Cities Never Sleep take no prisoners in their grunge rocking “Yo Ho Ho, Merry Christmas.” They’ll steal your hearts and sail to new sunsets. Like pirates! Watch out for the spoken epilogue.
Mandrew the dog was The Yogscast’s amazing “Brand New Friend at Christmas Time.” He was actually a super-powered new friend, who fought robots, put the toilet seat down, and Rescued pirates from their sinking ship (and pulled Santa’s sleigh). Sadly this means he’s not home for cuddles as much as he could be. Frolicsome pop.
Swedish band Ye Banished Privateers have been dropping albums for a decade, but their Xmas offering A Pirate Stole My Christmas is only a couple years out. They had offered annual holiday/pirate stuff for years, and so finally compiled. This is straight up caroldies, or parodies of traditional carols. But their growlings are scary and their wit is sharp. Clumsy, but educational, is “Sulphur Ahoy,” a mashup of ‘Merry Gentlemen’ and ‘Pat-a-Pan.’ In it we fear the scurvy, as well as the antique treatment of sulphur fumes. Phew! Better is “O Cannonball” (‘O Tannenbaum’) about the high pitched fear of attacks from on far. And even more better “Drawn and Quartered” is ‘Ding Dong Merrily on High’–but about an executed pirate. Best is “Ring the Bells,” an almost unrecognizable ‘Jingle Bells’ about all hope being lost. Groovy. We approve.
Chris Jarvis presents a tutorial (with chord changes) in the exploration of what to do with “A Pirate’s Christmas.” What do you give a man who takes everything? Folk oddity.
Hotel Faux Pas fife and drum a grand pop tune about egregious souls hoping for a visit from St. Nick in “A Pirate Christmas.” Touching. Using that skull to roast marshmallows, however, may be an adaptation too far.
Jason Andre admits “It’s Hard to be a Pirate at Christmas.” Not just fighting the Kraken, but also being too naughty for Santa, and no red decorations. Visions of looting the sleigh, just isn’t enough. Well acted shanty pop.
Phreddcat pits Santa Claus against Christ in the allegorical “Merry Pirate Christmas.” This wild jazzy ride borders on rockabilly, so it’s fun and meaningful, too.
Ross Mayhew stands and delivers (somewhat effetely) “A Pirate’s Christmas Eve.” He’s hoping for plunder under his tree, but seems to be part of the hard-partying crew. Still, this jolly ditty is just off enough to arouse the blog.
The Jolly Rogers roust up some gee-dee fine pirate shanties if that be t’yer liken. But their One holiday number, “Loose Cannons” (AKA ‘Christmas in Carrick’)’ is all about the feasting and drinking and carrying on… and drinking. Cheers.
John Jacobson & Roger Emerson have one of those kid shows to lure in the parents to the grade school, A Pirate Christmas. Kids on a Caribbean holiday encounter pirates (more kids). The idea of stealing vs. giving gets some play in the pop “Give and Take.” Then Santa intervenes and whisks them all to the Pole where reindeer teach pirates to dance in the trad R’n’R “It’s Cool to be Cool.” Santa’s soft pop lesson, “Christmas Joy,” is a party downer–but a young pastor’s delight. The finale is easy listening mealiness, but could be our month’s theme song: “A Pirate Christmas.” Sing along! For your grade!
Lori Mae Hernandez reappears (after rising to the level of America’s Got Talent) with “Yo Ho Ho (A Pirate’s Life for Me)” all about Santa’s bathroom habits.
Putting up the tree and mate yanking and swabbing the deck are just some of the “Christmas Time On A Pirates Ship (A Christmas Shanty)” fun-time activities by Cookies and Cream Entertainment (with Derek and Andrew). A rap masked as shanty with a strange Eastern European accent. Yeah, it’s like that.
Joe Quincy confuses me with his hootenanny of a jingle “The Pirate Cowboy.” Amidst all the whooping and carrying on about his drinking, cursing, climbing papa, i hear ‘No, this is Santa Claus.’ Tie goes to the runner.
Not sure if the Carolinas were beleaguered by freebooters in days of yore, but Chuck Phillips soft rocks the country in “Christmas in Carolina.” Admiring the local traditions, he notes: The sailboats string lights from the main, Pirates Yo-Ho Merry Christmas. Where’d that come from–?
Beer Bucket Social punk posits “If Santa Was A Pirate” perhaps so they’ll not run out of beer. Light-hearted fun.
At times i am impressed with the talent Disney throws money at. Sure, they’re a money printing machine and it’s all by formula, but the pop rock of Jake and the Never Land Pirates chortling “Yo Ho Holidays” goes down kid friendlily.
Full disclosure, the ‘Jolly Roger, the Christmas Pirate’ short musical theatre bit is only the last part of Bah & The Humbugs’ album Another Christmas Ruined. It begins with Santa (in disguise) questioning young Jenny about what she wants to Xmas in “The Only Thing on Jenny’s List.” Things turn ugly.
This causes Santa to question his raison d’etre. His existential crisis is summed up in the solo “I’m Not Obsessive.”
“The Spirit of Christmas Presents” haunts the haunted Santa to explain what is what. The moral of the song is: strength in numbers.
Out of the blue, pirates (“Jolly Roger and his Chorus of Pirates”) arrive–with a deal. They need help with the delivery of jacked booty. The waters are too hot these days.
The booty? “All You Need is Rum.” And it’s for Santa! (Boy, are the elves happy!)
Seeing his shot, Santa challenges Jolly Roger to an arm wrestling match–in the song “Arms”–as to who delivers Christmas presents!
The sponsor “Northern Lights” beer interrupts the longish match with an elvish commercial.
Spoiler alert–Santa wins. He’s “The North Pole Champ.” Elf dogpile!
Santa is so relieved not to be the target this holiday, he’s having “The Merriest Christmas of All.” What a party.
Jolly Roger gets his training from Santa in “The Tao of the Sleigh.” Apparently any monkey can do this, with the massive tech on Santa’s sleigh. The gifts will almost deliver themselves. Saying Ho Ho Ho, however, eludes him.
The actual story is just the postscript here: JR delivers, faces down the scary Jenny, and succeeds (and takes whiskey as well as cookies). Huzzah.
In “The Joyous Ending” Santa gloats. Jolly Roger shines. Phew.
That’s enough of that. Except for the men workshopping catch phrases. Oh, yeah–and don’t leave out your liquor.
