On Track to Xmas: All Aboard!

Themes for this year are about Winter/Christmas people moving. Less seasonal would be the locomotive train. Horse drawn since 2000 BCE, steam driven since 1809, connecting all continental interiors since 1890… but then surpassed by automobiles and airplanes soon after that (and we’ve already covered those concepts/machines in this music blog). (Okay super speed trains revived us in the 1960s and their environmental edge becomes apparent by 2000). But here in the USA (esp. West), most people just don’t. Heard of ’em. Seen ’em in the motion pictures. But not all aboard.

Yet, Christmas and trains DO go together in so many ways: traveling home, choo choo toys, Santa’s magical ride, hey–even that little electric thing around the tree for decoration! Trains can even be a great metaphor for the holiday troubadour.

Merle Haggard tells of the family that wants Grandpa to visit. They won’t go see him, and he won’t get on a plane (what in the name of Hallmark is the story here?)–so it’s time for “Goin’ Home for Christmas” on a train. Maybe he useta be a hobo. It is country music, see?

Chet Nichols overlays the country with New Age in his “Christmas Train.” Another homeward run for one and all. Nice scenery!

Whispery country from Elle Carpenter whitewashes a “Colorado Christmas” in Norman Rockwell tones (kids in pajamas on the train drinking hot chocolate for cryin’ out loud). It’s a ride.

Trans-Siberian Orchestra growls out prog rock (knock me over with a shovelful of coal!) about a lonely man taking a railway trip. Something about no one meeting him at the station, and a single set of footprints… i’m not sure about the story here either. But “The Snow Came Down.” That’s for sure.

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Wait, i’ve got more snowmobile songs!

Jimmy Jenson (with thick Scandi-accent) warbles over the accordion with “My Viking Snowmobiling.” That’s one tricked-out pony.

The Marty Gold Children’s Chorus treat us to “Roaring Sam The Snowmobile,” a kidsong of choral roaring.

A cute but clumsy parody of Jimmy Dean’s ‘Big John,’ “The John Deere Snowmobile Song” seems to be an extended ad musical theme. Worth it.

Another seeming ad is the equally unattributed “Ski-Do Song.” Brief country pop, with an instrumental chaser.

Stompin’ Tom Collins gets down with the popular country of the ’70s in his “Snowmobile Song.” Cool as carnivals, cats.

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Been having some fun bending the rules to find skiing songs. Let’s push the envelope a bit more (it’ll still be stationery).

Buddy Wassisname and the Other Fellers lead us into this fresh hello with “The 12 Elan.” Celtic folk salutes the Ski-Doo, a skiing machine! Clunk! Diddly-dump! Delightful!

David Anthony Berg tends more country with “Snowmobile Cowboy.” It’s all about that loud noise. It’s branded.

Imaginary Friends (w/Bert Collins) help a crashed Santa with a “Little Ski-Doo Christmas Song.” Jug band polka! For the kids!

Jud Strunk’s 1969 “Santa Song” celebrates the new mode of transpo, the Moto-Ski, with folky rock. Those reindeer were so unreliable.

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Taking a drive to the wintry slopes, Joey Clarkson elevates pop with killer pipes in “Cold Christmas.” I see a sled… and mulled wine. Might i suggest skis instead?

Fat Little Bastard’s “Impending Doom at the Ski Lodge” is a suspenseful drama of electronic twittering. Is that a helicopter closing in–?

Marcus Latief Scott sees people out ice skating, but My little brother said let’s hit the slopes! “It’s Christmas” shouts the R+B. Get wit’ it.

Danny and The Juniors twist and shout with their 1964 bandstand grandstand “Let’s Go Ski-ing.” Do you get the boogie woogie in there? I do! Get some!

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Eva Via scams the fam at the holidays with a pretend boyfriend. But “Make ‘Em All Believe” is more romcom than psychological desperation. When I remember going skiing during MLK day — all those runs; I say that we should try this another month. Thus, true love.

“Ski Lodge in the Late 80’s” by Comfort Noise is a palate cleanser of an off-brand instrumental. Scraping, screeching, pounding. But it works.

