Author: douglove1225

State Twenty-Three: Indiana

FIFTY DAYS OF ‘MERICA-MAS
Honorable mention to Tony Wolf for “The Indiana Christmas Song.” There’s no Indiana in it, but there is humor that moved me to the depths of my stockings. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Booby Prize goes to “Somewhere Hovering Over Indiana,” a children’s song about waiting for Santa. If you don’t recognize it, it’s a selection from A Christmas Story–The Musical. It was nommed for a Tony and got good reviews… but come on guys! This is not how to run The Great White Way! Retreads of mediocre classics with unimaginative wordplay blows egg nog!
Runner up goes to Bob and Tom fast and loose with derogatory references in “If Santa was a Hoosier.” Humorful ho-downery.
How ’bout an honorable mention for some authentic kids’ Christmas music? Dierdre Jenkins (from Christmas Across America) gets silly with “Hoosier Gonna Kiss for Christmas.” The orchestration adds a theatricality to the fun, though those oboes are creeping me out–like this really is some weird mystery we need to solve: “Who?” “Who is kissing whom?” I gotta know!
My main Holiday Award Holder is Straight No Chaser’s “Indiana Christmas.” These guys were a glee club at Indiana University and someone dropped a video of their “12 Days of Christmas” on the ‘tube (nearly 10 years after they made it) which led to record deals and tours. Notes sharp as icicles, harmony warm as loved ones snuggled up to the hearth, the message as merry as it is melancholy… Call me a fan.

State Twenty-Two: Ohio

FIFTY DAYS OF ‘MERICA-MAS
Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame, bitches!
Brandston altrocks “Christmas in Ohio” as a metaphor for how much you cheer me up, babe. Which is all poetical and slick, but not holiday.
Laura Elder has sent up “Christmas in Killarney” by singing about Ohio. She’s all home-canned sweet preserves, she is. Irish humor is the best, all dancing and laughing and hitting below the belt.
Chantilly Lace has got a startlingly sinister bit of nostalgia entitled “Christmas in Cleveland.” Something, so the song relates, went wrong with young love around the holidays way back when, and it sounds like like we’re about to suffer a snow-covered body count by some Santa-looking killer. Well, that’s my read on it.
Keeping up with that new sound the kids like in their rock and their roll (’90s-style), I’m gonna pop open my advent to The Raveonettes’ “Christmas in Cleveland” from their album Wishing You a Rave Christmas. These are, wait for it, Danish indie rockers (purportedly influenced by the Everly Bros). I like the garage post punk noise here. It reminds you that Christmas is about young people lost in the world… y’know like Jo-boy and Mary-baby looking for some friendly refuge for birthin’. Sune Rose and Sharin Foo are old school cool, despite their overmodulated indecipherable lyric-noise. Don’t join in and sing along!

State Twenty-One: Kentucky

FIFTY DAYS OF ‘MERICA-MAS
I was tempted to go so schmaltz i might’ve never come back: Kenny Rogers’s “Kentucky Homemade Christmas.” I shudder to contemplate how the soft-rock country po-folk fun mistletoed me with its rank, sweet givingitude. 
Equally downbeat is Paul Ritchie’s “Old Kentucky Carol” of which a sample is offered on Youtube. Paul, the big tease, is a serial noeler, with songs for Kansas and Michigan as well. His effort here is noble, mainstream, and forgettable.
Steven Curtis Chapman goes hesitantly upbeat with “Christmas in Kentucky.” But he segues from KY home to ‘Christmas is Everywhere!’ Hey now–don’t go global on me, Steve Curtis… L.A.? The African Plains?! I love the message of love, but part of my parade here is locachoral. Love home, stay home, sing home.
Perry King sings Ronnie King’s mellow “Christmas in Kentucky” on the ‘tube (nice guitar closeup) and it’s all unplugged and roots o’ rock. I feel a slow dance comin’ on.
If you succumb to becoming a collector of Commonwealth carols, consider “The Kentucky Wassail Song” from Fred Waring and his little group, a lovely historical repro from a previous century (probably be worth 100$ on Antiques Roadshow).
So–finally–I was all set to offer The Roustabouts’ “Christmas in Kentucky,” a honky-tonk howler that makes me grin (MMG).
Then someone told me about Phil Ochs singing “No Christmas for Kentucky.” No offense, Bluegrass State, but protesting folkrock from the ’60s beats drunk-songs from the ’50s. If you’re not familiar, Philip David Ochs was a song writing hippie from the counter culture movement; he gave his mental health to give us “I Ain’t Marching Anymore” and “Draft Dodger Rag.” He’s doing his best Pete Seger here, reminding us that being poor when everyone else is celebrating SUCKS (despite what Kenny Rogers sings). Now go back to the mines!

