It’s All Relative, oh… THEM

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Not every family is YOUR family, especially not for Christmas. Some are iconic, others illustrative.

Most of these songs are amateur offerings to be kept behind family trees. “The Royalty Family X-mas” from The Royalty Family channel is just begging for attention with his slurring, her cleavage, and the little one’s ‘tude. Ragged rap.

The Sentimental Favorites detail the musses and fusses of the “Roelle Family Christmas.” Actually, i may have gotten onion rings on the way home from family gatherings my own self. Pop folk wackadoo.

It’s All Relative, from afar

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Nothing measures love like the cost of a plane ticket. Will you travel ALL the way over the river AND through the woods to get to the Christmas jubilee at PeePaw’s and MeeMaw’s? Well, then you win Best Child, ya ol’ prodigal, you.

Some of those out-of-towners ain’t so welcome, y’see. Duck Logic Comedy counsel you with folksy patience in “An Extended Family Christmas.” Who are all these weirdos?

Just as twisted, the elderly reunion of Olivia Newton John and John Travolta for Christmas in the country pop “I Think You Might Like It” is as authentic as her lips and his orientation. Ooky.

Soul directs Ron Tyson to appreciate the whole pack when he croons “I’m Gonna be with My Family for Christmas.” Finger popping and doo-doo-dooing ensues. (And tears.)

Modern folk gospel sets the scene for Vincent Knight’s “Family Christmas.” This honest prayer of returning home is sad, sweet, and solemn.

It’s All Relative, alternatives

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‘Sgotta be the Mom/Dad rigidity? Is their any wiggle room for what makes a family around the holidays? Well, welcome to the 21st!

Jess Domain & The Verve Jazz Ensemble sing about the “New Family Christmas” about how everyone at the party is family now. It even confounds Santa, that officious record keeper! Peppy (not sultry) jazz. Kickline!

Derek Ryan breathily praises “Friends are Family” with pursed-lip pop. Trying too hard to make up for something.

Justin Frech has exercised choice with his ‘Jingle Bells’ tuned “Internet Family.” Time online is bonding and makes you believe you can be a musician, too! (Sad.)

It’s All Relative, past perfect

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The best families are the ones we frame up in gauzy, filmy memories. Were they ever so golden? Who cares, nostalgia makes us real!

Peter Scales picks and grins “Christmas with Our Family” as a tribute to yesteryear. This alt folk gazes through amber to see great food, presents, and family in rosy hues. Sigh.

Poorly tracked so that the guitar drowns out the vocals (thank you) Dave Seely unthaws 1966 to jazz croon “The Family Christmas.” Sounds like a stroke.

The Four Preps are really old but sing about being young. Recall “The Family Time of Year” with them on the oldy oldies wavelength with old fashioned sentiment and expression that doesn’t mean much any more.

A real purdy piano noodle from Silent Film enlarges the past with “Christmas at Our House.” Then the violin and… i’m a mess! Poetic.

It’s All Relative, faux fam

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Can you fake a family? ‘Course you can! ‘Tis the season to fool Pee and Em about your marital status.

Is this really a problem?! Please re-listen to Sarah Baker’s “(I Hate) Every single Christmas,” a showtune about nosy relates who wanta know about your lovelife, martial status, childbearing possibilities…. Eeek.

Team Natu has a folksy upbeat number in “Christmas Man.” I’m not sure if this guy’s a Craigslist ad, but you get the idea. Funny stuff.

It’s All Relative, not enough

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It could always be worse. Too much family for Christmas! How ’bout NO family for Christmas? Even Scrooge had a nephew came to say hey.

Now, it is possible to make millions with a kid who wants NO family. The Gregory Brothers songify a brilliant bit “The Home Alone Song.” Hilarity intones.

Cam Clarke, the voice of a million cartoon characters, showcases the orphan’s showtune “Family” from the cartoon feature ‘Night Before Christmas: Songs from Enchanted Tales.’ Pretty sad.

What’s rougher than orphanism ’round the holidays? Having to hear about it from pop country sermonizers! Newsflash Singers tell you when you to cry with “I Want a Family for Christmas.” The kid’s con works pretty well… i mean, happy endings for all!

Steven Curtis Chapman plays the little tough orphan who hopes for redemption. “All I Really Want for Christmas” is gospel pop with a better guiding hand on the heartstrings.

It’s All Relative, too much!

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New boyfriend? Bring ‘im! In-laws? C’mover! Blended fam? Uh-what! We’re running out of room around the holidays in our cozy house! Chaos!!

The happy-party-lovefest version of this sounds like Peter Andre with horns and uke and jazz and “Christmas Time’s for Family.” Can’t stop smiling!

Ross Bagdasarian (aka David Seville of Chipmunks fame) returns with “Let’s Have a Merry Merry Christmas” about the car crash of family get-togethers. 1953 big band pop hijinks.

In-laws are a popular bitch for Christmas. The Christmas Pranksters check the parody box with “My In-Laws are Coming to Town,” which i guess smells worse than Santa Claus doing that.

Celtic wonder from Mark Cummings also worried about “Inlaws Coming to
Town.” Now it’s philosophical questions rather than rando rants. Thoughtful crying.

It’s All Relative, including the kids

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Can’t have family without offspring, so let the wee ones tell ya how much they like having you all around (in their way) for the Christmas cheer.

Grabby like kids Vonzella Cummings and Eddie B Cummings chant out their “Family Christmas” in a tin bathroom so you can’t barely tell what’s going on. So alt it doesn’t have an ending.

I’ve already hooted over “Jasper’s Worst Christmas.” Whit Hill rollicks the bluegrass over the full house. Ha ha ha to rotten families.

The shaking of presents might lead to a manic guessing frenzy if not for strict mom and Bible dad in Bruce Reimer’s old-fashioned country tale “Family Christmas.” Greed disappoints, family fulfills. Or whatever.

Pandy Walshe dad-lectures then sing-structures what the kids should expect in “Family Christmas.” Kid country at its frothiest.

Mark Anthony Harrison Buckley dirge beats the pop Santa story “Our Family Christmas.” It’s about the kids having to wait, but singing with the whole clan to help pass the time. Counts.

It’s All Relative, spirited

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Not that you need any more excuses, but when the family shows up with baggage and bottles one solution presents itself: two parts bourbon, one vermouth.

Happy families drink as well. Brian Tiernan offers up “A Christmas Toast” with banjo pop playfulness. Cheers.

Welcome back Kristian Bush who’s still “Thinking About Drinking for Christmas.” Honky tonk slurry fun at the intolerable family’s expense..

Big and Rich list out the problem/drink answers when they get drunk, drunk, “Drunk on Christmas.” It’s all settled with a bouncy country pop tune. (Jimmy Fallon covers this with one of these guys. More hooting.)

It’s All Relative, holy god

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Family for Christmas might mean filling the pew out (hey, what’s the sound of bullet ricochets off church benches??). Mo’ people, mo’ prayers. Mass-ive!

Discover Worship has a kidsong to teach you the lineage of JC. Cute. But i can’t listen to “Jesus’ Family Tree” without thinking of Yakko’s State Capital song.

Lloyd Zuniga and Mary Murphy-Zuniga blend mom and dad voices for “A Family Christmas” that’s all about The One Way… and hot chocolate.

Can’t get enuf of the Mark Dubbeld family singing for the Fox 21 Morning News. This is the no-fear talent show local set belting out “Warm Family Christmas” as hard as God’ll let ’em. The more they mention The Savior, the bigger they smile!