HATE Xmas.21

· · Leave a comment

Mr. Big, the guy in charge, the head deliverer–not JC, but Santa Claus– deserves our disdain and blame for the whole holiday hopelessness. Hate Kris Kringle! Say it with me! Ho ho hope you die!

I suppose that sentiment might make you a villain. Certainly Stormella fills out that form with 1998’s ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: The Movie,’ an animated flop (budget 10million, take 100thousand) that allowed for the stagey tirade “I Hate Santa Claus.”

More fun (The Monkees + Sex Pistols) from Important-Looking Pirates with “I Hate Santa Claus.” It’s like superangry Scooby Doo chase music in this two-guitar garage.

And more screaming from Dave Pantaleone with “Santa Sucks,” a metal rant of moderate proportions.

On the other planet, Insane Clown Posse lisp out their hiphop bro chant “I Hate Santa Claus.” Radio play ready, with only a couple BLUE ALERT moments late on. What the format?

Much more BLUE ALERT Anybody Killa death raps “Kill Santa Man.” Angry bells, man.

And still BLUE ALERT Kevin Bloody Wilson revisits “Hey Santa Claus” for us. A kiddie classic of unashamed vitriol.

Logan Paul keeps it white with his rhymin’ bombs “Santa Diss Track.” Trying too hard is art too.

HATE Xmas.20

· · Leave a comment

All those people, all those commitments, all that preparation–can’t i just stay on Facebook? Christmas parties are the worst.

Trampauline hos and has “I Hate Christmas Parties” with odd quiet party fun. Jacob & Alex scratch at the surface of the blues for their version, but the plodding piano marches them into maudlin. This IS a Relient K song, though, so we gotta allow these Ohioans the opportunity to build the orchestration to earn that guitar riff on the original millennial meltdown. Emo out of here!

HATE Xmas.19

· · Leave a comment

Other symptoms of sickening sentiment for Advent may include mistletoe.

Brian Fisher and Andy Beck from JW Pepper have brung us the kids’ chorus “Away from the Mistletoe.” Kids hate that stuff, because of the nasty smelling relatives.

Patch the Pirate also ducks down to childsize to admit “I Hate Mistletoe.” Assembly level hijinks ensues.

To save us from children, but not from being childish, Billy Blackflag & His Nihilistic Delusions downplay “Mistletoe is Poison” with garage appropriateness.

HATE Xmas.18

· · Leave a comment

What else is there about Christmas that drives us crazy? What about this blog–or at least the songs?

We’ve covered Xmas songs before, but sweep in summore. (Well, one repeat: “I Hate Christmas Songs and I Hate Everyone” allows Touch My Rash to projectile punk.)

Todd Steed and the Christmas Suns go basement bar live with “I Hate Christmas (Songs)” to their friends and family. Your patience will be rewarded with witty country blues.

Jewish mom Lauren Mayer lectures us from a place of love with “I Hate Holiday Music.” She’ll scream. But first, a melodious show tune.

HATE Xmas.17

· · Leave a comment

Family makes everything complicated, from Oedipal issues to racist oldsters to genetic disorders. Is that enough to ruin the holidays?

Adolphe Adam wails some ‘grass country blues as “I Hate Christmas” away from home. See, in this case, Xmas means you miss the ones you love best when you can’t be there. Yeah, that’s heavy. Asleep at the Wheel honky tonks the hell out of it as well.

The real problem is diagrammed by Kristin Key with real lounge comedy in “Hate My Family at Christmas.” Some unasked-for banjo insists this is a redneck’s problem.

Sara Baker has a special reason when she belts out “(I Hate) Every Single Christmas.” The fam is all after her, like why no ring? why no kids? why no matchey matchey? Soaring country show tune.

HATE Xmas.16

· · Leave a comment

Everyone else is a jolly couple with some other freakin’ significant other at Christmas. So hate the world outta loneliness! See if that helps!

Matt and The Nobodies gently rock the notion with “Christmas Blows.” He is so alone and soulful.

Okanomodé dives deep into desolate despair with the hiphop pop of “Anti-Christmas Song.” Great backbeat. Horrible worldview.

You promised forever, but Meaghan Smith knows “Christmas is the Worst” without you. Soft light pop (lotsa melody, some hand clapping, little actual music).

More superpop from Photronique with “Getting Down on Christmas.” Mistletoe’s a trigger for the solitude! But this party bubbly froth surely foretells a hollow holiday hookup.

Classy UK pathos from The Fratellis in the form of “Lonesome Anti-Christmas Blues.” Not blues, of course, but pop. SO whiney you might never fall in love again.

