Again? Kat Perkins is gonna be “Up All Night” for you-now-who. He makes her sleigh bells jingle! Syncopated jazzy pop.

“I Know What’s Santa’s Getting for Christmas” is bluegrass country that implies more than it sins. But i’m reading between the mistletoes. Joey + Rory must have an open relationship

Just as eager, but not so overtly so, Cocktail Slippers look forward to when “Santa’s Comin’ Home.” Retro girl rock that brings it home. (Warning: may incur stalking.)

The cast of ‘Naughty… But Nice’ take a moment to anticipate the annual visit of–apparently–a master class is naughty. “Waiting Up for Santa” is full of lounge jazz innuendo. I’m all sweaty now.

Again?! Steel Panther set the amps to MOIST with a hair metal tribute “Sexy Santa.” Yikes!

Again, again?! Jody Quine bebops some R+B lounge torch singing with “Got My Eye on You, Santa.” Despite Big Mr. C’s reciprocation for a mo’, feels creepy.

After hours lounge tinkling helps Emma Wallace quiet the siren in “Santa, Take the Night Off.”

Sky Vaux Fuller w/Chasen Hampton confesses to a snowman “Santa I love You.” He never lets one down, always comes through, nothing he can’t do–sound too good to be bubble gum pop?

The band Harris waxes angelic with their “2013 I Love Santa.” Children sing the darnedest things.

StarFish lead the kids in a noise-repeating row with “I Love Santa Claus.” No Simon Says, just follow along with this grand ukulele kidsong. (Everybody pinch your bum!)

Better novelty is the toy piano with the cracking voice of an underager: “I Love Santa Claus.” Dixieland jazz from Paul Thomas!

Andrew Hyatt wants us to know “Santa Is A Good Ole Boy.” Bubba blues outlines his redneck tendencies, but with adoration.

Alabama tries out surf rock (?) for a holiday floater: “Ain’t Santa Cool.” Seems to be less of a question than an accusation.

Kidsong posted by a teacher for her kids to learn, this ‘rap’ involves stomping and clapping, but still rocks (some). “Santa is the Man” may entertain.

Carlos Fandango tries some Elvis/Chuck Berry for a bit of all right amateurism in “Mr. Santa Claus, Baby (You’re a Real Cool Guy).” Sadly, he wants the Great One to supply a present he hasn’t acquired yet for his baby. Flattery, maybe. Goodness, definitely. Bluesy.

“Cool Cat Santa Claus” is the monotone praise from Donald Miclette. It sounds like an HR complaint, but’s really appreciative. More blues-ish.

Frankie Velvet & The Mighty Veltones warn: You better be good… he’s got a baseball bat!But, never fear: “Santa is a Real Cool Cat.” Bluesy jazz that’s sweet and sour–you’ll want to sing along.

Contoy’s (feat. achie elGhazaoui) “Gone Bald” is a Christmas cry for help. Club rock of the lowest elements.

Rhett & Link (& friends) of Good Mythical Morning take us on a bit of a detour with the driving pop of “Christmas Face.” Tinsel mustaches and Christmas tree beards make this puff piece hair-relatable.

Matthew Bright drawls piano bar for “I Can’t be Going Bald This Christmas.” Seems that, out of love, he drank some chemicals to shrink and…. this happened. That’s what i heard him say.

Harve Mann depicts Santa who, during what could be a mid-life crisis, goes nuts with a razor. “Santa Shaved His Beard” as well as got piercings and tattoos for a whole new, slightly country look.

Watch Reggie Run seems less worried when “Santa Shaved His Beard.” This retro rock settles on the descriptor weird. Guess it’s his prerogative.

VGMD is even cooler with “Santa’s Shaving His Beard.” Jazzy kid blues rationalize that he just oughta in the summertime (and those toenails!). [Caution: this is the product of a Sam & Max fan and not an actual tie in to one of the best cartoon series ever.]

Lookin’ for fight? Look no further than the beginning of the shopping season, quippily termed “Black Eye Friday” by Bad Detectives in their cool rockabilly.

“It Ain’t Christmas (‘Til the Walmart Greeter Gets Trampled to Death)” is experimental jazz scat from The Hot Buttered Elves. Improvvy so-called humor.

Woody Guthrie’s “1913 Massacre” gets a gentler cover from Otis Gibbs. This Christmas party for mine workers locked in their hall whilst being burned to death by strike-busters goes down pretty hard, so thanks for that.

Holee cow. Let’s dial it back a bit with The Non Traditionals clickety clacking some gay 1890s ragtime for the case of “Simon Norman.” His assault will affect many since he puts stones into snowballs. Now we’re fighting dirty!