Category: rap

It’s no thing. Just sex. For Christmas.

Bantam Rooster plugs in to punk up “Let’s Just Fuck for Christmas.” He’s all shouty but still cool about it all.

One of the beauties about the hip hop culture is how mattafact it is. Mr. Crumbsnatcher proposes (in light rapping rhymes) “All I Want for Christmas is to Fuck Hella Bitches.” And that’s off the list.

We’ve slapt the rap up one side of the wellspring of profanity and down the motherfunding other. There’s always room for more boxed in ghetto rage. ‘Specially for the holidayz.

Fortunato climbs the rhymes over bitches, riches, and absinthes with “Fuck Christmas.” It’s smarter than the average dawg.

The slow roll from Earl Sweatshirt, Tyler The Creator, Hodgy Beats harmonize the quiet crazy Xmas madness. “Fuck This Christmas” is not a song so much as a manifesto. Find me an exit!

Fabolous fronts the part, but as part of Funny or Die “I Don’t F*#k with Christmas” is a rappin’ carol of selfish childishness. I’m thinking funny hip hop, but… overall die.

So you love Christmas, i mean really love Christmas. So what’re you going to do, sing?

Hovey Benjamin of Funny or Die demonstrates with “I Fucking Love Christmas.” Rap comedy, of ‘the fireplace is lit’ variety. Mostly listing.

Kiwi Matt Mulholland goes beyond the pale with his white rapping “I Fucking Love Christmas.” Nasty boy, nasty boy, whatch goin’ tadoo–?

Miso-santa-sts at times focus on the class schism Mr. Claus seems to bring to bear. Po’ folk get no present love from the North Pole. Do they mind?

Jack Douglass offers dozens of comedy snippets off his Youtube channel jacksfilms, including this idea: “Santa Hates the Poor.” Good things small packages.

Parang music reads the riot act to “Mr. Santa Claus” via RemBunction. He’s tired of socks and drawers. He may resort to grand theft bag.

Dumpster Baby (live club music alert) performs “Santa Claus Hates the Poor.” Metal madness, childish tantrum.

The generic offering from Christmas Comedy, “Poor Kids Hate Santa” shambles about like a drug-fueled Chipmunks amateur rap battle. They hate music too apparently.

Your Favorite Martian get more BLUE ALERT with more white hip hop “Santa Hates Poor Kids.” Nicely channeled rage, musically speaking. Yeah, seen this before. You’re welcome.

Mr. Big, the guy in charge, the head deliverer–not JC, but Santa Claus– deserves our disdain and blame for the whole holiday hopelessness. Hate Kris Kringle! Say it with me! Ho ho hope you die!

I suppose that sentiment might make you a villain. Certainly Stormella fills out that form with 1998’s ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: The Movie,’ an animated flop (budget 10million, take 100thousand) that allowed for the stagey tirade “I Hate Santa Claus.”

More fun (imagine The Monkees + Sex Pistols) from Important-Looking Pirates with “I Hate Santa Claus.” It’s like superangry Scooby Doo chase music in this two-guitar garage.

And more screaming from Dave Pantaleone with “Santa Sucks,” a metal rant of moderate proportions.

On the other planet, Insane Clown Posse lisp out their hiphop bro chant “I Hate Santa Claus.” Radio play ready, with only a couple BLUE ALERT moments late on. What the format?

Much more BLUE ALERT Anybody Killa death raps “Kill Santa Man.” Angry bells, man.

And still BLUE ALERT Kevin Bloody Wilson revisits “Hey Santa Claus” for us. A kiddie classic of unashamed vitriol.

Logan Paul keeps it white with his rhymin’ bombs “Santa Diss Track.” Trying too hard is art too.

Let’s get ugly.

Jeremy Turner uses psychedelic pop for his “Ugly Christmas Sweater.” The twisty weird music (with whoops) adds to the nausea.

Just plain bad singing accompanies a ‘Que Sera’ karaoke for Cameron J. Orr’s “My Ugly Christmas Sweater.” Deserved that one.

Pretty disappointing. “Christmas Sweaters Instead of an Xbox” from Lil Poverty Angels marries rap and techno to set the angry mood. Your move!

What use IS this thing? Bradly Allingham is gonna ‘get her’ with his “Ugly Christmas Sweater.” It might be the eggnog talking, but this tenor pop country is gonna land him in the drunk tank.

Sha Na Na is proud to say that their “Ugly Christmas Sweater” is their possession. Not their proud possession, just something they wear. Standard rock, limp sentiment.

BLUE ALERT. DashieXP gets to rappin’ “Chillin in My Christmas Sweater” but feels more like a meltdown, saved by the comfy warmth of that itchy shit.

BLUE ALERT. Big Slack do some odd sampling, mean rhyming, and cazzy dissin’ on the “Ugly Xmas Sweater Song.” This hiphop deejaying sounds like they don’t like it. Yet he would kill you for one more.