Some dances are so simple we just count out the steps. The two-step is a ballroom maneuver even morons who move to country-western music can manage. So slow-slow, quick-quick let’s get to it.
John Brack and Jeff Turner chortle out with electric (nee disco) country the “Christmas Two Step.” (Psst–it’s code for sex!) When country music tries to be subtle and clever we steer clear.
Suzy Bogguss gets down home and fiddling’ with “Two-Step ’round the Christmas Tree.” And, though this is a well-covered constant of country Christmas albums, i do enjoy the showmanship of Michael Martin Murphy even cooped up in a sadly decorated studio as seen here. You can tell he REALLY wants you to scoot your boots to his “Two-Step ’round the Christmas Tree.”
Santa’s job is a lonely one, unless you get weird anthropomorphizing those reindeer…
and if he had another guise, he would be well suited to a singular occupation out on his own.
I’ve covered Trucker Santa is some detail a couple months ago, so let’s turn to Cowboy Santa. Most little boys want to be one but not the other, why not the Sleigh-master as well?
Maybe cowboyism is just a hobby. Mike Jenkins sort-of sings “Santa and His Cowboy Sleigh” for children without an ear for music everywhere.
Charley Jenkins gets swinging with what-the-kids-might-say “If Santa Was a Cowboy.” It’s a fun danceable tune, but just ‘cuz he’s Texan–does that mean he’s gotta be into corporal punishment?!
Unconvincingly, Erik Alexander of Endless Hiway man-chants his version of country in “Santa is a Cowboy.” This booted-up version of ‘Night Before’ smells of barn.
In not quite a parody, Jackson Turner tells an involved I-hear-it-from-a-guy tale about how “Santa was a Cowboy.” It’s a gentle country ballad for listening next to a smoldering fireplace.
Red Sovine, that cool country western trucker singer, takes a shot at pinning down the kind of wrangler Santa is in “Santa Claus is a Texas Cowboy.” But i think someone put him up to it. Someone with lots of talentless children to sing back up. If they shoot like they sing, we’ll be safe.
Better (and more retro) is the over-orchestrated novelty “Cowboy Santa” by Larry Cartell. His Santa yodels too, but i believe he’s win the yodeling contest, this feisty fellow.
A lone fella with a guitar suits “Cowboy Santa” so much better for me. Neal harmonizes with Leandra for the chorus though, but despite a few fun word-plays his country tune brings me down. Seems that if Santa don’t stop messing around, Christmas will be ruent. I guess that’s more authentic country.
More mellow from back of the range Bill Lacey & The Ebonaires from Ebony Records 1959 mix guitar swing with doo wop harmonies in “Cowboy Santa Claus.” I hear the horse trotting in the tune, but it’s no hayburner.
The Prairie Ramblers harmonize nearly as well over the campfire for a more lively “Cowboy Santa Claus” (from Santa Fe this time). Now this is a Santa i’d watch in rollicking adventures before the feature film every Saturday at the moving picture show.
On the other hand, Santa has often been seen as resistant to the system.
Arlo Guthrie–many moons ago–interrupted his poignant melodic question of ‘why do these guys beat on us guys?’ to ask about the similarities between Papa Noel and the counter culture. Reminisce with “The Pause of Mr. Claus.”
Old twangy country from Linda Cassady asks “Is Santa Claus a Hippie?” out of childish insouciance. She would still love him though (even though the definitive answer is No).
Caleb Hawley modernizes his country to folk-blues-rock with his “Santa’s Just a Hippie with a Beard.” This may be a case of mistaken identity–it might just be some high drunk. Check out the jazzy scat on that scruffy singer.
The Bellamy Brothers followed up their ‘hit’ ‘Old Hippie’ with a sequel or two, one being a holiday recycling “Old Hippie Christmas.” This is more a state of mind which only mentions North Pole’s Fatso, but it’s a pleasant guitar-ination.
The cool song all the kids would have been listening back then would have been “Happy, Hairy, Hippie Santa Claus” by Rocki Lane and the Gross Group. This is a goof on the groove of the time, cashing in on counter culture like Laugh-In did.
The last word on the topic comes from America’s beloved hillbillies Homer and Jethro with the exact same syllogism: 1968’s “Santa Claus the Original Hippie.”
Some elves are bigger AND better. “Lester the Christmas Elf” is pretty confident for a subordinate to Claus. Roger Eydenberg picks and grins through this hee haw holiday exhortation. Santa’s lucky to know a swell guy like this.
Amping up the country swing to rockabilly levels, Dan Hicks & the Hot Licks lecture the elves how to make a million toys, especially that one elf, McGurkin. “Santa’s Workshop” rocks, little ones. Two step while you work, boys.
Full on country is laid back John Winters focusing on the sweetest little fella, “Little Painter Pete.” Why do i get the feeling that our old intolerant nation used to be more accepting of the gays if they were Christmas-oriented?
Dan Crow sings songs for children. He’s contributed to TV and movies (including the Big Show: Disney). So i’m delighted to see some artful agenda in his “I’m an Elf” song. Hey kids! It would suck to be at the receiving end of those endless wish list letters! And you better watch out! Big Brother Santa is monitoring your elf work work work work work work…. (I never considered the dry skin problem.)
Dang, that felt good! Celebrating the men (and women) who deliver–especially around the holidays! Let’s do some more! Roll on!
Lowell Shyette makes “Christmas Truckin’ Time” sound like a down home curse word. His modern country singing features a real thick drawl, and his guitar pickin’ feels like fast traffic. Some fun orchestration here.