State Twenty: Tennessee

FIFTY DAYS OF ‘MERICA-MAS
The Mecca of Music, Nashville, brings a lotta attention. Everybody wantsa sing ’bout the holiest of holy times in TN. We’ve already referenced Alabama‘s “Tennessee Christmas,” which was cowritten by Amy Grant (sometimes referred to as “Tender Tennessee Christmas”) and, in the spirit of giving, is covered by Steve Wariner, Point of Grace, Lee Greenwood, Danny Gokey, Krista Branch, Zorema, Isabeau, Otilia, and bunches of others i don’t even wanna know. All right already.
Chet Atkins has composed a gorgeous pickin’ piece entitled “East Tennessee Christmas,” which has no lyrics (whose game to write some?).
And of course Dolly’s got “Smoky Mountain Christmas.”
And do not bother with Lallie Bridges’s ridiculous “Tennessee at Christmas” which is nearly word for word the same as her “Nashville at Christmas.” X-Mass production w/o musical gifts!
To take a break, I looked at Nashville Christmas songs. Nativity gold! Bob Walkenhorst’s “Christmas in Nashville” is that age old homesick-stuck-in-my-career ballad. I like the twist wherein he’s singing about the place he’s trapped (Nashville) and not the place he yearns for. Aww, he had me at “Three Wise Men in a bar…”.
Dan Schafer’s “Christmas Time in Nashville” lays down a honky tonk track for that late-in-the-drunk wistfulness fulla Christianity and regret.
One charity org. has a medley online that includes some homeless holiday conscience prodders: “East Nashville Christmas.” The 75 artists played wherever you might’ve donated a few years back. But their eastnashvillechristmas.com site is still allowing you to give for the Christ of it.
Still my playlist has gotta include “If Jesus Were Born in Tennessee” by Jason Cox & Bryan McKaig from their album Hark! A Providence Christmas. No lie, these Christian boys play this in church. It’s proper country, the funny kind (think Homer&Jethro, not Rick Dees): sly without irony. Now, these boys finally have a youtube channel and their traditional stuff rocks too, so give a listen, y’hear?

State Nineteen: Mississippi

Welcome back to

FIFTY DAYS OF ‘MERICA-MAS
–our national tour of noels dedicated to our fifty favorite states of America.
Now, before you decide I won’t allow for famous folk on my x-country Xmas excursion, let’s consider talent. Many headliners rashly cash in with a seasonal sale (look up the numbers, December-dedicated disks hardly chart, but bring in great frankincense and myrrh over the long run) without a whole lotta litany nor agape.
Odd times, however, a true musician makes the rites right with passion and poinsettia-scented poise.
Carolers and God-resters, I give you Mr. Charlie Daniels’s “Mississippi Christmas” from his album Christmas Time Down South. This musician is the quintessential Southerner from his belt buckle to his hat. He wrote for Elvis and played backup for Dylan. But, yer right, this particular entry ain’t country before country was cool–it’s more pop banjo-ism. In 1990 blue grass was tickle-me Emo, after mainstream had mostly wrecked what Bill Monroe had wrought, but slightly before rock-a-billy was redeemed by traditionalists like Skaggs and Thile. Still, listening to those fingers a-picking here makes me think of elves making presents. Sorry, didn’t mean to get all ho-ier than ho…

Scary Christmas Part Tricks

Happy Samhain!
Randy Brooks wrote “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” 1979 and has been cashing in ever since. Now, i hope to never to reference that song again, nor any of its dozens of doofus derivations, but the guy has got a song on his Randy Brooks’s Greatest Hit album from ’12 that addresses what i need to have said. Once Halloween is out of the way, nothing will stop the purposeful authorized onslaught of Christmas decoration and musicality.
So please allow this odd folk song “It’s Hallowe’en (A Christmas Song)“with its simple melody and special sacred sarcasm to transport you onto the holiday highway–it’s one way now.

