Month: September 2021

Christmas Countdown: 1,000,000*

Are there a million BAD Xmas songs?

Babs had a dream a thousand miles away a million years ago, in her overwrought easy listening “I Remember.” There’s gotta be something about Xmas in there.

Is it enough food to have a million courses? Would Bing steer you wrong? “Christmas Dinner Country Style” returns for easier listening.

It’s almost magical that you came my way from a million stars, ya alien you. *NSYNC’s “It’s Christmas” annoys more than it bores.

A million trees surround Xandar, but his “Quarantined Yuletide” is a piano rag-pop search for meaning that will never land.

Christmas Countdown: 1,000,000!

A million social justice wars…

A million brand new toys may be a real accounting for Santa’s workshop, but it’s a strong con for “Santa’s Day Off” around the holidays. Rock from Storm of Crows.

Alvaro Jesus Gomez & William Alexander Marquis IV bummer out the wish list with “All I Want for Christmas is (1 Million Cigarettes).” Hipster blues reverb.

What about the starving poor? Or whatever. What about the tented millions on the streets of fear? rock on Parousia with “The King of Christmas.” Better listen up.

Then there’s the millions of unemployed. “Merry Xmas Everybody” is the sardonic bastardization the Irish excel at. The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican deliver with aplomb.

Christmas Countdown: 1,000,000/1

Is one in a million exceptional any more?

Love returns with Fran Archer and Tom Bell’s soul-searching “You’re One in a Million.” This dirge is on a Xmas album. So there.

Tenille Townes decorates her “One in a Million” with much more Christmas imagery. Still loving, but real soul.

“Becoming Santa” may not sound like a one in a million shot, but Swedish Metal Mafia make the most of the concept.

Dr. Elmo mixes greed with underachievement (and cornball country pop) for his “Christmas Millionaire.” The lyrics claim he wishes he had a hit Christmas song and got rich… Hang on, he’s done that. Oooh, the irony!

Christmas Countdown: 1,000,000-

Some things can be counted–

Tom Grant underplays how small we are “Under a Million Lights“–lots of metaphorical maundering about being better. The spirit is holiday, but the flesh is showtune.

Mama’s got a million lights to put up, according to Aaron Tippin’s home-grown rocking country “Mama’s Getting Ready for Christmas.”

Also under those million lights is YOU ‘cuz “Christmas is Starting Now” at least so see Big Bad Voodoo Daddy with perfect swing-copation.

When “Santa Writes Home” he admits to turning off those million lights, but mostly he misses the Missus. Country ballideering via Dan Sullivan.

Plank Road Publishing returns with a minor ditty, “A Million Little Snowflakes,” this time smaller and more mortal than us, but more seasonal for the killings to sing. And cry about.

Those million snowflakes don’t distract love in a “Snowfall” as sung by Someday Cafe.

Those million snowflakes do shut down the town in Scott Scovill’s (feat Lisa Ell) “Snow Day.” Busy piano country.

Christmas Countdown: 1,000,000

A million names for God?

Minister Felix prays to God for “A Million Christmas Days.” Quiet country folk, so sentimental as all get out.

Taking the elevator music approach to gospel, Sandi Patty belts and suspenders out “Light of a Million Mornings.” This celebration of JC soars a little, so just relax and let it wash over you. (P.S. That’s 2738 years, so He’s still got some breakfasts to go before we get there.)

Christmas Countdown: 1,000,000+

And a little more…

Run D.M.C. gets a mill in cash from Santa’s wallet in “Christmas in Hollis.” And that’s what Christmas is all about.

A million gold bars is one of “All I Want for Christmas” from LZTraps, mediocre rap about worth.

Simple Plan wants a million gifts, it’s right there on “My Christmas List.” Driving rock/pop.

So, Santa’s got those million gifts, via “Father Christmas is Coming” from BiiJ. Tweaking children’s music.

Liz Thresher equates your pleasant company over the holidays with “A Million Dollar Christmas.” Syncopated R+B that doesn’t flirt all that hard.

Greed leads to excess. So “A Million Dollars for Christmas,” a sassy rockabilly antic from The Andersons!, doesn’t seem all that surprising. Count how many times they sing the title! Repetitive!!

Christmas Countdown: 1,000,000s

Greater than one million.

Eli Caravajal has a crisis of faith with “Can’t Believe,” a folk sojourn about a breakup. But after millions and millions of sickening Christmas movies, only connects to drug references. A Covid-19 colored anti-romance.

“The Most Wonderful Day of the Year” connects millions of girls and boys to toys via ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.’

The million dollar houses prolly cost more than one million, as seen in the distance during “Jullåten 2004” by Suburban Kids With Biblical Names. Wild guitar rocking soft pop.

Caroline Chan revs up the agenda for the wee ones with “Millions of Trees.” A deforestation folk bummer. (‘Tho it begins a solution dialogue….)