Two steppin’ time with David Sexton, feeling all giddy ’cause he’s Haulin’ Mistletoe.” This barn burner should get your bootheels scootin’. Pucker up, sweetie.
Just as mirthfully, comes Red Simpson (again) “Truckin’ Trees for Christmas.” It’s a simple, but magical melody,,, fun for the whole family.
Now a good truckin’ song, a fair country song, and maybe one or two Christmas songs ought to have a long narrated story about crushed dreams melted away by a miracle of human spirit (cf. ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ if it were a folk ballad).
So, you’d better sit down within the range of a box of tissues…
Dean Wilt gives it the old country try with “Santa and the Trucker.” After an NDE, a trucker experiences the love of Christmas with Santa’s magic. Bippety boppety boo. But–he owes the big man a favor…. (A better, albeit with more singing, version of the boy/daddy dilemma is by Red Simpson.)
In fact, let’s let Red Simspon preach his “The Old Christmas Truck” about a hobo trying to truck toys to the mountainous orphanage… does he die? Is he Jesus? Or–?
The king of kings of winter weepies has to be Red Sovine singing about that crippled kid trucker orphan “Teddy Bear” from 1970. This was a hit in its own way, revisited by Diana Williams six years later with “Teddy Bear’s Last Ride” revealing Mama’s side of the story after… after… gulp –What! the Kleenex is all gone? Cruel, cruel Christmas carol!
Keith Harling rocks his country song 1990s style to explain “Santa’s Got a Semi.” Beep beep bye-bye. And if you’re not sure what kind of Saint we got here, his trucks got ‘a star on the hood.’ Just so’s you know.
Lady country counterpart Lisa Layne adds some bouncy boogie boogie piano for her “Santa Drives an Eighteen Wheeler.” She hollers like it’s the night before–!
Richie McDonald tries an updated rockin’ country tune, a hootin’ hollerin’ hoedown of a tale: “Peterbilt Sleigh“–but Santa’s riding shotgun here.
Where’s a twangy fan of real cowboy country s’posed to turn? Lowell Shyette founded proto punk band Little Boy Blues back in the ’60s, then became a Vietnam vet and exhorted America with tunes like ‘Ronald Reagan Mr. President’ and ‘God Bless John Wayne.’ So who better than to deliver authentic country in the form of “Santa Drives a Peterbilt”? Some of you will shake your head. [Spoiler: Santa’s CB handle is Merry Christmas Ho Ho Ho!]
Is brown a color or an artistic accident? I claim it’s a variant of orange, so here we go:
Strange Italian band Amici di Roland seems to make fun of trash (USA) TV from the 1980s with their mishmash of samples and styles. They are energetic and fun and remind me of fellow novelteer Pete the Elf. So, even though i can’t understand them or tell what’s color-conscious here comes “Brown Christmas.”
As amusing, Ken Jones delivers the toys by UPS proxy, but wants the kids to know “Santa Drives a Big Brown Truck” to the tune of ‘Wonderland.’ Sign here please.
BLUE ALERT – White rapper Wax dubs about your mom and his personal detractors with what he considers a “Brown Christmas.” It seems he means to poo on your joy like he’s a pantsless Santa erupting overhead.
Let’s veer briefly into a more palatable brown and get a bit more suburban white with Dommsn82 improvving on the guitar with his “Chocolate Song (for Christmas).” It’s a brown thing. If that seems too secular, enjoy a taste of choirboy Christopher Trotter singing “Chocolate for Christmas.” Although these foreigners think putting the sweet treet on the tree is okay, i like when they say ‘chocky.’ Well, i have to stop here before i go all foodie on you–we’ll do that another month.
Bottom of the heap here is one of those ‘Rudolph’ redneck rip-offs. A few ‘humorous’ collections to record “Randolph, the Brown-Nosed Reindeer” (Billy Joe Duprix for example) for a lack of momentum-control. Slightly more witty is Mike Sikorsky with “Bradley, the Brown-Nosed Reindeer,” which pulls ahead–not only for superior alliteration–but also for great lines like ‘Unless your name is Rudolph, the scenery never changes.’
At least one (Christian) singer recognizes the early call for observance of the reason for the season. Cliff Richard sings earnestly about “November Night” signaling all wise men to camel up.
Moslty, November has the bad rap of being TOO EARLY!
Songs in general include Paul and Storm’s “The Way-Too-Early Christmas Song.” It’s soothingly bluesy, like they’re not really mad about it. Despite the unholy fracas in the tale of the tune.
Enna Chow sings (quietly) about how “It’s Way Too Early for Christmas Carols.” It’s cool girl with a guitar pretty to listen to. She doesn’t have much to say beyond the title.
Leading the titular charge is Strangeday with a bouncy rocker “Christmas in November.” They appreciate the spirit at least. And allow for an October start… wait, that’s sarcastic?
Christmas too early may displace other observances. This is a thing. It has inspired songs. The Punters sing about “Xmas in November” disrespecting veterans. (It’s Canadian so that musses up Remembrance Day, similar to our own Veterans’ Day.)
An odd Bob Cratchit entry is Royal Bustards singing “Last Day of November (A Christmas Song)” about standing up to unholy bosses and being jobless just before the holidays. Cold bummer.
Okay, haters, listen up. Putting up your Christmas tree too early may have perfectly good reasons. Like Little Jimmy is dying, you bastards! Let Elton Britt, tell you why he’s having a 1963 “Christmas in November.” Boo ho ho hoo.
