“Snow White Crystal Clear” is one of those lazy lounge musings that people just can’t get enough of. Esler Burke makes me comfortable with his easy listening pandering. Need a nap….
BLUE ALERT to awaken your sensibilities. Chompa has a wake-up call with “Beneath the Snow.” Preachy rap.
Let’s calm it down with a young woman, a piano, and Xmas lights. A spark of hope in the horror, a wisp of snow in the night, doddlevloggle’s “Smile at the Snow.” Poignant and homey show tune just for you.
DMX released this (on radio as ‘What You Want’) as the third single from his third album… featured Def Soul singer Sisqó… was billed on the front cover as ‘The Biggest in Rap meets The Biggest in R&B’… subject matter was past women in DMX’s life… made it to #49 on Billboard‘s Hot 100… #11 on their Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs.
Daquan Wiltshire gets racist wit’ it in “What These Kids Want.” Laugh if you dare.
Simon and Garfunkle’s quiet hit hit No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 (leading the duo to reunite and hastily record their second album)… a top-ten hit in multiple countries worldwide, among them Australia, Austria, West Germany, Japan and the Netherlands… added to the National Recording Registry in the Library of Congress for being “culturally, historically, or aesthetically important” in 2013.
One Hot Second battles the club crowd with the angry parody “Sounds of Christmas.” Cherish the season enough to curse.
Just one more line before we leave cocaine for Christmas.
Can rockabilly capture the up-the-nose Advent experience? Try on The Dammit’s “Cocaine Christmas” and shimmy for yourself.
Perhaps punk? The Dirtys play “Cocaine Christmas” like they’re wired on something. Hey, I like positive feedback like the next guy. But what’s the next guy doing–hey, you!
BLUE ALERT Apple Drank gets nasty with the cocaine rap style in “White Christmas.” Dropping rhymes here seems to be a pun fight. Meh.
Inca Jones goes meltingly modulated for experimental rock in “Cocaine Christmas.” Wait, is that good or bad?
Let’s review the menu of illegal pharmaceuticals with the help of funny man [BLUE ALERT for the love of GOD] Jelly D with “Fucked up for the Holidays.” A broken hearted man with a guitar and a drugged up calendar. Won’t see ya next year.
More enumeration from our Canadian friends So Big Hits. “High on Christmas” is just the joyous junk music you want to get that monkey on your back.
Marijuana instead of mistletoe for Christmas? Well i wouldn’t wanna eat the poisonous latter in brownies. Nor would i like to see slacker-nip stapled to my transoms. I suppose it depends on the frame of mind, and who’s coming over later.
Dent May sucks all the joy out of family and gathering with “I’ll be Stoned for Christmas,” a lounge-rock bit of melting melancholy that captures the wasted life.
Bob Rivers trots out the obliggo Dean Martin parody “I’ll be Stoned for Christmas.” But it’s all about alcoholism. That was last month! Too many cross-over slang sayings for both!! John Valby also takes drinking seriously (not comically) (well…offensively: BLUE ALERT).
Finally The Ronnie bus brings us a sticky-based parody in “I’ll be Stoned for Christmas.” On the other hand, it’s about NOT getting the tea in time for the twenty-fifth.
All style, no wit from Zak Scott as ‘Harry Khronick, Jr.’ with his “I’ll be Stoned for Christmas.” The word stoned is the only substitution in the entire song, but the wavery vocals and percussive keyboards sell this schtick.
Why try pot when the weather outside is frightful? Well, according to Garfunkle and Oates, it helps with your social interactions. But, as with many after-school specials, problems have a snowball effect and your skull-fucking leads to a “Scary F**ked Up Christmas,” not the least of your problems being Doug Benson as a paranoid Papa Noel hiding in the bed. Hyperactive folk.
Just as there are critics on Christmas, some people don’t see eye to eye with Mr. Christ. They throw hard shade, perhaps out of self image problems, perhaps because of the post-colonial patriarchic oppression.
