Sick of Christmas: infarction

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Some health conditions are more serious than others. One complaint you wanna triage out of the herd for special attention is the Christmas heart attack. It’s bad enough the other 364; today it’s inconceivable.

Detroit garage rockers The Fondas lean into the roadster ‘billy with “Christmas Heart Attack.” Pretty sure this is just a frame of mind.

Philly rocker Matt Roach tootles some Americana for us with his heartfelt “Holiday Heart Attack.” You were naughty, Santa put coal-esterol in your arteries.

Sick of Christmas: diabetes

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The pain of Type 2 increases with the sweetest of the holidays. Most diabetics can dodge Halloween candy, but Christmas is all about simple carbs, and added sucrose. Coma on now, people!

Some of the amateur songs are skippable, but The Diabetes Cowboy has a ‘Blue’ mockup “Type 2 Christmas” you might enjoy partially. Hope it’s not insulin you.

I’ve already honored “Santa Claus Gave me Diabetes” from Stuckey and Murray in my sweets phase, but this talky blues is worth another prick of the finger.

Chedda Cheese raps the pain to stay with “Diabetes for Christmas.” Fight the pancreas failure!

Sick of Christmas: nephrolithiasis

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The Stones are the worst–no, not Fred and Wilma! Passing lumps of salt through the urethra for Christmas? Don’t get me started! (Please, don’t. I’ve never had kidney stones.)

Norick Eve can tell you. With his daughter (last 1/2 minute), he’ll altrock you through the ordeal of “Daddy has Another Hello Kidney Stone” for Christmas. Yee-ow.


Sick of Christmas: gout

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Celebrating the end of the year like Henry VIII? Maybe you’ll develop painful extremities, too!

This subject raises the level of fun. Observe The Likes of Jeff Pittman compromised yet celebrating “Christmas with the Gout.”

Well, i certainly enjoyed my times listening to “This Christmas Everybody Gets the Gout” by Rock, Paper, Cynic (ft. Tico Souza). What a hoot of a folk rock message, antic and able. You have to go there to see what i mean.

Sick of Christmas: frostbite

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Here’s a more appropriate holiday sickness: black-fingers, old nosey dropoff, necrosis of the toes-is. (Warning–songs contained make light of this life-threatening condition.)

daKoda Langford spins a tinkly tale of Christmas illness with his melodic synth rap “Frostbite.” He might be a genre-switching genius. Or twelve.

This danger is not to be confused with being bitten by monster snowmen. Let Myrrhna explain in a Bah & The Humbugs’ “Frostbite.” Haunting pop

Canadian weirdos Jakalope party up the pathologies in “Frostbite Kisses.” Better access to health care makes them more candied cavalier, i guess. Electronic alt.


Sick of Christmas: patients, please

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Who else is sick this time of year? Ready of jerking of tears?

A fine Red-Sovine-style ‘Teddy Bear’ parody, “Sick Cripple Christmas Baby” by Red State Update, tells the story of a terminal child. Or is it?

Kyle Dunnigan trowels on the comedy/tragedy with “My Baby Lamb has Christmas Cancer.” This baby-voiced dirge runs the gamut of attempting humor. Certainly pings the odd meter at the top. (Yes, it’s about a pet lamb.)

Let’s revisit Red State Update for more absurd commentary on our mad world. According to them, Santa needs to be reassured that he can visit ALL on his list, even those suspected of highly contagious conditions. “Dracula Doesn’t have Ebola this Christmas” is pretty much what it claims to be, with saucy pop seriousness. Et in terra pox hominibus bonae voluntatis.

Sick of Christmas: Santa [sic]

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The Big guy has all year to rest and relax (relatively). What if he’s come down with sumpin THAT day?!

The Crystalairs doo wop the cool outta “Santa’s Sick.” Hypothetically, right?

Not much about these guys except this poppin’ 45: Dick & Richard present “Santa Caught a Cold on Christmas Eve.” Dig that bamboo piccolo.

Home strumming from Terry Lingwood. “The Christmas Eve that Santa Got the Flu” sounds like a cautionary folk tale. Well, be prepared always works.

Let’s get historic just for a bit. “Santa’s Got the Swine Flu” by Tom Latourette returns us to the thrilling days of yester-oh-nine when we freaked out that The Pandemic would end us. Or at least, Mr. Claus. (To the tune of that ‘Dreidel’ song.)