Category: garage

Scary adults flouncing around singing about Christmas candy–probably full of drunkenness–should frighten a child. But it is candy from not so strange authoritarian figures… so let’s go for it.

Stephanie Sayers dreamily reflects on love (not for baby j) by comparing it to a “Candy Fisted Christmas.” Bittersweet, or at least heartbreakingly treacly.

Breatlessly Angela DiCarlo belts out a musical number “Christmas Candy” in a production of ‘Candy & Chaos: Chicken in the Snow.’ Find me a ticket post the hell haste. This is not for children, friends.

Okay, huh? Peoples gots too much free time on their hands… DJ Firth took the karaoke of Wham!s ‘Last Christmas’ and sandwiched 50 Cent’s ‘Candy Shop‘ into euphemistic naughtiness. I don’t know what to tell you.

Tech minimalism from Manel Diaz barely registers as an Xmas song. But, if you insist on listening, “Christmas Candy” will reward you with basal beats and wintery warnings.

Feature the barfing noises in The Hot Buttered Elves’ “Santa’s Candy.” It’s loud, discordant, and instructive. Not the funny kind of lesson, kids.

Christmas list making is all about childish desperation. Let’s find a party anthem and get immature with Simple Plan. ‘I want everything!’ is the first line of an impressive list, so check your inventory, Kringle. Here comes “My Christmas List.”

If Santa is greater than man, maybe he’s extraterrestrial. He’s at least stratospheric with his sled.

Last Januuary i delved into outer space and already covered Bobby Helms’s “Captain Santa Claus and His Reindeer Space Patrol,” Pattie Marie Jay’s “Space Age Santa Claus,” and The Lennon Sister’s “Outer Space Santa.” Even better was Hot Buttered Elves’ “Alien Santa.”

But let’s also telescopically discover Jaymz Bee and His Royal Jelly Orchestra’s kiddie weird crooning with “Space Age Santa.” It’s retro rockets retro.

Bouncy folk pop blasts off of Youngest Daughter (harmonizing with mom) in her “Space Age Santa Claus.” Girl fun.

Elliptically relevant at best–but most listenable–are The Hollyberries (SURF CHRISTMAS MUSIC) with their “Santa’s Supersonic Rocket Sleigh,” Put the top down and crank this one up!

Or maybe stay in high orbit above Mead Elementary’s experimental glee chanting of their “Space Age Santa.” Ya gotta be a parent to love these kidlings.

Happy Jawbone Family Band marvels with their own brand of band noise what otherworldly powers ET Mr. Xmas might be privy to in “Martian Santa.”

Before we had our regular Noah’s ark of a petting zoo, other creatures were there…

For examples: prehistoric thunder lizards. What’s Christmas without ’em?

If you’re not sure about the blessings of the Son on animals before He was born, may i introduce “Dino the Dinosaur’s Christmas Tree,” sung by Alan Reed as Fred Flintstone.

Bob Brown uses that ‘Hippopotamus’ formula of begging with a game plan for “Santa Bring Me a Dinosaur.” Perhaps i’m a little disappointed that the singer does not plan Calvin-style mayhem on other playmates with his gift-to-come.

Just as Brit but one-tenth as kid-friendly, The Lovely Eggs is an enchanting chanting garage rock band from Lancaster, UK. All you need to know about how little they suck is to listen to “Tyrannosaurus Rex for Christmas.” You may dig the dino-war chant at the end the very most.