Year-round Yuletide oddities
Mistletoe is fun! Like bluegrass! Derek Ryan proves it with “Beneath the Mistletoe!” Sing along with the ho-ho-hos!
But lots of mistletoe songs are moodily joyous, read country/western.
Brooks and Dunn belt out the ‘dear’ in “Hangin’ ’round the Mistletoe.” But they just want you to desire responsibly.
For my mistletoe, Luke Williams Band delivers better on the honky tonk with “Mistletoe Baby.” Twangs it to the nearly indecipherable, sweetens it to the legal limit.
(By my account this is blog post #500)
Again, mistletoe as symbol. This time it’s me and you, angry lover, just like “Mistletoe on Death Row.” Dale Watson johnny cashes this mood piece from an actual movie ‘Angels Sing.’ I say actual movie cause it stars Harry Connick Jr and Connie Britton. But I ain’t never heared of it.
El Paso’s KLAQ morning show with Somebody and Whasisname have their share of holiday ha-has, including a more appropriate: “Christmas on Death Row” sung by The Uninvited (?) which also mentions mistletoe. Strap in, offenders, it’s naughty.
Grampa Frank Sinatra was really something back in 1957. His “Mistletoe and Holly” gives him a co-writer credit. He owns this old time piece of holiday celebrating, I’ll tell you that. His voice is a sensuous waltz of seduction. Brrrr.
Jack Jones hey-girls the lounge bop out of it even more.
Kidz Bop clunk together some youngsters’ harmony for their version. It’s Frank clone.
Leigh Nash injects some welcome innocence in her turn. Pop that oldie, girl.
Ms. Waskin and Radio sass up the girl parts of the next one. They sound like they’re waitin’ for a bus.
Faith Evans turns up the asthma attack with her breathy, overly percussive arrangement. It stops short of actual soul and lands in the toy department.
Just about my favey-fave is the warbling abandon from Jenny Daniels. She loses herself (and her metrical place) in this bows to the nose belt-down. Weee!
The other multitudinous mash-ups aren’t worth repeating. (Not even The Hot Sardines‘ big band finger-popping bit.)
Let’s turn this on its head for a surprise twist ending: Jim Lauderdale, a CW songwriter of note, good-ol-boy-ing “Holly and Her Mistletoe.” Not the same old hat standard at all, gang! It’s a down south dive dance tune with just a hint o’ nasty to it.
Old Glory should wave proudly for us all. But i guess we only really figure the military need to see it.
Dyer Highway power ballads “Red White and Blue Christmas” about missing out while serving. It’s a strong song about complex feelings.
A slight twist off ‘Blue Christmas” comes from Bishop M.B. and Dr. Brenda Johnson singing “Red White and Blue Christmas” to the troops. Jazzy but uplifting pop.
Patty Speelt laments the Christmas missing with her “Red, White and Blue Christmas.” Soulful country. Buck up, kids. You have to.
“A Red White and Blue Christmas” seems to feature all the artists from Hilltop Records. They try to outdo one another with harmony. One for all, with a patriotic lawrence welk flair.
George Pardo and Dr. J Gale Kilgore (not fake names i’m sure) tap on a tambourine and rage on a rhythm machine for their “Red, White, and Blue Christmas Song” diatribe. Be patriotic or be stupid.
Jack Greene weaves us yet another soldier holiday song. But “Red White and Blue Christmas” dissects the experience of a lonely Army man from Tennessee. Jack’s voice is tremulous from the power of his song, and his need to retire ten years ago.
Some people gotta make sure we recognize the Armed Forces by making as much noise as possible. If you don’t as well you should probably get punched. This patriotism by amplitude usually results in cringe-worthy crooning.
Ronald James Sorenson does not make me cringe, however, and his while his “Fly Our Flag for Christmas” may not win any grammy awards i rather enjoyed the gentle strumming and pleasant assumptions made.
On the homefront we fret and worry about those men away from home in the crosshairs of danger–not Santa’s elves, no no.
How much does it suck? Reed Robertson tosses us a tune about what wonderful things the boys over there Don’t get, and what paltry things they Do get. “Camouflage and Christmas Lights” is not a recruitment video. Not even when Rodney Carrington dresses it up with studio quality.
Jenny Brown sings awful pretty folk country in “Camouflage Christmas.” It’s not too maudlin although she clearly misses her man. Best i can say.
Most WWII songs are subtle enough to want us to revere the troops and pray for their return, without acknowledging that dang ol’ killing machine over the Atlantic. (I wish i could find a Punch Hitler/Tojo for Christmas tune–lemme know if there is one.)
The musical ‘Annie’ gets historically metaphorical with “A New Deal for Christmas” Anthony Warlow and Lilla Crawford which branches the Depression to the 2nd ToDo. So let’s skip over this. I mean it’s linekicking fun, but heigh ho.
Still nothing consequential about the Holocaust, Axis v. Allies, or that atom bomb thing.
[Although i did stumble across young Ty Martin wise cracking about Pearl Harbor to a Christmas tune: “Ty’s Patriotic Christmas Song.” Kids today!]
So, let’s settle for a pretty piece of electric country: “My Ol’ Pal Joe” by Sean Castillo. It’s about GI Joe, which is definitely American. And it’s sweet.
O Lonelyhearts, all you need is a touch of affection… or cheap anonymous sex. Women’s favors as gifts! The idea!!
Mr. Wompy car karaokes “I Want a Blow-Up Doll for Christmas.” He appears to be mocking the melody, but it’s all in fun ‘cuz that’s his sense o’ humor!
Robert Lund mashes up kid song with adult themes (tradition!) with Chelsi Stahr singing “I Want Some Plastic Surgery for Christmas” lip synced here by some tramp wanna be. Classy wig!
Virginia Kegel adds to the dignity deficit with her “I Want a Boob Job for Christmas.” It’s a show stopping top dropping number.
How much lower can we go? Trailer trash low! Scuzz Twittly has a cottage industry in down home humor. His pretend holiday album ad features “I Want a Hooker for Christmas.” You almost believe him.
Just pop country comes August Campbell with “I Want a Hooker for Christmas” full of tips and ideas for those hard-to-buy-fors.
While we’re being sweet, snuggle up for some calm country with MissyG Band and “My Handwritten Letter to Santa.” It wants you to wax nostalgic, but that bass beat keeps asking you to git up and dance to’t. Choose your point of view.
Dance parties are a tradition around the holidays, if you can dig out the barn from the piled high drifts and drifters. Them country fellas know how to celebrate.
Why lookie here, it’s Michael Martin Murphy plunking and plodding left foot first to the “Cowboy Christmas Ball.” Catchy (and i think the Riders in the Sky are backing him up, right?)
Yeah, The Riders in the Sky lighten the mood (to a very strangely playful tune) with “The Prairie Dog Christmas Ball” which seems to be going on right under the feet of the other ball we’re a-having. Yikes! Move your feet higher!
Cledus T Judd adds his own version of comedy to the idea that a ball is just a party and there’s not much dancing (well, i’m not sure who’d ask him). “Cledus’ Christmas Ball” is that old fashioned cartoon that pokes fun at all the celebrities in the room. Wry as toast.
An update on frontier comedy comes from, naturally. Garrison Keillor with “The Sons of Knute Christmas Dance and Dinner.” It matters who saw ya, doncha know?
It’s better when The Killers get percussive and electric with their “The Cowboy’s Christmas Ball.” That back beat won’t let ya wallflower–not tonight. (But, don’t call the ladies heifers again.)