Strangely exotic, “Embrace It All… Feliz Navidad” is more Carrib than Mexican. Mami Ishibashi (feat. Mayan) swings it. The skiing might be on Gulf waters, though.

Pixie and the Partygrass Boys actually suggest skiing in their bluegrass rafter-raiser “Ski and Party.” Boy howdy.

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Hernando Tangjaya feels that when “It’s That Time of the Year” it’s pretty great. Sharing, caring, skiing high and low, you know. Piano pop that doesn’t know when to stop.

Kymm bums us out with the heavy metal instrumental “Dansk Puzzle with Boobs in Ski Lodge.” Don’t be fooled by the nomenclature, it’s relentless riffs.

Speaking of relentless, the “Ski Slope Safety Song” from the video game Vac action simulator must be sampled to be believed. It’s not what you think.

Someday Cafe (feat. Andrea Schmidt) fall through the season pass when they wind up in a “Snowfall.” The magical beauty greeting gives that old run-around for directions: You go through the flannel fairway, down the cinnamony slopes; We’re a common destination for the happiest of folks. But the charming pop makes this weird detour so worth it. Bravo.

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Success measure by excess: Christmas? Skiing in the Alps! Summer? Caribbean nights! Ice of Neptune pounds out the beat with “On Sale,” a rocker of a diatribe ‘gainst capitalism. Eat the rich (foods).

Also fronting, the protagonist of Glenn Frey’s “Big Life” claims: Right now we’re flying over some land I own–Yeh, that’s Aspen right down there; I go skiing there at Christmas time With Don and Jack and Cher. Bouncy pop with an edge.

Juliet Lyons is not as impressed: All my friends, they love getting big gifts: Starting out in June they’re dreaming long lists, Designer clothes, a skiing trip… But in the jazzy pop of “You’re My Christmas” she only wants you. Period.

Ray Conrad’s “A Skier’s Daydream” is awfully old fashioned fiddlin’ about the mountains back home. With lotsa snow. Wistful. But. iff’n you likes that, i highly recommend the entire album, The Cotton-Pickin’ Lift Tower and Other Skiing Songs. Picking and grinning and poling. Great stuff.

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A Stockbroker trainee relishes the perks of money: Bahamas, skiing at Calgary… but then he saw “An Abandoned Puppy” in front of the Stock Exchange. splurge.Art alt-pops the denouement of this curious short story. Is the ending a twist?

“Ski Lodge Shootout” is more video game background mood music, this time from ‘Roller Coaster Tycoon.’ Not quite uplifting. Yet not too scary. Just noisy.

Skeez raps about the “Ski Trip” that had its ups and downs. Mostly from drugs.

Eraserheads sing of a world of no winter: We dreamed of Mr. Frosty, And skiing down the slopes… but it was not to be. Global warming? A move to Palm Beach? Don’t worry, their alternative is “Styrosnow“! Kids love it!

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What do you do with “A Snowy Christmas Day“? Harry Garcia (feat. Joe Freer) discovers smiles and laughter. Slipping down ski slopes is another thing that is possible.

Helter skelter down the slopes may not be what the ski instructor told you, but Vim Cortez does his cheesy pop best with “Christmas is for Lovers.” Stepping out in the snow is the wrong way to love, but there’s a plan here.

Sorry it’s come to this, but Bob Sellon is all rigged up with no where to ski. “The No Snow Blues” is, indeed, blues. But no downhill glory. So, guess it’s a life of crime, then.

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HoganBeats loops a piano riff to intro “Skiing.” Thoughtful instrumental noodling mixed with the odd this and that from Mad Men.

The world’s gone mad with tumbling down a slippery slope, worries The Glenn Crytzer Orchestra. But, if you “Keep a Little Christmas in Your Heart.” you’ll do fine in the snow, doanchaknow. Big band but nonchalant.

David Walburn gets down home with the cozy country of “Meat’s in the Freezer (Let’s Go Skiing).” See, the whooshing down the mountains is the reward for all the hard work of winter preparation. Ski haw.