Category: BLUE MATERIAL

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Naughty Pine BLUE ALERT!!

Is there enough room around the tree skirt for some under the skirt action?

You might know Lady Gaga (w/Space Cowboy) has a risque number “Christmas Tree” which we’ll mention in passing. If this oral invitation is all you know, however, stay tuned.

“Christmas Tree” by The Lovers the French duo from Sheffield with Fred de Fred and Marion Benoist is only a 3 on the naughty meter. ‘Can You Show Me Your Christmas Tree’ w/francois accent.

“Under the Tree” is where The Superions seduce their intended… until the phone rings! Erotic alt.

Casper and the Cookies retrorock “Kiss Me Under the Christmas Tree.” Only first base (to start out), but i’m too busy dancing to miss out. Baby Jesus would agree: what a party!

Megan Simon has something to say to you and your new girlfriend. “Fuck Yourselves Around the Christmas Tree” is alt rock fun with an ice cold jazz deadpan.

Snowsnatch almost apologetically proclaims “I’m Gonna Fuck You Under the Christmas Tree Tonight.” This experimental mumble garage poetry may/may not get you in the mood.

Let’s plug in the dub box. A song like “Fuckin’ Under the Christmas Tree” otter be hip hop, even whiteboy styling. This blow by blow playbook is rhymed out from here to there… and there… and–  there!

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Decorating BLUE Spruce ALERT

We get so excited trimming the tree that we remember trim means something naughty….

Gentle jazz launches John Brown into the mood to “Decorate Your Christmas Tree.” With naughty lines like ‘make love to you’… you have to wonder what he wants with a tree.

Twiztid hollas to all the Juggalos and Juggalettes “Decorate Your Christmas Tree.” The tree here is female pubic hair. The decoration is the male sex act. You got it? BLUE BLUE and more BLUE

Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings sing a song of soul. “Big Bulbs” is all about the party, baby.

Also ’50s, Jimmy Butler jelly rolls the blues with “Trim Your Tree.” Is this music as much fun a s sex? Someone tell Mojo Nixon who just drunkenfies this tune.

Treemendous Holiday Fun: BLUE Balsa Wood

Christmas balls dangle from the branches like… reproductive organs?! Someone likes this pun.

Funky Butt Brass Band descend into the mood with the raise-the-roof jazz of “Shiny Christmas Balls.” Don’t make them blue, baby.

Surprisingly upbeat reggae rock features John Mahameed & Nard cutting loose with “Christmas Balls.” Why you gotta?

Damage Control Comedy search for the key with “Your Christmas Balls” double entendre-ing the pun with showtune jazz. Take ’em out… where you wanna put ’em… Kay?

A regular Xmas tradition from the Johnboy & Billy Morning show, Nonge Shipman simply strums the folk ballad “Christmas Balls.” You’ve heard it.

From the risqué ’60s Kay Martin and Her Bodyguards “Hang Your Balls on the Christmas Tree” lets us know what we were missing, in terms of smirk.

No one else has balls like Ben Light and His Surf Club Boys. His “Christmas Balls” from the party records of the ’30s was the first… and the best (at innuendo).

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: I of the Needle

So, would you like to meet your tree? Strike up the band!

Gene London pitched the idea of being a Christmas tree his own self in “A Walking Talking Christmas Tree.” Hang a star! ’60s pop. (Tip of the pointy hat to Pete the Elf for connecting me to that one.)

As Thoreau said: personify, personify, personify. Wild Man Fisher screams it best with his original “I’m a Christmas Tree” (although some of you might know his developed duet with Dr. Demento a bit better).

Metal messiness wherein Distortion Ride claims everyone suffers like holiday decorations. “Christmas Tree Blues” is more prog than blues, but it makes you depressed regardless… oh, and BLUE ALERT

The whole life cycle of horror show from POV tree comes thus in unplugged ‘Tannenbaum’ parody from Gordy Pratt with “I’m the Christmas Tree.” Not worth your pity.

More listenable comes Solea Pfeiffer with “Christmas Tree Blues.” Funny for the hollerin’ blues.

To help “A Christmas Tree’s Wish” answers the timeless question with a wandering pop plodder from Missy The Elf & Tom Moore. (Spoiler: it wishes to be the Times Square tree.) BTW that tree left our last tree a song “Rockefeller Tree” from I am The World Trade Center. Sitar psychedelia. (YOU figure that out, i’m tired.)