HATE Xmas.15

· · Leave a comment

What’samatter, Johnny? Did she forget to love you through the holidays? Do you project your insecurity onto Christmas, hating all the month-long? Join me in song, you sad fool.

Angry Johnny and The Killbillies trombone up the joint with their redneck folk “On Christmas This Year.” He’s not just lonely and drinking, he’s loading up the shotgun and not knowing what he’s doing.

So much more upbeat, White Town pop rocks “Why I Hate Christmas” with a sad sack tale about the married women that got away. Duh-ewd

Slowin’ it down even more, Chris Stalcup & the Grange gets honky tonk country, calling out “I Hate Christmas” ‘cuz you left me (and lost my dog). He’s been crying into his beer so long he encores his song 2/3 of the way through.

Celtic folk punk rock from Lenny Lashley’s Gang of One chant up “Anti-Christmas.” Divorce!? Isn’t it the Jesus of the season to forgive? Or maybe cancel the whole thing….

“This Christmas Sucks” because you go instead of stay, ’80s-monotones Mind’s Eye. It’s all electronica reverb and timpani in my heart, yo.

Begging with his weeping guitar, Jay Brannon lets you know “Christmas Really Sucks” since you left.

Down to a single uke, Zeld Starfire sounds nearly cheerful blaming “I Hate Christmas” on how you left her (did you die?). Tap that toe into intolerance.

HATE Xmas.14 (mildly blue)

· · Leave a comment

Much of the resentment over the whoop-de-doo made over wealth for Twelfth Night is due to the DIDN’T-GET-WHAT-I-WANT horror that shapes children into adults. Santa vanishes! Christmas collapses! Life loses its luster!

Electronic zippiness underlines the horror of not getting–you! “Christmas Sucks!” Better Promises echoes out all over the roadmap of rock.

Whit Hill reprises “Jasper’s Worst Christmas” with the catchy refrain ‘Didn’t Get What I Wanted!’ Bitching blue grass.

“Chr!$Tm@$ $Ux” underlines the rock sentiment from queen Alaska Thunderfuck. Fortunately she learns her lesson, TV special style.

On the other side of the spectrum Tim Cavanagh bellyaches about all his disappointments one by one in his blusey “Worst Christmas Ever.” Keep listening. It gets worse.

Punkers Mary Magdalan get their BLUE ALERT rude-off with “Christmas Sucks.” Anger overdose explodes into head bangin’ music/kids’ specials clips.

Rocky Zharp goes full honky tonk blues with “I Hate Christmas” at least in part due to the emptiness of the stocking. This wails.

Perhaps the most surprising novelty i stumbled over was JERRY LEWIS in character complaining about the junk he opened in “I’ve Had a Very Merry Christmas.” In 1953, we call this a terribly odd little recording.

In perhaps the prettiest song of this pettiness parade, Christopher Coats folk pops “I Hate Christmas.” (Hate to give him a BLUE ALERT, it’s such gentle f-bombing.) Love this.

HATE Xmas.13

· · Leave a comment

Let’s narrow down some of the individual peeves what makes Christmas such an abomination. First: $$$.

The commercialism of the George Patience (??) 1986 MTV videotape music video belies the message in “I Hate Christmas.” It’s about the show! Terrible!

The freezing temperatures make poverty less and less joyous for noel-time. Cheetah Chrome dogpaddles through “Christmas Sucks” with some easy listening retro folk. Boo, capitalism.

Working class UK hiphoppery tackles this class warfare with E&D TV’s “Anti Christmas Song.” No wonder Robin Hood, innit?

Jimmy Witherspoon became a name in USO shows during WWII. His ’54 flipside to ‘Boogie Woogie Santa Claus’ is “How I Hate to See Christmas Come Around” (aka ‘Christmas Blues’). It’s calming blues, but it still wails about not having enough for the gal who deserves more.

HATE Xmas.12

· · Leave a comment

ADvocate! Xmas is a terrific platform from which to wave your own particular banner of beefs. Religion, politics, business, sex, crime… you’ve already got my attention with the green tree and the red suit, so soapbox me, baby, one more time.

Bunny Lido (Blue Alert) don’t like family, but really don’t like ‘consumerism,’ which comes off like vampirism in “Anti-Christmas Assault.” Class credit for beating on that folk guitar as a metaphor for the dead horse.

Rather than urban hiphop, Keith James is class conscious with R+B jazz in “This Christmas Sucks.” The protest is lite, but the poetry is powerful.

Preaching from the Children’s Television Workshop, Oscar the Grouch has already sung “I Hate Christmas” for us. Pondertone goes garage-ish with the same thing. Kids, listen up. Free yourself from the chains bells! (Beware: this song is over half way through the presentation, then ‘Stille Nacht’ haunts us with an air raid siren. Message much?)