Category: BLUE MATERIAL

Manger Management: bugs (3)

I’m sure i don’t have to tell you how awful it is to incorporate bugs into the body of Christ-mas music. Eww.

So let’s get nasty.

Worst of all doesn’t seem to have actual arthropoda. Kirby Krackel nerd rock comic songsters extrodinaire have a precious holiday single “I’m Stuck in a Human Centipede for Christmas” which is what the song is about. If you are intrigued at all, check these guys out. This is poor-taste awesome.

Old Hands’ “Doug the Christmas Bedbug” instructs as well as horrifies. View the youtube slide show at your peril. Something Native American about the whole musical theme that makes me wonder.

Wane Fawesome marries Cheech and Family Guy to get an insect-invasion STD Christmas song full of Jingle Bells jollity with hardly the need for a Blue Alert. “Itchy Balls.” It’s catchy.

At a Naturist Convention, Helene Williams & Leonard Lehrman sing an updated “A Cockroach Christmas” with material torn from yesterday’s headlines (listen to his intro). It’s an infestation nativity!

Gary Strickland wants the last word on disgusting Christmas racism with “Jose, the Christmas Cockroach.” The guy went to a lot of video-making trouble and the number is way too long. But this is what novelty Christmas music is all about. All genius effort, no class.

Died. You’re Welcome: love loss stress (1)

Here’s the 600 pound gorilla killer sentiment concerning holiday stress: grieving a loved one during the merriest of times.

The imagery of Versus the World here with “Blue and Cold” borders on that fun rockabilly sendup ‘I Want My Baby Back‘ (NON-HOLIDAY NOVELTY SONG ALERT) where our forlorn survivor digs up his lost love to crawl back beside her and cover up, lowering the creaking  coffin lid. Here our pathetic hero lives with his loss like she’s still there (Alan Rickman movie alert). Sorry to reference this all over the place: this is an original and  shocking requiem and deserves a quiet listen.

Died. You’re Welcome: murder (2) BLUE ALERT

Street cred means you’ve survived tough times: threats, beatings, shootings. Hip hop tries to keep the power of poverty alive by trivializing the violence with happy rhymes and careless profanity. And dressing like shit.

So, oops, oh yeah BLUE ALERT:

Insane Clown Posse and Twiztd (a duo sprung from the demise of House of Krazees) band together to explain rough and tumble East Side West Side shenanigans during the holidays with “Murder City Christmas.” Blood and stockings will be spilled.

BLUE ALERT: the s word (10)

Saved the best shit for last. Red Peters is often as funny as an Asperger’s ridden 1960s burlesque emcee. But his psychological passive-aggressive pastiche of Walter Brennan (you don’t have to suffer through the original tear-jerking tune) dealing with ungrateful grown kids at Christmas is a hoot and a holler and a half.

Please enjoy “You Ain’t Gettin’ Shit for Christmas.” It’s funny. I shit you not.

BLUE ALERT: the s word (8)

Don’t forget now, we’re locking elbows with the lowest common denominators of society: the profane. Life is terrible. What’re ya gonna do? Curse!

So watch down your nose Wish Crosby and Flo Murphy getting their Christmas from the Family on with “Shitty Shaggin’ Christmas.” They’re a regular Archie and Edith bunker three rungs down the trailer park.

 

BLUE ALERT: the s word (7)

Well, this is a sweet one. Because the hectic holidays are a time of love and the pressure’s really on to make the day count, 12/25 can result in a frustrating and expletive-laden fiasco of just-missed mistletoe moments. Shit!

Kailen Beitel and Chris K Payne act and sing Rob van de Meer and Yfke Berckelaer’s ode to modern romance: “Shitty Christmas.” Can i get an awww!

BLUE ALERT : the s word (6)

Easter may not be an appropriate reference for the high holiday of Xmas. Or is it…. Tell ya what, we’ll deal with death and resurrection next month. Let’s get back to swearing.

Tinkling the piano keys all artisan fancy Lisa Scudiero dives deep into androgynous anger over present-giving posers pouting while she does all the GD work.

Her “Merry Shitty Christmas” is a gentle tune of ulcer-giving complaints. An octave higher and i’d call her a whiny bitch. But she plays it just right as a Unionizing call to arms.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47mS324-yQM

BLUE ALERT: the s word (5)

The pressure to be relentlessly merry for the second half of December does not prohibit calamity, mishap, and bad breakups. It makes the pathos so much worse, in fact.

Landon Tewers, a mopey rocker, really delivers on this message of bedroom betrayal and cutting faces out of pictures.

Careful, “I Hope You Have a Shitty Christmas” contains many more oaths than the s one. But it does rock out that list of what i wish would happen to you (including a shark attack).