Nat King Cole hand delivers “I’m the Happiest Christmas Tree” Class on Delivery. It’s pop, and it does.

Anthropomorphic Snow Sculpture: funny 3 BIT BLUE

Praps simply inspired Yogscast goes a bit BLUE ALERT with “Carrot for a Cock.” Power ballad about a mistake and the magic life thereafter. Oh, i get it.

Rodney Carington has a classic bit about a disfigured snowman…

Problem is, it’s a short funny country song bit. Freddy B has elongated this number to suit hisself. It adds flourished and even answers the titular question.

…so please enjoy the song in it’s 1/2 minute micro-entirety.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqqGOJOyhy0

Anthropomorphic Snow Sculpture: funny 1

Let’s shovel the ‘Frosty’ parodies off the lot right away. Most of those are drug-related and i’ve done what i can to eliminate all coke=snow songs from the last couple months. Most of the others are amateurish at best. Here are some i can stand.

BLUE ALERT Afroman has studied the naughty “Frosty” and discerned it’s sexual habits. Learn, if you dare.

Don Ohman (‘The Singing Roofer’) is also misogynisticly offensive with “New Years: Frozen the Snowwoman Song.” She was asking for it, dressing like that.

Back to BLUE ALERTs Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown goes low class UK with obscene carol parodies, staring with “Frosty.” Crude, rude, and bawdy parts galore. John Valby does more or less then same thing, without as much anatomica.

Matt Rogers’s overused “Frosty the Pervert” rounds out the trifecta of BLUE ALERTs. That’s enough, boys.

Bubba Claus pretends he’s drunk singing “Frosty the Beer Mug.” Apart from a strip poker ref, blue-free tawdriness.

On the other mitten, Dan Collins acquits himself admirably with “Jesus the Savior.” He yells ‘Catch me if you can!’ after tipping moneylenders stands. And what does he sub in for thumpity-thump thump?! Look!

Homer and Jethro have a 1953 novelty bit about “Frosty the De-Frosted Snowman” down on the farm. Okay, don’t believe me! I see your corn and raise you pone.

The best tribute to Frosty doesn’t use the melody at all. Fandango Quartet has mixed results singing the right lyrics to ‘O Holy Night.’ their friends like it…..

Sufjan Stevens updates the rascally rogue with his garage-tastic “Mr. Frosty Man.”

Anthropomorphic Snow Sculpture: pop 7

Let’s foreclose our popular music songs about snowmen with what the kids call the latest thing.

“Big Snowman” from Navarro plays alt with our ices. Protect your hearts, ‘migos.

Dale and the Deadheads narrate a long ago time when snow came down like snow. “Bill, the Snowman” is a beatnik throwback comedy bit worth a party play.

Guided by Voices, did i tell you this already, drop “Doughnut for a Snowman” as prog rock pretty pop. I can’t remember what i was talking about….

Experimetnal jazz screaming from Cattle Drums. “Snowman Won’t Melt” eventually rocks every which way but on key.

Folk blues psychedelia doesn’t begin to describe “Jon the Snowman” by Jack Spann. Look out.

Dreamy psychedelia, “The Waving Snowman,” make The Wytches the band to watch.

Gregory Scott Slay bases his “Visit with a Snowman” on a visit with a snowman. More psychedelic rock with a metal backbeat. Snowman laid down this track, too. BLUE ALERT

Angry but oh so danceable is the punk BLUE ALERT “Viki is a Snowman.” The Jims holler largely for one minute.

Odd but danceable, “Ex-Snowman” by Big City fills you required ironic pop daily allowance.

Nihilistic pop from The Naked Picassos warns about that watching “Snowman.” Run, kids.

Disco funk expressed by Holidelic results in “Snowman’s Lament.” Give ’em snowballs! Watch out!

Pop mixed media allows Strangejuice to get sentimental, yet surreal, with their “Snowman.”

Pop punk garage by Go Eat Worms make “vs. the Snowman” a saga of surprising power.

Angry garage separates “Snowman” into three round balls. The Fezz throws gas on the fire of mujsic.

Emo garage from Kenzi Gregory unravels joy with “My Snowman.” Well, more than one. They don’t last. Hate my life.

