Category: altrock

I scroll, i search, i sneak a peep most days for cool Christmas songs you may not have seen. For some reason, i thematize these into clumps. Each month (or so) features a concept and, since Christmas songs are about EVERYTHING, i include a hundred or so songs about Xmas about some special theme for you to peruse.

While i search for songs about Christmas bugs, i find songs about Christmas marijuana. When i narrow down to songs about Christmas pot, there’s another song about Christmas murder. But i already did that!

I’ve been known to re-edit past posts to add something phenomenal. The 28 June ’16 Manger Management post got an Axis of Awesome song added “I Love Being a Cow” a year and a half later–3 December ’17. What can I say, it was Awesome.

So i thought, why not just set aside a month every 2 1/2 years to add new songs for old ideas! Here we go…

Starting October of 2016 i posted 380 songs featuring the holiday season in the USA, state-by-state, territory-by-territory (about 80 concerning California). (Perhaps better entitled ‘MeriCa-mas.) Since then a couple more state-bound noels crept outta the composite.

5 Chinese Brothers slowly drawl out the bluesy “Christmas in Manhattan.” Childish wide-eyed glee with a jazzy back beat.

Back to the upbeat, “Christmas in Miami” is a snazzy party of high speed pop from Marc Sardou. Dancing shoes on!

Bluesy, nay drunken rock from James Slater delineates “All I Want from Santa is a Girl from Atlanta.” This is NOT woke, gang.

Reflective folk from John Styles tasks “Christmas in California” as a no-way vacay of soft play (hey hey). More like California in California.

Misty eyed for home? Even the south? Our social working pal, Dr. BLT tells it like it could be with country funkin’ “Christmas in South Carolina.” His downhome country “It Never Snows on the Streets of Bakersfield” fills in the gaps of his logic.

“Detroit Christmas Blues” is some odd bluegrass from Tim Pak. Don’t take my word for it… click that link!

Actual blues from Shelley King introduces you to “Christmas in Austin.” Fun.

Now that you’re weirding out, Shadow Disorder percussively alts out “Christmas in Michigan” as a stalkery love song of wintry expectations. Brr. My Christmas song list just shrank.

All those people, all those commitments, all that preparation–can’t i just stay on Facebook? Christmas parties are the worst.

Trampauline hos and has “I Hate Christmas Parties” with odd quiet party fun. Jacob & Alex scratch at the surface of the blues for their version, but the plodding piano marches them into maudlin. This IS a Relient K song, though, so we gotta allow these Ohioans the opportunity to build the orchestration to earn that guitar riff on the original millennial meltdown. Emo out of here!

The Stones are the worst–no, not Fred and Wilma! Passing lumps of salt through the urethra for Christmas? Don’t get me started! (Please, don’t. I’ve never had kidney stones.)

Norick Eve can tell you. With his daughter (last 1/2 minute), he’ll altrock you through the ordeal of “Daddy has Another Hello Kidney Stone” for Christmas. Yee-ow.

Here’s a more appropriate holiday sickness: black-fingers, old nosey dropoff, necrosis of the toes-is. (Warning–songs contained make light of this life-threatening condition.)

daKoda Langford spins a tinkly tale of Christmas illness with his melodic synth rap “Frostbite.” He might be a genre-switching genius. Or twelve.

This danger is not to be confused with being bitten by monster snowmen. Let Myrrhna explain in a Bah & The Humbugs’ “Frostbite.” Haunting pop

Canadian weirdos Jakalope party up the pathologies in “Frostbite Kisses.” Better access to health care makes them more candied cavalier, i guess. Electronic alt.

Christmas is a time of socializing, no one wants to be hiccoughing or sneezing or hacking or unable to catch their wind. Conversate like a good fellow! In out in out!

The Branches Youth Choir bring us “The Coughing, Sneezing Blues” for Christmas. It’s white people, so blues with privilege.

Yet Monica Sottile has bless(you)ed us a fine dreamy alt-piece “Christmas = Mine (cough cough)” not exactly about illness (altho there are some fine undernotes of throat clearance), but certainly about December’s malaise.

What’s left for Santa?

Well, footwear… but if you find “Santa’s Boots” under her bed–not so jolly. The Crusty Jugglers bring the maudlin to honky tonk for a country downer.

Kinky boots continues with Diane Gee wanting to wear “Santa’s Boots.” Kidsong, so i’m sure it’s innocent as all get out. But when she crows about bein’ ‘jolly’ after ‘strapping on’ the gear–i dunno.

Gleefully naughty HB Radke puts the big band in gay apparel with “Shiny Red Boots.” It’s not cross dressing so much as Xmas dressing.

Also alternative, Greg (guitar) Case strums and hums through “Santa Wore Cowboy Boots.” This Santa identifies as ‘scoot.’

bennie accounts for this anomaly with “Santa’s Got Daddy’s Boot on.” Guess it was a shortchanged quick-change. Frolicsome kidsong.

Joe Teig brings the rock’n’roll to kidsong with “Santa Claus’s Boots,” a measure of how big a man he is. (As in, i could never fill those boots.)

Metal now with “Black Boots on” by Billy Scream. This inventory of apparel gets dark fast.

Just as disturbing is the disco hip hop from Marc Schaefgen “Black Boots n’ Red Pants.” This is not natural.

BearRon (Rob Barron) sees too many Santas when he sings “Oh Santa Pants.” This slow country two-step ends badly when he finds discarded Santa pants… eek!

Brian Greene (in not quite a sequel) polkas up his phone call to the North Pole to report “How Santa Lost His Pants.” Where will the operator connect him? Child services?

Where will this end? “Santa’s Panties” by Valley of Love, Dan Barbanel, Anu Junnonen, and Joy As a Toy round robin sing about that piece of costumery that must not be mentioned. Experimental pop. Be cautious of learning too many details….

 

If it’s the suit, isn’t it the Santa?

Au contraire mon frère.

Little Encyclopedia Browns roam the front room figuring out it’s someone else in the getup, like Dr. Elmo with his bluegrass folk “Grandpa in the Santa Suit Show.” Nice pickin’.

Falling for the man in the uniform, but this time the man, Christiane Bjørg wants to know “Who’s the Hunk in the Santa Suit?” Who’s your umpapa? (Ja ja, beerhall pop, das ist gut.) (But Danish.)

Wait, is that YOU in the Santa suit? Filipino Dream Girls puzzle out how when you go get the “Santa Suit” on, you transform. You are Christmas. Funny folk rock worth opening your minds towards.

Maybe i have NO idea who’s in that two-piecer: “Somebody Stole My Santa Claus Suit” wails Dan Hicks and the Christmas Jug Band. This trip through instrumentation winds up Christian anyway.

Fountains of Wayne document the woes of “The Man in the Santa Suit” at the mall. Fine alt to celebrate the season. (Or a retelling of the first The Simpsons episode.)