Sweet Christmas! pudding, doughnuts, pie

Other confectionary carols?

Well, let’s skip ‘We Wish You’ with its oddity of asking for figgy pudding… although, Plank Road Publishing has some classy antique school-kids’s song entitled “What is Figgy Pudding?” which is as good an excuse for a song as any around the non-ecumenical holiday singing assembly.

Dunkin’ Donuts has a holiday album celebrating fried dough from 2004. It’s fresh from the Phillipines, if that matters. Please to praise “Merry Munchkins” ’cause it’s about love. Sam Concepcion, Cheska Ortega and Audie Gemora sing bilingually.

Everybody loves a great pie. Christmas time, pies tend to be mincemeat. We’ll explain why tomorrow. For now, let’s look at generic tarte. A few singers sell the basic pastry, like Mongstar with “Christmas Pie (Christmas Cock Riddim).”  I think there’s chicken in this pie, but it’s got an island beat you can eat to.

Some singers like Music Box improv tell us that “What’s in the Pie? (An Improvised Christmas Song)” is not meat, minced or otherwise. Lively, but in an unbalanced way.

Kirby Heybourne claims his “Wassail & Apple Pie” is other than the traditional as well, but his driving guitar and cracking vocals promise a standard-setting song.

Larke makes “Xmas Pie” about corporations getting their piece of it. It’s not flaky or savory so much as symbolic and censorious.

Coming in somewhere between Barenaked Ladies and Brain Setzer is Fayetteville Ska Alliance with the remarkably fun “Have Another Piece of Pie.” Party pie please!

I’d rather go Victorian for your victrola. “Dame Get Up and Bake Your Pies” comes from the traditions and doggerel of Mother Goose and whatnot. While it’s become popular to delve into the dank origins of why the maids lay and the ducks lost their wings (political scandal and bad health i’m sure), let’s simply listen to The Revels Children’s Chorus lull us into holiday horrors with this rendition:

Jesus Christ! hoot nanny

The other side of the country coin is bumpkinism. Plain folks may be sincerely holy, but they have humorously illiterate ways.

Lucky Tones retells their mishearing of the Nativity with homey humor. “Baby Jesus, Santa Claus, and Frankenstein” may not rise to the level of Homer and Jethro, but it’s an amateur recording in a back room with good old boys who keep comedy clean. Good ’nuff for me. (What was Frankenstein doing in that manger? Frankensteinly stuff!)

Merry Mistletoe: womens

Girl soft folk emo jazz rock plays in the back of many a Starbucks. It’s a mood.

Barely off the pop, Destenee whispers a touch of R+B into “Meet Me Under the Mistletoe.” It’s bit too clingy.

Colbie Calliat embodies that misty yet independent grown gal with “Mistletoe.” She knows what she wants. Maybe it’s you. Maybe not.

Indigo Girls are so cool they don’t sound like girls, or women, or men… just a stream of poetic toughness. “Mistletoe” may sound like it’s begging. It’s telling.

More earthy and motherly, Christina Custode weaves a dreamcatcher of a wintry scene of home and love and jazz with “The Mistletoe Song.”

Angelic sounding Jelly Rocket soar over our heads melodically with “Under the Mistletoe.” It’s almost childlike in its nurturing, reassuring womanly innocence.

Merry Mistletoe: who huh

Most youtube song amateurs are mere children giggling and emulating rap stars. (The funny ones are way too brief.)

A few have the equipment, at least materially, to deliver a song.

Austin Jasay sings out of his range about “Mistletoe.” With his shirt and tie, politeness, and blue hair he’s easy to dismiss. But his song has range and flirts with depth.

Hannah J shows considerable range and intensity that at times reveals emotional fun (the Frosty metaphor) with her “Under the Mistletoe.” Grunge this up a bit with a back up bass and watch out. Sign off after the song, unless you like peeping  in on the lives of underage girls being girls.

Merry Mistletoe: who now

Some you tube artists break out and score millions of views. Most don’t. Doesn’t mean they don’t have passion, verve, rhythm. Usually they do have a crowded crooked bedroom, poor sound, and an itty bitty range of talent.

Ann Wave sings her “Mistletoe” warning Santa not to bring presents (she just wants the right kissing). And she leans into it, overcompensating for the blonde hair.

Thanecha, on the other hand, sets her shot in the decorated front room (and name drops the tree), but seems to be reading off her lyrics and chords from her notes. Regardless, she has slightly more sense of humor and a raw talented voice (singing–her speaking voice grates) that overpowers for the rented guitar. Her “Mistletoe” weeps gladly.

United We Christmas Tree Stand: the tree

Our old buddy, Bear Ron does it again. A patriotic song about our symbol of everlasting life from Christ’s birth and death. His drunk-sounding warbling and guitar tootling adds to the surreality. But you know he stands by it. 3 1/2 minutes in, the song switches to the actual White House tree lighting 2011. Speech!

Celebrate “The American Christmas Tree” kids!