Month: May 2024

Elf Driver

How do you manage the whole Christmas machine? Good boss or mean boss? Time for a struttin’ Neil Young parody! “Southern Claus” by Pity Rally might answer some of these questions.

“Santa’s Elven Slave Trade” by Aristocorpse screeches metal accusations at that holly jolly soul. Do you believe? (Feeding their young to the reindeer!?)

With a kickass drumlin Gatsby’s American Dream challenges “St. Nicholas” to a duel of honor. He’s gotten away with too much! Metal match!

Richard Sponaugle hair rocks “St. Nick’s Sweatshop” with an axe to grind.

The Rattlesnakes American rock “Santa Kicks My Boss in the Ass,” turning the bellicosity of Old man Winter to good.

The Plastic Invaders mod rock the question/answer “(Who’s the Boss?) Santa Claus.” Almost comes off cool. Still the boss, though.

Average Friend calls out grievances to “Santa Boss.” Rollicking rock to organize those little workers.

Chuck Picklesimer jams country rock heavily for “I was a Slave for Psycho Santa Claus.” Scary stuff (hee hee)! Spaceship escape?

Cold Fat Bastard

Some just hate Big Red. Worth repeating: Erin McKeown uses some swearing to proclaim “Santa is an A**hole.” This cowboy pop screed is a full portrait of all the flaws. Look out, kids!

“Oh, Santa!” by Mr.B The Gentleman Rhymer gentlemanly raps dislike about the mess left by that terrible visitor Christmas Eve. Ghastly that!

Dumpster Company improvs loudly as experimental artists in the raging “Fuck Santa (in f).” It’s all bad that time of the year. BLUE ALERT

Also lo-tech is Terry Childers venting “Hey Santa” with some decent drumming. He seems to be missing a radio….

“Here Comes Fatty Claus” by Rudolph & The Gang (Johnny MacRae) is hate speech pop (with profanity) about the high costs of giving. Sounds mean, but it comes from a place of hurt.

Chemtrail doesn’t merely doubt, but refuses Kris Kringle in the minimalist “You are Not Santa.”

The Silver Bells retro-rocks their disapproval about the double dealing Elf in “Santa Doesn’t Care About You.” Loved you and left you–nothing!

Even further, Beatnik Turtle also pop-rocks the disdain of Santy in “Santa Doesn’t Like You.” You got to face the fact.

A Figment of My Magi Nation

“What If Elvis was Santa Claus” poses more questions than it answers. Jesse Chavez of the Dysfunctional Family Band wails, though. Thank you very much.

Sugies has trouble when blackmailing Santa to get on the Nice List. See, that guy at the mall is not him. So she gets on the phone to him to promise she’ll keep his “Secret Santa.” Charming kidsong pop.

Delu has his doubts, but it’s about the big belly. “Damn, Santa!” is the rap to unwrap the secrets that matter. Is Nelly in there?

Julia Wade and Friends also see Santa Xmas night. Turns out it was a dream “The Night I Meant St. Nick.” Wild showtune kidsong that turns to the following year (another dream??).

Bah & the Humbugs point out Santa sightings might be fake. Might be a “Blow Up Santa.” Perky pop forewarns cops might get involved.

Jack Douglass of Jacksfilms wants to drive the nail home, so be prepared to duck for cover during the pop “Santa Ain’t Real.” AGAIN!

Christ-myth

We’ll deep dive into believing later, but the question of Is He Real? is a hot topic in Santa crit. Worth repeating is Lenny & Squiggy’s holiday pageant “The Jolliest Fat Man.” This folk take is comedy gold whether or no you’re a Laverne and Shirley fan.

Nick Thune talks straight to your kids about the Santa Lie. The folk slow-build-rock’s silver lining: “You’re Still Getting Toys.” Parental advisory.

Truman Proudfoot & David Kandal bring us down with the folksy bummer about a down and out mall Santa from a broken home. He’s “Someone Else’s Santa” this year. It’s an empty existence.

Red Crinkles, as a store Santa, exposes the actual “Fake Santa” as a SoCal fatcat Ponzi schemer in this amateur folk plunker.

“Santa Is a Fake” blares Arne Hansen & The Guitarspellers in proper dad rock. The disillusion is a childish tantrum, albeit wonderful.

Also ticked off is David Moorhead when he realizes “Fake Santa’s a Dick.” Funked up blues as a public service.

The Kids recognize “The Santa at the Mall.” (It’s my uncle Paul!) Southern rock+da blues tell us what they do with that info.

Stable Genius

Some of us (sometimes) have no use for Santa. DuncanG used to post clever pop parodies in a Christmas bent. But all trace of his stuff is gone now. Reminisce with me for his Adele parody “Someone Like Santa.” Take him, leave him.

Rodd & Judy (in an American Song Poem) wrestle easy listening into the twee tale of children who want nothing from Old Man Christmas except for “Santa Fix My Toys for Christmas.”

Marc Copage and Saxon-Freed follow this thread with “Santa, Please Repair My Toys for Christmas.” This nauseous kidsong rats out Dad as the toybreaker.

Peter Thomas & Joseph interrogate the bleak night sky with the driving folk “Merry Christmas, Santa Claus.” They want Mr. Gifts to bequeath all their gifts to other needier ones. Kids today!

