Author: douglove1225

Santa Jobs: beyondish

If Santa is greater than man, maybe he’s extraterrestrial. He’s at least stratospheric with his sled.

Last Januuary i delved into outer space and already covered Bobby Helms’s “Captain Santa Claus and His Reindeer Space Patrol,” Pattie Marie Jay’s “Space Age Santa Claus,” and The Lennon Sister’s “Outer Space Santa.” Even better was Hot Buttered Elves’ “Alien Santa.”

But let’s also telescopically discover Jaymz Bee and His Royal Jelly Orchestra’s kiddie weird crooning with “Space Age Santa.” It’s retro rockets retro.

Bouncy folk pop blasts off of Youngest Daughter (harmonizing with mom) in her “Space Age Santa Claus.” Girl fun.

Elliptically relevant at best–but most listenable–are The Hollyberries (SURF CHRISTMAS MUSIC) with their “Santa’s Supersonic Rocket Sleigh,” Put the top down and crank this one up!

Or maybe stay in high orbit above Mead Elementary’s experimental glee chanting of their “Space Age Santa.” Ya gotta be a parent to love these kidlings.

Happy Jawbone Family Band marvels with their own brand of band noise what otherworldly powers ET Mr. Xmas might be privy to in “Martian Santa.”

Santa Jobs: super duper

Regardless of deification/defication, Santa does what no one else can. He’s super (thanks for asking).

Rod Stewart makes that case with his “Red Suited Superman.” It’s jazzy and middle of the road and oldsters everywhere will love the song.

Slightly more impressed with their own guitaring, The Fleshtones mention “Super Rock Santa” as just another way to name ol’ Kris.

Noodlin’ the poodle, Stephen Colbert reveals Santa’s secret identity with “Jingle Man and Christmas Boy” as they fight crime around the tai-state area. Funny, but don’t tell.

A real serial adventure of super Santa is a cappella brought to you by The Bobs (keep in mind all their accompaniment is vocalized). “Yuleman Vs. the Anti-Claus” is something i wish i’d written. It’s a bit musical theater-ish and brash, but ends on a cliffhanger… (tune in next year)!

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Santa Jobs: not-god complex

Well, if Santa’s NOT God, maybe his job is balancing the celestial scales by incorporating ultimate evil.

Aurelio Voltaire spells it out for you (just move one letter!) with “Santa Claus is Satan.” Despite some goth trappings, this smacks of children’s song. He’s having enthusiastic guitar fun.

Tony Martin similarly strums up the Santa myth (albeit with more production values) in his “Who Put the Devil in Santa?” This is ’80s pop turned on its ear, winding itself up louder and louder. A real showstopper. Testify!

Screaming and syncopating (barely) Toykillers lay down some club feedback with “The Devil May be Your Santa Claus.” Headbang on the chimney with care.

Those with a casual Christmas connection sometimes think of all of Santa’s multicultural helpers (Black Peter f’r instance) as Santas themselves. It’s NOT TRUE. But, to have some fun, let’s include The Bearded One’s head punisher Krampus in Rusty Cage’s “The Krampus Song.” It’s more folk fun, with a family style round of chords that should have all of you singing along.

Something Fierce lays down the garage rock for their rollicking “Satan Claus.” Now we know the truth. And we can dance to it.

Santa Jobs: god complex

Whether or not the elves can get behind Santa, we write letters to the big guy, not them. So it’s time to start thinking about Mr. Red. What’s he doing Right Now?

In fact, is Santa who he is, or only his job?

If that’s true, what other jobs might he have?

First of all, let’s deal with the all-seeing, all-knowing job: God.

A few artists have something to say about Santa as God.

Hank Snow spins a schoolroom spoonful of treacle with “God is My Santa Claus” either creating an ouroboros tautology, or refuting our original posit. Ok, i guess God is everything, including the Great Gift Giver.

Pearl Jam mellow alt rock the confusion of “Santa God” ascribing it also to childhood’s naiveté.

A little more garage punk (kiddie style) Contranzor declares “Santa is Your God.” Oh, i see, we worship materialism. Well, now that’s just social commentary….

Joe Treewater just covers his bases by confessing “Sorry God & Santa.” It’s a smooth unplugged folk play (except for the atheist digression toward the end).

Dan Hart grows on this symbiosis with comic folk pop in “Santa God.” Looks like they are two different entities after all, or at least opposite polarities.

Toymakers Local 1224: contract-5

The best song to individualize the elf takes a single Santa’s helper out of context of his ride along job and puts him into a love-suffering outsider’s dilemma. Can he find his true one through the window? Perhaps The Rocket Summer’s title “Elf Creep” will foreshadow the outcome. Coolest peeping tom Christmas song ever.

Toymakers Local 1224: contract-4

A brief mention of the unpleasant hard rocking of sweet harmony barbershop country singers The Oak Ridge Boys. In letter form, they ask “Santa Bring Your Elves,” but personally i believe you’ll never see those elves again. Don’t do it.

Warm smoky throated Pauline Lynnes may appeal to families with little ones, but she has a jazz siren sensibility and sexy folk fullness. “Little Christmas Elf” comes off half country ballad, half funny kid song. Tell me what you think.

Toymakers Local 1224: contract-3

At times, kids like to inappropriately mash up urban hip hop with the childhood innocence of Christmas time. “The Legion of Elves” is a rap from Robby the Elf. It’s Atlanta on trial for delivering gifts. Weird computer graphics.

Tomo News goes even more animated with “Get Your Elf On.” The elves here use spit magic, create product placement crap, and Do The Elf Dance. Oh yeah and they electro solve all the world’s problems. Creepy ‘Polar Express’ graphics here.

“The Elf Jump” comes from that unfortunate Golden Films about The Shoemaker and Santa. But it jumps and jives and has a 1940s good time. Credit Diane Eskanazi for the cool tune, if not the awkward animation.

Toymakers Local 1224: arbitration-5

Was it all the way back in 2013 Ylvis wanted to know about foxes saying things?

I guess it seems longer ago.

So many parodies, so many.

Academically, we have Vicki Daglian and Colleen Kiernan’s 2nd grade class positing “What Does the Elf Say?” I smell a ringer. The actual vocals can’t be some average seven-year-old!

Homegrown The Jaybirds, freaks out about the Elf on the Shelf in their “What Does the Elf Say?” This is fairly normal among parents.

Mat Moody gets an E for Elfort with his “What Does the Elf Say?” He also gets major support/budget for his mediocre satirizing skills.

Shoal Creek Community Church proves that many missionaries have wicked keen wits and bombastic musical numbers, but i’m not sure why their set up for their “What Does the Elf Say?” parody starts with such a creepy Eyes Wide Shut Christmas costume party.

Jared O delivers the goods on the best note-for-note parody, helped with clumsy accents and long cheeked bros in chorus lines, cluttered with clips of Will Ferrell. There’s a low bar for “What Does the Elf Say?” but i enjoyed it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6Hqja7Wm00