Reactions to bad presents vary: disappointment, disappointment, rage, disappointment.
Okay, and light regret. Marc Sardou visits the materialistic guilt that might make you a nongiftarian in “What Gifts You See.” I’m not falling for this humanitarianism!
Another Taylor Swift parody (‘Bad Blood’) twisted into”Bad Gift.” Thanks, Bella Godiva.
What you really want to do is “Keep the Receipt (This Christmas).” The Bad Detectives go folk rock classy and make me tap the toe. You should be writing this down….
Certainly those are better than the drawling doddering Bob Blake with attempted country music in “Christmas Gift Returns.” I’d like to exchange this song, please.
Garfunkle and Oates get gnarly with “Present Face.” Knowing them, this is like orgasm face but worse. Sprightly folk.
The object of presents for Christmas is the name on the tag.
Chorale from de Caribbean a la 1955 outlines a husband’s troubles with “Christmas Present for Sallie.” It’s scurrilous alcoholic behavior by black men. (Yogi Yorgesson addressed this, too, y’know.) You do the math for the entertainment value here.
Bill Engvall also goes for the cliches with the talky country rock “A Gift that She Doesn’t Want.” It’s hard to be a hubby. (Hey, when he gives autographs, does he say ‘Here’s your sign’?)
Spending for the wife is so easy, why not sing about it! The Connection brag about “Money Honey Baby,” even though she says she doesn’t really want anything. Retro rock with a dash of ‘billy. A-huh.
Also reductivist, Brock Hires worries about “A Present for Hobo Bill,” who doesn’t have much to wear. (Lots of men’s wives got this problem.) Giving fulfills the liberals. Honky tonk mediocrity.
Alt rock for the insiders, “Christmas Shopping for Dobby” by Harry and The Potters shrills about the irony of getting clothes for Christmas, and yet how meaningful that can be. Hmm.
An alt-pop love song, “A Christmas Gift for Iris” awakens the need in me to listen to obscure ’70s Brit rockers who tried solo albums to little effect. Arne Hansen & The Guitarspellers acquit themselves beuatifully.
Hard-working folk music from Robin Lee Berry celebrates “Woody\’s Christmas Present.” A time travel epic about rediscovering childhood wonder. Get ready to cry.
Weird songs don’t scare me. But i do worry i won’t categorize them correctly for you, the viewer. But here are songs I THINK sing about the gift of you/love for the holidays.
“Christmas Gift” by Mick Keogh (feat. Nicola Creighton) is Asian influence pop with sped up vocals and nonsense lyrics. It must be love.
Love love love Chris Farren’s folk Brit rock “Like a Gift from God or Whatever.” Not particularly religious, but hella fun. And i detect a loving feeling.
So sweet come the Christmas songs about the real present for you, even i submit. (Not made of stone, people.)
If we’re talking cornball, i should point out that overly sentimental does not a poor musical decision make–songs can be fine while pouring on the sugar. Cultural footnote Don Ho goes soulful with “The Christmas Gift” (not a wise choice in backup singer, though).
A bit young, but also soulful, Victoria Majors croons “Present for Christmas” for that special boy (under 20, i presume).
Not exactly the velvet fog, Jeff Meegan really cools “Let Her Gift be Me.” Jazz you can snuggle to.
Neal and Leandra have a quiet young parents moment in their unplugged folk “The Present.” Play it quietly after rest of all the family is down and you’re alone with that certain someone.
Does your Christmas shopping list include where to get what?
R+B hollering from M-Dot, Lg leads to a thoughtful rap-sody about “Christmas Shopping in the Ghetto.” It’s quite a mashup production.
Twangy nasal bluegrass sets the atmosphere for “Christmas Shopping at the Dump.” Charlotta Clutter and Her Short-Notice Showmen make a classic case for Kentucky recycling. Fortune’s Favor have a protruding tongue in cheek with their folk shout out on the same title. Much less classy.
SYNTHAR sets the moog with “Pawn Shop Christmas.” Electronica overload to portray the possibilities of purchasing as if it were an ’80s cartoon.
John Dunbar bangs the folk out of “Christmas Shopping at the 99 Cents Store.” This coulda been a comic country howler, or an alt ironic as heck causticality, but it’s a fun celebration of living for less. Bravo.
I’m coming around to the idea that some of these Christmas Tree entitled songs are jumping on the log truck bandwagon and have nothing to do with celebrating the holidays after all.
Or i can’t tell what the sap they’re talking about.
But i like the songs.
Mattie D’s “Christmas Tree” overwhelms us with percussive urgency.
Mike Red & Rai P sample off the ‘Home Alone’ movies. “Christmas Trees” lays the angry rhymes down. BLUE ALERT
Word jazz accompanied by experimental jazz (it almost tells a story…) “Black Christmas Tree” somehow from Midget Handjob. Enter at your own risk.
“Christmas Tree” from Romantic Beats may be trying to trick us, but the angelic distortion of pop music lulls me to confused submission. Ahhh.
Under the Bodhi Tree torture their “Pink Christmas Tree” with grinding club rock. But what in the dickens is it?
Does anyone sing along with metal? Twitch’s “Christmas Tree” has an angry punk message (i think) but mostly keeps time (to me). You try it.
Ditto for amped punk. EXTREME BLUE ALERT “Christmas Tree Farms” by way of Snag spews vitriol, and i guess some December framework.