BLUE ALERT Kreise rages philosophical in their hard metal “Drunk Jesus,” but their existential dilemma is lightened part way through with a lovely Spanish guitar bridge. Drinking here is metaphorical and only the truly desperate would include this on any Xmas playlist. But… i kinda like it.
Less approachable, but just as BLUE are Assrash with their own “Drunk Jesus,” and Cumchrist with “Jesus was an Angry Drunk” (critical of scripture, but with a funny meme).
A marathon of busting rhyme, “Drunk Jesus” by Me$$’d Up is an epic adventure of pitting personal venal desires v. fallible martyrdom. Still BLUE, my lambs.
Gravity Wagon play their folk hard, but not so BLUE. “Jesus You’re a Mean Drunk” may begin Sunday school, and it may be a lively lesson in the humanness of the Messiah, but these guys are playing music for two different songs.
Santa stumbles into the wrong crib in Stevie Rite’s “I Got Santa Claus Drunk.” This rap fable reveals the lure alcohol (and other drugs) have on travelers during the Christmas holiday.
Not only urban ballers, but cajun cats corrupt the Claus. “The Night That Me and Santa Claus Got Drunk” refers to Travis Matte and a certain weak-willed delivery man in a reindeer adjacent vehicle.
Alex Anthony’s troubles lead him to the bottom of a glass in “Santa Got Drunk.” He is wildly energetic for such a sad holiday sordidity. And i suspect Santa isn’t drunk at all in this song about writing a song. Hey.
Matt Rogers’s “Drunk Santa is Coming to Town” delivers all the sophomoric FM DJ humor you could hope for. Check your list, seriously, this has all the comic tropes to play at your holiday Vegas-themed frat party.
Gary Craig one ups that parody with a Bing-along “Drunken Santa’s Comin’ to Town.” Different lyrics, more style, same humor mined.
The DiRaffs play it light cautioning ‘he shouldn’t fly’ in “Ho Ho Ho 2 (It’s a Drunk Santa).” This light pop rock from an undisclosed bunker is easy breezy stuff bordering on grownup boy band. But the message seems outraged. Huh.
An epic tale of Santa crashing, thrashing, then dashing off to AA comes by way of The Folksinger (Bill Evenhouse). “Drunk Santa!” is Celtic light and fluffy stuff and i think all kids (of alcoholic parents) should hear it.
Going full out children’s song, Corey Ott hopes you’ll play along with the ironic “Santa Got Drunk This Year.” If you elect to wink and nod you’ll have a silly billy fun time with that rummy lush.
Clyde Lasley and the Cadillac Baby Specials close the joint down with their bluesy rocking “Santa Came Home Drunk” from the early days when R+B was about to become RnR. It’s a fun tale of woe. You may dance.
It doesn’t take much imagination to discover the loads Santa is suffering under. Television Television presents Da North Pole Crew singing “Santa Got Drunk” because he’s just not loved. Come on, family Claus: stand by your fat man in this country comic gold. (Spoiler Alert: happy ending–except maybe for the reindeer.)
Sots sup! Or they lap, toss, bib, quaff–you know. Hard drinkers don’t need an excuse to drink. But Xmas is the reason for the saucing, if there ever were one.
So here’s to the boozehounds! We should laugh at them! Go ahead, you have permission.
The New Wave of Swedish Celtic Punk may have begun with Finnegan’s Hell. Their “Drunken Christmas” toasts and toasts and toasts until roasted. Beware their video: neglected children, wasted pregnancy, and punched Santas are not the worst of it.
Swallowing his lyrics and BLUE ALERT swearing up a storm, UZ Worm swaps out ‘Holly Jolly’ for “Alcoholic Christmas.” Silly old sot.
Grayson Walker and J McLaughlin cut a jig in their “Christmas Alcoholic” ruining the yuletides for all but those who wish to laugh and point. It’s pop lounge with a dash of oompah. He ho ha, lookit that.
Jack Kuper has a festive number “An Alcoholic Christmas,” which not only explains how to get high as a kite, but adds footnotes, marginalia, and popups to decorate this bouncy fun little number. Partake!