Red State Update distinguishes between S.C and J.C. in the menacingly upbeat “Forget Santa Claus.” Pop music with a message.

Fiction Family pitches a hissy with the bluegrass pop of “I Don’t Need No Santa Claus.” Seems his baby is enough. Bearded guys can wait outside.

Uncle Whiskers

The Brighter Day Gang unspools a psychedelic kidsong about Santa’s origins while worrying how weird it all is in “His Paradise Mountain.” It’s pretty weird.

Dr. BLT heralds “Back Alley Santa” with grunge and echoic chaos. Pretty funky.

J. Maunders slips in some amateurism with “Some Crap About Santa.” It’s hollering and piano abuse, but keep the spirit of it, ‘kay?

Proper Brit-rock (late ’70s style, so punk on the edges) represents a strange turn: “Father Christmas is Dressed in Green.” Nice for a change from Wild Billy Childish & The Musicians Of The British Empire.

Scrutiny can overenlarge something into grotesquerie, so when Bob Blake (The Music Doctor) wonders about Santa’s time off the query “Where’s Santa?” gets weird. Grampa pop.

Everything about Christmas is off “Out at the Mall.” For example, Santa smells like pepperoni. Make Like Monkeys retro rocks the odyssey.

Functional funk from Stevie Nations & the United States complains how “Santa’s Getting Grumpy” working overtime. Chill, brah.

Sooty Suit

And if you met the jolly one in person, what would you think?! The Evaporators respond with the pop “Who Are You?“ WILD!

Idaho slow-rolls the indie with “Santa is Weird.” There’s something about love and light and falling in there.

Bandrew has more questions than answers in the guitar strummin’ indie “Santa is Dead.” No corpses are investigated in this one, so it’s more existential angst.

Speaking of weird, “(You Broke the Face Off a) $10 Santa Claus” by ‘Weird Paul’ Petroskey rocks the unlikely mercantile faux pas. Diggin’ it.

The one who doesn’t make you jolly is “Reverse Santa.” He won’t eat your milk and cookies. He vomits instead. Offbeat lounge polka from Hot buttered Elves.

Was it a dream?! “Santa Was Eating The Christmas Tree” was the disturbing scene for Nicci And The Project’s kidsong. Perhaps it was a Christmas tree shaped cookie? No? Run!

Beardo

IS the whole concept of Santa Claus just too weird? ShiSho covers Sufjan Stevens’s “Get Behind Me, Santa.” Their little girl energy further obfuscates who or what the song is about. Weird with a beard.

Harold Rippey spies “Santa Claus on the Side of the Road.” With halting country pop, he explores how odd this stranded wayfarer is.

“I Got this Neighbor” is the ska song about when MU330 worries about who just moved in nextdoor. The suit, the shoes, the hat, the laugh, the mail…. Hmm.

The cast of the musical Hey Nunnie Nunnie heard about that elf and wondered “Who Is This Santa Claus?” As members of the faith, they give him the benefit of the doubt: the threat of him will keep children quiet.

The Jacobsen Brothers also wonder, but conclude “Santa is Strange.” Folk imponderables for the kids.

Grampa Yule

Worth repeating: “Baby Boomer Santa” is from the Dan Harmon show Community and represents what Millennials think in their kaleidoscopic minds about the olds. OK Donald Glover, Danny Pudi, and Chevy Chase.

Sia Furler has an empty spot at Christmas, and wants not My everyday Santa Claus (which is you, ya deserter, you)–but “My Old Santa Claus” to help her out. Is that a compliment in millennial pop music??

Magritte & Rosen may refer to Old Man Christmas as an obese senior citizen, but in their skippy singalong “Santa Needs Some Help!” they address climate change and Covid-mania among his concerns. Do seniors care about that stuff?!

Patricia Vonne figures rockabilly will make the epithet “Old Man Santa” an endearment. But this this bar-burner accuses the old guy of cruisin’, rockin’, and blazin’.

I suppose tweeting makes Santa look young, but when “Santa’s Twitter Got Hacked” he’s just another old victim.

Valley of Love enter musical land with their episodic “Santa Claus Restauration.” It’s essentially about helping out the elderly.

“Santa’s Gettin’ Too Old for This” bemoans Dr. BLT in his signature folk-rock funk. This reality check is making me sad, so maybe don’t scat so much.

The North Polaroid

Worth repeating: “Santa’s Lost His Mojo” is an indie bit of coolness from Jeremy Lister. That banjo does the trick.

Mayflies adds cowboy guitar to their indie “Santa’s Misery.” Not exactly a sure-footed Christmas man according to this.

“Santa’s Got Covid” is a salsa inspired bit of rap-pop from Reality Student Ministry. Poor old guy.

To ‘Jingle Bells’ Hilary Henshaw worries about that oldster when stricken down. But it’s “Santa’s Hiccups” that perplex (and annoy) with all that noise. Shout along, kids!

B Minor Music also frets “When Santa Got the Hiccups.” More original, and certainly more Australian.

Worse health-wise, “Santa’s Got Diabetes” as depicted in ’80s anthem rock by The North Polio. Impaired! (But completely believable.)

Deer Valley Trio reveal that time “When Santa Claus Got His Ass Kicked by the Reindeers.” This hand-clapping round is sung in good natured folk joshing.