180! Light gentle jazz pop from The Pearlfishers intoning some Rod McKuen-style poetic sloppiness with “A Christmas Tree in a Hurricane.” Like a musical intro for a ’80s sitcom.
Also tender, Borderline Beauty (which seems to associate the growth with peace) cries out for “Christmas Tree Without an Oh.” Folk rock on a mission to change the world through poetry.
Guy Capecelatro III has a concept album (Abandoned Christmas Trees) about existential angst which ticks off the Christmas boxes. “Chainsaw” is a folk charmer about failures. “Tinsel” bemoans our futility with experimental rock. Now go take drugs.
When the lyrics talk about losing all friends, i think i know the category for the song, but Vengaboys are so party-strange with Uncle John dying and reggae-disco beats… i give up. “Where did My Christmas Tree Go?” is for you to figure out.
Short and sweet Laura Watling’s “Christmas Trees in July” pop tinkles across the dance floor.
Jumping Through Fiery Hoops also coopts our topic oddly. “Working on a Christmas Tree Farm” is psychedelia with a folk bent and flashfast imagery to corrupt your status quo. Whoa.
I’ve listened to “Christmas Tree” by Bewitched Hands on Top of Our Heads several times and i know it’s about something, but i don’t care. Chorale rock. Art qua art, dudes.
When pure evil tragedy strikes around Christmas, what better scapegoat than that thing you spent all day doting on and bejeweling?
In fact, that thing might be a diabolical doorway to demonicry. “Christmas Tree from Hell” reminds us of two important issues: buyer beware, and ‘God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen’ is a scary melody. Listen with the lights on to Bah & The Humbugs.
They hurt me! Kill them all! is Paulette’s “Christmas Trees” message. Talky folk, but oh my.
Metaphorsing metaphors, Bree Lucas compares you to the lack of comparison. “You Couldn’t Compare, Christmas Tree” is front room folk by a powerful talent about a terrible thing that happened.
The emptiness around this time of year coalesces for JJ Voss with “Whiskey, the Tree, and Me.” (As previously posted) it’s scotch o’clock for country rock.
“Six Billion Lights (On the World’s Biggest Christmas Tree)” makes a bummer out of living. Derek A. Dempsey and Nicole Lynch point to each person on the Earth and, in military country pop, allow that we all suffer. So, Christmas. You’re welcome.
Islands plink and doot-doo through “Christmas Tree” with alt folk philosophy… oh, you know what’s coming! Bad stuff (coffins, oppression, misunderstanding).
Orbit emplys some simple rock and not so simple word salad for “A Christmas Carol.” Get a load of the refrain. Damn. Suicide prevention hotline, please.
Okay, not so holidaysical, but “Christmas Tree Bridge” leans on the irony of the awful tragedy of losing a parent with the most family of phrases. Yikes. What sick folk is this?! BLUE ALERT
Perhaps homicide? “Murder by Christmas Tree” is a short metal ode to how to get away with murder from Santa’s Angry Elves. I don’t like them when they’re angry.
Time to give up! Life is too awful. Let’s buy the “Christmas Tree” with Kiki Bohemia and her cheap electronic hypnotic singsongery to show our despair. Bleak, black, blecch.
Step back, take a look… it’s your Christmas Tree! There it is! Yea!
What do i mean by simply feting the tall, green thing? Listen to The Harry Simeone Chorale singing “Christmas Tree.” A bit south pacifican, but all soulful about that beautiful tree!
Open it up, and there you are. Experimental doowop from M G Whit in the form (?) of “We Got a Christmas Tree.” This head-scratcher celebrates love, god, and everyone with modulated gospel.
What–are we just sitting here! Yes, we are! Just waiting a-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-round the “Christmas Tree,” as piped by Eliane Chappuis. Surreal pop.
Doug Carman tinkles those jazz ivories in mesmerizing rhapsody for “Christmas Tree.” The summation of holiday joy through tree-gazing is part experimental Beatles, part Allman Brothers.
Kerr Donnelly Band feel their way through “Star, Snow, & Christmas Trees.” It’s trembling country running in place about how delightful the whole scene is. Hearing it… not feeling it….
Gentle folk ballad show stopper time. Arlon Bennett leans into family values with “The Christmas Tree on Salem Street.” All the traditional symbology is marched through in a sweet way.
Warbling like his string needs a fuse checked Randy Bryant & The Rockets jazz down “Christmas Tree Lights (Sparkle So Bright)” to no one in particular (well, some loved one).
Ruby Wright gets gospel on it (with so many children) (in 1957) with “Let’s Light the Christmas Tree.” Each twinkle gets her closer to Thee.
Love me some Sufjan Stevens. When he begins his holiday chore list with “Put the Lights on the Tree,” he’s only getting started. Get your pencil ready–
The Tavson Brothers take a minute to take it all in–what a country/western responsibility! “Let’s Set Up the Christmas Tree” is a sentimental journey for empty nesters, even with some missteps. Don’t pay these assemblers by the hour.
Dougie Bear folks the zydeco with “My Christmas Tree.” He just wants to put it up for everyone to see.
And trimming… is that cutting off or adding to?
“Let’s Trim the Christmas Tree” is an insistent dance-jazz number from Jim Hudak. He’s had a lot of coffee and wants it done soon.
OF COURSE we need to add some pazookas and muzzle fuzz: “Trim up the Tree” gets the honorary mention from the ‘Grinch’ cartoon of 1966.
