After blowing up my skills on an earlier ’12 Days’ parody, i still have to admit to liking those caroldies of ’12’ that never repeat any of the lines (while i still loathe the original for its headache inducing redundancy). So another idea i’d been batting around was baby’s first Christmas… times twelve. In other words, what’d we get the kid each year until teenagery twisted the whole present-thing up into uncertain resentments. That would mean plenty of room to list or explain more presents each try, as one does, to buy the love of that little person. (I do have a grownup offspring; so i do have to say that, even though i began this as a list of regular gifts, it gets personal.)
The Twelve Years of Christmas
On my child's first Christmas We truly gave to him His full name on a glass ball On my child's second Christmas We truly gave to him Santa onesies And shoes that blinked when you took steps On my child's third Christmas We truly gave to him Chocolate mints A fire truck Dr. Seuss books that we read to him On my child's fourth Christmas We truly gave to him A baseball mitt A Lite Brite Red roller skates And a Batman action figure On my child's fifth Christmas We truly gave to him Rubik's cube! Toobers & Zots Three pairs socks Some Mega Bloks And a big stuffed alligator On my child's sixth Christmas We truly gave to him Two coloring books Lego sets! Dinosaur books Turtle necks Bionicles And six videos (of) Pokemon On my child's seventh Christmas We truly gave to him Rescue dog from the pound More Bionicles Magnetix! Yu-gi-oh cards Underwear Foaming bath wash Set of chocolates from the world On my child's eighth Christmas We truly gave to him The Simpsons' Clue game Super Marbler Construct(ion) Lego pirate ship Rock tumbler! Creepy Crawlers A dart board A Paint'n'Swirl And a bubble blowing machine On my child's ninth Christmas We truly gave to him A woodburning kit Crystal growing kit Pokemon Arena Pop Bottle Science Stratego! Chemistry set Connect Four A Whoopee cushion 3D puzzle of Titanic On my child's tenth Christmas We truly gave to him Marble Run Vortex Harry Potter books Card Captors board game Puzzle sphere of the earth Digital wrist watch Twelve card decks! The game Mousetrap Crochet hooks Operation Dungeons and Dragons starter set On my child's eleventh Christmas We truly gave to him Jackie Chan Adventure shows Hercules board game More Pokemon decks Nintendo Gameboy Chess & checkers set Velcro shoes! Heroscape A stuffed wolf Carcassonne game Dungeon Master's Guide three point five On my child's twelfth Christmas We truly gave to him Dragon figurines Big Guy & Rusty puzzle Another stuffed wolf Discworld books A venus flytrap Atlantis Stargate discs Settlers of Cattan Punching bag! Heroclix Risk board game Air Hogs R/C Pounds of loose rings to knit chain mail
Meter scans for crap, and this song never cared about the rhyme. But i feel like this is a psychological study into a person. You could redo this idea into the profile of a budding nut job with weirder and weirder offerings. I mean that wasn’t my intention. Many of these things are up in our attic, and our son is fine (largely). So this might just be for me… Next!