Scary Christmas Part F(layed al)IVE

The absolute scariest Christmas song ever has to be Fred’s “Christmas is Creepy.”
Fred Figglehorn, as grown out of by Lucas Cruikshank, was a helium-voiced six-year-old with deep emotional problems and millions of followers on his Youtube channel, and on Nickleodeon.
He’s as amusing as a screeching contest, but his song deals with the childhood traumas wrought by Christmas TV specials and stories on the overimaginatively young (He’s coming into the house? When I’m asleep?!)
It’s an added bonus that the performer is so upsetting and the song is so familiarly upbeat. I’m creeps totes.

Scary Christmas Part Foreboding

There’s no better Christmas Ghost story than Dickens’s A Christmas Carol. Terrifying the stuffing outta your contrarian soul in order to learn ya the lessons of the Baby J!
Boss Martians have a great rocker called “3 Ghosts.” I dance to it (but not a Halloween dance). (It’s currently blocked on Youtube.)
Animaniacs have a Christmas Carol episode with songs. They’re fun, but 10 minutes later i’m starved for music again.
Which i guess means i oughta mention the Mr. Magoo Christmas Carol and its big hit “Alone in the World.” It’s sweetly sad, not ghosty enow.
Superplushybros’s “Christmas Carol Rap” is clever but clumsy and coulda used a bit more jingle in the backbeat.
Chris Blackwood’s musical adaptation includes the song “Link by Link” which is noisy and cutesy at the same unfortunate time.
But my favorite ghost song springing from this source has gotta be “Marley and Marley” from A Muppet Christmas Carol by the inimitable Paul Williams. Love ya, PW!

Scary Christmas Part Treat

The easiest spoof on Christmas carols would be playing off “Do You Hear What I hear” with “Do You Fear What I Fear?”
The Dagon Tabernacle Choir from the album A Very Scary Solstice have Lovecrafted the song with various unprounceably spelled demonghouls.
My Newfoundland favorite, Snook, has developed an odd epic of failed life dreams to this tune. It’s pretty Freudian/scary. His is “Do You Fear What I Hear?” (Not on the ‘tube. Yet.)
So the winner of festivalisophobia is Dave Rudolf. Dave’s a novelty musician from way back, the kind of guy you saw at some show somewhere and couldn’t believe how funny he was. Unless you travel in the 21st Century Vaudeville circuit you may not have heard of him. Check out his website.

Scary Christmas Part Boo

Well, there’s more than one way to horrify Christmas. You know, like a skinned cat hung by the chimney with care.
Horror movies are desperate for new wrinkles (wait, I’m the ghost?) and love to bring down a good thing (youth hostels in faraway countries!), but most often horror Christmas slips and pratfalls into its own eggnog. (‘Silent Night, Bloody Night’ [1974]; ‘Silent Night, Deadly Night’ [1984]; ‘Silent Night, Zombie Night’ [2009].) (‘Krampus’ for 2015: are you going?)
The song business, also, has been trying to get us to drop a yule log in our pants–mostly with an eyeless wink and a jagged grin. “I Found the Brains of Santa Claus” by Jason and the Strap-Tones is a Dr. Demento classic. It’s silly and jolly.
MxPx punks up the place with “Christmas Night of the Zombies” on the must-have A Santa Cause compilation album. It’s over the top and blastastic.
These are Big Deals in the novelty Xmas game, so i gloss over them. Sometime we’ll get morbid and macabre for the Mass with true oddities (some deeply disturbed songs celebrate death over birth for the Advent. …people… am i right?).
 For now let me share a grim, grisly, gruesome, gut-soaked jingle by Jon Lajoie a Canadian rapper known for his funny songs on Youtube. (If you like funny songs, you should subscribe.)