Grrl garage pounding from The Ravens. “Evil Frosty Snowman” is not what you think it is.

Banging garage metal from Nothing to Envy portrays “Yeltsin the Snowman” as a scary monster. Surprized?

Record label Flying Bomb has been an outlet for punk, garage, experimental music since the ’90s. White Stripes got their toehold to success here. Now let’s dip into their phenomenal Xmas compilation from ’02. Happy Supply’s “Young Snowman Got It Bad, ‘Cause He’s So Round” puts the frozen one back on the street, in a cheerful love song.

This comes by way of good buddy Pete the Elf.

Anthropomorphic Snow Sculpture: abominable detour 10

Let’s end our detour around the Abominable Snowman angry and loud.

And a BLUE ALERT. Briss Mula starts out kidding around (is that a Scandinavian accent?), but his hiphop hits hard into thug life. Life is cold, so “Abominable Snowman.”

Paul Graves lightens the mood with a thrashing metal narration of a Himalayan standoff in his “Abominable Snowman.” Nearly melodic.

Commending the Fallen turn up the death on their metal with their “Abominable Snowman.” Is that just gargling?

Impaler enunciates for our pleasure with their classic metal “Abominable Snowman.” At least to start with. Violent content! Just like life!

Snow Way: just say no BLUE ALERT

The lack of snow is not just another day in December… it makes a statement.

Reese Lansangan is one of those talents you can’t understand is only on Youtube. Her fluent folk pop “No Snow” makes you believe in the poetry of young love.

Anuhea sings “No Snow” as exotic island beat, which makes you wonder how do they know about snow?

More hula-inspired honky tonk in “No Snow for Christmas” from Maureen McElheron.

Brian Protheroe has to make “No Snow Blues” about not getting love, but it’s so bluesy.

Blues rock from Lucky Luke in the form of “No Snow This Christmas.” Makes Elvis cry.

Graffiti6’s “No Snow” goes jazzy wailing over that loss of that girl that time of year.

Stephen Simmons gets cynical with “No Snow on the Ground.” Jazz ballad hates Xmas.

Stefanie Eskew bemoans inappropriate tropical paradises with her hard folk “No Snow.”

Pet Shop Boys, yes the most successful recording duo from the UK, bemoan the lack of standardization with “It Doesn’t Often Snow at Christmas.” It’s meant to do, y’see. Synthpop.

Boon & Millz make the Whoville case “No Snow for Christmas“: love only, nuttin else.

Ditto from NexCyx’s R+B pop “We Don’t Have Snow.” But they do have Christmas cliches!

Etc. from James Henson and his backroom amateur “There’s No Snow at Christmas.” We get it, especially via dad folk rock.

Celine Rae & The 20-73 party rock us with “Christmas Without Snow.” Now it’s all okay.

Chris Messtree (fet. Nico Laus) (yeah, it’s a joke) go prog electronic with “No Snow for Christmas.” BLUE ALERT German influenced chanting, so it like it.

Joe Pesci has a cute novelty number “If It Doesn’t Snow on Christmas” (A cover of the Gene Autry ’49 semi-hit). Have you heard the BLUE ALERT naughty version?!

Snow Way: fun fight

For some, fun equals violence. Weapons made of wintery wonder!

Let’s start out slowly: “The First Snowball of the Season” is a baseball themed puffery by The Golden Orchestra & Singers. Strike One!

Off topically, Devo has a philosophically angst number “Snowball.” Electronica whene’er we can.

The tots’ ode to “Snowball Fight” has lyrics by Alan Katz to the so-called tune of ‘Jingle Bells.’ Should we teach this?

Gateway Christian Academy has their Snow Day announcement as a parody of Rachel Platten’s ‘Fight Song’ aka “Snowball Fight Song.” Hilarious revenge tactics for a church-sponsored children’s notice.

Jimmy Fallon shrugs on his punk coat for “Snow Fight.” S’no fun, really.

Bunch of Believers take the ska road for “Snowball Fight.” Just as danceable, but more poetic.

North Pole Patrol sasses up the sexy with a (small) big band torch number “Snowball Fight.”

BLUE ALERT (no, really) from Weekend Nachos and their blink-and-you’ll-miss-it “Snowball Fight.” Metal.

The Happy Racers big band their pop for “Snowball Fight.” It’s bouncy, rockin’ fun about putting out your eye. Duck!